St. Nick Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I'm a 25 yr old dude dating a 41 yr old woman, and she is boring in bed. I'm a guy who likes to get real physical during sex to the point where I sweat, like in an aerobic workout. I don't care if she's a bombshell or petite, if she can't move then she's wasting my time. My current woman will just sit there and make faces. It aggravates me so much that she cannot ride at all. I've talked to her many times and it always ends up in an argument. At first, I thought it was the way I approached the subject and she felt I was insulting her, so I tried my best to keep things cool, give constructive criticism, and show her what I think would work to make the sex better. She seemed to take it easily, and we tried it, but she was still just sitting there, and I kept on having to tell her to put more energy into it. She got mad at me, called me a "dictator", and we had another argument. We patched things up a few days ago. Last night she called me while I was on the net and asked me to come over. I said I had some things to do and would be there in two hours (I was playing Yahoo! Pool). Later on, when I was driving to her place, I thought to myself, "You know, I really don't wanna do this". I got to her apt building and just found myself sitting in my car, in the parking lot, contemplating making up some excuse why I couldn't go, just so I could go back home and play Yahoo! Pool. That's when I realized the crappy sex game was a huge problem. I asked some friends about it and one said, "It's just the way older women are. I find that this whole 'cougar' thing is overrated. Somehow, when women get older they lose their sexual prowess and they become extremely boring in bed." I don't always listen to that particular friend, but he had a point. I've been with several older women and none of them had an energetic sex game, like younger women can. NOTE: I know some individual is gonna be offended by this and say, "Well, men have this problem, blah, blah, blah" but just stick to the subject, okay? I don't give a crap about what men do, I'm talking about me and my woman. I need some serious help here because I haven't liked a woman this much in a long time. She's definitely a great woman, but the sex is bothering me (or should I say not bothering me, cuz it's not doing anything for me). Questions: 1. Why do most women lose their sex game when they get older (i.e. 35 yrs old)? 2. What can I say or do to make her perform much better?
meerkat stew Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Have you thought about putting some meth in her tea? Seriously: 1. I disagree that this is the case, individual activity during sex is an individual matter. Have been with 18 y.o.s who were meh and 45 y.o.s who would literally knock holes in your sheetrock and break beds, no kidding. 2. Lots more detail needed to help with this. Is she climaxing? How early and often? Have you used a vibrator on her? Which positions do you do and have you tried? Is she in good physical and mental health? Does she smoke and drink? Do you talk dirty? Any details along these lines would be helpful.
Author St. Nick Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Have you thought about putting some meth in her tea? Seriously: 1. I disagree that this is the case, individual activity during sex is an individual matter. Have been with 18 y.o.s who were meh and 45 y.o.s who would literally knock holes in your sheetrock and break beds, no kidding. 2. Lots more detail needed to help with this. Is she climaxing? How early and often? Have you used a vibrator on her? Which positions do you do and have you tried? Is she in good physical and mental health? Does she smoke and drink? Do you talk dirty? Any details along these lines would be helpful. 1. The thing is, it's not just me who feels this. Many other guys feel older woman in general are boring in bed. I've had sex with around 20 women; around 6 were over 30, the rest were around my age. None of those 6 women made me feel satisfied. True, younger women aren't always going to be good in bed. But it is easier to find a younger woman with good sexual prowess than an older woman. 2. I didn't want to get into details because I thought it might be too graphic for the forum, but I will now: I like to pull hair; roll around the carpet; I love a good rider when it's cowgirl; pick her off her feet and have sex with her while I'm holding her; dirty words; I like a lot of yelling; a ton of grinding; lip-biting; smack her butt while I'm in doggy-style; and a lot of other good stuff. She told me she hasn't been in a committed relationship in 4 years. She lays on her side or her back and just says, "Oh! Oh!". I try to get her to ride and she doesn't bounce. It's like I have a dead person on my lap. I don't use vibrators during sex, she can use it on her own time. She doesn't smoke but she drinks occasionally. I don't like to have sex with a drunk woman. I had a buddy who had sex with his longtime gf when she was drunk and she charged him with date-rape. He kept maintaining it was consensual but it looks bad when she's drunk. I don't want to get charged with anything like that. I only have sex with sober women. She climaxes around 35 minutes into it. She's in okay health. She's slim, she likes to swim, but she doesn't do much beyond that. I don't know about her mental health, but she doesn't seem to be insecure. She's into music (plays piano). It's like this: I'll go rough or slow, but she sometimes starts to complain, "That's too hard." She doesn't really like to have sex on the spur of the moment, it's usually that she needs to change into something first. I think she's self-conscious about her pregnancy scar because she got a tattoo to hide it, and whenever she's standing in front of me naked, she has her hands over the lower part of her stomach. Or sometimes she might get naked and then immediately underneath the covers. Is she afraid of something?
