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Day 6 NC..struggling with withdrawal and desperate to reconnect to husband...

ilovenewyork

By ilovenewyork
in The Other Man / Woman

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ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi

 

Please can anyone help me?

 

I FINALLY ended my 2 year affair with MM 6 days ago via an email. I have not contacted MM since and he hasn't attempted contact with me. I ended the affair as I wanted my marriage not MM.

 

I am really struggling and have no-one to talk to.

 

The first few days after ending the affair I felt almost euphoric that I was off the rollercoaster and rejoiced at how 'free' I felt. I looked forward to reconnecting and recommitting to my M.

 

6 days on and my thoughts are consumed with MM, all the negative emotions and hurt I felt are drifting away and I can only think of the good times and intense love we shared. I am pining him. I feel obsessed with him. The fact that he hasn't attempted to contact me makes me love him even more as he is respecting my decision and is aware of how much the affair was destroying me (I ended up on anti-depressants, weight loss etc). I am struggling now not contacting him but am managing not to as I am so determined not to go back.

 

The thing is I DESPERATELY want to reconnect to my husband and put all this mess behind me. My husband is unaware of the affair. I love him and want him, not my MM - that is why I ended the affair. I am worried that I am so preoccupied with withdrawing and grieving MM that I am preventing myself reconnecting.

 

Has anyone been in this position?? Will it just take time?? I have read DevilInside's posts and I get the feeling that it is just a question of time but can anyone else clarify this?

 

Is there hope for my marriage or have I screwed everything up? I love my husband. I have betrayed him and my vows to him. I want what we had back. Is it too late or will it improve once I am out of 'the fog'??

 

Please help me. I know 6 days isn't a long time to be over an affair that lasted 2 years. I just want to know I am on the right track now?

Edited by ilovenewyork
Meaplus3 Established Member

Meaplus3

Posted
Posted
Hi

 

Please can anyone help me?

 

I FINALLY ended my 2 year affair with MM 6 days ago via an email. I have not contacted MM since and he hasn't attempted contact with me. I ended the affair as I wanted my marriage not MM.

 

 

Good for you for making the choice to end the affair!:)

 

 

 

6 days on and my thoughts are consumed with MM, all the negative emotions and hurt I felt are drifting away and I can only think of the good times and intense love we shared. I am pining him. I feel obsessed with him. The fact that he hasn't attempted to contact me makes me love him even more as he is respecting my decision and is aware of how much the affair was destroying me (I ended up on anti-depressants, weight loss etc). I am struggling now not contacting him but am managing not to as I am so determined not to go back.

 

 

What your feeling here is all quite normal. You've suffered a loss so to speak and now you must grieve that loss.. and put it behind you for good. Those feelings of obession.. are probably more centered around the excitment the affair created. The lust, passion and all the missleading stuff that fuels and affair. You need to be able to see past all that.. and realize that your marriage is much more imprtant than thisXMM.

 

 

 

The thing is I DESPERATELY want to reconnect to my husband and put all this mess behind me. My husband is unaware of the affair. I love him and want him, not my MM - that is why I ended the affair. I am worried that I am so preoccupied with withdrawing and grieving MM that I am preventing myself reconnecting.

 

 

Then do just that. Reconnect. Make time to talk with him.. and spend quality time together. Most important you have to want to re commit.

 

 

 

Is there hope for my marriage or have I screwed everything up? I love my husband. I have betrayed him and my vows to him. I want what we had back. Is it too late or will it improve once I am out of 'the fog'??

 

 

I don't think it's to late. You sound sincere with your efforts to make things work. So, DO just that. Give it your all and try. At least you will have given thins a chance.. I wish you good luck here. Stay strong.:love:

 

Mea:)

blinded Established Member

blinded

Posted
Posted

You are on the right track. I am just like you only 2 months NC ahead of you. I don't know if this breakup is final, but I can tell you that it is a difficult and lonely road. I am still struggling. I have many roadblocks and setbacks and at times I wish I could call xMM. So, if you ever need a support buddy, I am here for you. Instead of contacting him just come one here or you can PM me.

fooled once Established Member

fooled once

Posted
Posted

Not to be bitchy or anything, but it took you 2 years to figure out you want your marriage? What was the relationship with the MM fulfilling in you that your H wasn't?

 

I think you need to confess to your H. He probably has no idea what is going on with you crying and being depressed. He deserves to know. If you really, REALLY want to make your marriage work, part of that is honesty.

