What lessons have you learned from online dating?

[AriannaNation]

I was thinking to myself the other day of all the "hard" lessons I've had to learn since I've become single - and its been a lot unfortunately.

 

I was married for nearly 20 years (straight out of high school) so I never really dated until I separated and later divorced a few yrs ago. Married my very first boyfriend -- so everything I've learned has come later in life. Stuff that most people knew from dating in their early teens and 20's I was just learning in my late 30's and 40's! I felt really stupid for a while, got pretty badly hurt and banged up in my dating life.

 

I guess people that have spent most of their lives single can't relate to what I'm saying. When I read on these forums the hateful comments about how a woman shouldn't have "put out" done this or done that with a guy I feel bad for the person. I don't think anyone deserves to be manipulated, ignored, dismissed just because the other person thinks they don't owe him/her anything! Whatever happened to human decency and treating people they way you would wish to be treated?!!

 

But anway -- but back to the original question: What lessons have you learned from online dating or dating in general?

[Barky]

Besides honing my skills in how to spot easy women, it has taught me that no matter how kooky your tastes there's someone out there who has them too

[St. Nick]

Don't online date. The majority of women on there are attentionwhores who just want to have a guy look at their profile and seem interested so it can gas their heads up. You'll get a million looks on your profile but nothing concrete. Dudes pay money to join, for chicks it is free. It's a total scam. The worst sites are match.com and plentyoffish.com. Stick to face to face dating.

[USMCHokie]

I learned that I don't like it. Therefore, I stopped.

[Barky]

Yikes you guys, I've screwed 20 chicks I met online.

[Clep]

I have learned that anyone can be anything they want to be when behind a computer.

[tincanman99]

I've learned that men far out number women online and that women online tend to have large requirements list.

 

Also for men it tends to be a waste of time.

[1_trick_pony]

In regards to online dating, in my experience, I learned that people send very deceptive photos. They send either the best, most awesome photo they've EVER had taken even though it's not a true representation of what they look like, or they send pictures from like 1982

[sid3]

I have learned that men lie about their height as often as women lie about their weight. The lesson, you can find some pretty stupid people online dating.

[Barky]

wow, general consensus is that it's bad. I love it. Strange.

[sid3]

It's only bad when it becomes a person's only option.

[Jersey Shortie]

I've learned that both men and women tend to be more critical of a profile online then they would had they met you in person. People are more accepting of flaws when you meet them in real life situations and sometimes online dating takes away all the mystery and fun so it becomes this patterened equation of dates where you talk about your fave movies, music and your cute childhood story.

 

Oh and some men are better about paying then others.

[Lakeside_runner]

wow, general consensus is that it's bad. I love it. Strange.

 

I think it depends what you're looking for... I guess if you're good looking and you're searching for one-night-stands - perfect. For LTR - not sure yet. Last GF I met her online (wasn't really looking - she contacted me so I've decided to give it a try)... so maybe there is some potential. But so far my experience with online dating was - it's a waste of time for men (even if you're decent, i.e. not a creep).

[sid3]

It can feel like a lot of work. It can be a waste of time. It seems as though women(IMO) approach it like shopping. Thats not to say men are any better, there are some serious creepers out there.

[OpenGL]

It's great for women regardless of how attractive you are.

 

It's horrible for men unless you are very attractive.

[Crazy Magnet]

I learned that I do not have to feel guilty over rejecting people who were not what I was looking for in a romantic partner. I absolutely hate making people feel bad, but I had to get over that fast while dating online.

[greatgirlfriend]

I've learned:

 

That most guys online are looking for sex and if you don't give it up within a few dates they are gone. Many expect it first date.

 

That the majority of the people on the online sites are there for a reason. For the one who's online dating because he's too busy to date others offline, there are ten who either have emotional issues, or are losers in real life.

 

That people lie online and that many times the photo they posted isn't theirs or it's from 20+ years ago.

 

That many lie about being married or divorced. A few guys state they are separated, until you find out they are still living with their wife.

 

That many of the guys are con artists.

 

I'm sure this goes for guys looking for women too, but not looking for a woman.

[txsilkysmoothe]

I actually FAVOR online dating.

 

Online dating is as good as you are smart. You can't make assumptions; you must always have your wits about you. However, this is something that you must do in any form of dating. "Don't trust too quickly and verify."

