kmm111 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I've been dealing with an EA for about 9 months now, along with the feeling of falling out of love with my husband and into love with someone else. I believe this is exactly what has happened. I am beginning to realize that this EA has destroyed my marriage and I allowed this to happen. Before it started, there were problems in my marriage and it lacked certain things. However, I believe that at that point my marriage was salvagable. Now I don't believe it is. The OM and I started getting close when my husband and I were having problems and I was feeling vulnerable, now it has escalated into something much more. I knew what was happening, why didn't I resist?? The OM makes me happy every single day and says he's in love with me. He's really everything I could ask for in a partner and I really think we would last a long time and both be very happy if we ended up together. He wants to leave his wife for me (not only for me, but because he's unhappy in his marriage too). But even so, I am wondering if I will always carry on my shoulders the weight of a failed marriage that I feel responsible for?
fooled once Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I've been dealing with an EA for about 9 months now, along with the feeling of falling out of love with my husband and into love with someone else. I believe this is exactly what has happened. I am beginning to realize that this EA has destroyed my marriage and I allowed this to happen. Before it started, there were problems in my marriage and it lacked certain things. However, I believe that at that point my marriage was salvagable. Now I don't believe it is. The OM and I started getting close when my husband and I were having problems and I was feeling vulnerable, now it has escalated into something much more. I knew what was happening, why didn't I resist?? The OM makes me happy every single day and says he's in love with me. He's really everything I could ask for in a partner and I really think we would last a long time and both be very happy if we ended up together. He wants to leave his wife for me (not only for me, but because he's unhappy in his marriage too). But even so, I am wondering if I will always carry on my shoulders the weight of a failed marriage that I feel responsible for? Let's say for arguments sake that the MM is lying to you and you find out he is actually quite happy in his marriage. Are you still unhappy enough in your marriage to end it? Are you going to take the steps necessary to end your marriage? Or will you just have another affair? Why don't you just end your marriage if you are so unhappy or are you waiting for the MM to leave his wife and THEN you will leave your marriage? what will happen if the MM never leaves his marriage? Instead of waiting for some MAN to make you happy, how about looking within and making yourself happy. If you want out of your marriage - get out. Maybe the MM will leave his marriage, maybe he won't. But don't focus on him - focus on yourself. And do you plan to let your H know that you have been cheating on him? Did you use protection? Have you had sex with your H since starting this affair?
Author kmm111 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 We haven't had sex and agreed that we will not until we are both out of our marriages, if that ever happens. It's not like I am miserable in my marriage. I am ok, but I see him as mainly a friend. Even before I met the OM, I enjoyed cuddling with my husband, but not having sex. This was one of the problems we were dealing with, along with the fact that he can be condascending to me and treat me like his child. Was this enough for me to leave the marriage? No way..not yet at least. However, those problems (which still exist), along with the feeling that I'm in love with someone else make me think otherwise now.
fooled once Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 We haven't had sex and agreed that we will not until we are both out of our marriages, if that ever happens. It's not like I am miserable in my marriage. I am ok, but I see him as mainly a friend. Even before I met the OM, I enjoyed cuddling with my husband, but not having sex. This was one of the problems we were dealing with, along with the fact that he can be condascending to me and treat me like his child. Was this enough for me to leave the marriage? No way..not yet at least. However, those problems (which still exist), along with the feeling that I'm in love with someone else make me think otherwise now. You don't think being in love with someone else is a reason to end your marriage??? Have you and your H gone to marriage counseling to deal with your issues? If your marriage was okay, then why are you involving yourself with someone else? I am very confused....
whichwayisup Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 It's sad, deep down that love is there for your husband, but it's easier for you to continue to bury your feelings for your H, become more detached from him. Reguardless of what MM does, should not affect what you do with your own marriage. Be OK alonte, again - Reguardless if MM leaves his wife or not. My meaning again of it's sad - One day you might truly regret walking away from your marriage and not trying to fix it without MM in your life. An EA for 9 months you can get over. A marriage? Not so easy to get over, even though right now you can't see this because of your emotions and MM in your heart. Think back of everything in your marriage, your H, all the good stuff. Family, friends, the life you two built. Isn't it worth salvaging? Or are you willing to throw it all away for 'a what if'? This is why I ask if you're OK to be ALONE, reguardless of what happens with MM.
Passion4Life Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) I've been dealing with an EA for about 9 months now, along with the feeling of falling out of love with my husband and into love with someone else. I believe this is exactly what has happened. I am beginning to realize that this EA has destroyed my marriage and I allowed this to happen. Before it started, there were problems in my marriage and it lacked certain things. However, I believe that at that point my marriage was salvagable. Now I don't believe it is. The OM and I started getting close when my husband and I were having problems and I was feeling vulnerable, now it has escalated into something much more. I knew what was happening, why didn't I resist?? The OM makes me happy every single day and says he's in love with me. He's really everything I could ask for in a partner and I really think we would last a long time and both be very happy if we ended up together. He wants to leave his wife for me (not only for me, but because he's unhappy in his marriage too). But even so, I am wondering if I will always carry on my shoulders the weight of a failed marriage that I feel responsible for? I dont think u will carry any weight on ur shoulders because if there is no weight now while u r married to ur H why it would be there when he is out of picture ? Besides , as u said u & OM are so much in love do u think u would really bother to remember ur husband whom u would have already dumped by that time just to be with OM ? Edited February 8, 2010 by Passion4Life
1Angel Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Marriage counseling or divorce for you. Decide to make it work with your husband or not. If you go MC you have to get OM out of your life. Quit cheating and get off the fence. Divorce. Do it for you not for OM. He may very well be lying.
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