skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Hey fellas: I'm 51 and have yet to have my mid-life crisis. It's beginning to worry me. Isn't every normal man supposed to have one? And what signs/feelings should I be looking for to know that I'm finally having mine?
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) Me and three other guys base jumped off the united bank building in denver on NYE four years ago. I'm not so sure that's it. (Besides, we got arrested) perhaps You're right though, it's the only time i've base jumped and it scared the he!! out of me. Maybe it's time to give it another shot Edited February 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Criminal risk taking = mid-life crisis Ahh. so maybe I"m having mine now but dont realize it? I've never thought of that. Good information thanks Carhill. I've been thinking though, could it be a function of never having been married as well? I mean might that be a prerequisite for a mid-life crisis?
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) Criminal risk taking = mid-life crisis One more thing I have to tell you about that NYE: We walked in there with our packs on, The security guy at the front desk asked us what we we wanted. We said we were there to work on the AC system and that all of our equipment was in our "backpacks". And we had to have acess to the roof. AND HE BELIEVED US! lmfao.. (forget the fact that he never even noticed that we were all drunk). Our idiotic behavior actually made it into the denver post the next day. If I can find it I'll post it for ya Edited February 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict
carhill Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Excellent work. Great bluff. Probably not a sign for you, since your work involves similar risks. Perhaps it's more common to have a MLC when married or in a LTR, but I do have one male friend who's never married whom my best friend and I think has lost his knickers and common sense. He's in his mid-40's. Actions bordering or over the line friendship damaging and way out of character for him (known him 15 years for me and 25 for my bf). IMO, if your friends aren't looking at you like you're crazy, I doubt MLC is on your plate.
amerikajin Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I think a mid-life crisis is another way of saying "there's a lot of stuff that I wish I would have accomplished by now" or "there's a lot of stuff that I wish I hadn't done earlier in my life." People who spend their time saying "I wish I would have" end up having mid-life crises; those who go out and live life every day, on their own terms, usually have higher levels of satisfaction. There's no crisis when you're having fun.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Excellent work. Great bluff. Probably not a sign for you, since your work involves similar risks. Perhaps it's more common to have a MLC when married or in a LTR, but I do have one male friend who's never married whom my best friend and I think has lost his knickers and common sense. He's in his mid-40's. Actions bordering or over the line friendship damaging and way out of character for him (known him 15 years for me and 25 for my bf). IMO, if your friends aren't looking at you like you're crazy, I doubt MLC is on your plate. That's the whole problem! My friends have ALWAYS viewed me as crazy So, in your opinion then, a MLC (at least in my case) may never happen? Btw, thanks for the "great bluff " compliment, But I think anyone w/ half a brain would have seen what we were up to.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) I think a mid-life crisis is another way of saying "there's a lot of stuff that I wish I would have accomplished by now" or "there's a lot of stuff that I wish I hadn't done earlier in my life." People who spend their time saying "I wish I would have" end up having mid-life crises; those who go out and live life every day, on their own terms, usually have higher levels of satisfaction. There's no crisis when you're having fun. I do have some of that, though. But it's on the other end of the scale. I wish I could have met the girl of my dreams,(I did actually, but I couldn't make it roll, still VERY hurt by that), I wish I had a nice little house with a wife who loved me and a couple of kids running around in the backyard, that sort of thing. Just a normal life, like everyone else seems to have. But since it didn't happen for me, I've taken up different pursuits in life, hence the "crazy" label. Here's another example: my guard unit deploys for Afghanistan in may. Most of the guys dont want to go cause they have families. I wouldn't want to leave my family behind either. I feel bad for them. 'cause we are combat engineers. It's a dangerous job. Me? I have no such fears. The only reason that can be is that I have no one to leave behind hence no fear. Edited February 7, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Ahh. so maybe I"m having mine now but dont realize it? Depends on your definition of 'mid life crisis' but by the generally accepted, no you're not having one -- but maybe you are in crisis over NOT having a mid life crisis...which might just qualify you as having one "Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques and used in Western societies to describe a period of dramatic self-doubt..." [wikipedia.org] "An emotional period of doubt and anxiety sometimes experienced by people who realize that their life is already half over" [wiktionary.org] Believe me, if you can get through life without, that would be your druthers. Having "dramatic self-doubt and anxiety" about who you are, how you're doing, and where you're going is NO fun at all.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 "An emotional period of doubt and anxiety sometimes experienced by people who realize that their life is already half over" [wiktionary.org] Believe me, if you can get through life without, that would be your druthers. Having "dramatic self-doubt and anxiety" about who you are, how you're doing, and where you're going is NO fun at all. Interesting. I always thought the typical MLC meant trying to recapture your youth. So you get divorced,buy a motorcycle, try to score w/younger women, lead a more reckless lifestyle etc.. But perhaps those are just symptoms of "dramatic self-doubt and anxiety".
