conehead Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Ok this question is for guys. For your current or past gf/wife, was it: A) Around the time you first met them or had a first date with them, there was just something about her that made you super gaga over her. She definitely STOOD OUT from the rest right from the start. OR B) When you first met her, you were 'fond' of her but it was definitely not instant sparks. You enjoyed her company but overall she didn't seem exactly 'special' or 'stood out from the rest' for you. It wasn't until perhaps after a few weeks or even months did you realize how great she was and fell in love with her. And the subsequent question is, of all your past girlfriends, how were all the girls who were A compare with B? Was there ever a situation where girl B turned out to be better than girl A or you even married a girl B?? My sister told me that it's important that a guy have that 'instant sparks' with a girl for it to work out...or else a guy will at most just 'be fond' of a girl and will never grow to be head over heels in love with her. She said the same does not apply for girls though, just guys. Just curious
jerbear Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 The ones I'm super gaga initially and there was a chase; it was hot and heavy and lots of fun. After the chase, sometimes it was just blah. I think I got bored with her or not chasing. With option B, the relationship fizzled on my end unless she chased me. One of my relationships she chased, I "fell" and then I went super gaga over her. That relationship ended because I was no longer a challenge. Now that I'm older, I will chase only if I view she wanted to get caught.
She's_NotInLove_w/Me Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 For me, there was only one girl; She stood out from day one and there were definitely sparks! The desire meter was definitely off the charts... 17 years later she's still the one! Sorry I couldn't be of more help with personal experience comparing A & B, but I can tell you that I believe many couples work into making it passionate; not everyone has the hots for their lifetime partner from the very start...
You'reasian Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I don't chase that much at all. Its childish to an extent; there's a difference in showing interest, wanting communication and chasing. If the first two aren't happening two way, there's a problem To answer your Q: I've had experiences with both. I've had the passionate, firey spark with a girlfriend with lots of intense sex and closeness; also had the slow, gradual simmer that became more and more and more hot lol
Author conehead Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 I've had experiences with both. I've had the passionate, firey spark with a girlfriend with lots of intense sex and closeness; also had the slow, gradual simmer that became more and more and more hot lol Which one do you think you liked more in the end? The girl with sparks from the beginning or the girl with the gradual simmer?
skydiveaddict Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I always go gaga over them, then usually end up getting my heart smashed
Satisfaction Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 The ones I'm super gaga initially and there was a chase; it was hot and heavy and lots of fun. After the chase, sometimes it was just blah. I think I got bored with her or not chasing. With option B, the relationship fizzled on my end unless she chased me. One of my relationships she chased, I "fell" and then I went super gaga over her. That relationship ended because I was no longer a challenge. Now that I'm older, I will chase only if I view she wanted to get caught. Hmmm, interesting so does this mean if there is no chase but mutal effort then it works better? Or can situation A and B lead to a "proper" relationship as well?
jerbear Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Hmmm, interesting so does this mean if there is no chase but mutal effort then it works better? Or can situation A and B lead to a "proper" relationship as well? I've learned it is, there has to be an mutual balance between two people and a balance between option A & B. Both sides have to show interest in each other to get chemistry and attraction. If everything was one sided, the other side will get give up and eventually disappear. A relationship between two people should compliment and not be one sided to long. The dynamics should toggle between A & B with each other feeding the relationship.
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Which one do you think you liked more in the end? The girl with sparks from the beginning or the girl with the gradual simmer? Each relationship has been different - different circumstances - so the initial attraction didn't matter as much as the circumstances that affected the relationship. Does that make sense?
sally4sara Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I "knew" my husband for over a year before we began dating. After we began dating and sharing stories, we realized we had been around each other many times (even in the same room!) without any "Wow! I want to get to know that person!" reactions. It wasn't until life's circumstances placed us around each other in such a way that we interacted with each other rather than simply around each other. Basically we didn't even register a blip on the others' radar till we began to share conversation.
shadowplay Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 ^Ha. My boyfriend and I were also around each other for a year before dating, as we were in the same art classes. It turns out we both noticed each other. He said that he thought I was the prettiest girl in the department and also noticed my intelligence when I participated in class. I was also struck by his intelligence and talent. He seemed different from the other guys in my dept. There was one cute, tiny interaction that happened a year ago that we both remember. We were the only ones sitting in a room one day before class started. I put some music on off my computer to impress him with my taste. I could tell he was into music, so I thought this would go over well. I was hoping he'd strike up a conversation. At one point he said, "Hey, do you have that album, so I could copy it?" He told me later that he already had the album but wanted to impress me. I didn't have the full album on my computer, so I said "No, sorry." I probably should have said more, but my mind blanked out. He interpreted my response as a brush off and that was the last we spoke for another year. Something similar happened with my ex boyfriend where we had an awkward moment in a reception room, and both decided the other wasn't interested. It's always fun finding out later on what was really going on in the other person's head. It's funny how often people misinterpret signals.
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