 

What drove you to end the affair? I take it he is married too?

Devil Inside Established Member

Devil Inside

Posted
Posted
Hi

 

Please can anyone help me?

 

I FINALLY ended my 2 year affair with MM 6 days ago via an email. I have not contacted MM since and he hasn't attempted contact with me. I ended the affair as I wanted my marriage not MM.

 

I am really struggling and have no-one to talk to.

 

The first few days after ending the affair I felt almost euphoric that I was off the rollercoaster and rejoiced at how 'free' I felt. I looked forward to reconnecting and recommitting to my M.

 

6 days on and my thoughts are consumed with MM, all the negative emotions and hurt I felt are drifting away and I can only think of the good times and intense love we shared. I am pining him. I feel obsessed with him. The fact that he hasn't attempted to contact me makes me love him even more as he is respecting my decision and is aware of how much the affair was destroying me (I ended up on anti-depressants, weight loss etc). I am struggling now not contacting him but am managing not to as I am so determined not to go back.

 

What you are feeling is completely normal and to be expected. Many of us here felt the same when our As ended. You ended a two year relationship. No doubt it was very intense and passion filled as many other As are.

 

The thing you have going for you is that you have made a choice. You sound solid in the fact that you have chosen your H. That makes it easier.

 

There are plenty of threads here about NC and how to make it more successful. I started one where I have a lot of tips...go check it out, it may help http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203577/

 

 

 

 

The thing is I DESPERATELY want to reconnect to my husband and put all this mess behind me. My husband is unaware of the affair. I love him and want him, not my MM - that is why I ended the affair. I am worried that I am so preoccupied with withdrawing and grieving MM that I am preventing myself reconnecting.

 

You need to cut yourself just a little slack here. The sense of urgency you have may not be the way your H sees things. So there is no clock ticking. Give some energy and time to grieving, but be sure to do the same with reconnecting with your H. Going to see an IC may really help here.

 

 

 

Has anyone been in this position?? Will it just take time?? I have read DevilInside's posts and I get the feeling that it is just a question of time but can anyone else clarify this?

 

It definitely takes time...however..it takes more than that. You should be actively taking steps to help in this area. "Fake it till you make it." Spend time with your H. Go to the therapy to work on the loss you feel now that the A is over. Guard yourself from ever being in this kind of situation again. Six days is but a mere drop in the bucket...you have a long road ahead of you.

 

 

 

Is there hope for my marriage or have I screwed everything up? I love my husband. I have betrayed him and my vows to him. I want what we had back. Is it too late or will it improve once I am out of 'the fog'??

 

Please help me. I know 6 days isn't a long time to be over an affair that lasted 2 years. I just want to know I am on the right track now?

 

Of course there is hope. You seem like you really want this to work. Takes some of the steps I have outlined above and make sure to maintain NC. You can do this.

jwi71 Established Member

jwi71

Posted
Posted

Please can anyone help me?

 

No. For nearly two years you have been posting this in one guise or another. And for two years you have consistently received the same advice. And ignored it.

 

The only person who can help you is YOU.

 

Last post you were going to D your H, he was going to leave his W and son and you two were getting M...what happened?

 

I FINALLY ended my 2 year affair with MM 6 days ago via an email. I have not contacted MM since and he hasn't attempted contact with me. I ended the affair as I wanted my marriage not MM.
What brought about this 180 in you? Why have you decided to now commit to your H? Below you say you and want your H...so what changed to bring this about?

 

Something happened...

 

The thing is I DESPERATELY want to reconnect to my husband and put all this mess behind me. My husband is unaware of the affair. I love him and want him, not my MM - that is why I ended the affair. I am worried that I am so preoccupied with withdrawing and grieving MM that I am preventing myself reconnecting.
I'll give it to you straight.

You will NEVER reconnect with your H as long as this secret remains between you. It is, in a very real sense, an impenetrable wall PREVENTING the love an intimacy you so desperately want. So you have THREE nearly impossible tasks:

 

1) Separate from the MM

2) Inform your H of the A

3) Repair whatever led you to the A in the first place.

 

And in that order. Number three maybe a moot point once your H learns of number two.

 

Of course, you won't tell. You couldn't possible hurt your H like that. Which is, to be blunt, bullshyt. You won't tell because your H provides you a nice cosy lifestyle. One you don't want to lose. I could quote your earlier threads here but why bother...you know the truth and I strongly suspect it.

