mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 So here's the deal. I recently met a man at school. We became facebook friends before ever having a real conversation. He's newly single (about a month or so, and still quite torn up about it). In a facebook email, he wondered what my intentions are with him. I told him I found him incredibly attractive, and that I'd be open to getting romantic with him, but that I could easily just be friends as well. He tells me he's on a "womanatical" and that he's taking time off from relationships because he's still hurting over his ex, and wants to experience his suffering and get through it before jumping into anything serious again...which I totally admire and respect. As mentioned we've never had a real face to face conversation, but have a very nice email relationship. We have plans to meet up this coming week. He tells me he is a ruthless flirt. I tell him I am too. We share quite a bit about ourselves in a facebook chat. We even get sorta steamy in this chat. I definitely like him. He says we could probably get "in a lot of trouble together" when we see each other. I agree. So my question is this...I am pretty sure we can get physical. I'm pretty sure we can have casual sex. BUT...I am not looking for something casual. I would love to get to know him and see if a relationship is ever really possible. I respect his taking a break from relationships while he takes care of his feelings. I just wonder, then, if I don't sleep with him, and just get to know him and flirt with him, could he ever really consider me relationship material when he IS ready? Or, is this just bad timing, and he'd never look to me for a relationship, even when he is "over" his ex? I'm a relationship kinda girl. As much as I'd love to sleep with him, I won't because I want there to be the potential of having a relationship. am i wasting my time? Do you think he could ever consider me for a relationship, even a few months down the road when he is ready?? Thanks, Guys!
St. Nick Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Another one of those threads where a woman is all moist for a dude who hasn't got over his ex. Why do women seem to be practically begging to get with a guy who isn't over his ex, but a regular single guy isn't nearly as interesting to them? To hell with wearing cologne, driving fancy cars, and trying to get a good job. I'm gonna get into a relationship, get dumped, act like I'm still not over her, and then I'll never have to try hard to get women again. They'll be coming to me like I'm the sexiest man on the block.
Author mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Another one of those threads where a woman is all moist for a dude who hasn't got over his ex. Why do women seem to be practically begging to get with a guy who isn't over his ex, but a regular single guy isn't nearly as interesting to them? To hell with wearing cologne, driving fancy cars, and trying to get a good job. I'm gonna get into a relationship, get dumped, act like I'm still not over her, and then I'll never have to try hard to get women again. They'll be coming to me like I'm the sexiest man on the block. St. Nick, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I am not interested in this man BECAUSE he isn't over his ex. I only found out about that AFTER I was interested in him. I'm interested in him because he is smart, sexy, outdoorsy, and in the same master's program as I am. We are like minded people. Believe me, I'd be just as interested in him if not more, if he were 100% available. I'm also totally willing to be this guy's friend with or without the potential for something more to develop. I like him...period. I only wonder if he's consider me a romantic option once he IS over his ex. I just feel like I met him at the wrong time, and that I might never be considered. I'm open to meeting other men, but like I mentioned. i like this one for who he is...not because he is unavailable. I'm not that kinda girl.
St. Nick Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I still think you dig him cuz he's grieving over his ex, but I'm not gonna argue it. To answer your question: Yeah, you can get into a relationship down the line. I don't know how long you wanna wait, cuz some dudes take over a year to get over it (depends on how close they were). You might as well put it to him now, rather than waiting for it months from now. You might wanna try casual sex to lead into a relationship.
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 wants to experience his suffering he is a ruthless flirt we can have casual sex wasting my time As I've learned from another thread, it's all about perspective. Here's how it's going to go. You will have casual sex, enjoy it thoroughly and you won't see it as a waste of your time. Seriously, since you haven't even met face to face, honestly, I think I'd have a little of that time before making all these big decisions about casual sex, timing, LTR's, babies and grandchildren's bassinets. Enjoy BTW, would it shock you if he still had a girlfriend?
