What is her deal?

[Lost-n-confused]

So tonight my girlfirend is coming over to spend the night. Last two times together we spend passionatly kissing and foolin around. No sex yet I've been holding back telling her I want a serious relationship.

 

See told me she wants to talk and has to tell me something that isn't bad but isn't good. I tell her I hate games and tried to push it but she wouldn't move telling me it has to be done in person. She says not too worry thou. I asked is this about a positive relationship move and she says that will be up to me. Then talked about skinny dipping in my hot tub and spending the weekend with me. She also talks about improving my apperence.. Body acne... pubic hair.... Her 2 cents. So what ever she is going to say can't be that bad. We were in bed and she told me that I'm a realy great guy. I listen and remeber. She says that my kiss gets*her hot instantly and no guy has ever turned her on so easly before. She doesn't belive i'm a virgin. She never had someone so good with there hands and mouth. I keep her wet all night.

 

She likes to tease me about stuff and it worries me. She thought I had balls but appearently I'm a wuss and she is telling me she is trying to toughen me up.

 

I finally have a girlfirend and I'm standing at work scared and worried and unhappy... For all I know her non good / bad talk could be nothing to worry about. Yet I stood up to her and told her I'll put my foot down.. I hate games and hate being teased.

 

All I want to do is be a sweet heart and please someone. All she says is to worry about what I like and to toughen up.

 

I want to have a talk with her but my gut says shut up let her tell her story and go off what she says. She says no expectations no disapointment.

 

Never expected a relationship to be so nerveracking. I guess I'm a wuss, a worrier and I look too deep into things.

 

I told her I'm new to this and I'm learning. I'm also going to tell her i'm going to take everything lightly until she asures me that she is serious.

 

I just want a serious girlfirend that makes me feel secure. *Not worrying about what she's going to say next.

 

Btw we dated for a about a week and a half then went offical, I was out of town for 9 days just got back and we spend 1 passionate night together. So 3 weeks we been dating.

 

Being with her is amazing thou...

Edited February 6, 2010 by Lost-n-confused

[carhill]

So, enjoy the moment and watch to see whether her words and actions match. Color me cynical but I don't believe a word a woman says without an corroborative action to back it up. Too many times fooled and too much shame. I was especially vulnerable back when I was a virgin. IMO, after a few more months, you'll know whether you have a girlfriend or not. One step at a time

[meerkat stew]

All she says is to worry about what I like and to toughen up.

 

Agree with carhill except for the above. If a woman ever says this, listen, because they are telling you they are on the way out. Please consider cutting out all contact between dates, call to set dates only. Have other things in your life that are important to spend time on, don't be constantly available to her. I get the impression you are sitting there spilling to this woman and she is rolling her eyeballs, they don't take liberties like telling a man to "toughen up" otherwise. If you are interested in keeping your new GF, consider backing way up, limiting your time with her, and keeping personal, relationship topic discussions off the table. Show her fun times out and about in addition to makeout times. Have a light and funny, flirty demeanor as opposed to "I'm stressing over this new relationship" demeanor. Best wishes.

[carhill]

Here's my conundrum...

 

Three weeks dating and you're hearing 'body acne', 'pubic hair', 'toughen up', 'worry about what I like' (confused a bit as to whether she means her or you there)....,etc.

 

Do you find this dynamic fits well with your psyche and expectations for your dating/relationship life? Is it healthy for you?

 

I agree with meerkatstew that, in between dates, keep the chatter to a minimum. She hasn't yet proven her value to have access to your interest and attention on a daily basis. TBH, even if projecting somewhat, I'm seeing early 'training' in action here. Time will tell....

[meerkat stew]

TBH, even if projecting somewhat, I'm seeing early 'training' in action here. Time will tell....

 

Have you ever had one who didn't do a fair amount of this? Just curious because I sure haven't or rather very rarely. Have even had online ones start before the first date

 

OP, a good reply to the "training" efforts is "I'll take that under consideration next time I open the suggestion box." with a nice smile. They will usually take the hint.