 

And you will thus NOT tell and wonder why YOU can't reconnect. I'll tell you straight up your M has a CHANCE of recovery. And I mean TRUE marital bliss and happiness...but you gotta come clean.

 

Has anyone been in this position?? Will it just take time?? I have read DevilInside's posts and I get the feeling that it is just a question of time but can anyone else clarify this?
No...time solves nothing. Its what you DO with that matters.

I suggest IC, MC and full disclosure. Otherwise you will NEVER reconnect.

Is there hope for my marriage or have I screwed everything up? I love my husband. I have betrayed him and my vows to him. I want what we had back. Is it too late or will it improve once I am out of 'the fog'??

See the above. It CAN improve...but you have to do what is NECESSARY to get there. I think its necessary to fully disclose and removal ALL sercets keeping you two apart.

 

Please help me. I know 6 days isn't a long time to be over an affair that lasted 2 years. I just want to know I am on the right track now?
You ARE on the right track.

NC is the PERFECT start.

But you have more to do.

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ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thanks for the replies. I have read, re-read and digested them.

 

I am happy to see such advocees (is that a word?) of NC. I didn't even know what it was till I discovered this forum.

 

jwi71 - What happened? I woke up and smelt the coffee! I was in way too deep, ready to throw everything away, I wasn't thinking straight, I wasn't even thinking....ended up losing the plot big style. Was started on anti-depressants and somehow within time was able to think clearly and with clarity. I realised I nearly threw everything away, I realised it was my husband I wanted. And no my husband does not provide me with a nice cosy lifestyle, WE provide each other with that, in fact I am the breadwinner. But it's not about that. I literally came to my senses and asked myself 'what the hell am I doing, what am I thinking'. I 'woke up' and ended the affair.

 

DevilInside - Thank you thank you thank you. Yes it isn't just about 'time'..I need to start re-investing and actively work on my M, it won't just repair itself. I have been looking up IC today and I think I will go for it. I need help, I want to understand why this happened, I want to talk to someone.

 

Thanks Guys. I appreciate the advice and the tough talking.

 

I hate myself right now.

Edited by ilovenewyork
viennawaits Member

viennawaits

Posted
Posted

4 months since my NC started. It has been hard, but I can honestly say it gets better. Get out and do things. Keep busy with work, home or whatever takes your mind off of it. Spend time with your H if you love him and want to make it work. I can honestly say 4 months later that although I miss my friendship with OM, I am not thinking of us as an "item". I am not tempted to pick up the phone and call now. Take it a day at a time.

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ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Thank you viennawaits....I am encouraged to hear that. When did you notice a 'shift' in your coping? Has it taken 4 months to get to this?

 

I must admit I am only on Day 7 now (which is nothing of an achievement compared to you!) but I don't feel as full of angst as I did a week back.

 

I can totally empathise with missing the friendship - I was friends with MM for years before we crossed the line. So pleased you are not tempted to pick up the phone. I admire your strength so much. Roll on four months for me!

Edited by ilovenewyork
viennawaits Member

viennawaits

Posted
Posted

For me, it was a rocky couple of months. One day I'd be fine, the next falling apart. It did help that he was not trying to contact me and was actually something of a jerk. :p Take care of yourself and you will be fine. I can't really give you a time line. Honestly, I can't say that I don't think of him now. I do. I am not thinking about a life together with him, though. I still feel most days like I am missing a very important friend in my life. That is bearable.

 

I had to make a decision to stop hurting my H. That is where I am at. I almost feel as if I can make a real effort in my M now. Still, there is an emotional wall. I am hoping that starts to go away, too.

 

Whatever you do, don't give in to the temptation to call and email. It won't be good for anyone. We made mistakes, but we have to put it right. If you can't make it work with H then you owe it to both of you to move on. I personally haven't figured out for myself if I can make mine work, but I am trying. Let's keep in touch and talk about progress.

 

You will have to get out of this initial depression a bit to give your marriage a fighting chance.... That just takes time.

  • Author
ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I would lose everything as I would lose him.

 

The words previously written do contradict everything I am saying now - but as I have already said I was not thinking clearly. All sense and logical thinking went out of the window. During the affair I became extremely depressed, lost 2 stone in weight and ended up on medication. The meds helped me, my appetite was restored and I became healthy again. I could sleep at night. Once I was stronger the mental benefits kicked in and all the chaos unfolded in my head and I started to realise how distorted my thinking had been. I look back at my previous posts and I don't even recognise that it was me that wrote them.

