Extremely interested but not physically attracted, should this be enough to stop me?

[Hopeful30]

Long story short, he is amazing. He's is me in male form, and much more.

 

BUT

 

I am not physically attracted to him. I am not shallow, but the reason I ask if I should stop now is because, if I make a move, or let things progress to the next step, I am scared that if we get close physically, I will not enjoy it. I would still enjoy his company, but it would be unfair to him because his intentions won't change, and I can't keep leading him on by continuing to see him.

 

What should I do? If I feel no attraction, I would still want to keep in touch, but it would be unfair to him; he is attracted and wants to go to the next step.

Edited February 7, 2010 by Hopeful30

[carhill]

If you're being true to your unique attraction style and do not find this person to be compatible in that way, then end it respectfully and move on.

 

By attraction style, I mean the way you're wired for attraction, whether it be a physical attribute, intimacy, looking into his eyes, stars and moon aligning, whatever. You know what works for you and how you have to feel and when.

 

If you do enjoy his friendship and can share your perspective in a respectful way, perhaps, once he heals from the rejection, you can be friends in the true meaning of friendship, with shared interests and mutual support and caring. Good luck

[Lakeside_runner]

If there's no attraction - the whole thing is doomed to crash anyways. Even if you proceed to the next level, close your eyes and just get through it, it is not fair and moreover may lead to a lot of frustration. That's my 2 cents.

[hoping2heal]

Getting a kiss by someone you are not attracted too is really gross. Trust me, I had my first kiss this way and it was BAD.

[nimby]

I'd wonder if you're usually attracted to people who turn out to be healthy relationships for you. If your "picker" tends to choose people who have the same issues and your relationships are generally doomed because of it, I would want to see if this evolves.

 

But don't wait too long. If you're actually sexually repulsed by someone, there's no reason to go on. I've dated a couple of "on paper" guys for me that have left me completely cold. But then I've taken a break from dating because the men I'm intensely attracted to always turn out to have issues with depression and emotional avoidance.

[Hopeful30]

I'd wonder if you're usually attracted to people who turn out to be healthy relationships for you. If your "picker" tends to choose people who have the same issues and your relationships are generally doomed because of it, I would want to see if this evolves.

 

But don't wait too long. If you're actually sexually repulsed by someone, there's no reason to go on. I've dated a couple of "on paper" guys for me that have left me completely cold. But then I've taken a break from dating because the men I'm intensely attracted to always turn out to have issues with depression and emotional avoidance.

 

Thank you for this!!!

 

I have never thought of it that way, but yes, in the past, those that I have been attracted to, have turned out to be completely wrong for me. This guy is perfect in every sense. I am not repulsed by him, but I am not as attracted as I would hope.

 

Thank you for your insight, you really opened my eyes, thank you.

[Cinderella7]

I went through something similar with a guy friend recently. I was really into everything about him but was not physically attracted to him, even though I knew he felt that way about me. It's such a frustrating situation. :/

[Vasto_Lorde]

I just got through dealing with a somewhat similar situation. The main difference is that I was the guy who had all the good qualities but fell short in the physical department. My advice to the OP is to exit as quickly as you can. That way, no one has their time wasted.

[Hopeful30]

You sound very much like a girl who I know in real life. Does your name start with an L and do you live in New York City?

 

lol no

 

I think a lot of people are out there in a similar situation, this is so annoying. Why can't people just be normal?

[USMCHokie]

Launch. Don't waste your time or his time.

[JimmyJ]

That's a tough situation. On the one hand if it develops you may find that you really are attracted to him. On the other hand if it doesn't go well and you have to break up then you'll have lost a really good friend. All I can say is proceed with caution.

[counterman]

I think you should just end it there and let him go. If he pursues you, tell him you don't feel the same way.