Conflicting work and sleep schedules in relationship

[hersmudders]

My boyfriend and I started out our relationship with him unemployed but looking for work. He recently got a really great job adn is working almost 50 hours a week now so our time together is obviously limited. I wait tables and have a different schedule every week so some days I work nights while he works days and we don't see each other. We've been together a few months and don't live together.

 

B/c we didn't get to spend much time together this past week, he took me on a date last night. We got to my house around 9:30 or so, and his normal bedtime is about 10. We got on my computer on my bed and he ended up falling asleep. He said he was going to take a nap and to wake him up later (he mentioned throughout the day how he'd really like to have sex and can't wait to do that with me since it's been a while b/c of our conflicting schedules). Well I let him sleep a little bit, showered, went and hung out with my roommate. I came back up about midnight and tried waking him up, wanting to spend time with him, even if it wasn't sex.

 

He talks in his sleep a lot, which I think is hilarious and I'll often try to engage him in conversation when he sleeps to see what crazy stuff he'll say. After last night, I don't think I'm going to do that anymore. He ended up talking to me with his eyes wide open, not even looking the least bit asleep, so I thought he was awake. Then he started saying crazy stuff about puppies and beer and I knew he was still asleep so I left it alone. I was leaning on top of him though and he said "you're not doing anything to help my new schedule, I'm trying to get used to going to sleep so early, get off of me so I can sleep" and said it sort of mean. I tried to let it go since I figured he was asleep with the puppies and beer talk, so I rolled over and turned on a movie. He said a minute later to come to him so he could hold me (which he always wants me to come to him if he says something he feels out of line, which is extremely rare for him to do) and I said "It's ok, you're asleep, you won't remember any of this in the morning, it's fine". I tried not to get my feelings hurt but I actually did. I watched TV for a couple hours and then went to sleep.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night with him trying to start fooling around with me, but I brushed him off and said no and he left it alone. He woke up bright and early at 8am and was holding me and kissing me but I brushed him off...I'm not a morning sex sort of person b/c I'm cranky in the mornings. Finally I started waking up and ended up talking to him some. I told him about what he said last night and asked him how I could be more supportive if he felt that I wasn't helping at all, and he said he doesn't remember saying that and that I'm being great and he's sorry he snapped at me. We lay there a few minutes and he said he was going to go, as he had errands to run. I asked him to not go b/c I don't have to be to work for 3 hours and wanted to spend time wiht him. We lay there another 10 minutes and he said he needed to go get his stuff done so he coul dhave the rest of his day. I said ok, mostly b/c I wanted him to go so I could cry (I am frustrated right now and I cry when I'm frustrated or angry). I work from 12-9 tonight so my day with him is shot.

 

I miss my boyfriend. I'm having a hard time adjusting to his new schedule. My sleep patterns vary so much every day b/c I battle insomnia and find it difficult to fall asleep before 2am, no matter what time I got up that morning or have to get up the next day. Aside from doping myself up with sleeping pills, which I sometimes have to do, how do I adjust to his schedule so I can feel less neglected and therefore selfish?

 

I'm also sexually frustrated, as I know he is. All week we were talking about how we couldn't wait for the weekend so we coudl spend time together and have sex. Thursday night he stayed over and we both sort of dozed off about 830, though we had plans to have sex when we'd gotten home from dinner. I woke up about 10 and showered, and he said "I'm sorry I fell asleep and didn't shower with you". I told him it's ok, he can keep sleeping, I'l wake him up for sex in a bit. And I did about an hour later...after about 5 minutes into it he finally woke up (very deep sleeper). We had a quicky and stopped, though I could tell he wasnt half into it, thinking he was really tired since I woke him up. The next morning, he didn't even remember having sex with me and even having an orgasm.

 

Am I wrong to feel somewhat neglected? Or am I being selfish? I don't want to feel selfish or neglected but all I know is that I'm becoming sad b/c I miss spending time with him and don't know how to adjust. He's the most amazing guy I know and is so kind and sweet and just loving. I love him so much and want to spend time with him but feel lost at how to compromise, maybe.

 

Sorry this is so long.