meerkat stew Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 It's not that I can appreciate a good conversation about sex that I am open to being someone's f**k buddy if there is nothing else to the relationship than that. I do appreciate an honest man, if he has feelings too. The guy I was talking about is a friend - not a word I use lightly either. I have a hunch that if you ever sit down face to face, he will end up apologizing all over himself for that last text.
btc8 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 the second Obviously I can only go by what you tell us, and all you've told us was that he's spent the night, one time when you were supposed to go to dinner, he canceled, and he made it up to you by spending the night, and then you said you didn't want to play games with him when you called him out on it, and then you said you didn't want to be a in relationship only to be someone's f-buddy, and then you said that since you're biological clock is ticking, you'd better procreate, and that Mr. Carpenter has nice genes 'biologically speaking.' Seriously, it's pretty obvious he was using you for sex and convenience. If he wasn't, then well, that's not how you made it sound the last 5 pages.
torranceshipman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Guys' biological clock never runs out. Women have a biological clock. Strangely, this isnt actually true - it is just that most men aren't aware of it. By the age of around 42 men face the same issues as women of around 35 - that there is a statistically higher likelihood of the child having problems by this age (down's syndrome, etc).
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Not one word from him yesterday all day in response to my attempt at contacting him. Today is the day that I leave the country for 24 days. It sucks to have to leave like this. I feel like I have tried to communicate and should not do any more attempts. But that last angry text keeps running through my head.
calizaggy Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 My friends say I should either go to the sperm bank or have a child with one of my gay friends. . Ahhh, women sure are wonderful these days, aren't they?
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Ahhh, women sure are wonderful these days, aren't they? With all due respect, but your comment is not very helpful. I come to this forum with my issue. I admit to being confused and all I try to do is let my thoughts come out as crudely as possible, in order to make sense of all this and learn from it. I do not try to paint a prettier picture of myself. I believe that the answer is always already lying in the story itself, just that I am ignoring it and must try to push myself towards acceptance. My gut tells me some things, my ratio tells me other things. I am trying to speak freely from both -as unfiltered as possible- and hopefully learn a thing or two about myself that I may or may not like.
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 I have a hunch that if you ever sit down face to face, he will end up apologizing all over himself for that last text. Meerkat - also, key here for me is, if it is just for sex, why not freely admit it? At least then the other person can decide whether or not this is what he or she wants. I feel like we are in this "don't ask, don't tell" situation and I wanted that situation resolved. Have you ever done that to a woman who you wanted for sex only? Make it sound like it wasn't all about sex, just to have your way? Get mad about it? Because my gut surely keeps contradicting my brain about this.
Crow9726 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Maybe this is another of those cases where picking up the phone and actually talking...instead of sending texts...would have been better.
sid3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 text messaging is the quickest way to kill new relationships IMO
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 He just let me know "I really like you and think we would be good for each other but you don't seem to have the patience to handle me". Yes. I lost my patience and I don't mind saying sorry for that. However, in the meantime I still don't know what the deal is.
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 text messaging is the quickest way to kill new relationships IMO I know... I am so not into text messaging. But he is glued to his devices.
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 "I really like you and think we would be good for each other but you don't seem to have the patience to handle me". That's pure and simple manipulative behavior. Call it out, or, more healthily, respond to it with nothing. Black hole. Bye bye
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 A tool? He loves texting. That's his MO. Maybe because it avoids long conversations with nagging females? ;-)
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 That's pure and simple manipulative behavior. Call it out, or, more healthily, respond to it with nothing. Black hole. Bye bye Carhill, forgive me if this question is dumb or blind, but why is it manipulative behavior?
sid3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 If your saying your a nagging female then I'd retract the tool comment.
