confused1989 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Hello Loveshack. I'm 20 years old, male, and been dating this girl for about 6 months and we've grown very close. It started out perfectly, she was the first one to say she loved me, etc.. I let her chase me. We went from seeing each other twice a week to seeing each other more frequently, but not too much. She fell very hard for me, used a lot of strong words and couldn't go much longer than 2 days without seeing me. Recently, things have declined, in my opinion. It's very hard to get 1 on 1 time with her, and she often tries to turn our 1 on 1 time into double dates. Her friends are all single, and they all like to party together regularly at the bar. I feel like her friends are a negative influence on our relationship, she seems to spend more time wanting to hook her friends up with guys than focus on me. This weekend is valentines, I planned a romantic getaway, I've been bending over backwards for her this whole relationship. I've sacrificed things and made time to hang out with her, and I noticed she doesn't sacrifice much for me anymore.. yet still talks about us getting married someday. One day will be great, then the next day out of no where will be bad. That seems to be how it goes lately. So this weekend, we have bungee jumping planned together and we are supposed to goto a cabin party. There isn't enough beds for everyone, and since my GF owns the cabin she told me that me and her would be sleeping in that bed. Now, she tells me that one of her girlfriends (who is a REAL negative influence on us) is going to join us in the bed for the night. So I told her I'll sleep elsewhere. Obviously, her mind is drifting away from me. Why hasn't she ended the relationship yet, or is she trying to force me to? I'm on the brink of doing it. However, shes a clubber and I'm an anxious person. We live in a small city where I will be bumping into her frequently no matter what. I feel that knowing she's out hooking up with other guys ever weekend will really affect my schoolwork. Right now, I find it very difficult to focus on my college studies as it is with the anxiety I've been getting from this relationship. I tutor one of the classes shes taking, so I can't avoid her completely. What would be the best way to handle this situation? I really really love her, but this relationship feels 70% me 30% her lately. That isn't good enough for me. I don't have a lot of solid friends to fall back on, and every weekend I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack knowing she's out getting a lot of other guys. What should I do? If you suggest I break up with her, what are the best things I could say? I don't want to end a relationship looking insecure.
Satisfaction Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 From what I have read here, it seems you are not in love with her. You seem more concerned with saving face and the fact that she doesn't make you feel as good as she used to. So yes, I think you should do her a favour and break up with her. She will be hurt but at least she will have the opportunity to meet someone who she can love and loves her back.
Author confused1989 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 I do love her. Where did I show that I didn't? I'm just kind of at a boiling point. Some days she shows a ton of interest, other days not so much. How does it show she loves ME if all she wants to do is get drunk together and go on double dates (where she rarely talks to me). When we do get drunk together, lately she makes me sleep in a different bed than her when we go home together the odd time, which before would never happen.
soulm8 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I'd say something like, I've been noticing we seem to have different interests and priorities lately. I'm going to focus on mine and maybe it'd be best if we take a break from each other to see if we should be in a relationship. ... and then you'll know by her actions if she loves you. Based on what you've posted though, I don't see a girlfriend... I see her stringing you along.
Author confused1989 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks for the responses. I have one response telling me it's my fault, and another telling me what I thought all along (stringing me along). Any more views on this would be appreciated as it's really been stressing me out.
spiderowl Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Could you ask her why it's becoming hard to get one on one time with her? Maybe she hasn't realised it is. If she comes up with excuses or is not concerned about it, perhaps that's the time to say you are concerned that she's drifting away and not the way she used to be. If she doesn't seem bothered or is dismissive, that might be the time to suggest a break to see whether you still need to be together in a relationship. I think it's natural that once you two are an item and everybody knows it, the focus of the relationship will be slightly less on each other and a little more outward, but it sounds like she's taking it too far. It could be she just hasn't noticed how much she's marginalising you and just needs it bringing to her attention. Good luck anyway.
Satisfaction Posted February 14, 2010 Posted February 14, 2010 Thanks for the responses. I have one response telling me it's my fault, and another telling me what I thought all along (stringing me along). Any more views on this would be appreciated as it's really been stressing me out. what, woah! I can only go by what's written here. I got the impression you weren't trying very hard and now that she is not doing the same you were upset. Both people need to put the same amount of effort into a relationship if they want a long lasting one! Its been a few days now has there been any new developments? Did you talk to her about it?
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