southpaw79 Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Normally a lurker - this time a poster. Sorry conciseness isn't my strong point, lol. So, my boyfriend broke up with me. Reasons being, so he said: he wasn't happy, tired of arguing, I was being pretty moody... yadda yadda. We are [well, were] in an on&off kind of relationship for three years. This time was lot like the last few times we broke it off [the relationship was very on-off], he asked me to not contact him anymore (usual), deleted me from his Facebook page "so he wouldn't be able snoop into mine" (usual), & then changed his statuses to "single" (usual)... this time, however, he also changed things like "interested in females" & "looking for a relationship" the very DAY after we broke up (never happened before)... he then basically proceed dropped off of the face of the Earth, to me. He swears he is done with "us" this time. Now, of course I LOVE him with all my heart - I have no doubt about that in any sense, and I would love to be with him again, I know that for sure also... but at the cost of my self-respect and pride? Not any more. Every time we have broken up [we were on&off quite a bit] *I* have almost always been the one to contact him first [putting myself out there after being told things - mostly outta anger, but still - "leave me alone, don't contact me anymore, lose my number" etc.] in order to open the lines of communication back up, and have been pretty much ok with that. I usually don't have a problem telling people what it is I feel about them, regardless of if they wanna hear it or not at the time, lol. We both have some issues in the communication area, though & I know that has prevented him a lot from telling me the same during a fight. This time however, it feels different for some reason. Partly its me being tired of being the one to always put forth the effort to re-open those lines of communication [specially since HE did the breaking up, again...], and I know - as STUPID as it sounds - it's also majorly due to the fact that he put it out there that he was looking for someone else only a DAY after we had broken up [talk about kicking someone when they are down]. Whether he said it to piss me off [which he claims] or it's true, it hurts the same... because why would I want to talk to someone that would wanna hurt me after the already hurt me enough by dumping me, right? Afterward, I was SO upset... crying and not sleeping/eating... just being plain MISERABLE to to the core... missing him & wishing he would call/text. I thought about that - how he prolly WASN'T sitting around doing anything like that - and he CERTAINLY wasn't calling me or anything, so I decided to do that No Contact thing everyone on here says helps with healing. - OMG - it's SO hard! [man i give you NC-doin' guys major credit!] It's taking pretty much every bit of willpower I have not to contact him like I normally would. So many times a day I go to pick up my cell and text him... I deleted his number tho! Or have that flip-flopping stomach feeling when it rings/dings and I check it hoping that it is him. A friend of mine introduced me to a friend of hers - you know how that goes.... & I have been hanging out with him for a couple of days and he seems like a genuinely nice guy. Not looking to date him, but it was nice hanging around someone who at least admitted my dang existence, lol. I have an online blog that I wrote about all my feelings and stuff in - helps to get it all out, ya know? I was entirely certain that he didn't know about it, well I wrote about me hanging out with him in it and apparently the ex read it and is now flipping out on me about finding someone "when it hasn't even been a week yet"! This is where I am at; SO confused, lol. Why does he care!? He made it entirely clear that he didn't wanna be with me! If he read my blog he knows that I am terribly upset about losing him and the relationship we had. There are COUNTLESS entries about how much I loved him and how much I wish we could fix things... about how upset I was about him cutting me off like he did. He said, more than once, that he is NOT interested in being back together with me. He knows that i only hung out with the other guy because he DIDN'T want to fix things with me [as well as the other guy knows that i just broke up and am not looking to date yet too... I don't believe in lying or game playing of any sort]. The ex told me he doesn't want to talk to me, that he doesn't care, anymore. So why contact me after a week just to complain that I am doing what he told me to do to begin with?! He left me a nasty message on my journal saying "oh you already found someone and it hasn't even been a week". Like wtf, not only did he break up with ME, but he was looking the next day and I didn't say anything about THAT, but now he wants to bitch cuz i did the same thing! I just don't get it. So I guess I kinda wanna figure out his perspective; Is it because he actually wants to get back together, but is afraid to put himself out there and get that?Or is it simply because he is mad that instead of sitting home and moping over him I went out and found someone interested in me, before he did?Is he mad cuz he took for granted all the times that I came back to fix things and wrongly assumed that i would this time?Is he just friggin' crazy, lol! It's not even like I wanna date the new guy! I'm smart enough to know it's way to soon to even be considering a relationship... it'd just be a rebound. I'm just confused, I guess. I'm pretty much friends with all my exes, besides the first [& that's a long, long story], so I never really had a relationship end with this "I'm gonna erase your existence from my life like you never even existed to me" stuff. He did the breaking up so I don't know why he is treating me like I was the one that did something wrong, to him. What am I supposed to do? Sit home and cry? I only have one life, I can't waste it moping about someone who cut me off without a second thought, right? Did I just answer my own question? Man, I am confused, lol... Any suggestions/insight?
