David V. Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Hello again, everyone. To spare you the bother of reading my previous threads, mine is the story of having been dumped by the one woman I loved. It was particularly shattering because I planned a life with her, and it was within both our beliefs to stay together forever, fully committing. The breakup happened because I made many mistakes concerning overprotection and excess of loyalty, and after it I committed some more, as I was not able to properly handle it, and to boot I was "helped" along the way with someone who sent her hate mail. The breakup happened in January 14, and I truly began NC on January 27. Ever since, I did some soul searching, and even after I began work to purge all neediness and self-loathing from my system, I found the good in our relationship still outweighed the bad. This is the text of a card I would like to send my ex [whom I love and sincerely want back, clingyness aside] on her birthday, March 11, forty-plus days after I gave up trying to [futilely] contact her and started NC proper. Should I add something, like an invitation to talk of life and trivial things? Hello, _____. I sincerely wish you enjoy your birthday. __ years is a big thing, is not it? Did you get the kind of presents you wanted? By the way, this is something I found recently. Have you seen it before? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvVvRFIhktk I found it worth a laugh more than once. Well, that's all. Happy birthday, _____. Also.. Unspoken [as of yet] thoughts toward her: ..I apologize for everything I did after that [that being the breakup]. I did not know how to handle it [even though, honestly, I did not think I should have been expected to behave properly after my first and only breakup], so I did every mistake imaginable. For that, I am truly sorry. Truthfully, I wish to become someone you can grow to trust and respect once more. I know I am not anywhere near that yet, but I want to treat you the way you truly deserve, the way a black knight treats his white bride, to protect you with everything in my might, to contribute positively to your life. I love you with everything I am. Is it right to address this, as time goes on, if she talks to me again? I just had to let it out somewhere, and I chose it to be here first, instead of to her. I am a man who truly believes in second chances, if worked on properly and wholeheartedly.
Limbo21 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The breakup happened because I made many mistakes concerning overprotection and excess of loyalty I'd need you to elaborate on the quote above to give you any real advice but unless you tell me something exceptional about the breakup then there's not a chance I'd send that letter/email.
SoVicious Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 David, Your story sounds similar to mine in that you did all the wrong things after your first breakup. I did the same with my ex. I also just called her and apologized for the way i acted after the breakup, and she did accept. But ultimately it lead to her breaking my heart worst she did when we first broke up. I applaud you for being able to start NC and I understand that you want to contact her. I too believed in second chances and thought I could salvage what my ex and I once had. But here comes the truth, and you can choose to dismiss it as I did at first, but you will end up a lot of less hurt if you follow it... You have to maintain NC. At most for her birthday just send her a simple text message, if you feel you must, something like : "Happy Birthday. Hope you're having a great day." But you have to understand that she knows that you want a second chance, and the ball is in her court to make that decision. Contacting her and professing you want to treat her like a princess wont convince her anymore to give you that second chance. Imagine if you put all this effort into this card, planning the perfect things to say etc., and you get no reply. Would that not devastate you? You would be right back to day 1 of NC. My advice is to send a simple little text, if you feel it an absolute, and keep it neutral. Either way, I'm right here with you in the NC after your first love. If you need a NC buddy to keep you strong send me a PM. I think it would be a great buddy system to maintain NC
Author David V. Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Unknowingly, I became weak and needy enough as to have her nurse me with abnormal frequency. We were no longer equals in that manner. I was not able to retain my entire composure full time, and this thinned her patience until she left. EDIT - What PM? Unless I have not looked correctly, this place has no such option.
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