bf thinks i am stupid,

[mem11363]

At the gas station I would have asked exactly the same question. Since I have never had it ask me for a pin.

 

And I am a man, if my wife had asked me "is it asking for a pin?" I would have just said - "yes, isn't that unusual"

 

You sound way to dependent on a guy who is not very nice to you.

 

And your screen name does not help your case in terms of being taken as a smart person. Not saying you aren't intelligent, just doesn't seem to be your focus.

 

 

I am currently reading a book, that states that men don't like to be challenged. And I don't know if that's how I'm coming off as. I trust him in everything he says and his decison making. He is a very smart man, so I never feel like he will steer me in the wrong direction.

I tried to make my point today , but he felt like I was arguing. But all I was trying to do was explain my side and come up with a solution.

 

There is another example as well, which happened later that night.

My friend had joined us for dinner and she trailed us on the expressway , so we could show her what exit to take . I was on the passenger side and my bf was driving. Also it was bad weather , was snowing very bad.

 

Him: Cindy just went into a ditch

Me: what?

Him: cindy just went into a ditch

Me? That isn't her car directly behind us?

Him: No!!! She's in the ditch, you wouldn't see her..

 

I guess if he's telling me she's in a ditch, I would ask is that behind us.

I don't know how to fix my blah moments.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I also have been to gas stations that don't ask for PIN verification with a debit card. OP I hope this guy hasn't eroded your self esteem to the point where you really do think you're stupid. Please don't let him make you feel that way!

[EYECANDY000]

I also have been to gas stations that don't ask for PIN verification with a debit card. OP I hope this guy hasn't eroded your self esteem to the point where you really do think you're stupid. Please don't let him make you feel that way!

 

I don't think that I'm stupid one bit. But I guess when I look back on those two situations, it was an airheaded question to ask.

 

With the first incident I guess I shouldn't have asked ' its really asking for pin' ? If he's asking me for my pin number then it must be requesting it.

 

And with the second incident if he said ditch then my friend drove in a ditch. If she was behind us he would have said that.

[D-Lish]

I don't think that I'm stupid one bit. But I guess when I look back on those two situations, it was an airheaded question to ask.

 

With the first incident I guess I shouldn't have asked ' its really asking for pin' ? If he's asking me for my pin number then it must be requesting it.

 

And with the second incident if he said ditch then my friend drove in a ditch. If she was behind us he would have said that.

 

Stop over-thinking and obsessing over what you should have said.

Those are situations that normal people simply wouldn't blow up at their partner over.

[kiss_andmakeup]

I don't think that I'm stupid one bit. But I guess when I look back on those two situations, it was an airheaded question to ask.

 

With the first incident I guess I shouldn't have asked ' its really asking for pin' ? If he's asking me for my pin number then it must be requesting it.

 

And with the second incident if he said ditch then my friend drove in a ditch. If she was behind us he would have said that.

 

So what? That doesn't give him the right to flip out and be angry at you for days. Normal couples joke around or playfully poke fun at each other when a situation like that arises. For example, the other morning my boyfriend was in the kitchen. I heard the coffee grinder go on and for some inexplicable reason, I asked "whatcha' doin'?" Well it was quite obvious what he was doing. He sarcastically said "I'm painting!" We both chuckled and that was the end of it.

 

He is either insane, or just scraping for reasons to dump you. Or both.

[Twenty-ten]

Yes but even still Eyecandy the reaction does not coincide with the level of the incident. He is way over reacting and treating you very low.

 

You asked how do you get him out of your life when you really care for him and haven't seemed to succeeded in the past? The only way is to end the relationship with him and to cut all ties. It will be hard to do but you must be determined to do it. There is no other healthy way that you can do this other than by cutting all ties with him. I think you are almost ready to do it, convince yourself that it will be hard at first and that you will miss him but that in the end it is the best thing you can do for yourself. This might even make him see you in a more respectful light. You will gain nothing from staying in this sick pattern.

