Angel1111 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I just texted him and asked if he thought about what we talked about. And he responded with a funny text. Told him I was tired of playing little miss nicey with him. Also I stated that I was calling him at 2 when he gets off. I don't know if that was a good idea because now he knows that I'm upset and heated. But honestly I think he gets off on that. I thinkit will boost his ego to see me ryled up so much considering I'm always quiet and reserved You've given him the heads up - maybe that was good, maybe not. Now he's going to be on the defensive and will have an answer ready. He is much more likely to either break up with you now, or he'll readily accept your idea to break up. Perhaps you should take a half a day of vacation, and then talk to him in person. Calling him while you're at work isn't a great plan.
Kamille Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Also I stated that I was calling him at 2 when he gets off. I don't know if that was a good idea because now he knows that I'm upset and heated. ((Eyecandy)) I would like you to envision this: you're with a partner who you know is so committed to you that you never question yourself over how and when you communicate. You know that your partner is so loving, that he will stay focused on making sure that the both of you are happy in a relationship. That's what you want. You don't want to be with a guy who will act like you're being weak, weird or 'air-headed' for needing to express yourself and your concerns in a relationship. You don't want to be with someone who will use your pain to boost their ego. You don't want to be with someone who will use your pain against you. You want to be with someone who respects you, takes the time to listen to you and actively offers solutions and compromises so that you feel loved and secure in your relationship. Because when you find the right man for you, that's what he will do.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Well we finally spoke today. He stated that he couldnt put up with my quirkyness and said it was to much to deal with. I did cry and plead and re-iterated everything that you guys have said to me. I cant remember who said it but i used the example " what if someone was in the kitchen grinding coffee, and their mate would say " whatcha doing? clearly making coffee.. and so he said yeah people do say dumb stuff like that. and i responded and said "thats my point! its just general convo, not being air headed. Basically he stated that he wants to be just friends. and I told him that I love him to much to just be friends. and that if thats what he wants then thats what hes going to get. he then tried to back pedal and say well what is it you want?. and from that moment forward I realized that i have cried my last tear and i need to be strong for myself. I told him that i respect his decision and I will drop off is key in his mailbox. he asked what time was i going to bring it and that it wasnt no hurry. i told him it was, because i dont want him feeling like I am just walking through his house at any given time. each time i tried to get off the phone, he responded with an " so im never going to hear from you again? and i said well thats what you wanted, hopefully you made the right decision. i have to thank each and every last one of you for all of your kind words. it really impacted me in a big way. unfortunalty i dont have a lot of friends that I can go to and get advice from. i do feel like i came out victorious. blessings to everyone!
paddington bear Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Well done you! I'm really proud of you, I have to say I didn't think you'd even manage to have any kind of conversation. Now the hard bit begins, it could be that in a week or so, you regret talking to him or feel like you wish you could turn back time, so just be aware of that now. Also, the fact that he says he just wants to be friends I think confirms that there was something up with his behaviour towards you, as in, you definitely weren't going crazy thinking that something was up with him and his attitude towards you, and that the ex was problematic, there was a reason, and he's just confirmed it. You have good gut instincts. Wishing you the best and hoping the next few weeks aren't heartbroken ones for you, you've done the right thing for yourself here.
Kamille Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Yes well done. You stood your ground and made the right choices for you. It won't be easy. Your emotions will most likely fluctuate over the next few days, between anger, sadness and remorse. It's normal. Just try to let those emotions flow and remain NC. LS is here for you anytime you get stuck in an unhealthy thought pattern. Or if ever you feel the need to reach out to him. And remember, he's told you he isn't into you (why he had to make it an issue about your quirkyness proves he's got a lot growing up to do... but let's not focus on that). You deserve better then that and you certainly shouldn't give him an easy ride by being his friends Stay strong EC! It'll get better. The good news is you are now free to spend all the energy you spent on him on getting your life back and making new friends. Go out, join a gym, invite acquaintances out to lunch, and just generally get busy.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 once again i cant thank everyone enough..... i know that the next few weeks will be very hard. and i have to be strong at not caving in and contacting him.
Angel1111 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I'm really glad you did this, even though I know it wasn't easy. Any guy who tells you that he can't put up with your quirkyness just isn't the right guy for you. And never will be. I do think that he's got another interest on the side, and he's telling you this 'i want to be friends' thing to keep you hooked in case he wants to come back. Please do not let him. I know this is going to hurt like crazy but there is no future with a man who doesn't appreciate you for who you are. It has nothing but disaster written all over it. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. We're here if you need to talk.