Len Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 "An emotional period of doubt and anxiety sometimes experienced by people who realize that their life is already half over" [wiktionary.org] Believe me, if you can get through life without, that would be your druthers. Having "dramatic self-doubt and anxiety" about who you are, how you're doing, and where you're going is NO fun at all. I have going through this for about 15 months now and it is horrible. Skydive, for me it has been about no longer wanting the life I am living, it is crazy as I loved my life a while back but now I have gone through year of wanting to throw it away and start again. I had no regrets up until I was 40 but now I regret everything and I have neglected a lot of my life and let things slide. I am up and down like a yoyo and have no idea what I want from life anymore. It took me about 6 months too understand what was happening and I am very aware that I am annoying my friends and family with my pathetic insecurity and flightyness. I am glad I am not married with children because I would have probably lost them by now. Believe me you do not want a mid life crisis.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 I have going through this for about 15 months now and it is horrible. Skydive, for me it has been about no longer wanting the life I am living, it is crazy as I loved my life a while back but now I have gone through year of wanting to throw it away and start again. I had no regrets up until I was 40 but now I regret everything and I have neglected a lot of my life and let things slide. I am up and down like a yoyo and have no idea what I want from life anymore. It took me about 6 months too know understand what was happening and I am very aware that I am annoying my friends and family with my pathetic insecurity and flightyness. I am glad I am not married with children because I would have probably lost them by now. Believe me you do not want a mid life crisis. I'm sorry for your pain my friend. It's sounds more like depression than a MLC. Perhaps a trip to the Dr. might not be a bad idea. I had the same thing happen to me. A couple of trips to the Doc. and some anti-depressants fixed me right up. Just something to consider. good luck to ya!
amerikajin Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I have going through this for about 15 months now and it is horrible. Skydive, for me it has been about no longer wanting the life I am living, it is crazy as I loved my life a while back but now I have gone through year of wanting to throw it away and start again. I had no regrets up until I was 40 but now I regret everything and I have neglected a lot of my life and let things slide. I am up and down like a yoyo and have no idea what I want from life anymore. It took me about 6 months too understand what was happening and I am very aware that I am annoying my friends and family with my pathetic insecurity and flightyness. I am glad I am not married with children because I would have probably lost them by now. Believe me you do not want a mid life crisis. I think the important thing to remember throughout your entire life is that there are things you can control, and there are things you can't. There are things you can accomplish and things you can't accomplish. You have to know which of the two categories things fall into, and then you have to sort them out. As the AA saying goes, have the wisdom to know the things you can change - and change them; and have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change and learn from them. It really is as simple as that. You cannot go back into your past and change things. I sometimes wish I would have been smarter with money, but I've spent it on things I don't regret. I've done a lot of cool things and seen a lot of cool places and had great experiences. I sometimes think my life would have been different if I had not had a relationship with one of my ex's, and maybe sometimes I think it was wasted time. And then I realize that it wasn't wasted at all; it made me who I am, and I never would have ended up with my current partner - the best one yet - had I changed even one of the events in my life story. You can regret all you want, but it won't take you anywhere. If you're married with someone, then enjoy their company as much as you can. If you're divorced or otherwise single, then enjoy the freedom to live as you wish.