 

Sorry it's come to this.

[Angel1111]

Your boyfriend sounds like a complete jerk, but unless I missed something, how else would you used a debit card if not by entering a pin?!?!

 

I think the question was a funny one!?!? When do you pump gas on a debit card and not use a pin? Sorry maybe I am just confused...

 

Sometimes, you're asked for a zip code instead of the pin #. I've seen both. Apparently where she usually gets gas, she's always asked for the zip code. That's why she was surprised when he said that it was asking for a pin #, which I hope she didn't give to him. If she did, she needs to change it now.

[Angel1111]

Im sure he has, or else he wouldnt be saying all this to you.

 

Dont worry about whether or not he'll hate you, theres no way to break it off without pain. You just have to clench your teeth and make a clean break, where you dont contact him, and dont allow him to contact you.

 

This is exactly how abusive or verbally abusive men act. It has nothing to do with loss of attraction. It has to do with loving the power they feel from belittling and controlling their SO. She needs to dump this man quickly, and never go back. But, he's got her hooked. It's called traumatic bonding. Unless she's willing to summon all her willpower, she'll never break away.

[Twenty-ten]

This is exactly how abusive or verbally abusive men act. It has nothing to do with loss of attraction.

 

 

I disagree I think some people do start to treat their partners poorly when they lose attraction and want out.

 

Your other part of the post is very important but I think sometimes it is as simple as not being into their partners anymore.

[D-Lish]

I don't think that I'm stupid one bit. But I guess when I look back on those two situations, it was an airheaded question to ask.

 

 

To this, I wanted to add: If you know you aren't stupid- never put up with being called stupid or made to feel that way.

 

Angel had some good insight into what is going on, and what type of man this guy is.

[boogieboy]

This is exactly how abusive or verbally abusive men act. It has nothing to do with loss of attraction. It has to do with loving the power they feel from belittling and controlling their SO. She needs to dump this man quickly, and never go back. But, he's got her hooked. It's called traumatic bonding. Unless she's willing to summon all her willpower, she'll never break away.

 

Verbally Abusive? Even Worse!

 

Verbally abusive or loss of attraction, either way he's got to be kicked to the curb.

[paddington bear]

I'm hoping her talk with him went ok...I know from experience people who use anger to control others can easily wriggle out of getting a stern talking to and will use their temper to change the outcome of the conversation - particularly when they know that you have strong feelings for them.

[stillafool]

I disagree I think some people do start to treat their partners poorly when they lose attraction and want out.

 

Your other part of the post is very important but I think sometimes it is as simple as not being into their partners anymore.

 

People most certainly do treat you mean and find faults with you when they have lost attraction. Also he told her to go home because he needed space (didn't he) WTF? He is acting like he doesn't care what she does. If I were EC I would go home and never come back. Eyecandy if you keep kissing this guys a-- he is going to have even less respect for you. You have got to stand up to him. The next time he says things like this to you tell him "Don't ever speak to me that way again." Be firm and look him dead in his eyes with the utmost seriousness.

[EYECANDY000]

I'm hoping her talk with him went ok...I know from experience people who use anger to control others can easily wriggle out of getting a stern talking to and will use their temper to change the outcome of the conversation - particularly when they know that you have strong feelings for them.

 

 

Thanks padding for your kind words. Unfortunaly I didn't get a chance to speak with him last night. When we talked earlier that day he said he would call me after the football game. Well he didn't.. he texted me this morning and we haven't addressed anything as of yet. Just petty convo. Also he's at work so we can't converse.

I know I need to stop giving in. I haven't been to sleep since last night. My head is pounding and I'm back to not having an appetite at all. I'm hoping if I write a email it will help me ease the pain and I can feel better.

 

One of my friends told me yesterday that I honestly need to let him go. And she stated something that really stuck out to me. She said ' if your breathing, healthy, and happy with life, you are already winning.

[stillafool]

I'm hoping if I write a email it will help me ease the pain and I can feel better.