 

I have ended the affair. I am not going back there again. Ever. It is the biggest mistake of my life and I am thoroughly ashamed of myself.

 

Please stop attacking me and please don't assume I have decided not to disclose all to my husband. I am looking into IC and am hoping they can help me with disclosure amongst other things. Please don't assume that I ended the affair as MM wasn't leaving - that was certainly not the case.

 

viennawaits - THANK YOU for your reply. Yes please let's keep in touch, we both want the same thing now and can help each other stay strong and focused. Reading your progress so far has really helped me today. Thank you.

  • Author
ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

He subsequently left and started living in a flat near his workplace. Access to his son was stopped and so subsequently sorted out via the courts. Not sure if they are divorcing or not??. Until they do he is still a MM in my eyes.

Edited by ilovenewyork
viennawaits Member

viennawaits

Posted
Posted

ilovenewyork

 

I know what you mean about not knowing the person that had the affair. I cannot believe today that I did any of it. I am not stupid, or uncaring. Was I just caught up in the emotions? Living in a sexless marriage for years can certainly make you a little loopy, at least that is how I think of it now. There were so many red lights. So many reasons that I should have run away from it much sooner than I did. Don't beat yourself up, and don't let sanctimonious posters do it to you either.

 

We all make mistakes. Some of them small, some of them large. I am a MW and OM was a MM, but is now no longer a MM. Doesn't matter. I know I made a mistake. Only after I am single again and healthy from this whole mess will I consider anything with anyone else. So, I trudge through my personal issues and my relationship issues and trust that it will work itself out. That it will be better for everyone involved (MM, MMW, ME and H).

 

Stay strong and start by getting yourself in a better place. I can tell you that the things that helped me most were talking it out with friends that would not judge but would tell me I needed a kick in the ass when I did, exercise, eating right and staying super busy with work and other healthy and productive things in my life.

 

Best of luck. ;)

  • Author
ilovenewyork Member

ilovenewyork

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Hi guys...something wierd has happened - a poster called 'scorpio' or something similar contributed to my post. He was a bit direct to say the least and now all his posts have disappeared. Anyone know why??? The thread doesn't follow properly as I am defending myself but his posts have gone???? Eh??

Samantha0905 Established Member

Samantha0905

Posted
Posted
Don't beat yourself up, and don't let sanctimonious posters do it to you either.

 

We all make mistakes. Some of them small, some of them large. I am a MW and OM was a MM, but is now no longer a MM. Doesn't matter. I know I made a mistake. Only after I am single again and healthy from this whole mess will I consider anything with anyone else. So, I trudge through my personal issues and my relationship issues and trust that it will work itself out. That it will be better for everyone involved (MM, MMW, ME and H).

 

Stay strong and start by getting yourself in a better place. I can tell you that the things that helped me most were talking it out with friends that would not judge but would tell me I needed a kick in the ass when I did, exercise, eating right and staying super busy with work and other healthy and productive things in my life.

 

Best of luck. ;)

 

That's a good post with some great words of wisdom (hard earned I'm sure). OP, listen to that advice.

 

Hi guys...something wierd has happened - a poster called 'scorpio' or something similar contributed to my post. He was a bit direct to say the least and now all his posts have disappeared. Anyone know why??? The thread doesn't follow properly as I am defending myself but his posts have gone???? Eh??

 

I could tell posts had been deleted. I assume someone posted something rather vile and/or childish and it was deleted. Posts that are abusive in nature may be reported by a fellow poster. Alternatively, they may simply be discovered by whoever administrates or moderates this site and the offensive posts are deleted.

lkjh Established Member

lkjh

Posted
Posted

If you want your relationship with your H to survive you need to confess. There are 100's of reasons to do it but mainly you will ever be able to truly move forward in your relationship. If you dont just divorce him, I know that sounds mean but you will just waste several years trying to build something on a cracked foundation

lkjh Established Member

lkjh

Posted
Posted

Oh and I know you don't want to believe this but he will find out one day. He may not let you know but he will

Jeff1962 Established Member

Jeff1962

Posted
Posted
Hi

 

Please can anyone help me?

 

I FINALLY ended my 2 year affair with MM 6 days ago via an email. I have not contacted MM since and he hasn't attempted contact with me. I ended the affair as I wanted my marriage not MM.

 

I am really struggling and have no-one to talk to.

 

The first few days after ending the affair I felt almost euphoric that I was off the rollercoaster and rejoiced at how 'free' I felt. I looked forward to reconnecting and recommitting to my M.