Perhaps Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 [man i give you NC-doin' guys major credit!] Thanks =D Why does he care!? He made it entirely clear that he didn't wanna be with me! If he read my blog he knows that I am terribly upset about losing him and the relationship we had. There are COUNTLESS entries about how much I loved him and how much I wish we could fix things... about how upset I was about him cutting me off like he did. He said, more than once, that he is NOT interested in being back together with me. He knows that i only hung out with the other guy because he DIDN'T want to fix things with me [as well as the other guy knows that i just broke up and am not looking to date yet too... I don't believe in lying or game playing of any sort]. The ex told me he doesn't want to talk to me, that he doesn't care, anymore. So why contact me after a week just to complain that I am doing what he told me to do to begin with?! He left me a nasty message on my journal saying "oh you already found someone and it hasn't even been a week". Like wtf, not only did he break up with ME, but he was looking the next day and I didn't say anything about THAT, but now he wants to bitch cuz i did the same thing! I just don't get it. So I guess I kinda wanna figure out his perspective; Is it because he actually wants to get back together, but is afraid to put himself out there and get that?Or is it simply because he is mad that instead of sitting home and moping over him I went out and found someone interested in me, before he did?Is he mad cuz he took for granted all the times that I came back to fix things and wrongly assumed that i would this time?Is he just friggin' crazy, lol! It's not even like I wanna date the new guy! I'm smart enough to know it's way to soon to even be considering a relationship... it'd just be a rebound. I'm just confused, I guess. I'm pretty much friends with all my exes, besides the first [& that's a long, long story], so I never really had a relationship end with this "I'm gonna erase your existence from my life like you never even existed to me" stuff. He did the breaking up so I don't know why he is treating me like I was the one that did something wrong, to him. What am I supposed to do? Sit home and cry? I only have one life, I can't waste it moping about someone who cut me off without a second thought, right? Did I just answer my own question? Man, I am confused, lol... Any suggestions/insight? I think it's a bit of your NC with his jealousy. It's not entirely clear why he'd be doing that. Obviously, it seems like he took you for granted and for you to jump back and move on clearly caught him off guard. Best advice? (and this is keeping in mind that you don't care to get back until he apologizes or at least shows signs of change) Keep the NC going until he makes up his mind and is clear about what he wants. You don't need to waste your time with his crap if he broke it with you, you went back to him every time, and he got mad at you for not crying to him this time. Stay strong.
Author southpaw79 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Thanks for the input I really SUCK at this NC thing though! I was ranting away in my blog, as I do (so I don't strangle people in real life, lol) and had said something a long the lines of knowing he was talking to other girls... purely conjecture on my part... no sooner do I post it do I get a nasty text saying "why are you looking at my page, I can talk to whoever I want" (I blocked his FB tho, so I cant see it even if I wanted to... but, at least now I know my guess was correct, I guess). Why is he getting so pissed off? He wanted this break up, is looking for other girls to "talk to"... being a complete hypocrite about the page-looking thing, argh! Then says that I'm wrong in some way 'cuz I hung out with some guy while he was only talking to the girl... as if that's any better? Ugh. Boys! No contact - Day 1. Here I am again, lol.
jen_r Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I guess good for you on the NCing. I haven't been able to stop myself from texting my bf. That no contact thing is not in the cards for me! Cuz I figure, he's over me, what does it matter if I txt him & bug the **** out of him - he isn't going to take me back either way!
Author southpaw79 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Hee, don't congratulate me on the NC thing yet... it's only been a couple hours, lol... not sure it's gonna be in the cards for me either. But I definitely get ya on the other part... I think that sometimes, too... like wtf, can't make things worse, right?
jen_r Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Don't you so badly wish the roles we're reversed? I want him to pursue me! Why IS'NT he txting me?? This breaking up thing is not for me, I always knew there was a reason I didn't get into relationships lol.
Author southpaw79 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 SO BADLY! It's bad enough he got to do the breaking up, but sheesh, at least REGRET it some, ya know! Show some kind of emotion... like just walking away and talking to someone else wasn't just the easiest thing on earth to do... Blah.
jen_r Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 It's bad enough he got to do the breaking up, but sheesh, at least REGRET it some, ya know! Show some kind of emotion... like just walking away and talking to someone else wasn't just the easiest thing on earth to do... Maybe it's all guys??? Maybe they don't care about anything. He even said to me "I can't get all emotional with you, cuz they I might say lets give this another shot and its not what i want! I need to stay firm this time." I just wanted to say f**k you, heartless @$$_hole. Actually, I think that is exactly what I did say hahah
Author southpaw79 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Sounds JUST like something I wanna say to my ex... But so far I am refraining from doing so. Good for you, for saying so, tho. I don't understand guys... not at all. I got a "we'd prolly have great make-up sex tonight" text the other night... I was "umm, no, that would require MAKING UP". A-hole.
jen_r Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I don't understand guys... not at all. I got a "we'd prolly have great make-up sex tonight" text the other night... I was "umm, no, that would require MAKING UP". A-hole. OMG. I got that type of text last night! I was SO confused! He was like "I want to tell you to come here and stay just for tonight. But I dont know if Im saying that becuz I want to make love to you" then after many other txts he says "I wanna f**k you, but I don't wanna trust you, but I do wanna trust you". I was like "You must be drunk!" Im sure he was, it was the superbowl. But, that made me feel ****ty..you want me- just to hook up with me? Thanks. UGH, I'm leaving now...heading back to our apartment. Hoping for the best - fearing the worst.
Author southpaw79 Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Hopes the best for you! *fingers crossed*
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