 

Please don't write him an email. Let him go.

 

One of my friends told me yesterday that I honestly need to let him go. And she stated something that really stuck out to me. She said ' if your breathing, healthy, and happy with life, you are already winning.

 

 

She's so right!

[paddington bear]

Thanks padding for your kind words. Unfortunaly I didn't get a chance to speak with him last night. When we talked earlier that day he said he would call me after the football game. Well he didn't.. he texted me this morning and we haven't addressed anything as of yet. Just petty convo. Also he's at work so we can't converse.

I know I need to stop giving in. I haven't been to sleep since last night. My head is pounding and I'm back to not having an appetite at all. I'm hoping if I write a email it will help me ease the pain and I can feel better.

 

One of my friends told me yesterday that I honestly need to let him go. And she stated something that really stuck out to me. She said ' if your breathing, healthy, and happy with life, you are already winning.

 

What helps with me is when the emotional shutters come down. Where before you worry about hurting someone, worry about losing them, worry about hurting yourself...you suddenly don't any more because you no longer care.

 

However, you do still care, which makes it all the harder to have a conversation of this sort, and makes it harder to take the plunge. Try not to stress out about the confrontation of it. Keep reminding yourself of what you deserve from a relationship, over and over, so that you keep focused on you and on your needs. What also helps is to keep thinking of the bad things, imagining him and his ex together during your break from him, while you were alone, waiting for him to come back to you, remembering how you felt every time he snaps at you or loses his temper and so on, so that you remember why you are having this conversation in the first place.

 

If you're stressing now, just wait until the moment is right for you, do this when you feel ready.

[sid3]

I agree, no email. He'll probably read it with his ex.

[EYECANDY000]

 

 

Please don't write him an email. Let him go.

 

I think everyone deserves some type of closure. Although I would like to speak with him in person.

[New_Life08]

First, I would change my pin #. Secondly, he has a problem with patience. Do one or both of you have ADD? If what you do is annoying (and I'm sure it can be)... he needs to give a little too (work on his own patience) and help you work this. That's what love is about. You have told him to bring it to your attention so you can catch yourself, and work on it. But he still chooses to demean you for it and now wants to break up with you for it??? Hmmm... seems more like an excuse to me. Making you pay the ultimate price for a character glitch is not characteristic of a person in love.

 

He is either a control freak who is trying to force you to change by emotional rejection (which is abuse btw) or he just used this as an excuse to get out of the relationship because it wasn't working for him on many levels...not just the character thing. Do you think there is a chance he is interested in someone else? Did he ever show signs that he was controlling over other things?

 

What I am trying to say is even with your annoying flaw, to break up with you over this shows that he has a worse one.

 

Is it possible you have allowed him to feed your insecurities to the point where you see yourself as stupid, while you put him up on a pedestal? If this is the case...it is no place to be friend. Do you realize what most women would have said to him had he insinuated they were stupid? Well, I know what I would have said and done. And I would have been clear that the horse he rode in on was optional!

 

Best of luck to you....A good thing to remember is don't stay in a relationship that makes you feel any less than equal.

[Angel1111]

I think everyone deserves some type of closure. Although I would like to speak with him in person.

 

Most people do but, do yourself a favor and step out of this 'little miss nice' mode you're in. He treats you like crap, he talks down to you and you have GOT to stop putting up with it, and stop acting like you don't matter. If you're going to break up with him, then decide in advance that you're going to find your dignity and speak to him from a stronger position. If you walk in with your current frame of mind, then you're going to cave in. This doesn't mean you have to be angry, it just means being calm and certain of yourself.

 

I have a feeling that he's going to agree quite readily to the break-up. If he does that, do not react to it. Just say, "Ok, it's agreed. I wish you the best," and walk away. I still think he's playing games with you but, even if he's not, you don't need to be with him and you don't need to break down in front of him. Wait until you're alone and then do it. My guess is that he'll try to get you back in a week or so.

