LSC Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 (edited) First timer and getting confused. Been broken up for 7 months, never really did find out what happened. Making wedding plans one day she was gone the next. She is 37 I am 40. Each have custody of our own children. Talked most of the first two months about things nothing really though. Then I went no contact I was devastated just to talk to her. After 3 months ran into her and she was excited to see me and the kids they had a cry fest and a hug fest. During this time I did send her kids gifts for holidays and birthdays and such. Well since we ran into each other she's been calling or texting about 3-4 days per week for the last month or so. Not short ones but long talks or texts. We had a half day talk just on Thursday. I never initiated contact but maybe three times in 7 months always her usually about nothing. She knows I had long term plans for us before the break up and she started to bring thing up. About my land I have one of the best mountain sights in the area and she always loved it. I know she's dating someone but her as well as some of our mutual friends have said she doesn't love this guy. He's got nothing on me, no job lives off of her and his parents, yes at 35 years old, has been known to dable in drugs, and is a very very big bragger. She even mentioned that she knows this because he has bragged about her, things not true. Know to the questions. We're going to meet up next week her idea. When we first started to date I was always giving her notes, used to write poems about her eyes and hair along with pictures of her on our outings. (they are breath taken) During the end of our relationship we lost each other in our own love and I stopped many of these things. Would it be wise to bring a few of the poems I wrote her and never gave her? She used to love these things more then anything. I'm getting tired of being just here, that's why I went NC. Any other suggestions from the Ladies also. I don't play games and have always just not bothered with ex g/f's. But I asked her back before I went NC if she could look me in the eyes and say you no longer love me. Her response was no I love you more then anything. She has admitted also that no one has ever lover her like I do or has ever been as honest with her. I've either have to go forward or just forget about her. I do love her today as the day I first laid eyes on her. I thought I was over her until this week. And it hurts. Edited February 6, 2010 by LSC
sean1 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 hey, we all share the same position on this site. we allhave dumped or been dumped andwe want togive it another go or we want to no if the ryt choice has been made. from all the advice i have read and from what im going through. things are notlookingtobad if shes arranged to meet with you? afterall its what you want right? think about it. your gettin a chance to see her and meet her again. at this meeting dont mention anything to do with the past and if it is something make it a good thaught. i suppose you could write her a note as you said you used to but bring it upon the nyt...u no..i was contemplating writing you a note like i used to...if she says awww really? you can just say and then i did and hand it to her ryt?. when you are out consider her motives...why has she asked you to meet her? when your together keep things happy. show her you are happy without her and shel start to imagine what its like being with you again. at the end of the day you havent done much wrong and shes told you that. maybe she just needed to realise that she was very happy with you. Hope it helps abit
Author LSC Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 No nothing really went wrong that I know of till this day. Used to treat her as a Goddess and she did mention that. And she also did everything for me. We were madly in love just crazy for each other. As far as the second chance. I had mentioned to her before the no contact that I didn't want one. I wanted a new chance to start over, she had said at that time that she wished she had the fortitude and the strength that I did and found it interesting.
sean1 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 No nothing really went wrong this is what you really need to think about then. if nothing went wrong why are you apart? maybe she has some supressed feelings or untold stories. she may of just needed the time apart to resolve these herself and not rely on someone else and on the other hand she may of had cold feet about settling down and ran away. but now she realises looking at other people and getting back in the pond that they are not as good as you. and actually when she may of thaught i can have fun with someone else she realised that actually you are the one. BUT i cant emphasize this enough. this is the pocket im in now. i fear im holding on tofalse hope. although you dont want to hear this the other option is the fact she just really wants you there as a friend. someone to trust and have a good time with. obviously its hard to take in however you cannot just push it to the side.
USMCHokie Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 As long as she's with someone else, she shouldn't get anything from you. No letters, no poems, no phone conversations, NO CONTACT. It just looks like she's keeping one or both of you on a string in case the other doesn't work out. She doesn't deserve that, and you don't deserve being that second option. Don't give her the opportunity to romp in both yours and someone else's fields just to decide whether your grass was always greener.
name witheld Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Maybe you smothered her and it lead to a decay of her feelings towards you. I don't care what she said, if she really loved you she would not have left you and would not be dating someone else! Don't listen to what they say....look at what they do...
