Low Self-Esteem keeps getting lower. read.Male.

[trojans10]

right now i am a sophmore at a nice university. i have always been the quiet/shy kid growing up due to many things up until now. I am 20 years old now.

 

1.) I was afraid to try new things, and parents never really forced me to try anything new.

 

2.) I had ******* friends who would always make fun of me because i was quiet.

 

3.)Had quite a few friends that would make fun of me because I started to develop a recceding hairline when i was young. So i started wearing a hat 24/7 for the past since 6th grade. Honestly alot of people have never seen me without a hat. I would skip class presentations because I did not want to take my hat off for the presentation. I would fake sick before church. I didn't even think twice about going to prom. During high-school it got to the point wear these people knew me so well, that it was normal to laugh if my hat fell of or what not. I now have a shaved head, which i definenlty can pull off, but i hate it and still wear a hat.

 

4.) i also have a larger nose, its more of a curved nose. I have contemplated a nose job. it was so serious that i took money out of the bank and told my parents i wanted it done. Well, im not doing that anymore, kind of re thought about it and it was a stupid idea.

family/life

I have a great family, parents have always been there for me. I was a good athlete in highschool. played basketball and baseball. was going to play college ball, but decided not to and went to a nice university.\

Girls

I have never had a girlfriend. I went to a whorehouse in nevada with some friends, and lost my viriginty last year. when i was 19. I am really shy with girls, and i have anxiety atacks when it comes to them in certain situations.

 

Meds

Went to counsleor last year in school, and was prescribed zoloft for my social anxiety. I stopped taking that after i couldn't even jack-off. I kept going to the counlelor but we never really got anywhere for a year, and i gave up.

 

current

I still wear a hat 24/7...right now im on my beanie phaze because its cold outside. club baseball starts up here in a week. i have been getting really bad grades. i smoke weed daily. (it helps me sleep and chill out). ive been getting really mad when people make negative comments about me, im starting to take it personal. (i think because i never stood up to anyone when i was young) Im pissing off all my friends now. I really dont even have any, just some people i smoke with and my roommate im good friends with.

 

I want to get a job to help with my free time but i always have negative thoughts when i think of working because you cant wear hats in a professional setting, so i never apply places.( during high school i had a job for 3 yrs where i could wear a hat all the time).

 

As for girls it has gotten a little better.....

1st girl:This semester my life has changed big time, no doubt. but its like it was just an accident. I took a girl out for a week before she dumped me, im pretty sure it was because i never initiated sex with her. (she was a 8/10 btw, i couldn't beleive this girl was going on a date with me) shes the one who started to hit on me, and i caught on to it and got the balls to ask her out.

 

2nd girl: this girl i am not very attracted to, but i knew she was digging me and i have turned her into a friends with beneifits type thing. but we havn't had sex in a moth. so im pretty sure this is over for me.

 

with all of this said, you guys prob think of me as that big loser you guys are thinking of from your school. but honestly i completely hid all of this from people. i had great friends, popular,but i had a huggge low self esteem. i am in good shape, good looking, great future. but i have these insecurities that are holding me down and taking over my life.

 

This whole semester my life has made a huge change, but right now im quickly going back down to my depression/low self esteem. I never want to do anything with people involved, so i usually stay in my masterbedroom all day doing nothing.

 

Anyways, I know about all my problems and all but i don't know what to do!!!

 

I recently started going back to the gym to get ripped up again, and have been trying harder in school. I honeslty think a girlfriend would completely fix me, but im way to much of a pussy right now.

 

What else can I do? Anyone else have a story like this? How did you overcome it? Plz share....

 

wow, that was long. i rote all of that when i should be studying for my two tests on monday. makes me wonder...man do i have ***in problems. haha

[USMCHokie]

I honeslty think a girlfriend would completely fix me, but im way to much of a pussy right now.

 

 

 

No it won't. It won't come close. Fixing yourself has to come completely from within you.

 

And yea, you do kind of sound like a douche...fix that...

[trojans10]

No it won't. It won't come close. Fixing yourself has to come completely from within you.

 

And yea, you do kind of sound like a douche...fix that...

 

you might be right about that first part, but im actually a real nice guy. I get told it all the time. I just have all these problems that haunt me from the inside.

[skydiveaddict]

If your hairline bothers you like it does, it will project on to your personality. Get a hair transplant.

[trojans10]

a hair transplant is not an option right now.

 

pretty much my mindset right now is to get college over ASAP and start a career where I can look forward to other things in life. But people always tell me to take advantage of this time because it is everyones best time of there life.

[TouchedByViolet]

Maybe you should talk to a professional but here are my thoughts...

 

1 - Nothing you said about your relationships with woman made me think loving, caring or positive. It all seemed to center around sex. You should fix this.

