Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 So I went out with a guy I have known for years last night. It was not a date, he came out with me and my friend as he split with his gf of 4 years, 4 months ago and needed to get out and about, so I invited him. I have not seen him for 4 years but we got chatting on Facebook and when I saw him I felt the connection and felt really attracted to him. We spent most of the night together chatting and we stayed up talking till 4am. No kissing or anything but when we were dancing we had prolonged contact holding hands, looked at at each with 'that look' and I know it was not one sided, they attraction was definately there on both sides But it turns out the bugger is not over his ex! Well of course he isnt as you dont get over someone in 4 months who you spent 4 years with BUT it is typical for me. I never meet anyone who floats my boat and when I do he is out of bounds! They split up as they were not getting on at all and kept arguing so it was a mutual breakup but they still talk every now and then There was I at 4am telling him he should get back with her before she meets someone else ... I wish I hadnt said that now haha Grrrr Thoughts?
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 So I went out with a guy I have known for years last night. It was not a date, he came out with me and my friend as he split with his gf of 4 years, 4 months ago and needed to get out and about, so I invited him. I have not seen him for 4 years but we got chatting on Facebook and when I saw him I felt the connection and felt really attracted to him. We spent most of the night together chatting and we stayed up talking till 4am. No kissing or anything but when we were dancing we had prolonged contact holding hands, looked at at each with 'that look' and I know it was not one sided, they attraction was definately there on both sides But it turns out the bugger is not over his ex! Well of course he isnt as you dont get over someone in 4 months who you spent 4 years with BUT it is typical for me. I never meet anyone who floats my boat and when I do he is out of bounds! They split up as they were not getting on at all and kept arguing so it was a mutual breakup but they still talk every now and then There was I at 4am telling him he should get back with her before she meets someone else ... I wish I hadnt said that now haha Grrrr Thoughts? I don't talk to ex-es - although I'm on speaking terms with some. Its good practice, I think. That way the person you are interested in doesn't have to "share" you and its fair to them. Ex-es shouldn't be a topic of conversation so soon when meeting a person.
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 I have known him for years, I did not just meet him and like I said it was not a date
paddington bear Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 All I'd say to this is, yup bad timing...but also, if you're interested in someone, don't advise them to get back with their ex! You've done exactly the type of thing I do. That kind of thing keeps yourself firmly in the friendzone. I thought the same 'oh he doesn't want me' and then leap straight in with friendly advice...whereas, you never know what might happen in the future. Over her or not I think it's best to avoid such topics and ditch the friendly 'I'm not interested in you in that way' advice, even when the timing is wrong (just in case!)
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Yes Padd you are right, my nature is very advice giving and I think life is too short to be miserable so if he is missing her maybe he should be with her! I shot myself in the footI guess lol
St. Nick Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I doubt you would have been interested in him if he wasn't still interested in his ex. It's happened to me and many guys I know where it seems like women are suddenly interested in you while you're still trying to get over your ex. But when you finally do, it seems the attraction goes down to zero.
paddington bear Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Yes Padd you are right, my nature is very advice giving and I think life is too short to be miserable so if he is missing her maybe he should be with her! I shot myself in the footI guess lol Nah, I don't think you shot yourself in the foot, because as you stated, he's not over her, however I think it's good practice to not instantly jump into the caring, listening friendzone, even if you know nothing's going to happen, because then you won't do it with the next guy and maybe with the next guy the timing will be right, but you'll be in advice-giving shoot yourself in the foot mode and might then lose out.
Art_Critic Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 where it seems like women are suddenly interested in you while you're still trying to get over your ex. But when you finally do, it seems the attraction goes down to zero. Why on earth would a woman only be interested in a guy if he is hung up on his ex and unavailable ? The women I knew when I was single wouldn't speak to someone if they were hung up on their ex.. They wanted do date someone not be his shoulder to cry on...
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 No you are wrong Nick, infact when he told me he still misses her etc it made my interest go down, not up! I have to be number one not number two
paddington bear Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I doubt you would have been interested in him if he wasn't still interested in his ex. It's happened to me and many guys I know where it seems like women are suddenly interested in you while you're still trying to get over your ex. But when you finally do, it seems the attraction goes down to zero. Women who are insecure will go after men not over their ex or men who are emotionally unavailable for another reason. I should know because I've done it myself and I genuinely thought it was the guys' fault 'why do I always attract unavailable men who don't want me?' and then I read some stuff and thought 'oh, it must be me, I'm attracted to men that I can't have because of whatever my own issues are' I've never had the attraction going to 0 when the men became available because they never did become available. Women with a healthy sense of self-esteem won't go for emotionally unavailable guys.
St. Nick Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 No you are wrong Nick, infact when he told me he still misses her etc it made my interest go down, not up! I have to be number one not number two Didn't you already type: "I never meet anyone who floats my boat and when I do he's out of bounds"? Are you going to tell me that this is always such a big coincidence that you meet a guy who's got a thing for someone else? So you just happen to fall for a guy who is out of bounds all the time? Riiiiight. You like the fact that he's out of bounds and you wouldn't be interested in him if he weren't. No woman perpetually finds herself falling for a guy whose heart is for someone else unless that's the kind of guys she wants. Besides, if your interest really went down you wouldn't be writing about it on this forum like you're so sad you can't get him. Obviously, your interest didn't go down that much.
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Yes my interest did go down I did not find out about this until later in the night Our chemistry was good and I do feel sad that he is in that position but it has not made me like him more, if anything it has just sealed the fact that nothing can happen with us. Its just a shame as the chemistry was there and that is rare for me
Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Not trying to insult you Lishy but if you keep attracting these men over and over again there is one common denominator.
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Yeah Wogs ... maybe I am just as unavailable?
Woggle Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Yeah Wogs ... maybe I am just as unavailable? You are. For whatever reason you sabotage yourself whether conciously or subconciously.
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I have to be number one not number two Tell him. If he doesn't get it, he's not a good partner for you.
Author Lishy Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) He is not my partner, we are not together... I have nothing to tell him I just know I cant be a rebound girl NO WAY! Edited February 7, 2010 by Lishy
You'reasian Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 He is not my partner, we are not together... I have nothing to tell him I just know I cant be a rebound girl NO WAY! Guys cant read minds. Your mind is made up. Problem solved.
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