Author LSC Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 OK I've decided that this meeting will be my last contact with her if it comes off. I have a birthday card for her, her birthday was last month it's been in my glove box since with pictures and the poems???? Should I tell her not to bother unless she has something useful to say??? or just disappear?
dietpepsi Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 OK I've decided that this meeting will be my last contact with her if it comes off. I have a birthday card for her, her birthday was last month it's been in my glove box since with pictures and the poems???? Should I tell her not to bother unless she has something useful to say??? or just disappear? No pictures or poems! It sounds like you'd be giving her something she may not get with her other guy. You are not there to fill voids in her life, and especially not from something she isn't getting from another person. It could all backfire in a way you don't want as well. If you're meeting up, a simple card will do, but don't fill it with feelings. Just be casual, funny, be yourself, don't put any pressure on her or yourself. You're just meeting up. You have to let her know subconsciously that you're fine, and your not going to put with any kind of games. If she walks away, and can't stop thinking about you, then you've done the right things. If she walks away with an inflated ego, and thinks your needy, that will not further your chances, she will return to the schmuck, and not think twice about it, I don't think her feelings (if indeed she does have them) will be threatened by having you wrapped around her finger 100%
Author LSC Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 (edited) dietpepsi The card thing only is what I will do, I till this day when we talk or see each other she will admit I can have her laughing with in minutes. I thought the pictures of all the good times with the kids and us as a family would bring back the good memories and what she'll miss????????? namewithheld If anything she smothered me and I didn't mind she always made the right decisions. I never went to her home or work with out asking or calling first, a few times I did surprise her. But she was always popping up at my place for no reason and I loved it. Many times coming home to find her ant her kids just hanging. USMCHokie I for the life of me can't see what she's doing with this guy? He is everything she hated when we were together. Drugs, bragger, never has a job, lives home with his mommy at 35 just plain old full of ****. And she knows it. Makes no sense. She got him a job in a coffee shop and I heard he was getting fired from there. sean1 For 7 months now I can't figure it out why we're not together, she made little comments here and there but nothing that would break up two people in love as we were. Before NC we would talk for hours and she would do nothing but talk about how good we were together. She text today to tell me she's looking for a new vehicle I ignored it. Well after seven months I have to just see what's going on or just NC forever. I have in the past when was dumped just went NC forever. For some stupid ass reason I just can't do it with this one, it just came from no where's. But I'm a gentleman and the women I broke up (I don't dump people) with I still and always kept in contact with if they wished. A few till this day, some 20 years later. Thanks yall Edited February 8, 2010 by LSC
sean1 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 LSC, you really are a good guy my friend. you treat people with respect and by the sounds of things are a very decent gentleman. ive established that through talking on a forum. so why on earth would she not want to be with you? and at the end of the day should you want to be with her? look through the forums. read the females sides of things. look how bad their men have treated them. im pretty sure they would kill for a man like you. doesnt matter what age you are or exactly what your motives are in life. there is someone out there for you! someone that would happilylive there lives with you and never look back! why should you use all your love on someone that is using you as an option? rather than a priority? i wish you the very best for things
Author LSC Posted February 9, 2010 Author Posted February 9, 2010 LSC, you really are a good guy my friend. you treat people with respect and by the sounds of things are a very decent gentleman. ive established that through talking on a forum. so why on earth would she not want to be with you? and at the end of the day should you want to be with her? look through the forums. read the females sides of things. look how bad their men have treated them. im pretty sure they would kill for a man like you. doesnt matter what age you are or exactly what your motives are in life. there is someone out there for you! someone that would happilylive there lives with you and never look back! why should you use all your love on someone that is using you as an option? rather than a priority? i wish you the very best for things I've never disrespected her even when she was acting like a clown, although I will never be disrespected by anyone ever again. I am a complete gentleman, she never had to open a door in three years of us dating. I wish I knew why she just left? I will say this though that some of her friends who were critical of me since the break have told me that I am a good man and she has changed. I like the priority option statement, I will use that it's great.
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