CLC2008 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 My relationship with someone ended after two months of dating. We spent time together, were physically intimate and spoke on the phone and text daily. I thought things were headed in the right direction, except, we hadn't seen each other in close to a month (the last time being when we were intimate). In his defense, he lives 45 minutes away, his work schedule is very different from mine and I had been sick for close to two weeks. But, he had said some things to me throughout, that I could not figure out what he meant by it, and I asked him to clarify, and I still really wasn't sure what he meant. This kind of sent me into a panic and I decided to take a step back for a couple days because I wasn't sure what was going on... So I decided to ask him about “us”, and his response was that he wasn’t sure where the relationship was headed and he had just started dating again after his last relationship ended. Aside from that, I withheld something about me from him, and my cousin interfered and had told him what I was planning on telling him myself (that I smoked ciggies). He wasn't mad when he found out, and he was actually really sweet about it. But when I brought up "us", he referenced me as "the type of person to hide things". Now, I understand where he was coming from, but at the time, I didn't. Again, it confused me because he never mentioned it AFTER he found out, but mentioned it at a time when I was feeling rejected by him (when he told me he was not looking ahead with us as far as a relationship goes). Things basically snowballed from there, at one point he said he did want to talk about things, but that he was busy with work and didn't have time for it right now... Long story short, I never heard from him again. A few months later, I received a friend request from him, which confused me and I wasn’t sure what to do. I added him, and then I learned he was romantically involved with someone new. There was never any closure, which made it even harder. I called him a few times throughout, but he never returned my calls. I came across a post on a forum, which my gut feeling told me was him, and I tried to covertly get the truth out of him, but to no avail. Anyway, I was angry for quite some time by all of this and it took a lot to work through, but for the most part, I have. This has been part of my self improvement and personal well being, and I thought that I would share it and perhaps others can apply it to their own personal experiences.
USMCHokie Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 There was never any closure, which made it even harder. I called him a few times throughout, but he never returned my calls. This is all the closure you'll ever need. He just didn't feel the same about you as you did about him. Realizing this quickly, and accepting it, makes healing and moving on a much quicker process...
Author CLC2008 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 This is all the closure you'll ever need. He just didn't feel the same about you as you did about him. Realizing this quickly, and accepting it, makes healing and moving on a much quicker process... Thank you USMC, it is what I have come to accept. I felt so abandoned, which is a terrible feeling to have. I realize that comes from a place that really doesn't have to do with him personally, but those insecurities were triggered and I suppose that is a result of intimacy, something that a lot of people rather mask then face head on. It's easier that way. I've done it, who hasn't? It's still amazing how such a short amount of time, can change your life, but it really did in some bizarre way. A part of me can't help but feel, that he will somehow regret, what he actually lost. I may not be the most vocal with my feelings, but I would have taken a bullet for him, if it meant saving his life, and I NEVER felt that way about anyone before, ever. Not something I could properly articulate verbally anyway. So for me, there was some kind of love there, and maybe part of it was unhealthy, but I don't think love can completely be unconditional. We each have our own boundaries.
Author CLC2008 Posted May 8, 2010 Author Posted May 8, 2010 In updating this thread, I just wanted to share that when I initially joined almost two years ago, I thought the person I initially posted about was on this forum. Turns out, I was wrong. And part of my closure is accepting that. I still have a difficult time with it at times, and I hit my low points. Sometimes you want so much to believe certain things, I guess as a way to hold onto it. Anyway, I am glad I found this forum. It's helped me in so many ways and I am grateful for that.
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