Why is it so hard to talk to and relate to younger (18-21 year old) girls?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I don't mean to brag, but I've always been a little bit sharper, a little bit more forward thinking and a little bit more mature than people my age, so growing up, I've always had older girlfriends (the smallest gap being 2 years, the largest being 7)

 

But inside, I've always wished I could date a girl my age or younger. I'm only 23, but when I talk to girls who're 18 or 19 or 20, I sometimes feel like there's literally GENERATIONS between us.

 

I've always enjoyed discussions on economics or current events or books or art, but when I talk to some of these girls, it seems like they're only interested in celebrity gossip and pop culture; like what the Kardashians or up to or who did what on "Jersey Beach" last night.

 

I just don't know how to relate to that. Believe me, I want to reach out to these girls and bridge the gap between us, but every time I do, I end up looking like a fool, either by not knowing what they're talking about, or when I try to steer the conversation, they just seem completely bored and disinterested or creeped out.

 

It's gotten so bad that I'm even afraid to JUST TRY and to talk to girls my age or younger anymore, even though I want to.

 

I've always known I was "unique" from my peers, but now I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me

Edited February 8, 2010 by Don'tWannabeAWannabe

[You'reasian]

I don't mean to brag, but I've always been a little bit sharper, a little bit more forward thinking and a little bit more mature than people my age, so growing up, I've always had older girlfriends (the smallest gap being 2 years, the largest being 7)

 

But inside, I've always wished I could date a girl my age or younger. I'm only 23, but when I talk to girls who're 18 or 19 or 20, I sometimes feel like there's literally GENERATIONS between us.

 

I've always enjoyed discussions on economics or current events or books or art, but when I talk to some of these girls, it seems like they're only interested in celebrity gossip and pop culture; like what the Kardashians or up to who did what on "Jersey Beach" last night.

 

I just don't know how to relate to that. Believe me, I want to reach out to these girls and bridge the gap between us, but every time I do, I end up looking like a fool, either by not knowing what they're talking about. And when I try to steer the conversation, they just seem completely bored and disinterested or creeped out.

 

It's gotten so bad that I'm even afraid to try to talk to girls my age or younger, even though I want to.

 

I've always known I was "unique" from my peers, but now I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with me

 

You need a sexy, sophisticated, emotionally mature, intelligent type of woman.

[sigurpol]

What he said.

 

But I've run into the same problems myself, and think the same way as you do.

 

I had/still sort of have a theory that turning 21 really changes people (in the US, at least). I mean, they're new to the "bar" scene and kinda keep up with everything that goes along with it. I know its a shallow way to place people who have a good head on their shoulders, but it was something I noticed.

 

However, I feel like the more you get involved with your "thing", hobbies, places you'd like to travel, etc. You're bound to meet someone with similar interests. Even mutual friends share interest with their mutual friends.

[zebracolors]

Try being 34. I think the only time I can relate to anyone teens/20s is through my online gaming hobby. I have a few friends from it who are in that age bracket. But if it comes to real life, I think I would not know how to talk to them.

 

I guess I was the same way when I was between 17-20, where I couldn't see myself associating with oldies, as in late 20 somethings..30+? Forget it.. I feel a little more wise these days at least.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

You need a sexy' date=' sophisticated, emotionally mature, intelligent type of woman.[/quote']

 

Those are so hard to find though, especially in the 18-21 range.

 

I honestly wouldn't mind a "ditsy" girlfriend as long as she was pretty and sweet and not a flake, but these girls are just so hard to open up. It's like if you're not "one of them" they put up a wall and shut you out.

 

How do you scale that wall?

[St. Nick]

Hit the nail on the head, Dontwannabe. Women my age (mid-20s) are self-absorbed way more than necessary. And they can't hold a convo involving an interesting subject. Older women on the other hand are refreshing when it comes to personality, and I feel at ease with them. Unfortunately, sex with most older women is about as exciting as jumping up and down on a bag of old laundry.

 

What you need to do is focus more on sex with the women your age, and get more guy friends. That's what I do.

[Twenty-ten]

So what's the difference between a ditz and a flake? Aren't they the same thing?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

 

What you need to do is focus more on sex with the women your age, and get more guy friends. That's what I do.

 

Well even with just that as the goal, there's still the problem of them being bored or disinterested when I try to talk to them. How am I supposed to "focus more on sex with women my age" when they immediately shut me out?

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

So what's the difference between a ditz and a flake? Aren't they the same thing?

 

A flake is a girl who's unreliable; who say's she'll see you Friday at 8:00 but calls you at 7:45 to reschedule for Sunday evening, but no-shows on that.