[carhill]

So far, with the lady I'm currently seeing, no 'training'. What I'm noticing more and more are thought processes which developed in MC regarding boundaries. I clearly experience these thoughts and communicate them, both verbally and in writing, and watch for a positive and synergistic response. A critical issue in the past was being unable to separate out desire and health. I see the delineation better now. I can desire but still be watchful for unhealthy dynamics without that observation interfering with my enjoyment of the moment.

 

I know the OP is young enough to be my son, so I speak from a vastly different perspective, but I can't imagine feeling positive about some of the things I've read here in this thread. Perhaps the OP can speak more to balance; support as well as challenge. I'm not really hearing the support aspect. OP?

[meerkat stew]

Sorry, don't understand what you mean by being "unable to separate out desire and health?" Have never been to MC or any C, so don't know the concepts.

[carhill]

Prior, my desire for a relationship (perhaps somewhat similar to the OP's) overrode and obscured my very real need for health within that relationship. Imagine the desire as cataracts which clouded my vision of personal health. Now, instead of cataracts, envision desire as a pair of really cool sunglasses which allow me to, on a hot summer's day, enjoy the beauty of the image (of desire) but still see *clearly* wrt the health aspects of any potential relationship.

 

TBF has talked about 'choosing' to fall in love; perhaps that line of thought is similar. IDK. I do know that I can have an amazing time now with a woman and not have that cloud my vision of what is healthy (or not) about the fundamental compatibilities on the table. It's a quantum change for me. Whether such can be applicable to the OP I do not know. He'll just have to go through the process and see.

 

FWIW, I have never heard this from a woman, ever:

She told me she wants to talk and has to tell me something that isn't bad but isn't good.

 

I don't know why that is, since it seems to be somewhat common. I've usually been the one to make the 'we need to talk' -type statements.......ah, perhaps that is due to unhealthy attraction and attracting emotionally unavailable women

 

OP, hope the stayover goes well and things work out. Another area you can identify and work on, as applicable, is the differentiation between 'worrying' and accepting and examining parts of your own psyche which cause you to feel how you do and post such threads. It's a worthwhile journey, IMO.

[dreamergrl]

Sounds like she wants you to be more like the older men she's been with.

[OnlyJake]

Agree with carhill except for the above. If a woman ever says this, listen, because they are telling you they are on the way out. Please consider cutting out all contact between dates, call to set dates only. Have other things in your life that are important to spend time on, don't be constantly available to her. I get the impression you are sitting there spilling to this woman and she is rolling her eyeballs, they don't take liberties like telling a man to "toughen up" otherwise. If you are interested in keeping your new GF, consider backing way up, limiting your time with her, and keeping personal, relationship topic discussions off the table. Show her fun times out and about in addition to makeout times. Have a light and funny, flirty demeanor as opposed to "I'm stressing over this new relationship" demeanor. Best wishes.

 

Yes to all this.

[Lost-n-confused]

I'm open to suggestion... I think she want a relationship. She love the sexual energy we have together, the chemistry we have when kissing. So far the sex play has been great.

 

I think she wants to be with me but wants me to be more confident about being in a relationship.

 

Tonight I will findout.

 

Just want to be in love and be loved.

[carhill]

Get off the phone (your post looks like a text) and concentrate on your job.

[eXtremeMan]

So tonight my girlfirend is coming over to spend the night. Last two times together we spend passionatly kissing and foolin around. No sex yet I've been holding back telling her I want a serious relationship.

 

No sex yet? Then she's not your girlfriend. No sex, no relationship.

 

And why are you so obsessed with something "serious"? When things get serious, that's when they stop being fun. Just relax, enjoy and don't worry about end outcomes so much.

 

See told me she wants to talk and has to tell me something that isn't bad but isn't good. I tell her I hate games and tried to push it but she wouldn't move telling me it has to be done in person. She says not too worry thou.

She's giving you an opening to take her and do things right.

