thats what i said Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I've been seeing my current boyfriend for about 2 months now (he asked me to be official just the other week) and when I was talking to one of my other guy friends, Mr. J (seriously, just a friend) the other day, he totally gutted apart what I felt so comfortable with in my current relationship. Not to mention, Mr. J was also trying to convince me that I should give him a shot at a relationship. Since I thought Mr. J and I were friends and he said I could tell him anything, I told him how things were going with my boyfriend. Mr. J concluded that my boyfriend was in the friendzone and that I should just break up with him. And now I'm a little confused. I like my boyfriend a lot. He's so comfortable to be around and he's a gentleman and my family loves him. He's really considerate and he's willing to let me be right all the time (gotta love that! ). I don't get creeped out at all when we make out but if you were making out with a friend wouldn't it feel wrong? I think Mr. J concluded my boyfriend was in the friend zone because he's a bit of a nice guy (I admit, he is) and also because I have not slept with him yet. But that's just not what I do. It seems a lot of my friends will feel a guy up or sleep with him in the first few dates to determine if he's good enough or big enough to keep her happy in bed and therefore happy in their relationship. That's not me. I like to wait a few months at least. However, when I see my boyfriend, I see someone that I like a lot. Not someone that I have this undying passion for. I guess someone that I feel like I could really build up something with. Isn't that what a slow burning fire would be considered? As opposed to major sparks that die out after not too long? But if he is just friend material, I would feel funny continuing this relationship. I realize that by even considering the fact that he could be, that he may be already in the friend zone. But again, couldn't something build up from it? *sigh* that's the last time I talk to a "guy friend" about someone I'm dating.
paddington bear Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Mr. J has put all these thoughts into your head that didn't exist before, weren't a problem before...but now they've wormed their way into your head. Mr. J has done this because he wants to break you and your boyfriend up, so that he can have you for himself. Don't talk to Mr. J about you and your boyfriend again except in non-commital, general terms, yes, it's fine, he's fine. Also, since Mr. J clearly was hoping your friendship with him would develop into something more, you'll hurt him over and over by talking about your current relationship. And let's face it..you do not need any more of Mr. J's 'helpful' suggestions that you ditch your boyfriend and that he's just a friend. So, avoid the topic altogether. You may find Mr. J is less of a friend to you now that you have a boyfriend and that he was only hanging around hoping for something more with you, you've now crushed his hopes and he'll pull back, hurt.
Zeegagge Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Don't let this Mr. J put these ideas in your head. Love your man like you've never loved before and be happy about it. People have sex at their own pace and yours fine, good even. He does sound like a bit of a nice guy, but if that's ok with you then roll with it.
Stung Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You genuinely like him. You feel comfortable with him. You feel like there could be a slow-growing fire out of smoldering embers; if that's true, it's more enduring than the flash and sizzle of a momentary fire in the pan. It's too soon to know any truths about this relationship at two months in without having slept together, so nobody can tell you what's going on for sure, not us and not Mr. J who is NOT a disinterested party. Do you enjoy making out with your boyfriend? Do you get aroused? If yes, I'd say that's not the friendzone. The real question I'd be asking if I was you would be why are you so easily led? Mr. J. should not have been able to get inside your head and sway your thinking so readily.
sullysteve Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Mr. J has ulterior motives, so I wouldn't take his word as gospel. That being said, the fact that you say that you like your boyfriend but don't feel passion for him is troubling. Shouldn't you get "butterflies" with a romantic partner, especially only a couple of months in?
Author thats what i said Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Mr. J has ulterior motives, so I wouldn't take his word as gospel. That being said, the fact that you say that you like your boyfriend but don't feel passion for him is troubling. Shouldn't you get "butterflies" with a romantic partner, especially only a couple of months in? Yeah, I did get butterflies the first couple weeks but he kept saying things like "I like to start off as friends and then see where things go from there" while taking me out on dates, kissing me, etc. So I suppose I might have started to view him as a "friend" because he kept saying that...
dark1san Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I had a Ms. J that tried to do that, and it got to the point where it made me upset so much, and she pushed the final button and I told her to go **** off, that's how bad it got.
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