bluesky999 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Hey guys, I posted this in other thread, but try to do here again just in case you didn't see. Today was the start of the 3rd week my ex left me for another guy. We’ve been together for over four years and she meant the world to me. Everything used to be so perfect and we even planned how many children to have, what to name them... in the future. Then one day she came to me after being out for a friend’s birthday and said “I don’t love as much as I used to. Now, I have a lot of feeling for the guy that I just met and I want to break up with you”. After hearing this, the world that I pictured with her was collapsed and tears kept coming from my eyes even though I tried to hold on. She used to be a very thoughtful, caring girl… She was person that made my day of everyday… But she was so cold-hearted to me after meeting this guy. No matter what I tried to do and explained to her, she acted like nothing has ever happened between us and move on just like that… Now she has left, leaving me alone with so much pain and depression… It has been three weeks now, but I feel like it was just yesterday… I want to move on but dreams (about her) keep coming at night, and every single night… I hate her for hurting me so bad, but also miss and love her at the same time… I want her to be in my life, but she doesn’t want to be in mine… My mind tells me to forget, but my heart starts beating when I see things remind her…. I just miss her so much, more and more every day… The next few days are going very hard for me because of the Valentines Day, especially my Valentine is with someone else this year. Please help me guys. I need as many as advices possible. What should I do on this day? Should I send her a card and tell her how much I miss her? What should I do if I want her back to my life again?
Melrapuo Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 The most important (and hardest) thing for you to do is stop talking to her. For at least a month. You have to settle yourself before you can make any decisions for yourself in the future. I'm sure that right now you are completely heartbroken, and you are not the only human in the world feeling that right now. But believe me, it does get better. Talking to her, professing any love, will only hurt you more. You must compose yourself. I know all of the advice is probably making you go "I don't know if I can do that." And I understand how you feel. I got that kind of advice when I was first joined LS thinking that I was different, that if I kept talking to my ex I could change things. It was only when I focused on myself, and not on getting her back, that I got myself back together. And things did eventually work out, because I found myself a new girl within months of taking my life back into my control. Valentine's Day will suck. Make plans to do things with friends. Go to a movie. Anything to keep ya distracted. It's just one day of the year. It doesn't mean anything other than that. So treat it just like any other day.
DenverBachelor Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 She used to be a very thoughtful, caring girl… She was person that made my day of everyday… But she was so cold-hearted to me after meeting this guy. No matter what I tried to do and explained to her, she acted like nothing has ever happened between us and move on just like that… Now she has left, leaving me alone with so much pain and depression… Classic self-defence mechanism for someone breaking up with someone they loved and someone that was a decent human being. After breaking up, he or she will need to shield oneself from guilt, depression and the loss itself by becoming emotionally distant towards the one they are leaving. It isn't you so much as it is them trying to keep the tsunami at bay. Eventually, they will have to deal with the loss -- it just seems they do so over a longer time period and at a much lower level than the one being dumped. Move on -- she didn't deserve you. Plenty of great looking women out there in the world and some of them are very well put together in the head. Go out and find one that is mature enough to appreciate the finer aspects of love instead of one who treats love like a candy bar and then throws away the wrapper.
eternal.denied84 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Now, I have a lot of feeling for the guy that I just met and I want to break up with you”. After hearing this, the world that I pictured with her was collapsed and tears kept coming from my eyes even though I tried to hold on. She used to be a very thoughtful, caring girl… She was person that made my day of everyday… But she was so cold-hearted to me after meeting this guy. No matter what I tried to do and explained to her, she acted like nothing has ever happened between us and move on just like that… Now she has left, leaving me alone with so much pain and depression… It has been three weeks now, but I feel like it was just yesterday… I want to move on but dreams (about her) keep coming at night, and every single night… I hate her for hurting me so bad, but also miss and love her at the same time… I want her to be in my life, but she doesn’t want to be in mine… My mind tells me to forget, but my heart starts beating when I see things remind her…. I just miss her so much, more and more every day… Your story is more or less like mine..I am also going through the same stage...what hurts me more is after spending so much time together and making so many promises, how on the earth a person can break your heart like that..you don't want to be with me..is okay..but how can one say that everything we did..din't mean much..how come one can say that relation was not strong enough...they leave is one thing but the things they say..leave us broken and painful for the rest of life..hate her as much as you can..these bitches don't deserve guy like us..i would really love to see if someone crushes them like they crushed us..but that someone is definitely not gonna be me..let someone else decide what do they deserve..what goes around comes around..don't spend even a minute thinking about that girl..i know how difficult it is..i can totally understand..but seriously..girls like these..just deserve to get ****ed and not to be loved..