LexiB Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I don't think that I'm stupid one bit. But I guess when I look back on those two situations, it was an airheaded question to ask. With the first incident I guess I shouldn't have asked ' its really asking for pin' ? If he's asking me for my pin number then it must be requesting it. And with the second incident if he said ditch then my friend drove in a ditch. If she was behind us he would have said that. Are you kidding right now? This is ridiculous. The dude is clearly a control freak and a bit of a jackass. Who gets *PISSED* when someone asks the type of questions you did??? I mean not even annoyed, but pissed/angry?? He is either a) a complete jackass as I stated above or b) is a wimp who's just using this as an excuse to get out of the relationship. Either way, LEAVE. ETA: just read the good news - congrats! clearly you''re not "stupid" after all
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Thank you Lexib, For a moment I was blaming myself. I did feel like they were random questions that clearly was already stated. but after speaking to everyone, its clear that a lot of people do it. It wasnt using that as an excuse to get out of the relationship but he stated that it really bothered him to the point where he was frustrated at me. either way . after I gave him what he wanted which was to get out the relationship, he started to see how sumb he was acting. but i stuck to my guns and ended the convo.
New_Life08 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well we finally spoke today. He stated that he couldnt put up with my quirkyness and said it was to much to deal with. I did cry and plead and re-iterated everything that you guys have said to me. I cant remember who said it but i used the example " what if someone was in the kitchen grinding coffee, and their mate would say " whatcha doing? clearly making coffee.. and so he said yeah people do say dumb stuff like that. and i responded and said "thats my point! its just general convo, not being air headed. Basically he stated that he wants to be just friends. and I told him that I love him to much to just be friends. and that if thats what he wants then thats what hes going to get. he then tried to back pedal and say well what is it you want?. and from that moment forward I realized that i have cried my last tear and i need to be strong for myself. I told him that i respect his decision and I will drop off is key in his mailbox. he asked what time was i going to bring it and that it wasnt no hurry. i told him it was, because i dont want him feeling like I am just walking through his house at any given time. each time i tried to get off the phone, he responded with an " so im never going to hear from you again? and i said well thats what you wanted, hopefully you made the right decision. i have to thank each and every last one of you for all of your kind words. it really impacted me in a big way. unfortunalty i dont have a lot of friends that I can go to and get advice from. i do feel like i came out victorious. blessings to everyone! GOOD FOR YOU FRIEND!! Isn't it empowering to respect yourself as you should be respected! I love this because even though it will pull at your heart....you've made your boundaries clear and I am sure that took him by surprise. He thought he'd be dealing with a ditsy cry baby and he was blind-sided by a very capable woman! I am so proud of you girl! You stick to your guns and you will see how the tables turn on sooooo many levels.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Thank you Newlife... I did definately take him by surprise. Like I stated I did cry in the beginning of the conversation, but i new crying was basically getting me no where. and if i wanted something I had to demand it. Ive learned just from reading you guys comments to me that he will never take me serious if I am timid and crawl up and start crying all the time. and so when I wiped the tears away i stated calmly how I felt, what needed to change, and if he wasnt willing to fix it then the door was open. When i said that he back peddaled and said well can you still bring me my piece of pie you said you would save. i know it took him by surprise big time. told him that it hurts to much to keep going back and forth and its time to let go.
Kamille Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 l can you still bring me my piece of pie you said you would save. this guy is really something else! He thinks it's all about him doesn't he? There you are, ending things and he's worried about a piece of pie? Methinks he was testing your resolve. Good on you for not falling for it.
Peter Attis Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 What city do you live in where you never use a pump that needs a pin number?
Hot Carl Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Good job, Eyecandy. Stick to your guns on this one, even if he starts acting nice to you. There are better guys out there, like that Peter Attis guy, who might live in the same city as you.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 that was the first pump i been to that asked for a pin
Jersey Shortie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 each time i tried to get off the phone, he responded with an " so im never going to hear from you again? and i said well thats what you wanted, hopefully you made the right decision. i have to thank each and every last one of you for all of your kind words. it really impacted me in a big way. unfortunalty i dont have a lot of friends that I can go to and get advice from. i do feel like i came out victorious. You really did come out victorious. You did such a great job EyeCandy. You're response was priceless. Classy and smart. Just don't ruin it by contacting him. If you cave then, he will have won. And this opens you up to meeting someone new when you are ready for that.
sid3 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 You really did come out victorious. Just don't ruin it by contacting him. If you cave then, he will have won. Really, matters like this have a winner and a loser? This is a sad view of relationships IMO. Quotes like this sum up the primary reason dating has become more difficult than it had been in previous generations. I can't help but wonder if the heartache diminishes when you have this kind of attitude.
lino Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I think you handled it well OP The guy sounds like a real wanker. Really, matters like this have a winner and a loser? This is a sad view of relationships IMO. Quotes like this sum up the primary reason dating has become more difficult than it had been in previous generations. I can't help but wonder if the heartache diminishes when you have this kind of attitude. I agree completely.
