RobinS. Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Hi everyone, I would like to see what are your opinions on the following situation: I have recently started to go out with a guy whom I like a lot, We knew each other some time, but only hit it off recently. He is very straightforward, and he recently told me in a matter of fact manner about his personal situation, in which I think he is rather unhappy. As he is younger than me (5 years:rolleyes:) I kind of feel that he would need my moral support in dealing with this, because I think that in the long term the situation will eat at him, but I am not sure what to encourage him to do and how to support him without getting drawn too deep into this myself. His circumstances are as follows: Currently he has a very good job in a field he has been working in since few years. He is exceptionally talented in his area, they offered him the job when he was straight out of high school, and he is now in a position where he is responsible for people who spend years on training and studies, when he is entirely self-taught. However he has an amoral and selfish family. People from his background often enter gangs (he was in one as a kid), and his family (mother, father and brother)still embrace this mentality, to the extend that wanting to live differently is seen as a some sort of betrayal. He had to get a job early, because otherwise his family would have been evicted from their home. Currently he is the sole bread-winner for them, including his brother and his child. They might have some other form of income, such as drugs, I am not sure. He is a responsible individual, and in my opinion they are simply using this to have a free ride at his cost, they don't care what he does as long as he brings money home. There might have been some genuine need for him to start working that early initially, but it is just not right for him to keep carrying this burden, when they are not putting much effort on their side and when he missed going to college. If it wasn't for this responsibility he would have easily saved enough money for college by now. I want to encourage him to set a limit for helping them, and maybe to move out from where he lives. It is a difficult situation, because they are still his family and he loves them I suppose, so they can easily guilt-trip him. But on the other hand, he can't just keep his life on hold for ever, this is just wrong. Opinions please Thank you
Ronni_W Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I think. Wait until he specifically asks for your opinions and "moral support"...and then strongly suggest that he consult with a qualified psychotherapist. Regardless of what may be motivating him (love, sense of loyalty, empathy, guilt -- or any combination thereof), it still is that he is making his own adult decisions and choices about where he's living and how he's spending his money. It is his business. When he is ready to make changes in those areas, far better for him to get unbiased professional guidance and support. You'll have an agenda of your own, and thus won't be in the best position to be able to be as objective or sensitive as he'll need his therapist to be. Your age doesn't enter into it.
Recommended Posts