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 So here's the deal. I recently met a man at school. We became facebook friends before ever having a real conversation. He's newly single (about a month or so, and still quite torn up about it). In a facebook email, he wondered what my intentions are with him. I told him I found him incredibly attractive, and that I'd be open to getting romantic with him, but that I could easily just be friends as well. He tells me he's on a "womanatical" and that he's taking time off from relationships because he's still hurting over his ex, and wants to experience his suffering and get through it before jumping into anything serious again...which I totally admire and respect. As mentioned we've never had a real face to face conversation, but have a very nice email relationship. We have plans to meet up this coming week. He tells me he is a ruthless flirt. I tell him I am too. We share quite a bit about ourselves in a facebook chat. We even get sorta steamy in this chat. I definitely like him. He says we could probably get "in a lot of trouble together" when we see each other. I agree. So my question is this...I am pretty sure we can get physical. I'm pretty sure we can have casual sex. BUT...I am not looking for something casual. I would love to get to know him and see if a relationship is ever really possible. I respect his taking a break from relationships while he takes care of his feelings. I just wonder, then, if I don't sleep with him, and just get to know him and flirt with him, could he ever really consider me relationship material when he IS ready? Or, is this just bad timing, and he'd never look to me for a relationship, even when he is "over" his ex? I'm a relationship kinda girl. As much as I'd love to sleep with him, I won't because I want there to be the potential of having a relationship. am i wasting my time? Do you think he could ever consider me for a relationship, even a few months down the road when he is ready?? Thanks, Guys! You should see this guy in real life. Find a common interest that the two of you share and get to know each other, while building this interest. If anything, it would build a great friendship. Go for coffee and BS, go see a movie and make it a movie discussion to see how the two of you think. Go for it!
Author mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 As I've learned from another thread, it's all about perspective. Here's how it's going to go. You will have casual sex, enjoy it thoroughly and you won't see it as a waste of your time. Seriously, since you haven't even met face to face, honestly, I think I'd have a little of that time before making all these big decisions about casual sex, timing, LTR's, babies and grandchildren's bassinets. Enjoy BTW, would it shock you if he still had a girlfriend? Hey Carhill. We have met face to face, but it was in between classes with only minutes to spare. We've said "hello" bumped into each other at school and both want to spend some time together getting to know one another. Would it shock me if he still had a GF?? Shock, no, but disappoint...yes. Why do you ask?
Author mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 You should see this guy in real life. Find a common interest that the two of you share and get to know each other, while building this interest. If anything, it would build a great friendship. Go for coffee and BS, go see a movie and make it a movie discussion to see how the two of you think. Go for it! Thanks You'reasian. I agree that I'd like to first connect on a common interest level and get to know him better. The sexual tension is there though and i don't want to ruin any chance of something long term by casually becoming his F!%^ Buddy. I think if I sleep with him...I'd ruin any future possibility there, and lose his respect for me. Teasing and flirting are good, but doing the deed...not so much.
Author mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 I still think you dig him cuz he's grieving over his ex, but I'm not gonna argue it. To answer your question: Yeah, you can get into a relationship down the line. I don't know how long you wanna wait, cuz some dudes take over a year to get over it (depends on how close they were). You might as well put it to him now, rather than waiting for it months from now. You might wanna try casual sex to lead into a relationship. I'm afraid that having casual sex will just be a distraction for him and that when he is finally ready for a relationship, he won't consider me. If he wants to go get laid as a rebound...I'd be fine with him doing that...just not w/ me.
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Thanks You'reasian. I agree that I'd like to first connect on a common interest level and get to know him better. The sexual tension is there though and i don't want to ruin any chance of something long term by casually becoming his F!%^ Buddy. I think if I sleep with him...I'd ruin any future possibility there, and lose his respect for me. Teasing and flirting are good, but doing the deed...not so much. Sleeping together too soon can fast forward a relationship before its ready to take off. Good idea. Tease! Flirt! Make sure you are getting accquainted though.
