Cinderella7 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Last night, just after swearing off dating for awhile, I happened to meet someone I'm really interested in. Go figure. We hung out for about 5 hours or so with a small group (3 other people) and had a lot of fun. Now I'm finding myself mentally replaying the night before & trying to figure out if he's into me at all. It's been so long since I've met someone that interests me that I'm simultaneously excited and really really nervous that he may not feel the same way. Any tips on how to stop this overanalzying/replaying of his words & actions last night & calm down a little bit? Or on how to relax enough to be myself around him and not be so nervous or afraid of him rejecting me? I haven't felt like this in forever & it's freaking me out!
counterman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 This is probably not the best advice but I think if works wonders. Just picture him as one of your friends (like the 3 other people) and talk to him the way you talk to your friends. You had a lot of fun last night so just focus on that. Don't think about what he said and what he did, and just remember that you had fun. I know it's hard because when you try not to think about something you end up thinking about it. Say to yourself "yep, okay", smile and move on. Next time, just enjoy yourself and every time you feel a bit nervous talk to one of your other friends. As for fear of him rejecting you, like I said, don't put so much emphasis on him but rather on what you can control. Try not to be like "oh, what is he thinking? what did he just say? is he interested" but rather savour the moment for what it's worth and have fun. Chances are if you had fun last night, he had fun too. Nothing more you can do. Sorry if my advice is doesn't help, even a little! LOL.
Author Cinderella7 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 As for fear of him rejecting you, like I said, don't put so much emphasis on him but rather on what you can control. Try not to be like "oh, what is he thinking? what did he just say? is he interested" but rather savour the moment for what it's worth and have fun. Chances are if you had fun last night, he had fun too. Nothing more you can do. Sorry if my advice is doesn't help, even a little! LOL. Thanks, this is actually great advice. In all of my over analyzing, it never once occurred to me that he probably had fun if I had fun. Haha. I'm going to see him again on Tuesday, so allowing myself to relax and enjoy hanging out with him and not trying to control the situation is crucial & something I need to remember (I can be a bit of a control freak at times). Thanks again!
counterman Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Thanks, this is actually great advice. In all of my over analyzing, it never once occurred to me that he probably had fun if I had fun. Haha. I'm going to see him again on Tuesday, so allowing myself to relax and enjoy hanging out with him and not trying to control the situation is crucial & something I need to remember (I can be a bit of a control freak at times). Thanks again! There you go. Having fun is infectious and this is the vibe you want to give out! That's wonderful! I really hope you enjoy yourself as you did the first night. As for being a control freak? I would really love to hear stories or examples of that some time I'll share something with you. I use to go to parties and not smile, which is a terrible thing to do. I would sit there, give cold stares and have a locked jaw. Why? Because I didn't want to let my guard down and let the situation get out of hand. I did have other issues too. Soon, I realised that that's not the way to go. Why was I putting so much thought into what another would/could say or what someone else might think or do? Deep down, did I really care? Nope. So, I just let go and, it is true, my girl friends have warmed to me so much more! No need to over analyse all the time! Anyways, all the best!
Author Cinderella7 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Update: He asked me out for dinner or drinks on Tuesday night! Guess this means he is into me, at least a little bit. I'm really excited but still a little nervous. I'll definitely keep your advice in mind.
counterman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Awesome! He is definitely interested but see how the date goes. I think it's very cute that you are a little nervous Stay relaxed, don't over-think things and smile a lot;) Best wishes!
sigurpol Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I love reading things like this... well, the good parts! Haha. I always seems to get all philosophic when it comes to stuff like this, but it's because I love reading this stuff. I try to calm myself when I meet someone when you least suspect it. It's a primitaive thing to do, to become emotionally carried away. But what I do, after I read this in a few books for classes and for my own hobby, Your mind plays off of two factors. Reason/ration and emotion. Reason makes the decsion based off facts, or the material you know at hand. Like, what day should I plan to go out? You reason with what you have, but it takes time. However, too much reasoning may mean you never get an answer, you're always evulating the facts. What MAY happen, or may not happen, etc. Emotion is your initial reaction, what your GUT tells you to do. But it's without thinking, without weighing the possibilities. That can get you in trouble, but sometimes its the quickest thing you can do. Obviously, in this situation, you want to find middle ground. You want to use the facts (him asking you out for drinks = good!-- haha). But at the same time, thats all the info you have... then you have your emotions and gut feeling. I'm sure its telling you to move foward, be excited, etc. Im sure you get the point now.. just remember to keep yourself in check. Breathe a little, look at what you know before applying any pressure. On him OR youself! (sorry for the typos. I'm typing this in the dark and cannot see the keys, haha)
Author Cinderella7 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Sigurpol, I like where you're going with the balance between reason & emotion. It's great to be excited but I have to be careful to avoid setting myself up for disappointment or putting too much pressure on the situation too early. I'm going to try my best to be comfortable and confident and myself, which was how I felt on Friday when we hung out, even though I was aware that I was developing a huge crush on him. It worked for me then; hopefully it works again. Keep your fingers crossed for me.
counterman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You'll be fine. Seems like you know what you are doing. Fingers crossed
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