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 It's sounds more like depression than a MLC. Depending on one's personal resources and support network, serious depression is often part of a midlife crisis. Basically, there WILL be depression, it is only the degree/intensity of it that is unknown. Len, a doctor's visit is a good idea, though. I favour non-drug therapies, including 'talk' therapy, but if it has gotten to clinical depression then a limited-time course of treatment with anti-depressant medication may be a way for you to get through the worst of it. Best of luck.
Len Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 (edited) Len, a doctor's visit is a good idea, though. I favour non-drug therapies, including 'talk' therapy, but if it has gotten to clinical depression then a limited-time course of treatment with anti-depressant medication may be a way for you to get through the worst of it. Best of luck. Whoops, I didn't mean for this thread to become about me. I am fine, yes there is some depression but it is nothing a brisk walk doesn't cure. Skydive. Maybe I could have written things better before. It is a confusing time of self doubt and regret. All of a sudden the I doubted the way I had lived my life, I became very aware of my mortality, I missed old friends, I missed my carefree youth and questioned every decision I had made in my life. I felt trapped and I wanted to be free of all responsibilty again. I began to resent people close to me and blame them for my feeling of being trapped. I neglected my responsibilities so I could go out and have fun. I got in touch with all my old friends. I wanted to buy a Harley and travel the world. The sensible part of me kept saying "don't do it" but the new part of me said " do it and to hell with the consequences". It was and sometimes still is a constant internal battle. Time is running out, no I have plenty of time. I am old I hate it, no, I am young and its great. Up and down and round and round. How did I get here? What happened? Where did all the fun go? Why did I get pets? Why is there hair in my ears? Where did the sixpack go? Why did I dump that girl she was great? Why did I get together with that girl she was a nutter? Why am I mowing this lawn? Why am I cleaning this house? Why did I buy this house? Why am I doing this job? Wow, my parents are old. I will never feel a young firm female body again. I miss my first kiss, my first girlfriend, my first fumble in the pub car park, my first home, my ex. What is wrong with me? Why can't I focus anymore? Why don't I want this life anymore? Why can't I get out of my head? As I said it took about 6 months for me to realise what was happening. That was the day I driving to work and saw some dude on a Harley, I thought yeah, I want that, that's the answer to everything. It all became clear after that, Mid Life Crisis. Yes there is some depression but nothing a quick blast on a Harley won't cure. Edited February 7, 2010 by Len
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Whoops, As I said it took about 6 months for me to realise what was happening. That was the day I driving to work and saw some dude on a Harley, I thought yeah, I want that, that's the answer to everything. It all became clear after that, Mid Life Crisis. Yes there is some depression but nothing a quick blast on a Harley won't cure. Bikes are fun I admit, I've been riding for thirty years. Perhaps it would be good therapy for you.
Ronni_W Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Where did the sixpack go? It was a two-four...and we drank it, you drunken fool Glad to hear you've got things under control, though -- well, in a not-at-all-under-control kind of way, of course. I'm guessing you know what I mean. Skydive...listen to your man, Len -- he obviously knows of what he speaks, and speaks more eloquently of it than I ever could. Bottom line is...go and do the base jumping and get arrested. But do also try your best to not go and have yourself a midlife crisis in the process.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 7, 2010 Author Posted February 7, 2010 Skydive...listen to your man, Len -- he obviously knows of what he speaks, and speaks more eloquently of it than I ever could. Bottom line is...go and do the base jumping and get arrested. But do also try your best to not go and have yourself a midlife crisis in the process. OK. I will listen to Len. But no more base jumps for me. That scared the he11 out of me.