[You'reasian]

Those are so hard to find though, especially in the 18-21 range.

 

I honestly wouldn't mind a "ditsy" girlfriend as long as she was pretty and sweet and not a flake, but these girls are just so hard to open up. It's like if you're not "one of them" they put up a wall and shut you out.

 

How do you scale that wall?

 

He should go for older women in the mean time - a good cougar.

[sigurpol]

I think sometimes it can be cool to meet someone who isnt up to scale intellectually as you would like. But the person is willing to learn more, or take it in with stride.

 

Such as the girl I'm talking to. Whenever we talk, I always feel like I'm teaching her something new, or forming opinons with her as I talk about particular topics. It's nice.

 

The downside is having problems with her... but thats my situation in another thread! Hahah

[St. Nick]

Well even with just that as the goal' date=' there's still the problem of them being bored or disinterested when I try to talk to them. How am I supposed to "focus more on sex with women my age" when they immediately shut me out?[/quote']

Pretend like you're interested in the junk they're interested in. Act like you're really interested in the latest pop culture bs. Hide your intellectualism, and show yourself to be a shallow jerk, who is only interested in the latest fads. Trust me, they'll fall for it.

[counterman]

Yeah, stick to older women. However, not all younger girls are like that. Some will definitely share that same intellect as you and would feel more then welcomed when discussing about books, current events, the economy and other things.

 

Though, I would say if you really wanted to reach out to them, you would have to be into some of those things yourself. If you absolutely can't get into it, then you can't force yourself to like it.

[kiss_andmakeup]

http://www.examiner.com/x-23402-Newark-Parenting--Education-Examiner~y2009m9d21-A-childs-brain-fully-develops-by-age-25

 

Key Point:

 

"The human brain reportedly becomes fully developed at age 25.

 

Prior to full brain development children exhibit the following behaviors more coincidentally vs. consistently:

• Decision making

• Use of appropriate judgment

• Rational thinking

• Integration of emotion & critical thinking

• Ability to think clearly about long-term outcomes that stem from behaviors

• Global thinking vs. self-centered thinking"

 

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, but they are few & far between.

[BG1985]

Why are girls considered immature when they don't feel like talking about economics, politics, books or art? I'm a guy and I don't want to spend all my free time talking about that stuff either. With girls that age, they're probably spending their time learning all that in school at the moment and don't feel like talking about school.

[Cinderella7]

I'm a 21 year old girl, but I know exactly how you feel. Besides three close girlfriends, nearly everyone I hang out with is at least 4 years older than I am. I have a lot of difficulty relating to guys my own age. I have a full-time career and am financially independent with hobbies and friends and ambitions for the future, whereas most guys my age still in school figuring out what they want. I was single my last few semesters of college and found it very difficult to be interested in any of the guys there.

 

I've found that I prefer dating older men with some life experience. The last few guys I've dated have been 31, 34, 25, and 28. Try dating a little older. I think you may be pleasantly surprised with what's out there.

[Twenty-ten]

http://www.examiner.com/x-23402-Newark-Parenting--Education-Examiner~y2009m9d21-A-childs-brain-fully-develops-by-age-25

 

Key Point:

 

"The human brain reportedly becomes fully developed at age 25.

 

Prior to full brain development children exhibit the following behaviors more coincidentally vs. consistently:

• Decision making

• Use of appropriate judgment

• Rational thinking

• Integration of emotion & critical thinking

• Ability to think clearly about long-term outcomes that stem from behaviors

• Global thinking vs. self-centered thinking"

 

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, but they are few & far between.

 

 

That is cognitive development, that has nothing to do with what the OP is talking about. He is saying that the women in his age group are deprived of culture, they basically cannot have a good conversation because of their narrow scope of interests. That is a totally different issue it's not a brain development thing it is a personal development one.

 

I think you should do as others suggested maybe try to take interest in some of the crap they like, it seems that is going to be your only option if you really want to be with these girls. Where are you meeting them?

Try interest groups that would attract girls that are more on our level.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Another good point, made by Cinderella in this thread as well as myself and meerkat in your last thread, is that we young ladies who are more mature than our age may dictate are probably dating men a good deal older than you. Sorry.

 

As for getting with a more airheaded girl, it shouldn't be that hard, just catch up on your MTV.

