skylarblue Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 MM and I have never acknowledge Valentine’s Day to each other in the nearly 6yrs we’ve been together. I don’t think we’ve ever even said “happy valentine’s day”. I automatically assumed it was an off-limit day because his W is the one he loves, so I’ve never really expected anything from/of him. After the first year, when he didn’t acknowledge it I knew it was confirmation that the day would mean nothing for us. I don’t know if he does anything special for/with his W. I’d imagine he does. I’ve always been totally fine with it and never gave it a second thought. However, in light of the things that we’ve gone through recently, I have been wondering if Valentine’s Day will be different this year; if it will have any significance to him. I’m hoping it will. And I’m really expecting him to even though he never has. I plan on doing something special for him for the first time because I feel it’s warranted. I hope he feels the same. I’m going to be really hurt if he doesn’t.
jennie-jennie Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 MM and I have never acknowledge Valentine’s Day to each other in the nearly 6yrs we’ve been together. I don’t think we’ve ever even said “happy valentine’s day”. I automatically assumed it was an off-limit day because his W is the one he loves, so I’ve never really expected anything from/of him. After the first year, when he didn’t acknowledge it I knew it was confirmation that the day would mean nothing for us. I don’t know if he does anything special for/with his W. I’d imagine he does. I’ve always been totally fine with it and never gave it a second thought. However, in light of the things that we’ve gone through recently, I have been wondering if Valentine’s Day will be different this year; if it will have any significance to him. I’m hoping it will. And I’m really expecting him to even though he never has. I plan on doing something special for him for the first time because I feel it’s warranted. I hope he feels the same. I’m going to be really hurt if he doesn’t. I hope you are doing okay, Skylar, considering the circumstances. (((((Skylar)))))
torranceshipman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I was trying to express sympathy for what must be a very painful situation, certainly not trying to rub anytrhing in. It seems reasonable to assume that he celebrates with his wife - forgetting is clearly not an issue here when he's making a point of not celebrating with OP. Broken Lady sounds like she was trying to be sympathetic in this original post - and she was only referencing a really obvious point - to be fair, if he doesnt care enough to bother with a present when he knows it hurts you, isnt it time to leave him? She wasnt trying to rub your nose in it.
jennie-jennie Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Wow. It's got to be hurtful to know that he'll celebrate and exchange gifts and loving cards with his wife that day, but refuses to acknowledge you. It sounds like he's using the holiday to remind you of "your place". Is there any emotion isvolved or is it just a physical affair for one or both of you? Since he's already acknowledged that he isn't leaving the M, and apparently wants you to know you're not on the top of his priority list, why are you with this man? Broken Lady sounds like she was trying to be sympathetic in this original post - and she was only referencing a really obvious point - to be fair, if he doesnt care enough to bother with a present when he knows it hurts you, isnt it time to leave him? She wasnt trying to rub your nose in it. Are you saying that celebrating Valentine's Day in the US always includes both exchanging gifts and loving cards? I would not know, since I am not from the US. Where I live a peck on the cheek and saying "Happy Valentine's Day" would be considered enough. Thus my thought of it being rubbed in.
anne1707 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Are you saying that celebrating Valentine's Day in the US always includes both exchanging gifts and loving cards? I would not know, since I am not from the US. Where I live a peck on the cheek and saying "Happy Valentine's Day" would be considered enough. Thus my thought of it being rubbed in. One of those cultural differences. Valentines is a big thing in the UK and the US too (to the point of being very tacky) - you will see plenty of posts over the next week or so on this subject. I too did not see anything off in Broken Lady's post.
