greatgirlfriend Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Not sure where to put this but here goes. Several years ago while working at the local alternative station my friend "Kathy" met the lead singer of a very famous rock band. She had a huge crush on him as a child and was thrilled to meet him. While he was in town he asked her to accompany him for dinner and she accepted. This was the start of her "relationship" with him. By relationship she only sees him when he's in town. He also happens to be married to a supermodel but she is convinced he'll dump her and marry my friend. She brags about him all the time and though we tell her she's nothing more than a groupie to him she gets mad. When he's in town he takes her to dinner after the show, then to his hotel room. This has been going on for years and it's disgusting. She often tells me and our friends that she's dating a rock star and we are jealous. Sorry, but a 50 year old rock star who's probably had thousands of women doesn't appeal to me. It's gotten to the point that I want nothing to do with her because I find her behavior immoral. There's nothing cute about this. Incidentally I've met this guy and other members of his group and find nothing appealing about him at all (though I think the other members are decent and a couple expressed disgust at what he does). How do you deal with someone like her? I'm sure he has mistresses (that's what she calls herself) in other areas. She's wasting her life and I fear that when she's in her 40's and is no longer cute he'll dump her. Then she'll be alone and too late to start over (she's 34 now).
jj33 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 She is living a fantasy and there is nothing you can do about it. Even if he were single the fact that he only sees her when he is in town should be a big sign to her (after all he is a rock star if he wanted to he could fly her out to meet him anywhere anytime). She is hiding behind her "relationship" with him to avoid the fact that she is not involved with anyone. Only she can summon the courage to face the reality of her own life.
OWoman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 My H has also had "groupies" and delusion is a big part of the picture. Every smile, every exchange, even the slightest acknowledgment that they exist feeds their fantasy. In your friend's case, the fact that it's not completely unreciprocated (in that he keeps calling her for sex each time he's in town) no doubt adds to the dynamic and convinces her even more that she matters. Usually it's people who have lower self-esteem that fall into the groupie thing, and so being acknowledged / "valued" by someone talented, famous or "expert" elevates them from their fear of being unlovable or even ordinary. Chances are, she needs this delusion to help her love herself - after all, if a famous musician "loves" her, she must be lovable, right? - and so she won't register any "sense" that anyone tries to talk into her; she will just see you as jealous or threatened because you haven't been "chosen". If you care for her as a friend, your best bet is to suspend judgment for now - sooner or later it will all crash down and then she'll need friends to help her get over the "loss". But if you find the fantasy too difficult to deal with, tell her so, and tell her to call you when she's prepared to meet you back on planet earth. In the meantime, let her enjoy her rock chick fantasy - at least she'll get some interesting stories to tell her grandchildren.
Recommended Posts