[Don'tWannabeAWannabe]

I'm a 21 year old girl, but I know exactly how you feel. Besides three close girlfriends, nearly everyone I hang out with is at least 4 years older than I am. I have a lot of difficulty relating to guys my own age. I have a full-time career and am financially independent with hobbies and friends and ambitions for the future, whereas most guys my age still in school figuring out what they want. I was single my last few semesters of college and found it very difficult to be interested in any of the guys there.

 

I've found that I prefer dating older men with some life experience. The last few guys I've dated have been 31, 34, 25, and 28. Try dating a little older. I think you may be pleasantly surprised with what's out there.

 

I HAVE been dating older women. I've ALWAYS dated older women. I didn't have a choice. I've always wanted to date girls my age or younger but never could win them over somehow.

[kiss_andmakeup]

That is cognitive development, that has nothing to do with what the OP is talking about. He is saying that the women in his age group are deprived of culture, they basically cannot have a good conversation because of their narrow scope of interests. That is a totally different issue it's not a brain development thing it is a personal development one.

 

I guess I feel, though, that brain development has a great deal to do with the interests you seek out. I think young people are inherently more self-centered, as described in the article I linked, and therefore less likely to care about global issues, politics, etc. Also I think this makes them less appreciative of general courtesy, which is why they may be more flaky than their slightly older counterparts, as the OP mentioned.

[Cinderella7]

I HAVE been dating older women. I've ALWAYS dated older women. I didn't have a choice. I've always wanted to date girls my age or younger but never could win them over somehow.

 

Honestly, the ones who are looking for a more mature, well-rounded guy are probably dating men in their late twenties/early thirties.

 

The ones who aren't are likely not in that place to begin with and aren't going to know how to relate to you, leaving them likely to pursue the stereotypical 21 year old guy.

 

Your best bet is probably to keep dating older women, as girls your own age are either a) aiming for older men or b) not capable of forming a real relationship with you.

 

Also, you may be alienating girls your age with your choice of conversation topics. I'm well-educated and ambitious and can discuss current economic and fiscal policy just as easily as I can discuss the latest episode of Real Housewives of OC. There's a happy medium between airhead and uptight intellectual.

[Twenty-ten]

I guess I feel, though, that brain development has a great deal to do with the interests you seek out. I think young people are inherently more self-centered, as described in the article I linked, and therefore less likely to care about global issues, politics, etc. Also I think this makes them less appreciative of general courtesy, which is why they may be more flaky than their slightly older counterparts, as the OP mentioned.

 

 

Straight up, and I do see where you are coming from I am impressed you found that stat it is one of my fave stats since I do believe brain development does not complete until 24-25 for both genders, but I think some people are more culturally well rounded then others. It does take a significant level of personal interest and some people just are not interested at that age or even older. The types of women he is going for seem to be very one tracked minded. It can't be all women in that age group are like that. You are smart and you are in that age group so...

[kiss_andmakeup]

Straight up, and I do see where you are coming from I am impressed you found that stat it is one of my fave stats since I do believe brain development does not complete until 24-25 for both genders, but I think some people are more culturally well rounded then others. It does take a significant level of personal interest and some people just are not interested at that age or even older. The types of women he is going for seem to be very one tracked minded. It can't be all women in that age group are like that. You are smart and you are in that age group so...

 

Oh definitely. Everyone is different, and one's being cultured or not can definitely be independent of age or brain development, so I think it's often a combination of factors.

 

I get confused by your posts though, OP...you frequently rant that you can't find women your age or younger who are intellectually relatable to you, and how much of a problem that is. But then you go on to state that actually you'd be fine dating a ditz, you just don't know how to. So which do you want?

[lab_brat]

Where are you looking??? I'm a uni student and know many articulate, intelligent girls that age. Meeting women in a social setting (ie at a bar/nightclub), where they're out to have fun wouldn't necessarily be the best place to have in depth intellectual conversations?

 

Also consider the way you come across conversationally - make sure you aren't in the habit of starting conversations about politics/economics etc purely to demonstrate the breadth of your knowledge?

 

I think part of intelligence is in carrying a conversation with different people, not necessarily 'dumbing it down', but being perceptive enough to find something of value to talk about, whether its music, art, books, sociology, environmentalism etc, that is within both of your interest areas. Ie - i'm biology/math major and though i understand keynesian economics, i'd rather repeatedly slam my head into a wall than have a conversation about it, as i think its the most boring thing ever (no offence meant). I just think that if you look hard enough, you can probably find intelligence in most people.

[torranceshipman]

Maybe get to know the girls in question - they might have a ditzy side that they enjoy showing with their friends, but they might also have quite an intellectual side that they enjoy exploring in other social situations. If you get to know a giel better you may end up seeing that extra side.