citygal16 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 So I've written a few times, but for those of you unfamiliar with my sitch, here's the shortened version.... My husband and I have been married for 5 yrs, no kids, and married purely for LOVE. The first half of the marriage was bliss...we lived all over the world, had great jobs, vacationed at the best places, and had a great social life. THEN we moved to a new city for HIS job and it all came crumbling down. He had an EA with this bitchy gal from work and suddenly, I wasn't "cool enough" to be with anymore. Might I add, he was always a bit geeky and I...well, let's say, I'm not. Anywho, I stuck around and for the last 1.5 years, he's been playing the "back and forth" game. I want to be with you, I love you, then a week later, "I don't know what I want" -- sometimes I actually think he has a split personality. Anywho, so this thead is going somewhere...recently he's moved out, (like 2 days ago) and of course he wants to get back together. "he wants to be married, etc, etc" -- I thought I was making the right move, but now I'm getting all sorts of bad advice from friends/family. First of all, ALL of my friends/family are still married, so I know that they can't really understand what I'm going through, but I keep getting "stand by your man" -- "he says now he wants to be with you, so what's the problem?" -- "it's not like he had an affair!!" -- all of this is SO frustrating, because it's been SOOOO hard to have him move out and it's NOT making things any easier by being told "that I'll end up regretting it" -- HELLO?! As if I caused all of this?? I guess my friends think that I have a very strong personality so, "if she wants to be with him, she can make him be with her" -- and maybe I could do that, but I don't want to be with someone who I'd have to "make them be with me!" Anyway, I'm sure it sounds like I'm strong in my stance of him moving out, but I'm crumbling inside... I want to be together so bad and all the advice and his sending flowers/gifts is making it almost IMPOSSIBLE! Sigh.
mimidarlin Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 It's awful when you feel like you're being strung along. They don't know what they want so you try to be patient but there is only so much to go around. Skip the advice of friends/family. Go to a counselor for you and hopefully a couples counselor. He needs to piss or get out of the pot as the saying goes. You don't have any kids so leaving is a little less complicated. I don't know if you want children but you should think very hard about having them with this man. What do you want? What do you deserve? ....I have to ask myself the same questions.
Author citygal16 Posted March 4, 2010 Author Posted March 4, 2010 ok-- so I haven't written in a while, although I would have like to... I was called to another city for WORK...which takes up all of my time, energy and brain functions. (as I mentioned earlier, I don't have a normal job...infer what you want from that...) But I came here for my JOB, and thought I'd be here for 3 weeks without the H, so maybe I'd get a breather...but of course, that is impossible. He flew out twice and stayed with me the whole time, which had its high moments...but then on the last night, I said "I'm almost loving you again..." and then he said "don't do that!" --- I feel like I'm on a really bad episode of The Bachelor. He loves me, he loves me not. Now I'm in my hotel room eating the remnants of a Valentines Heart filled with chocolate that was on sale for 99 cents at Walgreens. It's really sad, isn't it? It's just that my BRAIN knows what to do.... but my HEART is holding me back! And the daunting task of having to go "back out there" and find someone new is enough to make me run back to my mediocre situation. AGAIN...sigh...HELP!
Gunny376 Posted March 4, 2010 Posted March 4, 2010 Take a fools adivce ~ a fifty three year old fool's advice! Better to be single and alone ~ than married and alone! You can't go wrong by yourself!
Fitness Dude Posted April 17, 2010 Posted April 17, 2010 CityGal - Well, I've been missing from here as well, busy with life and the "moving forward" stages of my mess. I thought I would catch up with some of your most recent posts after you posted a reply to mine. I'm so sorry to hear about the Valentine's Day heart night. That must have been hard that night. Believe me when I say this - I understand. I've been there. Our situations aren't exact matches but they're pretty close nontheless. I hope you're feeling better these days. I've had some recent setbacks myself but I'm trying my hardest to keep moving in the right direction. I hope you're doing the same.
Author citygal16 Posted April 21, 2010 Author Posted April 21, 2010 FD- I saw your other post and replied there, but then I saw this one too...thanks for your reply...it's funny because I just re-read that post of mine from Feb and I feel completely removed from it now...THANK GOD! I've been on my own now for a few months since then and things have been REALLY good. I'm even dating other people...nothing serious, of course, but it's like I'm my own person again. I can do what I want when I want...and it's really cool! I think one of the greatest things that has come out of this is that I've realized what a truly independent and courageous person that I am to get through all of this. Not to pat myself on the back or anything, but you should feel the same way. It's a reawakening of sorts...an opportunity to start life anew...and as I read from your other post, we should be very grateful that we can do it without involving children because I can't even begin to imagine how that must complicate this process.
trippi1432 Posted April 21, 2010 Posted April 21, 2010 Take a fools adivce ~ a fifty three year old fool's advice! Better to be single and alone ~ than married and alone! You can't go wrong by yourself! I second this!!!!
Author citygal16 Posted April 22, 2010 Author Posted April 22, 2010 I second this!!!! Yes....Gunny... you wrote that so haphazardly, but I can't even tell you how many times I've quoted that to people who "don't understand" why I haven't "let my husband" back into my life.... I say that line and suddenly there's a "ohhhhh... that's true, actually." So thanks for that!!!!! I love stealing other people's wisdom
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