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 1. I disagree; I think women over 40 probably have more sex and enjoy sex more than women in their 20's and 30's. They are more comfortable with their bodies and like a variety of activity. 2. Yes, more info needed; maybe you got a dud; maybe you don't turn her on;
Gere51 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 1. I disagree; I think women over 40 probably have more sex and enjoy sex more than women in their 20's and 30's. They are more comfortable with their bodies and like a variety of activity. 2. Yes, more info needed; maybe you got a dud; maybe you don't turn her on; Sounds like it's an isolated case. I'm 53 and my current girlfriend is 42. My girlfriend before her is 32 and I will say that both were really great in bed, and not much difference. Most of the women I date are around 40, due to the maturity level, and I've never had one that's boring. Sounds like she may have some deep-rooted issue that's causing her to hold back. If she can't "ride" it's probably because her legs are not in shape for that. Ever tried to do squats in the gym when you're not used to them? Takes a while to work up.
carhill Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 What kind of faces does she make? Questions: 1. Why do most women lose their sex game when they get older (i.e. 35 yrs old)? 2. What can I say or do to make her perform much better? 1. Depends. Each person is different, as is their libido. How many datapoints do you have? 2. IME, I tell and/or show a woman what I like and encourage her to do the same. If no joy, next.
anne1707 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 1. Why do most women lose their sex game when they get older (i.e. 35 yrs old)? Certainly disagree. The older I get, the more I love sex, the more confident I am, the more I want to try something new.... 2. What can I say or do to make her perform much better? Maybe the younger women are satisfied with a lesser preformance from you due to their lack of experience. The older women expect something more so they are disappointed and therefore do not respond so well to you. Just a thought....
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 If she's taking 35 minutes to climax, she may be faking. The key to getting any woman in peak form is figuring out how to get her to climax hard and early, they tend to liven up then, just common sense. That's why I ask about the vibrator, it is a good baseline as IME women tend to have more intense orgasms with vibrators when other stimulation, kissing, etc. is involved. If you can see what she looks like coming hard, you know what you want to strive for in the first five minutes of intercourse. Have you tried a g-spot missionary position? Riding high and putting her ankles way back, some tend to go faster this way. Or a more grinding than thrusting technique? Some tend to get off more from pressure motion than a thrusting motion. Have you gotten her to masturbate in front of you? Some are self-conscious about it, but if they will do it, you will learn how to make her come more and faster. Just a few ideas. Our experiences have been opposite as ages go, I find younger ones tend to have more insecurities and hangups, many older ones have gotten past these and are more uninhibited.
txsilkysmoothe Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Based on your description, she is not a good lover. I doubt that she is interested in changing her attitude about sex. You're just not compatible.
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Oh, forgot about the dirty talking, if she responds in kind, it's turning her on. This can speed things up IMMENSELY for women who are responsive to it.
anne1707 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Our experiences have been opposite as ages go, I find younger ones tend to have more insecurities and hangups, many older ones have gotten past these and are more uninhibited. I think there is so much truth in this. I regularly go to the gym and the women who insist on using cubicles to change in are the 20 years olds who in theory are at their peak according to some men. Yet they are so uncomfortable with their bodies. The older women - including those with the less than pert breasts or stretch marks from childbirth - are perfectly happy with themselves and totally confident in stripping in front of others
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I regularly go to the gym and the women who insist on using cubicles to change in are the 20 years olds Modesty is cute, not in the bedroom though! OP, one other thing, if you wait until they are literally begging you for intercourse before inserting, they tend to go faster. Also of course try oral. HAHAHA, didn't realize they had a cunnilingus smilicon
BG1985 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I think there is so much truth in this. I regularly go to the gym and the women who insist on using cubicles to change in are the 20 years olds who in theory are at their peak according to some men. Yet they are so uncomfortable with their bodies. The older women - including those with the less than pert breasts or stretch marks from childbirth - are perfectly happy with themselves and totally confident in stripping in front of others I find that older men have no problem strutting around in the locker room and having hour-long conversations completely naked.
sumdude Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Someone id either a good lover or not. Though many can learn. The real trick? Realizing that everyone is different and what works for one doesn't always work for another. That said, either she's not a live one or you haven't found the way to push the right buttons for her.