 

If he doesn't want the break up, you need to prepare yourself for that, too. If you decide to stay with him if he doesn't want to break up, then you need to get the rules straight and let him know that his behavior and manner of speaking to you is completely unacceptable; that if he does it again, you'll end it immediately. And you must stick to your guns.

 

Forget the email - it comes across as weak. Write it if it makes you feel better or helps you get your thoughts together, but I don't recommend sending it to him.

Edited February 8, 2010 by Angel1111

[sid3]

From what she's shared, it sounds like he knows his ex gf is waiting on the side and he can go in that direction any time he wants. I agree, it does sound like he's playing games with her, besides talking down to her, being disrespectful and acting like a jackass. I bet it has a lot to do with the ex, his ego has been inflated because he believes he has options. JMO

[EYECANDY000]

Do you think there is a chance he is interested in someone else? Did he ever show signs that he was controlling over other things?

 

I don't know if he still want to be back with his ex.

He's not controlling over other things. But he is very dominant.

[paddington bear]

 

Most people do but, do yourself a favor and step out of this 'little miss nice' mode you're in. He treats you like crap, he talks down to you and you have GOT to stop putting up with it, and stop acting like you don't matter. If you're going to break up with him, then decide in advance that you're going to find your dignity and speak to him from a stronger position. If you walk in with your current frame of mind, then you're going to cave in. This doesn't mean you have to be angry, it just means being calm and certain of yourself.

 

I have a feeling that he's going to agree quite readily to the break-up. If he does that, do not react to it. Just say, "Ok, it's agreed. I wish you the best," and walk away. I still think he's playing games with you but, even if he's not, you don't need to be with him and you don't need to break down in front of him. Wait until you're alone and then do it. My guess is that he'll try to get you back in a week or so.

 

If he doesn't want the break up, you need to prepare yourself for that, too. If you decide to stay with him if he doesn't want to break up, then you need to get the rules straight and let him know that his behavior and manner of speaking to you is completely unacceptable; that if he does it again, you'll end it immediately. And you must stick to your guns.

 

Forget the email - it comes across as weak. Write it if it makes you feel better or helps you get your thoughts together, but I don't recommend sending it to him.

 

What Angel says. Particularly this:

 

do yourself a favor and step out of this 'little miss nice' mode you're in. He treats you like crap, he talks down to you and you have GOT to stop putting up with it, and stop acting like you don't matter. If you're going to break up with him, then decide in advance that you're going to find your dignity and speak to him from a stronger position.

 

I'm little miss nice and it does me no favours either. I've hopefully learned my lesson. You could alternatively just pull further and further back from him and when you realise that he's not noticed or cared about this, just stop all contact, or if he mentions it, then tell him why.

[EYECANDY000]

 

What Angel says. Particularly this:

 

do yourself a favor and step out of this 'little miss nice' mode you're in. He treats you like crap, he talks down to you and you have GOT to stop putting up with it, and stop acting like you don't matter. If you're going to break up with him, then decide in advance that you're going to find your dignity and speak to him from a stronger position.

 

I'm little miss nice and it does me no favours either. I've hopefully learned my lesson. You could alternatively just pull further and further back from him and when you realise that he's not noticed or cared about this, just stop all contact, or if he mentions it, then tell him why.

 

I just texted him and asked if he thought about what we talked about. And he responded with a funny text. Told him I was tired of playing little miss nicey with him. Also I stated that I was calling him at 2 when he gets off. I don't know if that was a good idea because now he knows that I'm upset and heated. But honestly I think he gets off on that. I thinkit will boost his ego to see me ryled up so much considering I'm always quiet and reserved

[Angel1111]

 

I'm little miss nice and it does me no favours either.

 

You know, there is nothing wrong with being nice. It's a good way to be. BUT, whenever a person proves to you that they don't deserve that niceness, when they take advantage of you or have no appreciation for your nice personality, that's when it's time to turn it off.