pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Last night, we get home, we're taking off our jackets, joking around.... We're both a wee bit tipsy, and he out of nowhere says: "I kind of love you," then he looked really embarrassed and said, "BUT I'm not going to say that right now." Later I said, "Hmm. So you KIND OF love me?" And he nodded and said: "I hope you do, too." A few weeks ago, he told me he was in love with me. But, that time, he was actually very drunk and I didn't put much stock into it. I know he's never been in love before, so I'm cutting him some slack. But I am starting to want a sober, straight out: "I am in love with you." !
shadowplay Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Last night, we get home, we're taking off our jackets, joking around.... We're both a wee bit tipsy, and he out of nowhere says: "I kind of love you," then he looked really embarrassed and said, "BUT I'm not going to say that right now." Later I said, "Hmm. So you KIND OF love me?" And he nodded and said: "I hope you do, too." A few weeks ago, he told me he was in love with me. But, that time, he was actually very drunk and I didn't put much stock into it. I know he's never been in love before, so I'm cutting him some slack. But I am starting to want a sober, straight out: "I am in love with you." ! Hmmm. Maybe he's just nervous because it's his first time, but I'd think it was lame if a guy said that he kind of loved me. It's like either wait until you can say you love me with no qualifier or don't say it at all. Stop pussyfooting and man up!
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 He is stringing you along emotionally.. These are crumbs he is giving you so you stay around till he moves. I'm sorry to be blunt but honestly I feel like the guy seems to be using you because he is afraid to be alone and that once he moves he will hurt you. I could be wrong and hope I am but who says that shiot.. kind of love you.. that is a crumb if I've ever heard one. He probably senses you pulling away at times so he throws that out there to bring you back.
shadowplay Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 He is stringing you along emotionally.. These are crumbs he is giving you so you stay around till he moves. I'm sorry to be blunt but honestly I feel like the guy seems to be using you because he is afraid to be alone and that once he moves he will hurt you. I could be wrong and hope I am but who says that shiot.. kind of love you.. that is a crumb if I've ever heard one. He probably senses you pulling away at times so he throws that out there to bring you back. I get the same sense. There's a skeevy vibe to this guy that I can't quite pinpoint. I hope Panda is careful.
Ariadne Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 a wee bit tipsy, and he out of nowhere says: "I kind of love you," then he looked really embarrassed Of course he is in love with you, or infatuated at least. Drunks say the truth.
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Last night, we get home, we're taking off our jackets, joking around.... We're both a wee bit tipsy, and he out of nowhere says: "I kind of love you," then he looked really embarrassed and said, "BUT I'm not going to say that right now." Later I said, "Hmm. So you KIND OF love me?" And he nodded and said: "I hope you do, too." A few weeks ago, he told me he was in love with me. But, that time, he was actually very drunk and I didn't put much stock into it. I know he's never been in love before, so I'm cutting him some slack. But I am starting to want a sober, straight out: "I am in love with you." ! Most guys won't say they love you unless you're available and they're ready. What are you doing that makes him unsure of love for you?
Author pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 He is stringing you along emotionally.. These are crumbs he is giving you so you stay around till he moves. I'm sorry to be blunt but honestly I feel like the guy seems to be using you because he is afraid to be alone and that once he moves he will hurt you. I could be wrong and hope I am but who says that shiot.. kind of love you.. that is a crumb if I've ever heard one. He probably senses you pulling away at times so he throws that out there to bring you back. I get the same sense. There's a skeevy vibe to this guy that I can't quite pinpoint. I hope Panda is careful. Hmm. I definitely don't think he is throwing me crumbs. I mean, I guess words are just words until further notice, but that's with any relationships. When he moves, I could get hurt, or I could hurt him. But I don't think he has any premeditated plans for me or is trying to play me at all.
Author pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Most guys won't say they love you unless you're available and they're ready. What are you doing that makes him unsure of love for you? It's interesting you say this. When I said to him, "You KIND of love me?" He nodded and said yes, but he also hinted that what he really meant was that he loves me. Then he said, "I don't know if you're on the same emotional page as I am."
littlebittle Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 i don't think he's stringing you along or throwing you crumbs (based on this post alone, i do not know how one could come to that conclusion). i think he is just scared to say it, because he fears that his feelings won't be reciprocated, or that he will be rejected. do you love him? if you do, you should tell him.
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I think he is "kind of" a goober, do any women really find this kind of thing cute as opposed to just plain weak?