OWoman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 One of those cultural differences. Valentines is a big thing in the UK In certain circles / areas, perhaps. There aren't even any Valentine's cards in the shops in this, or surrounding, villages, and it's mere days away... I had to order one over the internet...
torranceshipman Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Are you saying that celebrating Valentine's Day in the US always includes both exchanging gifts and loving cards? I would not know, since I am not from the US. Where I live a peck on the cheek and saying "Happy Valentine's Day" would be considered enough. Thus my thought of it being rubbed in. Yea, it's a pretty big deal here...probably a few people don't care, but I guess its what the individual thinks is important, and it sounds like it means a lot to the OP. Her MM knows that, and still does nothing, which is the really hurtful thing. If he knew she couldnt care less, then it wouldnt be so bad...
Brokenlady Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Are you saying that celebrating Valentine's Day in the US always includes both exchanging gifts and loving cards? I would not know, since I am not from the US. Where I live a peck on the cheek and saying "Happy Valentine's Day" would be considered enough. Thus my thought of it being rubbed in. Stereotypically, it involves, cards, flowers, and/or chocolates. Kids even celebrate it in school by handing out Valentines to their classmates. It is sort of assumed that unless you and your SO have specifically agreed not to acknowledge the holiday, you are remiss to ignore it or pass it off with the simple acknowledgement you describe above.
jennie-jennie Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Stereotypically, it involves, cards, flowers, and/or chocolates. Kids even celebrate it in school by handing out Valentines to their classmates. It is sort of assumed that unless you and your SO have specifically agreed not to acknowledge the holiday, you are remiss to ignore it or pass it off with the simple acknowledgement you describe above. Got it. I did think (the way I interpreted) your post was untypical of you.
Brokenlady Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Got it. I did think (the way I interpreted) your post was untypical of you. In fairness, I probably shouldn't have assumed that the OP was in the US. Valentine's Day is weird here - even if you are pissed at your SO, you're still expected to give cards and gifts. Not doing so would be like ignoring a birthday or anniversary. You're supposed to go through the motions unless you have an explicit agreement otherwise. I remember my xH and I used to get these cards for each other and as the years passed you could tell the cards became more and more a meaningless gesture (personal messages shortened and were then elimated, etc.).
NoIDidn't Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 I can understand to some degree... when it's a W that is sacrificing her happiness... for her kids.. but an OW... sorry .. there is nothing to understand.. except that the woman is not strong enough emotionally to leave the ba$tard.. I agree. I can understand a W accepting that her H isn't into holidays, but I can't understand why an OW would stay (for years, no less) knowing she wants to celebrate this particular one while he refuses. Makes you wonder if the MM does this at other "special" occasions as well. (FTR, I don't celebrate V-Day myself, too sappy, IMO. But I understand that some do celebrate it, and go all out. <shrugs shoulders>)
OWoman Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 My xMM used to buy his wife dozens of roses. We worked in the same office, he'd do it right in front of me. Then if he felt generous, he might have bought me a single rose (he probably took it out of her bunch), or simply sent me an email that said "Happy VD". Kind of insulting actually. Eventually, I stopped buying the guy's nonsense and ended it. I've found it much easier to be alone than unhappy with someone who doesn't respect my feelings, or thinks their feelings/wishes are more important than mine. Forgive my cynicism, but the way you've portrayed it makes me think that that pretty much encapsulates the entire R - something that he pinched out of what he'd otherwise have given to his W... Sorry, jthorne (((((hugs)))))
hopeless4u Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 My AP and I have been together for almost three years. AP refuses to do Valentines Day with me. He does not acknowledge it(eg-giving gifts or cards) nor will he accept a gift or card from me. He will celebrate other days with me(bday, Xmas and so on). He has been clear that he will not leave his wife and cites guilt as a reason he does not want to bring Vday into what we have Is anyone else going through this? I am used to it by now but his lack of interest/effort hurts my feelings This is a huge trigger for me. xMM has never done the whole 'romantic Vday' thing in his M. When we 1st met he was like 'I don't do romance' but he has with me. He turned up on the 1st Vday we were together, out of the blue with the most beautiful flowers I've ever seen, I was knocked sideways!! Then last year, flowers and champagne!!! Mmmm, Sunday is going to be hard:o
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