Trialbyfire Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Your description of sex wouldn't turn me on either so it's no wonder that she just lays there. And yes, I'm a 35 year old woman who doesn't like to be yelled at, sworn at, have my hair pulled or getting smacked around, spanking or otherwise. So, you might have a point about 35 year old women. Many of us prefer not to be verbally or physically abused, while engaging in sexual acts.
sumdude Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Your description of sex wouldn't turn me on either so it's no wonder that she just lays there. And yes, I'm a 35 year old woman who doesn't like to be yelled at, sworn at, have my hair pulled or getting smacked around, spanking or otherwise. So, you might have a point about 35 year old women. Many of us prefer not to be verbally or physically abused, while engaging in sexual acts. yet many do... and then some.
Trialbyfire Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 yet many do... and then some. I'm just enabling the OP.
Hot Carl Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 yet many do... and then some. I haven't seen a single thread on LS that ever said "I wish he'd abuse me more".
SadandConfusedWA Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Honestly OP, you are treating your gf as a purely sexual object. Your description of sex is also not appealing at all and would turn me off completly (I am 31). Maybe she doesn't like being pushed around and doesn't find you worthy of energy expanded to ride or bounce
Author St. Nick Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Thanks meerkat and others. Your advice is helpful. I'll try different positions and focus on a position that is pleasing to her. At first I thought txsilk might be right, we may not be compatible. But then I realized that we're compatible with each other regarding other things; it's just mainly the sex that sucks. But some women here say my sex is abusive. Is that older women think? I thought women liked a lot of action; I've never been told its abusive before. My last gf really took to it (she was my age). Maybe it's a generation gap and older like things different, slower. Unlike what another poster thinks, I don't believe an older woman is by definition more sexually experienced than a younger woman simply because she's older. I've known women in their 40s who have had fewer sex partners than women in their 20s. I never thought my idea of good sex is abuse, but if some women on this forum feel that way chances are she thinks that is too. So tell, what is a good way have sex with an older woman that we both can enjoy? Can you give me something that is exciting? How can I get her to ride better?
Trialbyfire Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Straight up St. Nick, much, not all, but much of your version of fun loving sex sounds to me like really bad porn. Just keep trying different positions and see if you can't get more enthusiasm from her. If you can't, she probably just sucks in bed.
boogieboy Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 SHe isnt turned on by you nick. She knows what you like and its probably turning her off, but she lays there to let you get it over with. What you need to do is leave her alone for a while, wait her out until she initiates. Then let her run the show, see what she does and how she like it.
Barky Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 This is a cool counter-troll to the other thread where tentwenty said that over-37 guys had no game or something like that. I've found that 'cougars' are just as good in bed as younger women. I think it has a lot to do with the individual woman and not her age. If she sucks in bed at 25 she's gonna suck in bed at 45. And if she's good when she's young she'll most likely be good when she's old.
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 But some women here say my sex is abusive. Is that older women think? I thought women liked a lot of action; I've never been told its abusive before. My last gf really took to it (she was my age). Maybe it's a generation gap and older like things different, slower. They are having a go at you, don't take it personally, there are plenty of women out there who like the kinds of things you describe, but some don't, so if you have always done the spanking and hair-pulling with her, and things aren't working, try a different approach. Just remember 35 minutes is way too slow. Ex x5 liked to be bitten HARD, as in almost breaking the skin hard, but do you think I started our first session by chomping down on her? And that brings up a good point, have you asked her what she wants and likes? If you have been seeing her awhile, that's the place to start. But there are two more extremely serious things to keep in mind: If you are smacking her too hard, you may be giving her concussions, which would explain the listlessness. If she does get a concussion during sex, don't let her go to sleep afterwards. Keep a flashlight on the bedstand to look at her pupil size. If they are different sizes, give it a break for a few minutes until the pupils even up again. I don't know if old women get concussions more easily than young women or not, maybe they do. If she's prone to concussions, you can try a football helmet. As a last resort, you can try Spanish Fly to liven her up. You can get it in Tijuana, which may require a long roadtrip. My cousin's uncle's sister got dosed with that stuff back in the 70s and she went hog-wild, screwed every man, woman and child in the neighborhood, I think she's still out there somewhere screwing a gear shift knob or somesuch.
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