 

Then talked about skinny dipping in my hot tub and spending the weekend with me.

She's probably confused, so she might be even attention-whoring a little, but is definitely giving you an opportunity to seal the deal.

 

She also talks about improving my apperence.. Body acne... pubic hair.... Her 2 cents.

Typical emasculation tactics. Just ignore that and make fun of her.

 

We were in bed and she told me that I'm a realy great guy. I listen and remeber. She says that my kiss gets*her hot instantly and no guy has ever turned her on so easly before. She doesn't belive i'm a virgin. She never had someone so good with there hands and mouth. I keep her wet all night.

So why don't you f*ck her already? What the hell are you waiting for? Oh right, I don't think you can...

 

She likes to tease me about stuff and it worries me. She thought I had balls but appearently I'm a wuss and she is telling me she is trying to toughen me up.

She wants you to man the F up and give her what she wants!

 

 

All I want to do is be a sweet heart and please someone.

Holy sh*t. HARDEN THE F*CK UP. This is lame beyond measure, in a really sad way.

 

All she says is to worry about what I like and to toughen up.

She's giving you a hint here to follow your desires and to take charge (i.e. man up and just take her).

 

I want to have a talk with her but my gut says shut up let her tell her story and go off what she says. She says no expectations no disapointment.

Just don't care what she says. Lay her, give her earth shattering orgasms and then you can continue having your relationship.

 

Never expected a relationship to be so nerveracking. I guess I'm a wuss, a worrier and I look too deep into things.

You don't even have a relationship with this woman! Yes, you're a wuss. Man up.

 

I told her I'm new to this and I'm learning. I'm also going to tell her i'm going to take everything lightly until she asures me that she is serious.

Dude, this stuff is really pathetic. Women require strong men who can lead them, take them and give them hell of a fun time. What exactly are you doing? You're just acting like a lame wussbag, looking for a woman that will mother you.

 

I just want a serious girlfirend that makes me feel secure. *Not worrying about what she's going to say next.

Women despise men who are looking for new mothers!

 

Just want to be in love and be loved.

Pathetic. You don't even know what love is. You're just a wussy who is looking for a surrogate mother. IMO, you can't have anything serious with this woman. She'll soon grow tired of your girly ways and will move on.

 

With this kind of attitude, the only type of woman you'll ever be able to keep is a fat feminist bitch who will treat you like a DOG.

 

Sorry for the asskicking, but you deserved it.

[carhill]

If what you're doing isn't working, try something else, so.....

 

Do the above and have her bring you a beer from the fridge tomorrow while you're watching the Super Bowl. Looking forward to hearing the game report.

[Lost-n-confused]

No sex yet? Then she's not your girlfriend. No sex, no relationship.

 

And why are you so obsessed with something "serious"? When things get serious, that's when they stop being fun. Just relax, enjoy and don't worry about end outcomes so much.

 

She's giving you an opening to take her and do things right.

 

She's probably confused, so she might be even attention-whoring a little, but is definitely giving you an opportunity to seal the deal.

 

Typical emasculation tactics. Just ignore that and make fun of her.

 

So why don't you f*ck her already? What the hell are you waiting for? Oh right, I don't think you can...

 

She wants you to man the F up and give her what she wants!

 

 

Holy sh*t. HARDEN THE F*CK UP. This is lame beyond measure, in a really sad way.

 

She's giving you a hint here to follow your desires and to take charge (i.e. man up and just take her).

 

Just don't care what she says. Lay her, give her earth shattering orgasms and then you can continue having your relationship.

 

You don't even have a relationship with this woman! Yes, you're a wuss. Man up.

 

Dude, this stuff is really pathetic. Women require strong men who can lead them, take them and give them hell of a fun time. What exactly are you doing? You're just acting like a lame wussbag, looking for a woman that will mother you.

 

Women despise men who are looking for new mothers!

 

Pathetic. You don't even know what love is. You're just a wussy who is looking for a surrogate mother. IMO, you can't have anything serious with this woman. She'll soon grow tired of your girly ways and will move on.