 

2 - You said you look good with a shaved head so show it off for a bit. Some woman love it.

 

3 - Get active. Play the sports you like. You will meet people, it will help your self-esteem, and biologically it will help you feel better

 

4 - Seems like you need to address problems from your youth that were never dealt with.

 

It is very common for people who have issues over there past to come off as dicks, or jerks to others. People can sense your attitudes in you even if you yourself do not. Essentially a negative behavior you have has become normal to you over time so you don't see it as negative until someone tells you. This has happened to me personally. I didn't even know people were bothered by something I did until they told me directly.

 

Good Luck

[minniezz]

 

with all of this said, you guys prob think of me as that big loser you guys are thinking of from your school. but honestly i completely hid all of this from people. i had great friends, popular,but i had a huggge low self esteem. i am in good shape, good looking, great future. but i have these insecurities that are holding me down and taking over my life.

 

I recently started going back to the gym to get ripped up again, and have been trying harder in school. I honeslty think a girlfriend would completely fix me, but im way to much of a pussy right now.

Try something new dude. Get out there, show the world what you got. If anyone makes fun of you, tell em to get lost. You are what you are no matter what people think. Be yourself :]

No one can fix you unless you do it. Seriously, hoping for someone to fix you is hopeless dude. Just go out, try the new things, meet new people, communicate to them, maybe making yourself a big shot would help to gain confidence (bcz you are new to them, you dont know nothing about you).

Good luck man, You can do it:cool:

[trojans10]

1 - Nothing you said about your relationships with woman made me think loving, caring or positive. It all seemed to center around sex. You should fix this.

 

Yes, true! This is mainly because I havn't met anyone that I can have a relationship with. Im real bad with women. I wish i could have a relationship with someone, but im too much of a pussy.Im SOCIALLY retarded with women, because growing up I was toooooo shy to even have a friend that was a girl. I thought the whore thing would help my self esteem...all it really did was help me better in bed. Then with this girl I was friends w/ beniefits with, just ended because I think she wanted more, but I don't like her much like that.

 

2 - You said you look good with a shaved head so show it off for a bit. Some woman love it.

 

Yes, I can def. pull of the bad-ass head shaved look, but I'm at the point of my life where people will laugh at a drop of a dime if I walked around with out a hat. So I pretty much wear it 24/7. I NEED to change this, NEED to, but I honeslty don't feel right when I don't have something on my head. Its def. weird I know, but Ive grown custom-ed to it.

 

3 - Get active. Play the sports you like. You will meet people, it will help your self-esteem, and biologically it will help you feel better

 

YES, I defininty think that going back to the gym and playing on the club baseball team will help. We get to travel around so that will be fun and practice/games will help take my mind off all these problems. This won't fix anything tho, but it will def. help me out.

 

4 - Seems like you need to address problems from your youth that were never dealt with.

 

True, but I don't know how to. Its all in the past, and I kind of want to forget about it. I tried the counselor route but that didn't help much. It did feel good talking about my problems tho. Maybe I need to head back over there.

 

It is very common for people who have issues over there past to come off as dicks, or jerks to others. People can sense your attitudes in you even if you yourself do not. Essentially a negative behavior you have has become normal to you over time so you don't see it as negative until someone tells you. This has happened to me personally. I didn't even know people were bothered by something I did until they told me directly.

 

I am the NICEST guy out of all my friends. I always put my friends first, but It seems in the end I will always get ***ed over by my friends. I have had alot of bestfriends, but they only last 2yrs and ill stop making contact with them. I think the reason is because I never WANT to go out and do something. For example: I HATE going to parties, I never want to go ahead of time, but once Im there and drinking I have a BLAST. I would just rather stay home alone. I like to just chill and watch TV with friends.

 

Thanks for the post, I appreciate it!!!

Edited February 9, 2010 by trojans10

[trojans10]

Try something new dude. Get out there, show the world what you got. If anyone makes fun of you, tell em to get lost. You are what you are no matter what people think. Be yourself :]

No one can fix you unless you do it. Seriously, hoping for someone to fix you is hopeless dude. Just go out, try the new things, meet new people, communicate to them, maybe making yourself a big shot would help to gain confidence (bcz you are new to them, you dont know nothing about you).

Good luck man, You can do it:cool:

 

Right on! So true. I really do need to get out more. Right now I feel like HS is about to repeat itself in college if I don't change something FAST. I am starting to loose friends Ive gained because I don't go out and party all the time and with girls.

 

The big shot idea is an idea, but Im not really tht type of person. Im really humble about things. I may be better than people at alot of things but I will never act like I am. I like to keep myself under the radar.