 

6 days on and my thoughts are consumed with MM, all the negative emotions and hurt I felt are drifting away and I can only think of the good times and intense love we shared. I am pining him. I feel obsessed with him. The fact that he hasn't attempted to contact me makes me love him even more as he is respecting my decision and is aware of how much the affair was destroying me (I ended up on anti-depressants, weight loss etc). I am struggling now not contacting him but am managing not to as I am so determined not to go back.

 

The thing is I DESPERATELY want to reconnect to my husband and put all this mess behind me. My husband is unaware of the affair. I love him and want him, not my MM - that is why I ended the affair. I am worried that I am so preoccupied with withdrawing and grieving MM that I am preventing myself reconnecting.

 

Has anyone been in this position?? Will it just take time?? I have read DevilInside's posts and I get the feeling that it is just a question of time but can anyone else clarify this?

 

Is there hope for my marriage or have I screwed everything up? I love my husband. I have betrayed him and my vows to him. I want what we had back. Is it too late or will it improve once I am out of 'the fog'??

 

Please help me. I know 6 days isn't a long time to be over an affair that lasted 2 years. I just want to know I am on the right track now?

 

Now that your affair is over, you love your husband again and want to recconnect. How convienient for you. I'm sure your husband would really appreciate knowing of your affair.

 

Sounds to me like you are running from one man to the next one.

 

You've cheated on your husband for 2 years and now you are asking if you've screwed everything up! Yes you have.

viennawaits Member

viennawaits

Posted
Posted

ilovenewyork, ignore angry posters. They have nothing to offer. I know that people on the forums are hurt and need to lash out at someone. I fessed to my H, and even though it has been hard, I believe that it will allow us to move forward if we are to have a healthy relationship. You have to decide the disclosure issue for yourself. But, if you cannot give him 110%, you owe it to both of you to move on. Get over the heartache of DDAY, then work through your marriage issues. Only you can decide how to best do this.

 

I have openly talked to H about the affair now, and I am able to tell him honestly that getting over things was not easy. I was also able to tell him when I am emotionally ready to work on the marriage. It took me a bit to get there, but I am finally there. If you take care of your personal issues and get to the root of the "why", you will get there too. Just keep with the NC and things will get easier.

 

HUGS

OpenBook Established Member

OpenBook

Posted
Posted
I have been looking up IC today and I think I will go for it. I need help, I want to understand why this happened, I want to talk to someone.

 

Hi ILNY (I do too:laugh:). I wanted to chime-in and say I'm really glad you are going to IC. When I read your OP (1st post) I immediately thought two things:

 

(1) Does she understand WHY she turned away from her H and entered the A, why it went on for so long, why she deceived herself, why she got depressed, why it ended, why she now wants to reconnect with her H? Those are all really heavy questions that really need to be answered (especially the first one!), and it will take some time to sort them all out. I hope you find a fabulous IC to help with this.

 

(2) Is her H open to her attempts to reconnect with him? Is he generally happy in the M? Is she confident in her own ability to make him happy? Is there something that she wishes HE would do more (or less) in the M?

 

You are now at the Crossroads of Sorrow, but you have the seeds of hope inside your pocket. Plant them well. You've got a lot of hard work ahead of you and it takes a great deal of courage to get through it. I hope you are completely honest with your IC and you will not run away when it gets tough or painful to face things you don't want to face, hear things you don't want to hear.

 

Good luck ILNY, and keep posting here if it helps. [[hugs]]

lkjh Established Member

lkjh

Posted
Posted

ILNY,

I hope you take whatever the IC says with a grain of salt. The IC gets paid to make you feel good about yourself even if that feeling is temporary. They encourage selfishness because it keeps you coming back. Be very careful about what they tell you and remember that the IC is a person who is paid to make you feel good.

 

 

There will be no easy way out of this, there are no easy quick solutions. If you want to fix two years of dishonesty and deceit than you have to be prepared to go through some hard and painful work

Samantha0905 Established Member

Samantha0905

Posted
Posted
If you want your relationship with your H to survive you need to confess. There are 100's of reasons to do it but mainly you will ever be able to truly move forward in your relationship. If you dont just divorce him, I know that sounds mean but you will just waste several years trying to build something on a cracked foundation

 

I don't believe that at all.

 

Oh and I know you don't want to believe this but he will find out one day. He may not let you know but he will

 

Again -- this is a prediction of the future which I imagine means lkjh has some sort of crystal ball that tells him/her everything that's going to happen. Take this with a grain of salt.