 

With this kind of attitude, the only type of woman you'll ever be able to keep is a fat feminist bitch who will treat you like a DOG.

 

Sorry for the asskicking, but you deserved it.

 

Thanks I need that... If I truely have a change I'm goin to follow the advice her. I'm going to grab her tonight give her a give kiss then romance her and give her the lay see needs.

[Lost-n-confused]

No sex yet? Then she's not your girlfriend. No sex, no relationship.

 

And why are you so obsessed with something "serious"? When things get serious, that's when they stop being fun. Just relax, enjoy and don't worry about end outcomes so much.

 

She's giving you an opening to take her and do things right.

 

She's probably confused, so she might be even attention-whoring a little, but is definitely giving you an opportunity to seal the deal.

 

Typical emasculation tactics. Just ignore that and make fun of her.

 

So why don't you f*ck her already? What the hell are you waiting for? Oh right, I don't think you can...

 

She wants you to man the F up and give her what she wants!

 

 

Holy sh*t. HARDEN THE F*CK UP. This is lame beyond measure, in a really sad way.

 

She's giving you a hint here to follow your desires and to take charge (i.e. man up and just take her).

 

Just don't care what she says. Lay her, give her earth shattering orgasms and then you can continue having your relationship.

 

You don't even have a relationship with this woman! Yes, you're a wuss. Man up.

 

Dude, this stuff is really pathetic. Women require strong men who can lead them, take them and give them hell of a fun time. What exactly are you doing? You're just acting like a lame wussbag, looking for a woman that will mother you.

 

Women despise men who are looking for new mothers!

 

Pathetic. You don't even know what love is. You're just a wussy who is looking for a surrogate mother. IMO, you can't have anything serious with this woman. She'll soon grow tired of your girly ways and will move on.

 

With this kind of attitude, the only type of woman you'll ever be able to keep is a fat feminist bitch who will treat you like a DOG.

 

Sorry for the asskicking, but you deserved it.

 

Thanks I needed that... If I truely have a change I'm goin to follow the advice her. I'm going to grab her when she walks through my door and give her a huge kiss then romance her and give her the lay see needs.

 

This is if she does'nt blow the mood for the evening by saying something really dumb. I will find out in couple of hours.

[EM47]

extreme,

that is a really good post. may sound extreme and harsh as you said but the original post made me cringe.

[Lost-n-confused]

Girls coming over in a few mins..

 

Tonight was supposed to be the night that we go all the way.. not planned but I was ready....

 

I cut my penis with scissors and its bleeding. I got it to stop and have neosporin on it. I cut is so low that I don't think a condom will cover it and it might bleed during sex... guess what??? No sex or oral sex for me tonight!!! We haven't gone and got tested so... I'm screwed!!

 

I hope she doesn't get pissed.

[carhill]

So you were cutting your pubic hair?

[Lost-n-confused]

Yes I cut a chunk out trimming... Very deep lots of blood. It stoped bleeding n have neosporin and a bandade on it... The chunk is huge and it might scab n scar...

[bac]

Of course she is critical because you do not f...ck her. Many women would get angry and upset. Who wants a man who can not do the job?

[engravefeelthevoid]

maan unless ur brad pitt just forget what ur doing...take control and love her at the same time dont be the woman in the relationship

[meerkat stew]

Invest $12 in a body hair shaver from any department store, ditch the scissors. I sliced a pinch of scrotum sack once and once was enough. Called the woman I was dating who had asked me to shave bare down there and blessed her out in a teasing, funny way. She howled laughing and was most appreciative and giving during our next session. Depending on this girl's sense of humor, you may be able to turn it to your advantage.

 

You can also use the trimmer to touch up haircuts on sideburns or back of your neck, and shave body hair anywhere, toes, ears, etc. A handy thing to have and dirt cheap. Just don't shave sensitive areas too close or you can get ingrown hairs or a rash.