My story, looking for words of wisdom.

[Shadowsp]

This past Monday morning, my girlfriend called me and broke up with me.

 

Her reasoning was that I acted too much like a child. "A guy should be a guy, not a child."

 

I also think that I didn't give her the attention that I did when the relationship first started. I started playing World of Warcraft midway through our relationship, and I think I got too addicted to it. At the time, i thought I was just managing a personal life and a relationship but I see now that I should have never put a game over spending time with her. It was a really foolish thing and I still can't understand how I fell into an addiction like that. At first, I started just to have something to do while she worked and I was home. I didn't blow her off often, but I did do it a few times.

 

Our mutual friend also told me that she was getting very bored in bed.

 

Monday night, I messed up and called her and tried to get her to rethink it. Didn't work.

 

We were together for six and a half months.

 

So I got to talking to a co-worker and she told me to do the whole no contact thing. I started doing that on Tuesday. I didn't hear from her again until Thursday when she texted me, and asked me to get on AIM and talk to her. I told her I would in a bit that I was busy. I ended up rushing home and talked to her. We mostly talked about music, but she also told me she had gotten drunk every night this week. I thought maybe she was depressed and would come back soon. She texted me later, and I ended up waiting a few hours to respond. She texted me first thursday and friday, but I didn't hear from her yesterday or today.

 

For the past couple of days, I've been feeling super confident. Confident that she would call me probablly within a week or so. I guess I'm just really nervous at this point because thanks to Facebook putting everything anyone does on the news feed, I think she's already talking to a new guy.

 

I've spent the past week fixing myself. I went through the entire relationship in my head and found everything wrong so that I could focus on it. I cancelled and uninstalled World of Warcraft, and started reading the book series she likes. So that I could see them from her point of view. I've decided to stop doing the annoying childish things I used to do. I did them for humor, I didn't know they were annoying on that much of a level.

 

I've never in my life wanted a second chance with a girl, and I've been in 3 relationships before this one. My heart aches, and I can't get a grip on myself. If we get back together, I think this break up will have shown me that I have to work way harder than I did. But it's killing me to know it might not happen. I feel so confident and at the same time, I don't.

[USMCHokie]

For the past couple of days, I've been feeling super confident. Confident that she would call me probablly within a week or so. I guess I'm just really nervous at this point because thanks to Facebook putting everything anyone does on the news feed, I think she's already talking to a new guy.

 

I've spent the past week fixing myself. I went through the entire relationship in my head and found everything wrong so that I could focus on it. I cancelled and uninstalled World of Warcraft, and started reading the book series she likes. So that I could see them from her point of view. I've decided to stop doing the annoying childish things I used to do. I did them for humor, I didn't know they were annoying on that much of a level.

 

 

 

It will take more than a week to fix yourself. And you can't fix yourself if you're still in contact with this girl. First of all, take her off your Facebook. No contact is a good policy. If a girl breaks up with you, you owe her NOTHING. If she texts you or calls you or asks you to chat on AIM, you owe her nothing. If she still wanted you in her life, she shouldn't have broken up with you.

 

If you truly want a second chance with this girl, take some time away from her. I'm not talking about a few days, or a few weeks...perhaps a few months...focus on the issues that plagued the broken relationship...resolve those issues...don't rush back into things...by taking time away from her, you will allow your emotions to subside so that you can approach the problems rationally and objectively.

 

Most importantly, no contact.

[jb89]

I can't begin to tell you how many people I know who've fallen victim to WoW, and who have lost touch with more than just their significant others because of it. Shoulda uninstalled sooner.

 

Don't contact her.

[Shadowsp]

If I would have realized the stupid game was clouding my better judgement, I would have gotten rid of it sooner.

 

Well I haven't spoken to her to since February 5th, and she hasn't sent/called anything either. I don't like this whole no contact thing. I'm focusing every day to make myself better, making a little progress each day. My original plan was give her space until Thursday or friday, and ask her to hang out on Sunday.

 

Or maybe my judgement is just ****ed up because I'm terrified of her moving on completely. To hell, with bettering myself at expense. I'm going to better myself either way. I know, no contact is about healing yourself first. But I don't want to do it if that's all it's going to accomplish.

 

Alright, so what's the opinions? I would like to think I can trust myself to handle this situation, but I want to make sure I've given everything thought before I do anything.

[dietpepsi]

Honestly man, you're not ready yet to try a second chance. You're still too jumbled up it seems, and will be prone to breakdowns, of which nothing fruitful will come. The whole "look how broken I am without you" thing only makes them reassured at what they have done. I honestly would say man that you need to take a month or longer to sort yourself out. If she wanted space, now is the time to give it to her, being in her face will only draw out negative experiences instead of positive ones. Replace WoW with excersize, hit the gym, get your **** together, cause right now it's not together. It took me almost 4 months to get my self in order before i knew i could handle any type of interaction with her without breaking down and losing my composure. I have a new energy, and everyone around me notices, shes noticed too, we have very light LC, but she's super nervous to be around the new me 5 months later, it's written all over her face. This makes me feel good, because I used to the be one that was nervous, now I'm just a new man she doesn't know how to act around. I'm still not over her at all, but through self growth i have learned very much, and hoping to be completely happy soon.

 

But don't "trick" yourself into thinking your ready when your not, it will only prolong the badness. What i have learned through reading, self reflection, and a whole lot from LS is that a second chance, is a long hard road, and only comes when you let go. There are no quick fixes, or magical potions, but it involves fixing yourself, before you ever approach the relationship from a new, fresh angle. They may move on, they may not, but who knows, you may really like who you've become and may not want that relationship anymore.

 

Push too hard now and your chances will get close to 0%

 

Good luck to you

[CaliGuy]

Ok I'm going to go against the grain here on the WOW stuff. WOW is a game and like any game, it's DISCIPLINED people who know when to put the game away. Heck even if the game itself says "Take everything in moderation, even WOW". In other words, it's up the individual gamer to make sure that WOW is just a game and not their way of life.

 

If you have your priorities in life straight then WOW is not an issue. It's when people are undisciplined and can't get their priorities straight that they "blame" a simple video game.

 

Now to the OP, breakups are gonna happen. It's how you deal with them and what you take (as far as using it as a learning experience) that determines if you succeed or fail in the future. Read the NC guide and the Second Chance guide in my signature for tips on healing and moving on.

[DenverBachelor]

I take it you are level 70 but not in the Lover class? You could always try organizing a raid in her closet? Might find some level 30 boots of ball busting?