Len Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 It was a two-four...and we drank it, you drunken fool Ahh, so that's where it went. I will get a barrel in next time, it will last longer. Skydive. You strike me as the type of man who has never allowed life to become stale and stagnant. A man who has never forgotten who he was all those years ago and never allowed monotony, responsibility, expectation and conformity to grind him down. I guess that may go a long way to explaining why you have never experienced a MLC.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 (edited) Ahh, so that's where it went. I will get a barrel in next time, it will last longer. Skydive. You strike me as the type of man who has never allowed life to become stale and stagnant. A man who has never forgotten who he was all those years ago and never allowed monotony, responsibility, expectation and conformity to grind him down. I guess that may go a long way to explaining why you have never experienced a MLC. I see your point, and it's right on the money, but I'm really starting to miss the fact that I don't have a wife/family etc. It kinda hurts actually. I'm beginning to think I've wasted my life on thrill seeking and other juvenile pursuits. I think I missed the boat on what's REALLY important in life. Perhaps I really am having a MLC, only the reverse of the usual kind Edited February 9, 2010 by skydiveaddict
Len Posted February 9, 2010 Posted February 9, 2010 I see your point, and it's right on the money, but I'm really starting to miss the fact that I don't have a wife/family etc. It kinda hurts actually. I'm beginning to think I've wasted my life on thrill seeking and other juvenile pursuits. I think I missed the boat on what's REALLY important in life. Perhaps I really am having a MLC, only the reverse of the usual kind Friend, I feel exactly the same way. You have been thrill seeking, I have been working all the time, but this last year of living like a teenager has shown me something. Marriage, kids, I dont have it. Nuts! Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe I am just not suited to the settled family lifestyle. Most likely I never met the right girl. Most likely the same applies to you too. I have a friend who went through this a few years ago, he had spent his life travelling and earning a lot of money. When MLC hit he panicked, grabbed onto the first women he met, married her, had a kid and was divorced two years later. Now has has neither a playboy lifestyle or a loving family. I have another friend who went through it, he had it all. Marriage, kids, good job, big house, nice car, boat. He wanted to be a kid again and ran off with a girl half his age to another country. I saw him a year ago, 50 years old working on the checkout of a local supermarket. I believe he only answer is to wait, be patient, stay postive and not lose hope. My uncle was single until he was 56. He now has a wife and 3 kids, is retired and happy as a pig in sh*t.
Author skydiveaddict Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 Friend, I feel exactly the same way. You have been thrill seeking, I have been working all the time, but this last year of living like a teenager has shown me something. Marriage, kids, I dont have it. Nuts! Maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe I am just not suited to the settled family lifestyle. Most likely I never met the right girl. Most likely the same applies to you too. . Thanks man, it's good to know i'm not the only one. As for the right girl, I thought I had, but I couldn't make it roll. That ended four months ago and it totally crushed the life out of me. It still hurts like hell even to this day.
Joe Normal Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Hey fellas: I'm 51 and have yet to have my mid-life crisis. It's beginning to worry me. Isn't every normal man supposed to have one? And what signs/feelings should I be looking for to know that I'm finally having mine? There's no evidence that there's such a thing as mid-life crisis. There are certainly crises that can be triggered by serious life disruptions like losing steady employment, bankruptcy, divorce, death of a loved-one etc. And, statistically speaking, roughly 1/3 of those affected will be in middle age. That in no way indicates that it is the onset of middle age that brought on a re-examination of life in response to a stressful event - the obvious strigger is the stressful event itself. Thus someone 25, 45 or 65 who experiences a stressful even would be likely to reflect and be changed by it. So there are "life crises" if you are unlucky enough to suffer one. If you are lucky and avoid one, there's no real reason IMO why hitting 40 or so would make you suddenly start changing your life in radical ways. As for other things like buying sports cars or running off with younger women - men in their 20s, 30s, 60s, 70s do that too. Nothing to do with middle age lol.
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