 

ILNY,

I hope you take whatever the IC says with a grain of salt. The IC gets paid to make you feel good about yourself even if that feeling is temporary. They encourage selfishness because it keeps you coming back. Be very careful about what they tell you and remember that the IC is a person who is paid to make you feel good.

 

 

There will be no easy way out of this, there are no easy quick solutions. If you want to fix two years of dishonesty and deceit than you have to be prepared to go through some hard and painful work

 

Ummm, I'd go with the IC and not with this advice either.

 

ILNY -- if you're in N.Y. today, I hope you have some snow shoes. :p I've made my first IC appointment for next week and I'm looking forward to getting things started. It's pretty basic that you need to know and love yourself in order to share yourself completely with someone else. That is not selfishness. I think if you go to an IC he or she will help you to understand the root of your actions. Once you understand this part of yourself, it may help you not to make the same poor choices again. It will also give you insight as to whether or not you are going to be able to remain in your marriage.

 

If I were you, I would not be concerned with whether or not you tell your husband until you understand what has been going on inside of you to permit you to make the choice to have an affair. Once you understand that, and if you do decide to remain in your marriage -- perhaps both you and your husband could attend marriage counseling. Somewhere along the way the decision will be made whether or not to tell your husband about the affair.

 

I love OpenBook's last post. I agree.

Jeff1962 Established Member

Jeff1962

Posted
Posted
ilovenewyork, ignore angry posters. They have nothing to offer. I know that people on the forums are hurt and need to lash out at someone. I fessed to my H, and even though it has been hard, I believe that it will allow us to move forward if we are to have a healthy relationship. You have to decide the disclosure issue for yourself. But, if you cannot give him 110%, you owe it to both of you to move on. Get over the heartache of DDAY, then work through your marriage issues. Only you can decide how to best do this.

 

I have openly talked to H about the affair now, and I am able to tell him honestly that getting over things was not easy. I was also able to tell him when I am emotionally ready to work on the marriage. It took me a bit to get there, but I am finally there. If you take care of your personal issues and get to the root of the "why", you will get there too. Just keep with the NC and things will get easier.

 

HUGS

 

You could not be farther from the truth. I will be brutally honest, this is how I am. I don't pull punches for s**t. If I feel that you are right then I will tell you. I will also put you in your place if need be.

 

I am not here to judge but she needed to hear another view from an outsider.

 

The thing that I don't get is this; I'm going to go out and give to someone else what should only belong to my SO but when this is over I will pick up my heart and come running back. Now that the affair and the sex is over I think that I want to work on this marriage and am in love with my H. again.

 

I would tell you to not even bother.

viennawaits Member

viennawaits

Posted
Posted
You could not be farther from the truth. I will be brutally honest, this is how I am. I don't pull punches for s**t. If I feel that you are right then I will tell you. I will also put you in your place if need be.

 

There is honesty and then there is judgement with a side of sarcasm. I know the difference, thank you.

 

I am not here to judge but she needed to hear another view from an outsider.

 

That is exactly what you are here to do.

 

The thing that I don't get is this; I'm going to go out and give to someone else what should only belong to my SO but when this is over I will pick up my heart and come running back. Now that the affair and the sex is over I think that I want to work on this marriage and am in love with my H. again.

 

I would tell you to not even bother.

 

Of course that is what you'd do!!!

 

You cannot know my full circumstances or this woman's. It just gives you a little joy to bash her. It is that simple.

 

I never stopped loving my H, but 10 years of marriage can present many, many obstacles. I don't justify my actions because of them, but they have contributed to the situation. Rarely is one party in a relationship 100% at fault when things go wrong. What use is there in beating myself up over my actions constantly, when I could be spending that useful time and energy fixing my marriage?

 

It is a coward that would walk away from a 15 year relationship instead of trying to make things right. I will not be a coward. I have to live with what I did every day. I gain no joy from it.

 

She didn't "need" to hear this sort of self-righteous cr@p, you just happened to offer it.

bittersweet memories Established Member

bittersweet memories

Posted
Posted
There is honesty and then there is judgement with a side of sarcasm. I know the difference, thank you.

 

 

Im sorry you feel this way.. but most of us mean well. Why should we sugar coat to make the other poster feel better. Its better to be honest and give tough love when necessary than to paint a rosy picture.

 

Its good to hear the good/bad/ugly and have "her" (not you) decide whats best for her.;)

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