 

I ruined my frosh year here last year because I would always drive home (3hrs) on the weekends to hangout with my bestfriend. BAD IDEA, im not even friends with him anymore and I didn't make any friends in the DORMS, except for my roommate and a few others.

 

[Estranged]

Wow i can relate to most of the stuff you've been through. reading your posts felt like reading my own pathetic life

[breakbeat]

Same here .. i have the EXACT same problem !

[In_Repair]

Same here .. i have the EXACT same problem !

 

You guys are pu$$ies too? just kidding

 

The secret? Learn to not give a damn. I'm not saying to be a dick to people. Be nice. Be charming. Be outgoing. The thing is: everyone has something about them that makes them feel self conscious or insecure. Everyone reading this thread can relate to what you are saying, to some point at least. If you think something is wrong with you, then change it. If it can't be changed, then simply shut the hell up about it. If not, it's going to ruin your life. Concentrate on your more pleasant features and other people will too.

 

"Nice" people are usually seen as doormats if they don't also present other dynamics that balance people's perceptions. I'm nice too, as nice as I can be actually, but I'm also quick to point out when others aren't being nice, and then I'm no longer nice.

 

Don't take all of the info given to heart, as some of it borders on mind game territory... but do a search for "No More Mr.Niceguy". It's a book, but there is also a discussion board that was started by the author. Go there and do some reading.

Edited February 20, 2010 by In_Repair
typos

[minniezz]

Right on! So true. I really do need to get out more. Right now I feel like HS is about to repeat itself in college if I don't change something FAST. I am starting to loose friends Ive gained because I don't go out and party all the time and with girls.

 

The big shot idea is an idea, but Im not really tht type of person. Im really humble about things. I may be better than people at alot of things but I will never act like I am. I like to keep myself under the radar.

 

I ruined my frosh year here last year because I would always drive home (3hrs) on the weekends to hangout with my bestfriend. BAD IDEA, im not even friends with him anymore and I didn't make any friends in the DORMS, except for my roommate and a few others.

 

 

You know, i wasn't suggesting you to lie but like :

1st - You are a humble type of person, so i guess you would really appreciate the people who give you hug (literally and figuaratively) and real friendships so just forget the ones that you called best friends b4 ( cz the bad idea thingie)

2nd - Just try to improve your self-esteem. Stay active and get ready for the new opportunities that show up to you. In this case, i think ima suggest you to watch the "Yes man" movie. Its a good one. It made me think a bit after i finished it.

 

Thats all i can say for now. Pm me if you have any further problems

Good luck buddy.

[Ross PK]

And yea, you do kind of sound like a douche...fix that...

 

Well I'm sure that helped raise his self esteem.

[Ninita]

I just don't get it how guys with low self-esteem turn out to act like idiots. If you want a girlfriend, why on earth would you go and sleep with prostitutes and then go out with a girl you don't even like, when you know she likes you, to have sex with her? I'm sorry but if I knew a guy was doing either of these, no chance I'd ever go out with him: in fact I've broken up with more than just one guy over this kind of stuff. I know a lot of guys do these things but it's not a justification. It won't make you a better person to be an ********* with girls, quite on the contrary, it won't give you a better self-esteem and won't get you a self-respecting girlfriend either, and presumably the best girls are the ones who like themselves enough to find a guy who respects them and women generally.

I'd say, fix your issues first, before trying to find a girlfriend. I know from my own experience, because I've done this to guys, that if you just try to go out with someone because you think they'll make you like yourself better, you'll end up feeling even worse in the end. Besides it's not fair to the person you are going out with. First you need to have something to give them too, not just your problems!

Having said that, I think it's great that you're trying to do something to change things!

Why don't you just take a month or two, where you decide to not try and get attention from girls to make yourself feel better, but instead think about what you really want, who you are and how you can be the person who you want to be. Focusing on your studies, improving your grades, exercising, getting a haircut etc. would be more productive ways to change things I think. And learn to respect girls a bit more too, so they'll have more of an incentive to go out with you.

[DolceVenganza]

You sound very much like 2 close friends of mine. They are brothers. The younger one just met his first GF, but until that point he was miserable. I believe it was because she found good in him that he never saw. The downside is if /when she leaves him, so does his happiness, self confidence, and basically his life.

 

The older one is over 30 and never had a gf nor had sex. He puts no effort into himself, so why would any woman of worth put anything into him? He has black teeth, works no job or minor jobs despite having various carpentry skills, and never takes care of his appearance. He's a 'nice' guy...

 

BUT, being a NICE person is someone who is being a SUCK UP FOR LACK OF SELF-WORTH AND CONFIDENCE.

 

You know what nice really is?

 

It's doing what is difficult when other's won't. It's being useful, without trying to be a SUCKUP just to have friends or a girlfriend; people also hate that. A tag-along suckup that has no self-worth. Why?

