2004resolutions Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi everyone, I'm relatively new here. I've been reading a lot of posts, but this is the first that I'm writing. I have many thoughts on the topic of being an other woman, but am curious to know how women have handled themselves after being involved with a married man? Is it something to share with whomever you end up in relationships/friendships with later in life? Or is it something that you keep tucked away? I'm struggling with that question. Sometimes I feel like I can and should talk about it openly. Other times I feel like it's something that I should learn from and keep to myself because of all of the negative stereotypes. Personally, I feel like I've lived and learned moreso than I could have ever done in another situation. I regret being involved in such a terrible, painful situation. But at the same time, I'm ok with where I am in life now because of it. Any thoughts? Thanks so much, 2004resolutions Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 i don't see any reason to mention it to your future boyfriends. with close friends, i don't think it hurts to share that info. but i certainly wdn't share it with people i just met. my 2c, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Why on earth would you even consider this? Even among this rather enlightened group, I've seen those that admit being the "other woman" given a scarlet letter. Link to post Share on other sites
AllyKat Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I agree. I wouldnt advertise your involvment because more times than not it wont portray you in a good light. If you can help someone or give insight to help them with something they may be dealing with, then I do not see why you shouldnt. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2004resolutions Posted January 3, 2004 Author Share Posted January 3, 2004 To answer the why would you even consider this question - it is because I don't believe in keeping secrets simply for fear of reprocussions. Am I supposed to walk through the rest of my life pretending or portraying to others that I didn't involve myself in something like this? I would imagine that it would get the best of me at some point, probably sooner rather than later. Link to post Share on other sites
brashgal Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I would think you would want to be very careful who you shared that information with. I don't think I would be able to form or maintain a close friendship with a woman who knowingly was involved with a married man. I feel the same about people who knowingly commit crimes, I always wonder what else they are capable of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2004resolutions Posted January 3, 2004 Author Share Posted January 3, 2004 This is going to haunt me for the rest of my life... How does anyone ever move on from it? As if my self esteem wasn't bad enough when I got involved in it (which I'm sure many other women can relate to), how on earth am I supposed to feel good about myself now without feeling guilty for it? ugh... Does anyone else struggle with the same thing? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Sometimes, people do the best they can in the circumstances. You did it then for whatever reason. You are now not in the relationship. Presumably, you'll never do it again. Don't beat yourself up, just resolve to never be that way again. How can you feel good about yourself? By setting up expectations for yourself and meeting them. By acknowledging mistakes and moving on from them. I have a friend who was an 'other woman' for a while. She was at a bad spot in her life and he was someone she knew who was very unhappy in his marriage. When she (quickly) realized that he was going to remain married, she helped him to sort out things that were wrong in his marriage (mainly communication) and sent him back to his wife. She heard that things improved between him and his wife. She told me she would never do it again, but she was glad in a way it happened because he and his wife started communicating better afterwards. Go figure! Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 This is going to haunt me for the rest of my life... How does anyone ever move on from it? As if my self esteem wasn't bad enough when I got involved in it (which I'm sure many other women can relate to), how on earth am I supposed to feel good about myself now without feeling guilty for it? Hi resolutions, IMO if you must spill your guts, find a professional. Then you can get it off your chest, and have someone help you tweek your self-esteem at the same time... I don't think every lass who has admitted an indiscretion at LS has been burned at the stake. There are a few ladies who have a following and are looking to graduate from the "ow" status to the new "wife"...so not every situation is the same..but in general, "other women" don't make it to the altar and are not given a 21 gun salute by the LS glitterati. How do you move on from it ? ... One foot in front of the other. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 2004resolutions Posted January 3, 2004 Author Share Posted January 3, 2004 Hi Skittles, Thanks for your thoughts. I have a question, though. You said: in general, "other women" don't make it to the altar Are you saying that they don't make it to the altar with the married man that they were involved with? Or are you saying that they don't ever make it to the altar? Link to post Share on other sites
Skittles Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 Rez, from what I have been told and have read, if you put any credence in it, married guys usually don't leave their wives to marry the ow. I believe if someone wants to fall in love and marry, guy or gal, they will..A person's past behavior is just that and if we can learn and forgive ourselves...WE MUST...then we can move forward to giving and receiving the love we deserve. When I said they don't make it to the altar, I meant with the married guy...But again, this is not carved in stone. One of my relatives' friends snagged a married guy, married him and they have 5 kids between them, working on baby #2! So anything can happen!...But if you read more of my posts you'll see I'm not big on affairs, but big on supporting the gal/guy out of it, so she/he can be happier. You are welcome to p/m me anytime. Be good to yourself.... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 3, 2004 Share Posted January 3, 2004 I wouldn't treat it any differently than any other 'past relationship' I had been in...in terms of how much detail I went into about it to someone I was involved with later. Some people are comfotable sharing more information than other people. If it was an important part of your life....as opposed to a fling....I think it would be hard to keep it a secret. As far as guilt, I think it really depends on the circumstances of the 'affair'. I was with someone for over 2 years who was legally married, yet was 'separated' and didn't live with his family. Breaking it off was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life. I am not in the least bit guilty over it. I am not ashamed for loving him. I am not embarassed over the situation nor would I care what ANYONE thought about it. I learned a big lesson and paid a horrible price. I consider HIM the a**h***....and I was the victim. It didn't injure my self esteem....but injured my heart beyond repair. How do you move on afterwards? You just DO...because you CAN! It may take a long period of time, you may cry lots of tears, you may experience a whole range of emotions.....but one day he'll just be a messed up memory. Don't give him more of your life than he's already STOLE by allowing him to rule your heart. Take control. Hang in there.....there IS life after deceit. LOL! Link to post Share on other sites
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