fenix_3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Hi, I'm new here. I've been married for a bit over a year; I'm from the UK, and my wife is from Taiwan, so there may be an element of cross-cultural friction in what follows. However, I think I'm probably fairly correct to say my wife has what some might consider to be anger issues. She blows up at small things. This morning, for instance, I forgot to turn the tap off in the bathroom after brushing my teeth. I'm not talking a gushing flow here, just a trickle. She blew up at me for ten minutes, yelling about not being able to trust me, how angry she is that I've made her feel angry, and so on. Now...this isn't an isolated incident, and it's at least partly my fault. I'm a very forgetful person, very absent-minded. She likes things to be very precisely in their place, I'm very 'stuff in piles in no particular order'. I do have an unfortunate habit of leaving that tap trickling because my mind is always on other things (I work from home, and my brain is always ticking over with ideas). I do keep doing these little things that make her blow the hell up, so at least fifty per cent of this is my fault. But when she gets angry she gets ANGRY. It becomes self-fuelling, like a nuclear explosion. It should be said that in Taiwanese households the women generally call the shots and the men pretty much do what the hell they're told, so you can imagine there's some friction from that. That's at least part of that. I'm wondering if anybody has any useful tips on how to a)defuse/calm her down and, frankly, b)ways I can remember things from moment to moment so I don't keep doing these things that bug the hell out of her again and again and again. I've tried apologising profusely: doesn't work, because she points out I already did that the last umpteen times I left that tap running. Same for promising I won't do it again. Any ideas/suggestions?
BlueeyedJonesy Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 your wife needs anger management...thats part of being married accepting the little annoying things that come along with that person and make the best of them...not blowing up and making you feel like its your fault. I understand she is from a different culture but she needs to have just as much consideration for you. meet in the middle.
GetSomeKevlar Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I married a Hong Kong Chinese woman and I go through the exact same thing here. I know for a fact that when I come home at night, I will face her wrath over some thing I did or didn't do. Truth is, I've pretty much had it. I was going to stick it out for the kids, but I'm not sure I can do it.
Norville_Rogers Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Hi, I'm new here. I've been married for a bit over a year; I'm from the UK, and my wife is from Taiwan, so there may be an element of cross-cultural friction in what follows. However, I think I'm probably fairly correct to say my wife has what some might consider to be anger issues. She blows up at small things. This morning, for instance, I forgot to turn the tap off in the bathroom after brushing my teeth. I'm not talking a gushing flow here, just a trickle. She blew up at me for ten minutes, yelling about not being able to trust me, how angry she is that I've made her feel angry, and so on. Now...this isn't an isolated incident, and it's at least partly my fault. I'm a very forgetful person, very absent-minded. She likes things to be very precisely in their place, I'm very 'stuff in piles in no particular order'. I do have an unfortunate habit of leaving that tap trickling because my mind is always on other things (I work from home, and my brain is always ticking over with ideas). I do keep doing these little things that make her blow the hell up, so at least fifty per cent of this is my fault. But when she gets angry she gets ANGRY. It becomes self-fuelling, like a nuclear explosion. It should be said that in Taiwanese households the women generally call the shots and the men pretty much do what the hell they're told, so you can imagine there's some friction from that. That's at least part of that. I'm wondering if anybody has any useful tips on how to a)defuse/calm her down and, frankly, b)ways I can remember things from moment to moment so I don't keep doing these things that bug the hell out of her again and again and again. I've tried apologising profusely: doesn't work, because she points out I already did that the last umpteen times I left that tap running. Same for promising I won't do it again. Any ideas/suggestions? She either needs Anger Managment or she is depressed....or both. My ex-wife became this way and it turns out that she was just depressed. She got some medication and it helped her balance herself. But there were deeper issues as well, as in she kept things inside of her until she just started to resent me. Don't apologize...it comes across as being weak and then she feels like being like this is in her favor and then the next thing you know she's all over your case all of the time and then you start to resent her. Talk it out...go to therepy...and have her visit the doctor. It's no good living your life with someone who can't make you happy all of the time.
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