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Carhill, forgive me if this question is dumb or blind, but why is it manipulative behavior? I really don't want to point out the obvious, but go back and re-read what you've wrote here about him, his words and his actions and you'll see what I mean. To me, it's classic push-pull manipulation. I've fallen victim to it numerous times (women are far better at it than men, IMO) and am sensitive to it now. 'I love ya babe but you're just not sufficiently mature to handle me. Put up (have patience) with my emotional distance, ambiguous and secretive behavior and vacuous remarks and, hey, you know we might have a chance, if I think we do' It could be..... 'I love spending time with you. These misunderstandings (the angry text exchange) cause me to feel more distant from you than I want. What can we do to communicate better and avoid this in the future?' OK, make up something which matches up with what you're hearing. My take, from your recitation of past events, is that you've been patient a-plenty. Did I read wrong?
silverfish Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 He just let me know "I really like you and think we would be good for each other but you don't seem to have the patience to handle me". Yes. I lost my patience and I don't mind saying sorry for that. However, in the meantime I still don't know what the deal is. I would say...'I liked / like you a lot as well....maybe lack of patience is something we have in common ? ' At least it might make him think on...
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 I really don't want to point out the obvious, but go back and re-read what you've wrote here about him, his words and his actions and you'll see what I mean. To me, it's classic push-pull manipulation. I've fallen victim to it numerous times (women are far better at it than men, IMO) and am sensitive to it now. 'I love ya babe but you're just not sufficiently mature to handle me. Put up (have patience) with my emotional distance, ambiguous and secretive behavior and vacuous remarks and, hey, you know we might have a chance, if I think we do' It could be..... 'I love spending time with you. These misunderstandings (the angry text exchange) cause me to feel more distant from you than I want. What can we do to communicate better and avoid this in the future?' OK, make up something which matches up with what you're hearing. My take, from your recitation of past events, is that you've been patient a-plenty. Did I read wrong? Carhill, Thanks a lot for this. Really valuable stuff you have been writing me. I have a lot to think about tonight while I am on an 8-hour flight across the Atlantic. The "if I think" in your text above sounded a bell. He once wrote "I know I would fall in love with you. And I think I want to". You think you may perhaps want to fall in love with someone?
Author MagnoliaJane Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 I would say...'I liked / like you a lot as well....maybe lack of patience is something we have in common ? ' At least it might make him think on... I like the little irony/humor/cynism that you throw in there with that sentence... If only the heart could be light headed there would be fewer problems...
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You think you may perhaps want to fall in love with someone? Yeah, that's a great example. TBH, though not having the 'number's of the prolific men here, I'm often flabbergasted at the words which come out of men's mouths which women believe. I've seen it in real life for decades. Perhaps that is why I don't have those numbers. I don't talk about 'opening up someday'; I share openly. I don't talk about trips; I book them. I don't tell a woman I want her to have my baby; I marry her and we try. Actions. But, sadly, it seems that women (and men, because I'm guilty too) fall for the words of smooth talking bullshyters who seem to make their way through life gaining through the manipulation of others. I've found a real easy solution. Push back hard, right in their face, and they disappear, off to find an easier mark. Bye, bye Have a great TATL. Love the ocean sleeps.
meerkat stew Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Have you ever done that to a woman who you wanted for sex only? Make it sound like it wasn't all about sex, just to have your way? Get mad about it? Because my gut surely keeps contradicting my brain about this. I've never wanted a woman for sex only, sex in a vacuum has never appealed to me, so not qualified to comment. IME there are lots more men out there like me than not. That men are just sex seeking creatures for the most part is a convenient lie women tell themselves to justify their own bad choices in men. Women often plow right past any number of more truly compatible prospects on their same level of attractiveness and commonalities to get to that top 5% guy in looks with whom she may not be compatible in the least, and she won't be able to keep, but who gets her wet. This is the very definition of something that is just sex. Will even go so far as to claim that today, women who are "just seeking sex," as defined by their choices in men, not what comes out of their mouths, are every bit as numerous as men who are "just seeking sex." The difference is that women think these incompatibilities are somehow subject to change over time, usually by her efforts to change a hot guy she won't be able to hold onto anyway, and men do not suffer under similar illusions. So men seem to have an easier time saying it when sex is the only thing linking two people.
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