Biccaroo Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 3 weeks ago I was dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months. During those 5 months things moved very quickly between us. For various reasons, such as quickly falling in love, difficulties at home and the availabilty of a house to rent off her aunty, we moved in together after 2 months. Whether this was a good or bad move I am not sure. I was dumped on the 9th January and since then I've found it very difficult to cope with my loss. The reason she left me is that she still thinks about her ex a lot and in fact started seeing him the weekend we split. Things were obviously going on behind my back. Nothing too sinister - just texts and emails. I know she wouldn't cheat on me. She'd rather end things first... as she has. I was unaware until recently that she'd been dumped by this bloke only a month before we started dating. Her ex was also her first love so they have a long history of break ups. Maybe 3 years or so. I believe that she loved me and still cares for me but I know that she clearly has stronger feelings for her ex. He's got a hold over her and even though he treats her like crap she keeps going back. I've tried to keep things amicable between us but I'm starting to crack as the hurt just won't go and I want her back. I know that they're seeing one another and I wouldn't be surprised if he moved in soon. It's hard to take. However, I've spoken to various people who know this guy and they're all convinced things will fail once again between them. I too believe this to be true but only time will tell. He's apparently not the sort of person who'll commit and I know that's what she wants more than anything. She knows I would've given her everything she wanted and more but it seems that wasn't enough. What I want to know is how do I remain in the loop but keep my distance? I want to be there if a chance for us to reconcile our relationship comes about because I know I can make it work this time. How do I keep that bond between us but remain distant enough to give her space? Bearing in mind Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I know you all probably think I'm crazy for wanting her back but I know she's the one for me and I'll do anything to get her back.
USMCHokie Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 3 weeks ago I was dumped by my girlfriend of 5 months. During those 5 months things moved very quickly between us. For various reasons, such as quickly falling in love, difficulties at home and the availabilty of a house to rent off her aunty, we moved in together after 2 months. Whether this was a good or bad move I am not sure. This is a big sign of rebound...where she lets her emotions guide her actions and the pace of the relationship. She was high on the newness of the relationship and getting to know someone new after all those years with her ex. However, I've spoken to various people who know this guy and they're all convinced things will fail once again between them. I too believe this to be true but only time will tell. He's apparently not the sort of person who'll commit and I know that's what she wants more than anything. She knows I would've given her everything she wanted and more but it seems that wasn't enough. Sorry...this is irrelevant... What I want to know is how do I remain in the loop but keep my distance? I want to be there if a chance for us to reconcile our relationship comes about because I know I can make it work this time. How do I keep that bond between us but remain distant enough to give her space? Bearing in mind Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I know you all probably think I'm crazy for wanting her back but I know she's the one for me and I'll do anything to get her back. You don't remain in the loop. Get out of the loop. Quickly.
CaliGuy Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Just as an FYI, the more you want/try-to-make/weasle-in a second chance, the less likely it's going to happen. And honestly, why would you waste any of your time on someone who doesn't want to be with you? It's one of the worst ways to spend your time. Read the threads in my signature. It will help a lot.
HeavenOrHell Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Walk away. I still feel like my ex is the one for me, but he no longer felt the same, I hung on for 6 months after we split, hoping for reconciliation, but it's only now I've walked away from our friendship that I am starting to fully let go and heal. If she wants you she knows where you are. How long are you prepared to wait around? It may take her months/years to figure out what she wants, she may stay with her ex.
rand0m Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 What, was Jan 9/2010 Worldwide Breakup Day or something? Did I miss the memo? I do not like that day.
DustySaltus Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Whether or not things work out with the ex it's no longer any of your concern. You put her #1 in your life and she put you # 2. That's not what any solid relationship is built on. She never healed from her previous relationship and used you as emotional tylenol. Going out with someone new will mask the pain for a while but it won't heal it. She has to do that herself. Unless she comes back to you down the line and is willing to carry your bags around for a month, give you a foot massage everyday for the next 3 months and admits that she made a big mistake........ANYTHING else from her or solicited from her by you means bubkus, nothing, nada, zilch.... You want to meet someone that you can grow with. Not someone that's going to use you to fill a VOID. That VOID doesn't exist when your with someone that truly cares about you. Read Caliguy's advice. I didn't believe this NC nonsense at first, but I was wrong...you got to heal yourself before you try to be there for anyone else. Good luck DS
kwyser Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 The reason she keeps going back to this guy is because he doesn't give her everything she wants (I know it makes no sense). Most likely things between them will fail again, but she may go back to him again. Once she realizes that he is a jerk and treats her badly, she might come to her senses and come back to you.
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