Twenty-ten Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 mcpexa don't do it. You won't have anything more than a physical fling, he has already told you he is not emotionally ready for anything serious. Listen to a man when he tells you that, he will not change his mind no matter how much your rock in bed. You will get hurt if you do. The writing is on the wall, read it. I wouldn't even waste anymore time flirting with him on FB you will only get yourself deeper into confusion and any sign you see of him that plays out "hopeful" will lead you to make a wrong decision. It won't work with this guy, trust him.
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Hey Carhill. We have met face to face, but it was in between classes with only minutes to spare. We've said "hello" bumped into each other at school and both want to spend some time together getting to know one another. Would it shock me if he still had a GF?? Shock, no, but disappoint...yes. Why do you ask? Sorry, I misunderstood the lack of face to face conversation as quoted in your OP. As to the girlfriend, just an instinct. Something about his methodology, especially now that I know you've met face to face, strikes me as off. Happy to be wrong
Twenty-ten Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Sleeping together too soon can fast forward a relationship before its ready to take off. Good idea. Tease! Flirt! Make sure you are getting accquainted though. Terrible idea, all that will do is fastforward her into sleeping with him especially since the sexual tension is already there. He will say and do things that she will interpret as him coming around on his initial stance and then after she sleeps with him she will be at a loss for why she can't have a relationship with him, when it was clear all along he was never going to have one. Stop with the flirting and stop making yourself vulnerable to this game, he will take what he can get from you, which is sex and that is all you will get out of this situation. You've already made it clear you want more so stop barking up this tree.
Author mcpexa Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 mcpexa don't do it. You won't have anything more than a physical fling, he has already told you he is not emotionally ready for anything serious. Listen to a man when he tells you that, he will not change his mind no matter how much your rock in bed. You will get hurt if you do. The writing is on the wall, read it. I wouldn't even waste anymore time flirting with him on FB you will only get yourself deeper into confusion and any sign you see of him that plays out "hopeful" will lead you to make a wrong decision. It won't work with this guy, trust him. So what do you suggest??? Just let it go? Not even become friends?? I like your response though. it's honest. he's been honest. and I think i understand what you mean by FB flirting and getting my hopes up. I already know I won't sleep with him. But i just want him to think of me when he IS ready. Can being a friend offer that?
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) I already know I won't sleep with him. But i just want him to think of me when he IS ready. Can being a friend offer that? Yes. Be his friend. Get to know each other if you want him to think of you when he is ready. If you're serious about him as in want to be in a relationship, you might want to let him know you are also relationship material and available. Edited February 8, 2010 by You'reasian
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 If I'm wrong about the GF, expect him to show his interest in continuing the flirting and innuendo, and, more importantly, genuine interest in you in real life by asking you out on a date, or whatever euphemism young people use nowadays. Date reports are appreciated.
Author mcpexa Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 If I'm wrong about the GF, expect him to show his interest in continuing the flirting and innuendo, and, more importantly, genuine interest in you in real life by asking you out on a date, or whatever euphemism young people use nowadays. Date reports are appreciated. I'll be sure to update you on any date. We do have plans for Wednesday night though. I was thinking of inviting him to my place...but on second thought, that could be a bad idea...the potential for trouble is too great. Maybe a drink, or dinner somewhere would be nice. I'll let him decide on the plans. And i'll keep you posted.