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 (edited) It's interesting you say this. When I said to him, "You KIND of love me?" He nodded and said yes, but he also hinted that what he really meant was that he loves me. Then he said, "I don't know if you're on the same emotional page as I am." Are you on the same emotional page? Sounds like he is emotionally ready for you, but thinks that there's something you're doing or communicating that makes him pull back a bit. Edited February 6, 2010 by You'reasian
littlebittle Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 to me, it's not really a question of "cute" or "weak" or whatever. if the op thinks this dude is lame, she shouldn't be with him. but i think she likes him and i think he likes her. some people are shy and they have a harder time expressing their feelings. obviously he isn't using the most direct approach of communication, but it sounds like he's trying. it's hard for some people to say "i love you", especially when they've never said it before. if the op feels like all of this is some kind of dealbreaker, than i guess that's something she needs to think about. if she feels like this is an issue, and if she wants to encourage more direct and open communication in this relationship, she should be honest with him about her own feelings. if he's still saying this kind of thing in a month, she might start to worry. but for now, the relationship is still new and growing, and i don't think there's anything wrong with taking small steps. some people just need to.
hopesndreams Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Maybe he is just not sure yet and won't say those words until he is absolutely sure. At least when he does finally say it you will know he means it, right? He seems to be there already and you won't have to wait much longer.
Author pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 i don't think he's stringing you along or throwing you crumbs (based on this post alone, i do not know how one could come to that conclusion). i think he is just scared to say it, because he fears that his feelings won't be reciprocated, or that he will be rejected. do you love him? if you do, you should tell him. I am falling in love, but with him moving, I feel myself trying not to. Are you on the same emotional page? Sounds like he is emotionally ready for you, but thinks that there's something you're doing or communicating that makes him pull back a bit. See above. Also, this is just the way I am emotionally -- I hold back. I communicate, but it's difficult for me to openly talk about my feelings. I know he knows this about me, and he does know I'm afraid.
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I am falling in love, but with him moving, I feel myself trying not to. Also, this is just the way I am emotionally -- I hold back. I communicate, but it's difficult for me to openly talk about my feelings. I know he knows this about me, and he does know I'm afraid. That's too bad. How far away will he move?
Author pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 That's too bad. How far away will he move? Florida. It isn't a permanent move. He's going to move back to NY as soon as he can. He already have a trip scheduled back to NY next month, and then I'll visit him the month after!
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 based on this post alone, i do not know how one could come to that conclusion I wasn't considering this post alone
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 to me, it's not really a question of "cute" or "weak" or whatever. if the op thinks this dude is lame, she shouldn't be with him. but i think she likes him and i think he likes her. some people are shy and they have a harder time expressing their feelings. obviously he isn't using the most direct approach of communication, but it sounds like he's trying. it's hard for some people to say "i love you", especially when they've never said it before. This is not answering the simple question I asked. What do you and other women think of men who mealy-mouth like this instead of expressing themselves in a clear way? If they are hot enough do they get a pass? (this would be the male thinking, I'm sad to admit).
Author pandagirl Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 This is not answering the simple question I asked. What do you and other women think of men who mealy-mouth like this instead of expressing themselves in a clear way? If they are hot enough do they get a pass? (this would be the male thinking, I'm sad to admit). It has nothing to do with a guy being hot. My boyfriend is expressive in other ways. He tells me he admires me, says I'm intelligent, respects my ambition, tells me I'm beautiful and sexy, interesting, etc. He is verbal with these things. If you know a man cares about you, being awkward and shy with verbalizing emotions, for me, is somewhat charming in a little boy kind of way.
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 If you know a man cares about you, being awkward and shy with verbalizing emotions, for me, is somewhat charming in a little boy kind of way. This is what I was wondering, thanks.
littlebittle Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 This is not answering the simple question I asked. What do you and other women think of men who mealy-mouth like this instead of expressing themselves in a clear way? If they are hot enough do they get a pass? (this would be the male thinking, I'm sad to admit). generally i prefer direct communication, but if there is some kind extenuating circumstance that is making that difficult for someone (that is to say, the person is not simply being manipulative or cruel), i'll do what i can to view the situation objectively and cut them some slack. that goes for significant others, friends, family members, coworkers, etc.
spiderowl Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 Actually, I don't feel he is stringing you along because he said that. It could be taken as a crumb, certainly, but that depends on his motives. Take it from me, a player would dare to go all the way and say he loved you. He would picture a future with you and get you all misty-eyed and believing him. Your guy sounds a bit unsure on his feet. Even so, pay attention to what he does and not what he says. Is he there for you? Can you always contact him if you want to? Have you met his family and/or friends? Until you've met some of the people who know him in context, you don't know the guy. Players are very clever and lie without any signs of conscience. Just wait and see how this pans out, but he sounds OK to me.
RobM Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 If I told someone I kinda loved them and they responded "oh, so you kinda love me" and nothing else, it would not make me want to say anything more definite anytime soon.
alphamale Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I know he's never been in love before, how do you know for sure? is he an emotional cripple?
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