paleblue Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 has anyone out there ever dated someone that wants to wait a year or so, before things go the next level? i have been "dating" this girl for the last 6 months i guess you can say. we see each other about every week or so. nothing has ever happened between us intimately, and i have taken that as a sign that she is not intersted. i have even told her that, and i start putting space between us, thinking i am giving her the opportunity to bail so we can go our seperate ways, but every time i do she comes right back. i told her i am confused & have asked her about her past relationships. she says she has made all her boyfriends wait like a year and a half or so before they really get together. she says that she believes it makes for a better relationship for the long term by getting to know each other first and not jumping into the sack. we just re-connected after i blew her off for a week. we met up friday for dinner and hung out. she was even talking about some intimate topics with me. she also said if i didnt pick up my phone when she called she was going to come and track me down. i am really beginning to think she is serious about her waiting thing and that it is not just a line. has anyone else ever run into a situation where you wait to be with someone? and if so how long? & did it make a difference in the quality of the relationship? thanks for taking the time to read this.
counterman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I haven't been in a relationship where I had to wait a year and a half. However, I know of girls who would wait for the exact same reason as your girlfriend. I don't think it will detract from the quality of your relationship. If things are going fine now and you really do like her, then stay with her. However, I would like for you to clarify one thing if you would, please. When you say nothing has ever happened between you two intimately, does that mean no making out or kissing, hugging or touching or anything like that (other than sex)? Because, we all have needs and wants, some of which are physical. I think it would be difficult if you intentionally have to stifle those feelings. Difficult but not impossible.
Author paleblue Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 we are always hugging and playing footsies under the table when we see each other. her body language is positive. other than that, nothing else. but now she is starting to talk about her sexual habits with me. and sending me pictures of her getting into the shower. nothing revealing, i.e., i dont see anything, but she asks if i would like to join her, things like that. its kinda like a tease more than anything. i like her, she is definitely a quality girl, like i have been hoping to meet. its just frustrating. i have never run across this before. i do feel like she is purposely holding something back.
counterman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 At least you have some physicality in your relationship, which is always good. It seems as though she is starting to open up sexually towards you, even if it's only gradual. Just go with it I say. Have a bit of fun with this and enjoy her teasing. I think this is good, that she is showing a bit of her sexual side. She is definitely trying to keep you interested. As for her holding something back? Yes, sex! Look, if she is serious about this then you have to respect her decision. It might be frustrating, definitely. If you feel that it is taking away from your relationship, talk to her about it and compromise something you guys can do to meet your sexual wants or needs.
Lakeside_runner Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 and sending me pictures of her getting into the shower. nothing revealing, i.e., i dont see anything, but she asks if i would like to join her, things like that. its kinda like a tease more than anything. that's kind of creepy
St. Nick Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 paleblue, any chick that says you gotta wait a year and a half (or even six months) is not worth your time. If she's entirely celibate until marriage then I can understand waiting until marriage. But just waiting a year to **** is a waste. The most I ever wait is two weeks. She most likely seems like she's lying. I doubt there are many guys who would wait a year and a half to bang her. If she's not rich then there isn't any reason to even wait a month. She's sending you naked pics and teasing you with footsie? You're more likely in the friend zone. You're that friend who is used to fulfill her attentionwhore needs. She likes to get you amped up just so she can feel "special". My advice: DUMP HER NOW! Don't wait. Don't think about it. Dump her now without a backward glance. So many women who will give you sex within a week in this country alone and you're waiting a year and a half for sex from some tease? What's the matter with you, man?
Author paleblue Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) st nick do you know how many times i have said the same thing to myself?? on one hand i do think its good to get to know someone first, maybe part of the reason a lot of relationships (including all of mine) have fallen apart in a few short years is because we dont get to know who we are dealing with first. a perfect example would be my ex. if i knew who she was before i decided to jump in with both feet - i would have Never dated her. i would have run. but on the other hand i do think it is a little extreme to wait that long to show affection. its like wtf. which is why i have been struggling with this. on average -about once a month i stop responding to her because i think she is wasting my time. i tell her things all the time, but she comes tracking me down. which you would think she would get sick of doing if she wasn't interested. do i want to get laid? hell ya. but i can also respect her decision if she wants to wait. heart ache is no joke. i just think its a little strange waiting that long. but she was telling me friday -she truly believes that getting to know someone first makes a better relationship for the long term. and i am actually beginning to wonder if she is right. if i am wrong - if i am getting played -i will tell you what - this is why guys go from being decent to all out a holes and treat women like dirt. which is exactly what will happen here if i am getting played. all i can think is this would have to be one really sick chick to be playing me this long. and i dont even know why she would waste her time playing me ths long, she doesnt get any kind of rise from me- what happens is i just stop talking to her - so she doesnt get the ego boost of me begging or pleading. i will not do that. ive never waited this long to be with any one. but she seems decent. like marriage material. so i guess i am starting to think, if this is for real, she must be really faithful. what would you do to have a girl you know is going to be faithful? how much is that worth//?? for me, i will tell you after my last gf... it would be priceless. Edited February 8, 2010 by paleblue
soulm8 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 she also said if i didnt pick up my phone when she called she was going to come and track me down. That's pretty creepy too. Is she dating others? I'm sorry but what you have shared here sounds to me like a c*ck tease...