Twenty-ten Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 So what do you suggest??? Just let it go? Not even become friends?? I like your response though. it's honest. he's been honest. and I think i understand what you mean by FB flirting and getting my hopes up. I already know I won't sleep with him. But i just want him to think of me when he IS ready. Can being a friend offer that? Unless you know without a shadow of a doubt that you can be friends with him and nothing more than that, I would not bother. The danger of staying friends with someone you know you want more from and they can't give you more is that if you do become friends then what if one day he starts confiding in you about other women he is interested in, will you be able to handle that knowing that he interests you for more than just a friend? Alternatively, if you can be just friends and won't get tempted to sleep with him because of all the flirty banter back and forth staying friends could help you in getting to know him better. You sure he is not going back with his ex? It would be really painful for you if you get close to him as friends thinking there is potential and one day he decides to go back. Personally I don't believe in investing all this precious time on a man that could be a one in a million chance in your favor after you put all this work into it. I would make sure to stay on his radar by sending him hello's once in a while but that's it and as time passes you can assess if he changes. I do mean significant time, a month will not bring him around he is still in rebound mode. Staying on his radar without becoming overly chummy is the best course of action. Let him play out rebounds with other women while you are still in the distant picture. But I understand you have your own unique way of handling things, so I am only telling you how I would see it if I were in your situation.
Twenty-ten Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Also you need to look at the fact that he is fresh out of a break-up people are often looking for ego boosts, their self esteem is down and they need to feel alive and appreciated again and sometimes they do this with selfish superficial intent and at the expense of innocent bystanders.
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 casual sex = your place dinner and dancing = date FWIW, it is possible to date without the spectre of something 'serious' developing, so it aligns perfectly with his desire to not get into anything serious. I'm doing it right now while awaiting our divorce to finish up. No hurry. Life goes on, and I've got a lot less of it left than you do.
Author mcpexa Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Also you need to look at the fact that he is fresh out of a break-up people are often looking for ego boosts, their self esteem is down and they need to feel alive and appreciated again and sometimes they do this with selfish superficial intent and at the expense of innocent bystanders. VERY GOOD POINT, here. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I think I'm going to try and be friends, not get overly hopeful or excited about anything. We are in Graduate school and I've plenty to do other than get all wrapped up in someone who may or may not become available. I'll stick to keeping it mellow. Thanks 2010.
Twenty-ten Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) VERY GOOD POINT, here. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I think I'm going to try and be friends, not get overly hopeful or excited about anything. We are in Graduate school and I've plenty to do other than get all wrapped up in someone who may or may not become available. I'll stick to keeping it mellow. Thanks 2010. Smart move mcpexa, last thing you need is to be sucked into his emotional poop storm. All the best! Edited February 8, 2010 by Twenty-ten
boogieboy Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 VERY GOOD POINT, here. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. I think I'm going to try and be friends, not get overly hopeful or excited about anything. We are in Graduate school and I've plenty to do other than get all wrapped up in someone who may or may not become available. I'll stick to keeping it mellow. Thanks 2010. Dont keep in contact with him. If he couldnt forget about his ex but just looking at you and talking to you, then keeping in touch with him while he is healing will not bring you any closer when he is ready. I th8ink you need to stay away from him for a few months, and then pop up on facebook and say hello. I think if you keep after him you will get hurt. I dont think he will take you seriously, or be fully into you. Keep in mind, he could find some other woman and have an instant spark with her even when youre friends with him. I say stay away from him, and find someone who is ready to be in a relationship.
calizaggy Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 My take is he is lying.. If Megan Fox asked him on a date, I doubt he would go on about how he is "not over his ex" The reality is that you are good enough to bang, but he would not date you.. He holds you in low regard since he is chatting sexualyl already, without even knowing you. He already made it clear.. I DO NOT WANT TO DATE YOU, BUT I CAN SEE MYSELF HAVING SEX WITH YOU.
Twenty-ten Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 My take is he is lying.. If Megan Fox asked him on a date, I doubt he would go on about how he is "not over his ex" If Megan Fox tried to ask him out he might be more enthusiastic about going out with her but I bet any money she would still end up being a rebound. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with how attractive mcpexa is so stop trying to make her feel inadequate. Men get emotionally closed off too after a break up, if you have ever experienced true love then you would understand this and that it happens to men too. I would agree with you if he had been single for a year, but he is fresh out of a relationship by weeks. Sheesh.
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