skydiveaddict Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Please help me guys. I need as many as advices possible. What should I do on this day? Should I send her a card and tell her how much I miss her? What should I do if I want her back to my life again? Don't have anymore contact with her in any way. The only way she will come back to you is if she wants to. You can't control that. As for v-day, go skydiving.
Author bluesky999 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 The most important (and hardest) thing for you to do is stop talking to her. For at least a month. You have to settle yourself before you can make any decisions for yourself in the future. I'm sure that right now you are completely heartbroken, and you are not the only human in the world feeling that right now. But believe me, it does get better. Talking to her, professing any love, will only hurt you more. You must compose yourself. I know all of the advice is probably making you go "I don't know if I can do that." And I understand how you feel. I got that kind of advice when I was first joined LS thinking that I was different, that if I kept talking to my ex I could change things. It was only when I focused on myself, and not on getting her back, that I got myself back together. And things did eventually work out, because I found myself a new girl within months of taking my life back into my control. Valentine's Day will suck. Make plans to do things with friends. Go to a movie. Anything to keep ya distracted. It's just one day of the year. It doesn't mean anything other than that. So treat it just like any other day. Thanks for the advice !! It has been 2 weeks since she left and I just miss her so much every single day. I know things will eventually get better for me, but how long it going to take? Being like this just kills me a little bit everyday. I've been out alot with friends and tried to do alot of things, but just couldn't get her out of my mind. Any advice how to cope this faster? One more thing. I will be out of country next month, for at least 5 months. Should I send her a card on V-day, tell her my feeling and then disappear after that? I really want a second chance with this girl.....
Author bluesky999 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Classic self-defence mechanism for someone breaking up with someone they loved and someone that was a decent human being. After breaking up, he or she will need to shield oneself from guilt, depression and the loss itself by becoming emotionally distant towards the one they are leaving. It isn't you so much as it is them trying to keep the tsunami at bay. Eventually, they will have to deal with the loss -- it just seems they do so over a longer time period and at a much lower level than the one being dumped. Guess what she did after she left? She went hiking with the guy and posting "smiling, happy pictures" all over facebook. They're all her pictures though, but I know for sure the guy is the photographer...
Author bluesky999 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Your story is more or less like mine..I am also going through the same stage...what hurts me more is after spending so much time together and making so many promises, how on the earth a person can break your heart like that..you don't want to be with me..is okay..but how can one say that everything we did..din't mean much..how come one can say that relation was not strong enough...they leave is one thing but the things they say..leave us broken and painful for the rest of life..hate her as much as you can..these bitches don't deserve guy like us..i would really love to see if someone crushes them like they crushed us..but that someone is definitely not gonna be me..let someone else decide what do they deserve..what goes around comes around..don't spend even a minute thinking about that girl..i know how difficult it is..i can totally understand..but seriously..girls like these..just deserve to get ****ed and not to be loved.. She changed so much after that stupid birthday. She is not the girl that I used to know anymore. But somehow, I still miss her and want to see the smile on her face.....
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 One more thing. I will be out of country next month, for at least 5 months. Should I send her a card on V-day, tell her my feeling and then disappear after that? I really want a second chance with this girl..... As posted in your other thread: Do not send her a V-Day card. Do not tell her how you feel. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Just disappear.
xbluudevilx Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Don't have anymore contact with her in any way. The only way she will come back to you is if she wants to. You can't control that. As for v-day, go skydiving. without the parachute?