 

Because when you are NICE to a person, a person likes to feel it is an EQUAL EXCHANGE of VALUED PERSONS. Meaning, if someone who is depressed or has issues provides assistance, it comes across as if it's the only thing they can do because they know nothing else, think nothing else, believe nothing else. However, if I have friends I truly respect, care about, who have boundaries and self-confidence HELP me, then I am respectful of their time, give back, and perhaps I'll give 'em a beer and make sure I help them out.

 

I had a supposed "nice" friend. He went so far as stealing expensive steaks for me, defending me for no reason, and being there at every beck and call; and I never abused our friendship, but his emotional and mental issues caused HIM to be abusive back. He tried to take a girl I was dating and he would inadvertantly flip out. We are no longer friends.

 

People using the term NICE really don't get it. They are nice, but can be deceitful. They pitch you that they are nice, but you never know where you stand with them. Moreover, it has no substance. There's no PERSON or being behind NICE - it implies you do whatever that person asks of you.

 

AND WOMEN DO NOT WANT THAT. Regardless of what pop culture or confused females say, WOMEN WANT TO BE LEAD, APPROACHED, and *****ED. YES BANGED outright. Sure, they may want to have a "say" in things like decorating a home, but they don't want to tell you HOW to buy that home. They don't want the responsibility of making BIG choices - that's why most women love men. I'd say in a relationship, men make the big choices and deal with the fallout and problem solving, while women will make the small ones. Moreover, most guys can make snap decisions better and faster and get acting, which corrects tough moments.

 

I can't remember how many times **** went wrong that I jumped on immediately and it was like nothing did go wrong. Not only does this communicate women are SAFE with you, but most men CAN'T do it. This is why MEN picking the date says stuff about you.

 

So DROP THE NICE GUY BIT. It's a bold-faced lie. It's BRAINWASHING to the NTH degree. Be a MAN, plain and simple.

 

NOW................................................

 

The only way to develop SELF-ESTEEM is through SELF WORTH, of building value in yourself. You attach too much importance to your body, and if you don't like it, change it. Change it over time. Get new clothes. Get a new scent. A new hair style. Workout. Eat right. Screw drinking - go to bars and get water or light cocktails. Look at all the beasts on Bodyspace @ bodybuilding.com - they don't drink and they are the ones women fall over. The dudes drinking heavy will be FAT and BROKE, and probably have a DUI. Not to mention, they are way out of control around women, lowering their VALUE.

 

If you want surgery down the road, get it, but not at the expense of other, more important obligations. I famous model once said she felt it a shame we can enhance our MINDS, but not our bodies? Sad. I agree. She's an intellect and a beauty. If you want to, so be it. It's your body, you live once. Enjoy it. Just don't believe it will fix the INNER you.

 

That can only be achieved through you MAKING YOUR MIND UP TO BELIEVE...or not. It can't happen any other way. It's a decision, AND THEN a way of life. Being a cocky dick will do nothing for your own success in life, no matter who you are. People will revel in your fall and failure if you are that way. And being nice is lame too. Just be you. Opinionated *******s normally end up out in the cold, too. They aren't fun to be around and everyone has an opinion that they feel is awesome, yet there is always someone who will disagree.

 

Buddhist detachment is about the only way to go. Surfer dude mentality. Life's too short to really care. I know people like to get hung up in politics, and it's our duty to know laws and such, but honestly, in the grand scheme of things, will knowing such things make your day better or worse? KNOWING those things are important when protecting your rights, your family, and so on, but most people are so brainwashed having lofty opinions just makes you seem cocky. It's almost like compensation because you feel LESS than everyone else.

 

--------------------

 

Finally...

 

I tried to help the 2 close friends I mentioned. They didn't want to listen. Mostly I was speaking to say "Dude, you are cool. We all like you. What's the big deal? The only way you will like you, is if you stop whining, go get **** done, and believe in yourself. Accomplish some things, take action, and stop feeling actions have to be perfect simply for you to act. JUST ACT. BE. LIVE. Soon you will die and all the worry and upset will fade too, and a life will be wasted."

 

He just felt he hated his existence. I felt for him, but what could I do? I couldn't insert Self esteem, love, or confidence into him. He had to have that himself, REGARDLESS of his background. Moreover, you can't derive love, affection, or self worth from the fake show called LIFE, not even your family. It comes from within, recognizing your equal to every BEING on the planet, not by looks, income, or intelligience, but through MERE EXISTENCE. The fact you EXIST gives you all the self worth you need. Your worth is not determined by sexual attraction, bank balance, or IQ. Your worth isn't determined by your worth to society. YOU ARE WORTH SOMETHING as a being, all other factors are irrelevant.

 

DV