Author paleblue Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) its sounding like the general consensus here. uggggg i just dont get it - why waste both our time like that????? Edited February 8, 2010 by paleblue
D-Lish Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 It's one thing to wait to be intimate- it's quite another to tease you with pics of her getting into the shower, while at the same time refusing to get intimate. That sounds like game behaviour to me. It's completely contradictory. It's like baking your favorite cookies then waving the aroma in your face, but not letting you eat them.
carhill Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 A real simple rule of thumb to follow is, if a woman doesn't respond positively to your natural flow of intimacy (whatever that is), then she's incompatible. If you like to wait for sex but enjoy physical intimacy (two different things) and she's not on-board for that? Incompatible. Bluntly, physical and emotional intimacy is the main thing that keeps me calling a woman up rather than dropping by a buddy's for a beer. If I ain't gettin' it, I'm gettin' the beer You decide what your boundary and timeline is, and stick to it. Women can be very convincing. Put bright orange on the boundary so it won't get lost in that fog. I'll join others here in opining that some of her behaviors do seem a bit creepy.....
kiss_andmakeup Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You are patient. I would be long gone by now. In fact, I would be long gone at "if you don't answer your phone I will track you down!" It's one thing to wait until you establish an emotional bond with someone before having sex. It's also one thing to wait, for religious or spiritual reasons, until marriage. What she is doing is neither. She's just making you wait to see how long she can do it. She sounds immature.
counterman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I agree with going with your natural flow of intimacy as carhill has said. I didn't realise this until I read the other posts, but it would bother me too. Makes me remember of my last relationships where my sexual desires were still high whilst my ex-girlfriend's was plummeting. She felt nothing for me towards the end. We were just incompatible, from the start. It's like baking your favorite cookies then waving the aroma in your face, but not letting you eat them. I enjoyed that analogy! It's one thing to wait until you establish an emotional bond with someone before having sex. It's also one thing to wait, for religious or spiritual reasons, until marriage. What she is doing is neither. She's just making you wait to see how long she can do it. She sounds immature. Completely agree with this. If she making you wait to see how long she is can achieve that, then it's really immature.
sigurpol Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I'm sort of in the same boat myself. In the past, I've waited..and waited.. for nothing. Waited months, really. I stuck around, and they either move away or find someone else. The girl I'm talking to now is a bit different, and has better reasons than "because I said so" kinda thing. I'm waiting it out because I like her enough. It's been about 2 weeks or so, things are on track. I think the key is to find middle ground between emotion and reason. You gotta think about yourself, but you cant think about it too much or its gonna get you nowhere. But you cant completely rely on emotion cause it might become too much.
torranceshipman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 She sounds a bit crazy to me, to be honest...plus her strategy doesnt work too well as if she made all her exes wait that long, well...they're exes now aren't they, so that waiting around clearly wasnt worth the sacrifice but if you really want to give it a last chance, then meet her and be straight up and say you are interested in a R, so is she? If not, fine, you're moving on, if yes, then we start dating. She either likes you or she doesnt...
lab_brat Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I've waited up to 8 weeks (really depends on the tone of the relationship and how often you see one another), a year and a half sounds extreme. Ask her about her past relationships, how many has she had? How long did they last?? There's gotta be some logic behind it? And if she wants tyo wait for 1.5 years, why is she sending you flirty pre-shower pics and telling you about her sexual habits? If she expects you to treat her seriously and not sleep together for another year, she shouldn't be sending mixed messages and being a tease. I think if you can deal with it, fine, If not, maybe have a talk with her about how sex is an important part of an adult relationship for you. Nothing wrong with that.
Author paleblue Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 You guys are right. This Blows. I Find Myself In Yet Another Ridiculous Relationship. Look, but don’t touch…. Uggg.
Barky Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Everybody gets the run-around once in his life like the OP. The trick is to learn from it make sure it truly is only once.
sid3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 She does sound crazy, besides within a year and a half you are bound to meet another girl that you'll want to shag
Author paleblue Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 ive had enough. i told her to get lost tonight. i have expressed my concerns in the past, but tonight i defiantely told her to just get lost. kinda feels good. sucks, but it seems like its better off this way. i think i was trying to fool myself into thinking it was good when in reality i always had this little voice telling me something was messed up. here i go again, when is this going to stop.
USMCHokie Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 ive had enough. i told her to get lost tonight. i have expressed my concerns in the past, but tonight i defiantely told her to just get lost. kinda feels good. sucks, but it seems like its better off this way. i think i was trying to fool myself into thinking it was good when in reality i always had this little voice telling me something was messed up. here i go again, when is this going to stop. This pleases me. You done good.
Author paleblue Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) thanks Hokie. thanks for the support. and everyone else too. she was trying to tell me this morning that i am childish and i am sour and this and that. i told her all i wanted her to do was talk to me. and she wont even do that. i said you know i have been asking you to just talk and you refuse. and that just hanging out once every couple weeks for a bite to eat is ridiculous. nothing is progressing. i told her the way she approaches relationships is ridiculous. i told her she wasnt being fair, and i told her i was interested but since you dont want to step up than good bye, no big deal. i have said the same thing to her that torranceshipman hit on - that her strategy for relationships doesnt seem to work so well, because if it did than she wouldnt be single. of course she completely disagreed with me. but if it worked so dam great than why has every single guy in her life left her. which is true. and i mean every single guy she has ever been with leaves her. i almost feel bad, but you just cant talk to the girl. its just like all you guys were saying. i feel bad but i do feel proud of myself that i said step up or hit the road. enough is enough. my god. oh ya, and to top if all off, she tried using her daughter as an excuse why she cant be around!!! i told her that is riciulous also and dont use your daughter as an excuse. Completely aggrivating. not sure if i will hear from her again. but if i do it will be her initiating the contact. i am going no contact. period. i have deleted all her numbers. and all her messages. i dont have FB or any thing. so this should be easy to move on from. so now , ya, exactly... Launch... next please... Edited February 9, 2010 by paleblue
phineas Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 just out of curiosity who was paying when you did go out?
Recommended Posts