 

I see a profile as information you would gather on a first date. If you don't like that information, you avoid the time and expense of meeting the person IRL. Be very specific in your profile so you won't be approached by men who have different objectives. You should exchange a few emails and compare new information with previously provided information and their profile. If you have doubts, you can clarify via email. If pictures look several years old, ask how old they are. A shady person will not continue to communicate with you once they know they can't get bs past you.

 

If you are interested, you should meet as soon as possible. It's the only way to verify certain information such as looks, age, living in the same city, they're really interested in meeting, not likely married, etc. Make it clear before you meet and on the first date when you think sex is appropriate. This helps weed out those who are seeking sex. I attempt to get myself invited to his home, his office, out with his friends, fairly early on as a means of ruling out that he is married or has a girlfriend. His reaction alone to such a suggestion can be revealing.

 

Most of the "cons" posted by responders are ones that you have to worry about any time you are dating. It's up to each of us to be mentally engaged in the process.

 

IMO, online dating should not be used to begin a long distance relationship. If you can't meet in person, there are just too many unknowns.

 

Free dating sites - you get what you pay for IMO.

 

Whatever happened to human decency and treating people they way you would wish to be treated?!!

 

I have had this same thought. Long story but I have only been dating 18 months after several years of not dating; I've been very surprised by the etiquette or lack there of and the games/rules, etc. I think many people have accepted that it's okay to treat another inconsiderately because someone did it to them. Very sad. I'm trying to stay above all of that.

[Lakeside_runner]

If you are interested, you should meet as soon as possible. It's the only way to verify certain information such as looks, age, living in the same city, they're really interested in meeting, not likely married, etc.

 

This is/was exactly my philosophy while dating online. When there was mutual interest I suggested a meeting in a public place (coffee shop!). Most people though are likely to exchange e-mails over weeks before they share their phone number and then talk some time over the phone when they finally get out and decide to meet in person. Sometimes the whole mystery is built up so much that the actual meeting in person is just bleak and dull and disappointing.

 

My impression of online dating is that for a decent guy it is really hard to find someone there. Especially if that certain guy 'has game' as they say but AFTER he has met a girl that he's interested in.

[yeex]

always try to meet within a couple of weeks of the first contact. No need to prolong that. They are always somewhat different than what you imagine and you want to see if you click in the real world.

[soulm8]

I prefer online dating for the convenience. I tend to meet for a coffee after a few emails and/or phone calls because you learn so much more from face to face interaction and body language.

 

Men have told me how many women seem to want to email for weeks to months, post old photos, and look nothing like they do in person.

 

You're ability to communicate and knowing exactly what you're looking for helps. The more honest your profile is the better your chances of being approached by like minded people.

 

It's a red flag when dates bash their ex's. Look for those who have learned from their past experiences...

 

Always keep your safety in mind and don't assume you're on the same page!

[Barky]

It's horrible for men unless you are very attractive.

 

I'd have to disagree. It's been great for me, in fact it's the only type of dating I do now. And I wouldn't call myself "very attractive." I have a somewhat handsome face but I'm short, skinny, pale and balding. Not a good combo in LA. I'm a solid 5 on the 1-10 scale. I admit my profession does get me some points since it's white-collar. Other than that, average as can be.

 

I will say that it takes a LOT of time. Of course all dating does. But over the years I've hit on literally thousands of women and spent countless hours online. I get maybe a 1-2% lay rate. That is, out of every 50-100 women I contact I sleep with 1. Very low percentage, but I can shoot out a quick email in 20 seconds and when I'm really in the game I'll contact 5-10 women in a day.

 

And of course you're not going to find the super model types online, or very rarely. Of course that's like in real life too. I usually get with 5s-6s. Every once in awhile a 7-8. Never have I dated, and have rarely seen, a 9-10 online. There are a whole lot of 1-4s.

 

So I dunno... I would have thought internet dating would been much more popular on an internet board. I mean, y'all are online already, might as well hook up with some broads online.

 

Of course the people here don't exactly strike me as "lucky in love" so maybe y'all have problems no matter what venue you choose.

[BettyBoop]

The men I've met online had emotional problems that were based on their unhealthy relationships to their mothers...however, I have to say that they were nice guys until they were dumped...then they were emotionally blackmailers and trashtalking losers.

[BobSacamento]

Women do not know what average means when it comes to body type.

[Rulebreaker]

The two happiest marriages I know of people in my generation (I'm 29) are from Match.com. Both met in smaller towns, where it was probably easier to weed out the jerks. Good for busy professional people but you have to be patient with it because of all the riffraff.