Pentel Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 i know how it feels, i know how much it hurts, i know you're confused, you want everything back the way it was, but heres the reality : it can't, it can't go back as before, you can feel bad for now, cry, hit a pillow, don't contact her AT ALL, believe me, you don't want to, you think it will make you feel better, but it won't believe me, almost everyone on this site is going to tell you that, just be strong i know it hurts, i can't tell you its gonna be easy, but i can tell you it's gonna be worth it...
DustySaltus Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 As posted in your other thread: Do not send her a V-Day card. Do not tell her how you feel. Do not pass GO. Do not collect $200. Just disappear. The way she reacted made me almost as angry as when I would land on boardwalk with a hotel.....that my brother owned. I agree though. The best response is complete and utter silence. It's not about words anymore, it's about her actions. Look at her actions? She doesn't deserve the time of day anymore. One day she loves you, next day she drops off the face of the earth. Karma is a beeeotch, she'll come to her senses one day....but hopefully you do before then. I'm sorry you are going through this but you don't need someone like this besides you for the long haul who has this kind of roller coaster of emotions.
GrayClouds Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Guess what she did after she left? She went hiking with the guy and posting "smiling, happy pictures" all over facebook. They're all her pictures though, but I know for sure the guy is the photographer... What the hell are you looking at her facebook. I know you feel like crap, why make it worse. If you keep picking the scab it will never stop bleeding, go completely NC, no talk, no text, no facy-facebook, myspace/youspace/herspace, no emails, no nothings. Just sweet, healing NC. And on Vday have a plan to be around family, go for a ten mile run, stay away from the booze, have a great home cooked meal, borrow someones dog for the day, rent "Groundhog Day" and see if you can fine the analogy what Bill goes through and what you are going through. (I will give you a hint until you start focus on improving yourself for yourself every day will suck and feel like the last).
Author bluesky999 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 i know how it feels, i know how much it hurts, i know you're confused, you want everything back the way it was, but heres the reality : it can't, it can't go back as before, you can feel bad for now, cry, hit a pillow, don't contact her AT ALL, believe me, you don't want to, you think it will make you feel better, but it won't believe me, almost everyone on this site is going to tell you that, just be strong i know it hurts, i can't tell you its gonna be easy, but i can tell you it's gonna be worth it... But if I don't say anything before I go, then she may think I have no more feeling for her and eventually she will forget me which is not what I want....As I said, I really want a second chance with this girl and kick the other guy out of our lives...
USMCHokie Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 But if I don't say anything before I go, then she may think I have no more feeling for her and eventually she will forget me which is not what I want....As I said, I really want a second chance with this girl and kick the other guy out of our lives... There is no "our lives" anymore...and you know what, she knows how you feel...you don't need to remind her of it...and unfortunately, no matter how much you feel for her, it's not enough in her mind, and no further reminders of your feelings will change that... Just go...don't say anything...let her live her life, and you live your life... P.S. This posting the same stuff in multiple forums is annoying...
Author bluesky999 Posted February 10, 2010 Author Posted February 10, 2010 What the hell are you looking at her facebook. I know you feel like crap, why make it worse. If you keep picking the scab it will never stop bleeding, go completely NC, no talk, no text, no facy-facebook, myspace/youspace/herspace, no emails, no nothings. Just sweet, healing NC. I know I shouldn't, but every I turn on my computer, I just want to check her facebook to see what she be doing. This is really bad for the healing process....
coltsfan1 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 i am going through the same thing less I don't have a facebook, afew months ago me and my ex broke up then got back together (I called and begged) we exchanged email passwords so there wasn't anything to hide. well three weeks to the day that we quit talking she created a facebook and didn't change her email password so during a few moments of weakness I checked her email and saw all the private messages and wall/status comments. THIS WILL ONLY HURT YOU DO NOT CHECK ANY OF HER STUFF!!! let her leave the way she wants to she will have to look at herself in the mirror and live with it. I have only been no contact for a little over a month, my ex is partying it up going out with other guys, making out with chicks, going to leave her 3 yr old child to go to spring break. CRAZY STUFF but its their life to lead. your doing yourself a favor by not checking. read my thread and you will see what checking my ex's email has done to me! GOOD LUCK!!!!
