LaurenM Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone/anyone, in desperate need of help. In so much pain don't know what to do with my self. I am 19 years old and have been in a relationship for 1 year and 2 months, the love of my life, Denis. He is my first love, and boy am I in love. Couple of weeks ago, he phones me out of nowhere (After no contact thewhole day-which is unusual for me and Denis) and says he needs space for a while, to sort his life out, but he still loves me. Obviously I was distraght. The next day he tells me him and his best friend since Grade 3, Laura, discussed feelings for each other a few nights ago, but that after a lot of thinking he decided he only loves her as a friend, and still wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I culdn't get over it though, I cried and cried then we met up last saturday and he gave me an anniversary gift, bought me lunch, told me how much he loves me. Everything was perfect again. Untill Monday night, when i got another phone call, this time saying he has been thinking a lot and that he needs to move on, It's over. I was finished. I screamed and screamed in agony over the phone begging him not to do this. I love him with all my heart, but he didn't budge, However, he still said he loved me. after that his story kept changing, until a few days later he told me he isn't in love with me anymore, only loves me as a frend. Right there and then my world was over. I gave him my life, and he turned it upside down. I went to his house a few days later to discuss it and he wasn't as heartless as he was over the phone. He cried and held me but still insisted it's over. He would hold me and cry for a while then suddenly "snap" and carry on about how he has made his decision. He won't budge, and I don't understand, I am broken=[i need him I love him with all my heart and I don't know why this happened out of nowhere=[i tried to kiss him then after a few seconds he pulled away, saying he couldn't. I told him to look deep into my eyes and tell me he doesn't love me anymore and he couldn't do it, but still insists he has made his decision. I can't bare the thought of that being the last time I held him or kissed him. I can't bare the thought of him being with another girl, kissing one, making love to one. I gave him my virginity, I gave him everything. He is everything to me. I have tried smsing him numerous times after that confrontation but he ignores me. The thought of him having sex with another girl literally makes me want to die. He promises there is no other girl, I believe him. How can you lose such a deep love for someone overnight:'(:'(:'(:'(Please someone help me, I don't understand=[we were so happy=[i love him so much and can't live without him=[can't move on=[all I do is cry and literally scream in agony 24/7. just wanna be happy again=[=[=[=[=[=[=[=[=[going through a deep depression, a craving to be held, kissed and loved again :(:( The pain is unbearable :(:( Edited February 7, 2010 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
sean1 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 (edited) finally i think i can relate my story to yours but actually help you win him back. as a guy thats in your position now i know how you feel. its the exact same story except im a guy. she finished me. listen and i think youl have him crawling back! you need to just sit down take a chill and relax. once you have done that read on. ok so he finished you. your nature and love for him means you want to ring text and beg him to come back....hun your pushing him further away. you need to take a step back and analyse the situation. he wants time and space so give it to him. respect his decision. he isnt going to just forget you. no no no certainly not..but he will act like he has. and thats what you need to do. just disappear out of site. no contact whatsoever. msn no facebook no texting no calling no. all stop. he wil then start to miss you and think about his decision. you need to think about yourself more. me right now this second. im ready to go out to town. yes i still love my ex as much as you love yours. but you cant change their mind and if you did...you would only be together a few weeks because they agreed to it to basically make you feel better. the more you mither him the more he thinks your clingy and wont be able to do anything without him. plan of attack. firstly just accept it ok...your braking up its hard...but just accept it second take a step back and dont contact him...i believe it should last about a month. obviously if he contacts you you reply right? wrong. unless he says ive made a mistake we should talk and get back together. you dont reply! thirdly. love yourself. how can someone else love you when you cant love yourself? at the end of the day were young me and you. and we hav our lives ahead of us. rejection causes obsession. in other words...dont know what you have until its gone ryt? wrong what you forget is step 4 4. absence makes the heart grow fonder. he is going to miss you. when he gets in bed hel feel lonely to. its mutual. you need to seriously not fall for the mynd games like i have. its 3 weeks on and im stil like i was the 1st day she broke up with me. cos i did it all rong! follow this way and hell come back. listen though. it is not the end of the world! someone else out there will love you and you will love them. its hard to think like that at the moment but time is also the greatest healer. 5. once a month passes you will have a clear head and so will he. then you will be able to think do i want him? is it worth it? are we going to spend our lives together? (be honest). in the mean time mingle with friends and family. take up a class and look after yourself!!! go shopping buy all new things act like your not even bothered! it will drive him crazy. make yourself look attractive! at the end of the day..if its meant to be..its meant to be...if he wants you..he will be back! hope this helps! i have a few more things to help you control emotions try this: ask ureself STEP 1:Can I welcome this feeling? And then answer. It doesn’t matter if it is a Yes or No. STEP 2: Ask "Could I let this feeling go?" Again, a Yes or No is acceptable. STEP 3 Ask "Would I let this feeling go?" STEP 4 Ask "When?" STEP 5 Now examine the feeling again. Does it feel different? Did you feel a shift? The shift is different for everyone, but is a sign of small healing. You want to feel how your feeling has changed and repeat steps 1 thru 5. Edited February 6, 2010 by sean1
Skump Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 OP, I'm sure you feel horrible. Given your boyfriend's behavior, you probably feel betrayed. Although I've never been in a situation exactly like yours, I am certain that the only proper way to proceed is to go basically zero-contact with your (ex?) BF. This is true for two reasons: Regardless of the inscrutability of his relationship 180 (well, at this point I guess it's more like a 540...), you must accept your life with him is probably over. Reaching out to him will probably only amount to self-torture and will prolong your suffering. Moreover, even if you still desperately want him back and such a thing is possible, you MUST make this happen on your terms. I'm not being some kind of relationship Einstein in observing that every indication you give your BF that you are "waiting in the wings" will only sabotage your plans. It may be counter-intuitive, but the best medicine for your relationship may well be a solid show of independence on your part.
Perhaps Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I'm very sorry to hear this, OP. I've been in a similar position and I'll tell you something: crying and begging won't do anything. You could think in your head that if you write him a poem, or play a song or something, he might realize what he's done... Not gonna happen. In short, your best bet to avoid contact with him for now. I know it sounds impossible but if you can somehow gather that strength and just show him that you're absolutely fine without him, chances are it'll send him flying back to you. He still cares about you, from what you wrote; he's just a bit sidetracked. Ignore his calls for a while. If he can do this to you, you can certainly avoid him for a few days. Let him see that you don't Need him... even if you do. At this point, if he isn't attracted to you, you need to build that attraction. How, you ask? By showing confidence - show him you're fine. I cannot emphasize the importance of this principle of no contact for a few days. You have to make him believe it's all good with you. It's counter-intuitive but it's your best bet, imo. Take good care of yourself.
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