blair08 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I see posts about how some of you got caught or how if you were a BS found out etc. Has there been anyone on here who thought there spouse or partner was cheating when in fact your instincts were wrong and they weren't?
kis Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I see posts about how some of you got caught or how if you were a BS found out etc. Has there been anyone on here who thought there spouse or partner was cheating when in fact your instincts were wrong and they weren't? Nope. If you have that feeling it is usually right.
Author blair08 Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Yeah, I was going to say everyone must have been dead on and wrong on nothing. I will say I wasn't wrong in thinking something was up with my husband before. So, I can admit that, and I can admit I was wrong in what I thought it was. I did think he was messing around because he was so secretive about a few things, and distant, come to find out he was feeling guilty about drinking again and and buying things off the internet we didn't need after we had discussed it. So even though people may not be wrong in thinking something is up, I do think they can be wrong in what it may or may not be.
silverfish Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 I was right, then wrong a few times after that...the insecurity got to me.
Author blair08 Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 Unfortunately, I was right. I'm sorry! You know I couldn't imagine finding out what you really believed was going on all along. I mean it ws bad enough for me to just feel like something was up with my hubby even though it was something other than cheating, still, its such a betrayal. I also felt bad about checking but when I did and found out what it truly was I guess I felt some better in knowing the truth.
moaningmyrtle Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I was right, then wrong a few times after that...the insecurity got to me. I think this is what happened to me too. D-day was late 2008 and a 3.5 year affair was revealed from early 2002 to late 2005. Since d-day I have thought about other times earlier than 2002 when I now wonder if he was having an A and also since d-day I have had a couple of really "bad" times when I've been convinced he was either still having an A with the original AP or had started another. He insists there were no other affairs or sexual encounters with "normal" women (ie apart from the massage parlours in 2001, I now know about). I normally say I trust my intuitions but because of my insecurity and complete destabilization following d-day I no longer seem to have a trustworthy intuition. Has this happened to anyone else that they "feel" their SO is still involved with someone else even if logically it seems impossible?
crazycatlady Posted February 7, 2010 Posted February 7, 2010 I was wrong and then right. A friend of mine, her husband accuses her about twice a year of an A, usually a past one. Needless to say she has always been faithful to him - and yes she would tell me. Recently due to some troubles in their marriage, and the fairly active pursuit of a man she did find attractive, she was glad to take a job elsewhere to avoid temptation. And the man was hot and heavy after her and knew she did find him attractive. She was feeling vulnerable from how her H had been treating her since he started losing weight. And the other man made her feel very attractive. But other then being flattered, and worried that if home life kept going like it had been and he kept pursuing she might cave, she's never been close. We talk about this and other stuff, completely honest with each other, so there is one person wrong. CCL
on1wheel Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 God, I wish I was wrong. It has been 2+ yrs since D-day & I wish everyday that I was wrong. The worst part is (yes there is something far worse than catching your spouse in an A) that I will NEVER be fully happy, because I couldn't do what I needed to do. I needed to divorce her, take 50% custody of our child & then find a woman with the same morals as I have. I took a couple of weeks to think it through & realized the one that would suffer most was someone that was only 19 mths old & 100% innocent. In the end, I remembered the promise I made when they drew their 1st breath..."I will do anything in my power to protect you from harm or pain". So I agreed to stay & give her another chance. I will never trust fully, I will never love fully & I will never be fully content. I now pretend that the A never happened; that I just suspected it. So I pretend I was wrong to get through the days. It's no way to live, but everytime I look @ how happy my now 4 year old is; well I know I did what I had to do as a parent. I hope that many more of you find that your fears are unfounded, but if you're on LS & in the infidelity section...guess you were right...sorry for your loss. I feel that the loss of my faith is like losing a loved one.
on1wheel Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 God, I wish I was wrong. It has been 2+ yrs since D-day & I wish everyday that I was wrong. The worst part is (yes there is something far worse than catching your spouse in an A) that I will NEVER be fully happy, because I couldn't do what I needed to do. I needed to divorce her, take 50% custody of our child & then find a woman with the same morals as I have. I took a couple of weeks to think it through & realized the one that would suffer most was someone that was only 19 mths old & 100% innocent. In the end, I remembered the promise I made when they drew their 1st breath..."I will do anything in my power to protect you from harm or pain". So I agreed to stay & give her another chance. I will never trust fully, I will never love fully & I will never be fully content. I now pretend that the A never happened; that I just suspected it. So I pretend I was wrong to get through the days. It's no way to live, but everytime I look @ how happy my now 4 year old is; well I know I did what I had to do as a parent. I hope that many more of you find that your fears are unfounded, but if you're on LS & in the infidelity section...guess you were right...sorry for your loss. I feel that the loss of my faith is like losing a loved one.
SleepingDog Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 After the affair there were red flags and warning singnals which I was too sensitive about. I do suspect her of having cheated afterwards, but can't prove it.
on1wheel Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 God, I wish I was wrong. It has been 2+ yrs since D-day & I wish everyday that I was wrong. The worst part is (yes there is something far worse than catching your spouse in an A) that I will NEVER be fully happy, because I couldn't do what I needed to do. I needed to divorce her, take 50% custody of our child & then find a woman with the same morals as I have. I took a couple of weeks to think it through & realized the one that would suffer most was someone that was only 19 mths old & 100% innocent. In the end, I remembered the promise I made when they drew their 1st breath..."I will do anything in my power to protect you from harm or pain". So I agreed to stay & give her another chance. I will never trust fully, I will never love fully & I will never be fully content. I now pretend that the A never happened; that I just suspected it. So I pretend I was wrong to get through the days. It's no way to live, but everytime I look @ how happy my now 4 year old is; well I know I did what I had to do as a parent. I hope that many more of you find that your fears are unfounded, but if you're on LS & in the infidelity section...guess you were right...sorry for your loss. I feel that the loss of my faith is like losing a loved one.
Stung Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I see posts about how some of you got caught or how if you were a BS found out etc. Has there been anyone on here who thought there spouse or partner was cheating when in fact your instincts were wrong and they weren't? My guess is that there are people out in the world who have suspected or accused their SO of cheating and been proven wrong; I could cite a few examples of friends I know, or one particularly jealous boyfriend from my past. However, those people will not answer you today because they have no real reason to linger on an Infidelity forum. Skewed results via bias.
Spark1111 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 I knew something was amiss.....but in a million years never thought it would be that! Ahhh, love is blind. I wracked my head and heart and have come up with the unfortunate fact that I was either in total denial and/or completely clueless! Now, my shattered trust has skewed my perception and a few times I have felt overly suspicious of......nothing at all, it turns out. Not sure if that will ever change for me, but my intuition NOW, while sometimes wrong, lives in a heightened state of awareness at all times.
Dexter Morgan Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 After the affair there were red flags and warning singnals which I was too sensitive about. I do suspect her of having cheated afterwards, but can't prove it. this is why I always advise leaving cheaters. why have to live with constant suspicions and feeling the need to have to prove anything? even if someone doesn't feel the need to get proof on anything, you can never take them at their word ever again, and will have some suspicions from time to time. what kind of life is that?
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