tinktronik Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 My SO has issues... We split for a while after I just could not cope with his issues anymore and reconciled after he pulled his life together. We were friends for a long time and settled into a relationship out of habit. Our relationship has been sexless for the most part since the beginning and he began telling me that I should just find sex somewhere else.... Well you know what? I did. It was nice and relaxed and not complicated and just normal sex. There was no push/pull, no freaking out and pulling away.... It was just the one time as I was on a business trip and met up with an old flame. My SO asked me if I had slept with the guy and I told him yes. At first he was kind of "self-righteous" about it but I pointed out that it was what he has been suggesting for years. I'm pretty done in my R. I am planning to move states at the end of the summer and head east with my boys from my previous marriage. The idea that I'm done with fooling around with a R that I am unhappy in and is going nowhere has spurred me to action and to focus on what i want and aimed me toward those things. In the meantime, my SO is going to attempt-- again-- to get his life together; find work, a place to live as he can't afford the house, and all the other bells and whistles. I don't even dislike him, I think he is a good person with intentions he cannot meet. Too bad he couldn't keep himself together to have what could have been a descent life. So that's the plan. I had enough. Time to begin to move on.
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Sounds like a very good plan, tink. Wishing you much happiness and success in the future. I think he is a good person with intentions he cannot meet. I've never heard it put exactly that way, but I'm loving it (Mind if I borrow it?) It also made me think: It seems applicable to most of us -- mostly we do have noble, excellent, extremely high intentions...but we don't come anywhere close to creating the outcomes we hope/intend our words and actions will produce.
Author tinktronik Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Sounds like a very good plan, tink. Wishing you much happiness and success in the future. I've never heard it put exactly that way, but I'm loving it (Mind if I borrow it?) It also made me think: It seems applicable to most of us -- mostly we do have noble, excellent, extremely high intentions...but we don't come anywhere close to creating the outcomes we hope/intend our words and actions will produce. Thanks! Borrow away! I agree that most of us have good intentions but are just not able to create them. I know everything is going to be okay with me. My only real concern is that he will attempt to draw me back in with his helplessness. I am always a sucker for the underdog but can't emotionally afford to stay tangled up in this way.
Author tinktronik Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Dang. If I knew you were up for that... lol. It really was just like a breath of fresh air to have normal, wanted from both parties, sex. No tension other than sexual tension. It really made me realize how much I've been missing.
tigereyes1428 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 i'll bet - out of curiosity - what do you mean by "no pulling away" etc
Author tinktronik Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 i'll bet - out of curiosity - what do you mean by "no pulling away" etc sex dodging. It was like his mission to recoil from anything that could even maybe lead to sex. I don't even think he did it knowingly; he just did it consistently. If I made an advance to kiss or cuddle or anything he would suddenly be distracted or need to talk about something else or be sooo busy. We have had convos about that he believes he was born asexual and how he's never really had much interest in sex other that with one of his ex's who was drastically mentally ill and approached sex from a very strange standpoint. I think he just has some very F***** up issues all the way around.
tigereyes1428 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 really?? that must have been very difficult - i would have found that very hard to deal with - sex is very important for me - its the intimacy also - and to know my partner wants me - i am glad you had satisfaction from this other person as now your opinions on what your prepared to accept will change - life is too short x
Author tinktronik Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) really?? that must have been very difficult - i would have found that very hard to deal with - sex is very important for me - its the intimacy also - and to know my partner wants me - i am glad you had satisfaction from this other person as now your opinions on what your prepared to accept will change - life is too short x I think sex and intimacy is part of being a healthy adult. I don't know why so many people dislike it. I have been on threads here for years about men who's wives haven't had sex with them for years and I can relate. Usually there is some underlying trauma behind it but I don't think so in my case. My SO seems to be like a malnourished baby emotionally, I don't know what causes that. He was diagnosed as Bipolar a few years ago and I have offered a lot of leeway because of that but I have been unable to nudge him towards self-sufficiency and I hope he gets it before I am out the door that he has to get himself together, be it by disability income or work or some other kind heart. I don't really think he will though. I need to stay focused on being committed to my choice and stay the course and not let what may or may not happen to him interfere. As hateful as it may be, I've started to feel like he's sticky tape that just won't let go.... Edited February 7, 2010 by tinktronik
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