Sadbutrelieved Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 I'm tempted to check my ex's FB page, and his new GF's page. I have a few times, but what I'm going to do now is when I get the urge to check, or to contact him, or just start thinking about him too much, I'm going to exercise for 5 minutes instead. I don't know if it will work, but it can't hurt. I did sit ups this morning to keep from looking at his FB.
cdt76 Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 You will spend the next several months recounting the hours, minutes, moments, memories of what you had. It was neither perfect nor awful but rather a relationship that she gave up on. Everyone says no contact will help you get over her and move on with your life. No contact will NOT get you closure and closure is what you need in order to move on. I'm going on 6 months since she cheated and left me. I do not have closure, nor peace of mind, nor apethy. I still hurt as will you. I do not have a lot of experience with women so I did not have any defense mechanisms, you might. You might have experienced this is the past and can call back those memories and deal with this better. But it will hurt for a long time and it will take it's toll on you. You have to have a will to survive and a desire to live. You did not live for her you lived for love. You will find love again and it will save your soul the next time and hopefully she will be the ONE. You must focus on making yourself better. Becoming a better man, more attentive, more into understanding how you can become a better person, more honest, more integrity, more caring. You will be better off for it, when the time comes that you have healed from this pain.
Author bluesky999 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Update... My ex called me today. I didn't pick up the phone in the 1st time. 2 hrs later, she called again and asked if I want to have lunch with her and I said ok after a moment. So we went to get lunch together, talked about everything but nothing about the recent problem of our relationship. By looking at her eyes, I could tell she cried a lot lately, but she looks much better after the lunch. She also posted on her facebook that she had a great day today.... My question here is why would she do something like this after dumping me for another the guy? What does it mean? I am just so confused....We haven't talked and met each other for 2 weeks until today.
DustySaltus Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Update... My ex called me today. I didn't pick up the phone in the 1st time. 2 hrs later, she called again and asked if I want to have lunch with her and I said ok after a moment. So we went to get lunch together, talked about everything but nothing about the recent problem of our relationship. By looking at her eyes, I could tell she cried a lot lately, but she looks much better after the lunch. She also posted on her facebook that she had a great day today.... My question here is why would she do something like this after dumping me for another the guy? What does it mean? I am just so confused....We haven't talked and met each other for 2 weeks until today. She is being selfish. She wants you not to hate her. She's wants to think that you're going to be ok in the long run. She cried a lot BEFORE because you instituted NC and fell off the face of the earth. She realized that she did something AWFUL and she had to keep those feelings internalized because you were not around. Now you go out to lunch with her and she feels better AFTER because you made yourself available to be her emotional tampon. Who cares about Valentine's day anyway? It will created by Hallmark to sell cards....it's nonsense. EVERY DAY should be Valentine's day with someone that truly cares about you and vice-versa. NC means no facebook checking (delete it), no calls, no asking friends for info about her......NOTHING.
skydiveaddict Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 hey , arent you that dude from ''the loveboat'?
Author bluesky999 Posted February 14, 2010 Author Posted February 14, 2010 No, I am new to this kind of thing. Don't know this website until my ex left me.... Things are getting harder for me. I still miss her a lot and every day. When is this going to be over for me. I hate this feeling.....
skydiveaddict Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 (edited) No, I am new to this kind of thing. Don't know this website until my ex left me.... Things are getting harder for me. I still miss her a lot and every day. When is this going to be over for me. I hate this feeling..... sorry man i was shootin that one @ dusty (see his avatar)? All I can tell ya is hang tough. I'm going through the same thing right now (four months so far), I don't know how long it's gonna last. Still seems like it happened just yesterday. Try to hit the gym everyday, take new risks and turn your life in a different direction. Remind yourself everyday that you are your own man, and you can succeed on your own. It just takes time I guess. And do yourself a favor: quit going to her fb page. Don't have anymore contact w/ her. you're only gonna hurt longer if you do. also read this (from caliguy). It was a big help for me. Edited February 14, 2010 by skydiveaddict
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