stillafool Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well we finally spoke today. He stated that he couldnt put up with my quirkyness and said it was to much to deal with. I did cry and plead and re-iterated everything that you guys have said to me. I cant remember who said it but i used the example " what if someone was in the kitchen grinding coffee, and their mate would say " whatcha doing? clearly making coffee.. and so he said yeah people do say dumb stuff like that. and i responded and said "thats my point! its just general convo, not being air headed. Basically he stated that he wants to be just friends. and I told him that I love him to much to just be friends. and that if thats what he wants then thats what hes going to get. he then tried to back pedal and say well what is it you want?. and from that moment forward I realized that i have cried my last tear and i need to be strong for myself. I told him that i respect his decision and I will drop off is key in his mailbox. he asked what time was i going to bring it and that it wasnt no hurry. i told him it was, because i dont want him feeling like I am just walking through his house at any given time. each time i tried to get off the phone, he responded with an " so im never going to hear from you again? and i said well thats what you wanted, hopefully you made the right decision. i have to thank each and every last one of you for all of your kind words. it really impacted me in a big way. unfortunalty i dont have a lot of friends that I can go to and get advice from. i do feel like i came out victorious. blessings to everyone! You were amazing Eyecandy. Trust me you threw his ass for a loop. He is thinking about you right now I guarantee it. He is wondering where did "that girl" come from? Don't give in and call him. He will contact you just hold on and don't call him. I'm not saying hold out hope for him because in the meantime you need to start doing things to make you feel good. Whatever it is. If you have a little extra dough buy a new dress or shoes. You deserve it. I'm so proud of you.
stillafool Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Really, matters like this have a winner and a loser? This is a sad view of relationships IMO. Quotes like this sum up the primary reason dating has become more difficult than it had been in previous generations. I can't help but wonder if the heartache diminishes when you have this kind of attitude. I didn't see anything wrong with Jersey's comment. Eyecandy has been treated like dirt by her bf and he deserved to see the strong side of her. I think Eyecandy regained self-esteem by standing up to him. It was also good for her bf to see that she is a strong person and is not afraid to lose him.
ella23 Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 Well we finally spoke today. He stated that he couldnt put up with my quirkyness and said it was to much to deal with. I did cry and plead and re-iterated everything that you guys have said to me. I cant remember who said it but i used the example " what if someone was in the kitchen grinding coffee, and their mate would say " whatcha doing? clearly making coffee.. and so he said yeah people do say dumb stuff like that. and i responded and said "thats my point! its just general convo, not being air headed. Basically he stated that he wants to be just friends. and I told him that I love him to much to just be friends. and that if thats what he wants then thats what hes going to get. he then tried to back pedal and say well what is it you want?. and from that moment forward I realized that i have cried my last tear and i need to be strong for myself. I told him that i respect his decision and I will drop off is key in his mailbox. he asked what time was i going to bring it and that it wasnt no hurry. i told him it was, because i dont want him feeling like I am just walking through his house at any given time. each time i tried to get off the phone, he responded with an " so im never going to hear from you again? and i said well thats what you wanted, hopefully you made the right decision. i have to thank each and every last one of you for all of your kind words. it really impacted me in a big way. unfortunalty i dont have a lot of friends that I can go to and get advice from. i do feel like i came out victorious. blessings to everyone! You handled it so maturely. Best of luck.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Yesterday he contacted me at work just to tell me about his day. Which I was totally surprised. Stated he just wanted to let me know. As much as I wanted to engage (msp) in conversation I kept it short, congradulated him on an achievement , and ended the call. Today is one of the hardest days. I know its not healthy but I took some cold medicine so I could stay asleep throughout the night. I'm going to try and stick with the NC.
Kamille Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 ((Eyecandy)) I'm glad to see your resolve. You are strong even though right now you likely feel very weak. You're allowed to be sad and mourn this relationship. But it will get easier. I for one believe that sleep is a great cure against heartbreak. I would suggest, though, that you either speak to your doctor or go to a natural health store to find sleeping aids that aren't as rough on the system as cold medicine. I've used valerian to get me through some past heartbreaks.
Author EYECANDY000 Posted February 11, 2010 Author Posted February 11, 2010 Well its been three days of NC and I am starting to take it extremly hard. Today I am suppose to meet with him to return his key and grab some items of mine. Everytime I think about seeing him today I feel weak, and figgidy. My stomach as been in knots all morning. I know that when I see him I am going to break down. Also, I promised him a christmas gift but the item has been out of stock. I've always been a woman of my word, so do you think I should still buy it for him, well I was thinking about just giving him the money. I know I don't owe him anything but he has done so much for me. I've done good at not contacting him thus far, but I'm hoping I can hold my composure when I see him. I have tearing coming out my eyes right now just thinking about seeing him.
Ronni_W Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Good luck when you meet him. If you start crying, so what? -- it just proves that you're human and you have a warm and loving heart. Tell him that, if he asks about it. Tell him you're sad that it's ending AND you know that it is in your own best interest to end it. Tell him that you are 100% certain that you are worthy of, and deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, and accepted for ALL of you, even -- maybe especially -- your "quirks" and idiosyncrasies. That is, after all, what makes you uniquely 'you' -- and you're holding out for someone who is gonna LOVE you for that. It's fine to feel sad about the ending. No need for you to feel bad about feeling sad . If he wants to make it into something, just put it back on him -- you're human and you have a heart...if he doesn't get that then it is HIS problem. You can hold your head up and cry at the same time -- grace under pressure, right? Sending hugs, and a legion of Angels as your companions at the meeting.
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