Devil Inside Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Those of you involved in any part of the triangle...how did the affair come to light? Just curious to see what usually happens. I know in my case I disclosed my affair, but I know that a lot of times it is discovered other ways.
Confused4Now Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Those of you involved in any part of the triangle...how did the affair come to light? Just curious to see what usually happens. I know in my case I disclosed my affair, but I know that a lot of times it is discovered other ways.I knocked on my MW's door about 14 months ago...it didn't change anything with her situation. As for my situation...I told my ex about my MW about 6months after I moved out of my house. It was a exit affair and I'm single now.
Blindsidedagainalive Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Well, she was acting strange. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it. No problems or complaints.....I thought everything was great between us. I had no evidence whatsoever. A few months before, someone told me they suspected their wife of cheating and set up a camera. For some reason, I decided to do the same. I really did not expect an affair, just SOMETHING. I set up camera, and caught her the first nite having a conversation with the OM. She denied she was having an affair. So, I asked her if I could call 'her friend', citing, 'any friend of yours if a friend of mine'. So, I called OM, tricked him, and the douchebag confessed.
Samantha0905 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I knocked on my MW's door about 14 months ago...it didn't change anything with her situation. As for my situation...I told my ex about my MW about 6months after I moved out of my house. It was a exit affair and I'm single now. Wow, that took some nerve. Were your knees knocking or were you just so ticked they didn't?
NEVERINTENDEDTHIS Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 My husband checked my phone records and called the strange number he kept seeing on there. He questioned me for a couple of months before I finally broke and told him later I found a list of things he had wrote down to my whereabouts no certains dates.
2sure Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Initially, first time I just looked at his phone texts on his phone. Then his on line records. Ultimately, the last time I hired someone. But that wasnt really for discovery or to catch him.... It was more just to ...I dont know - slap myself in the face with it? So, I would stop questioning myself.
2sure Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 'Catching" someone cheating.... Its a degrading process.
reboot Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 'Catching" someone cheating.... Its a degrading process. Indeed it is. And despite what many here seem to think, not many of those that have done it are proud of it.
Lizzie60 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Those of you involved in any part of the triangle...how did the affair come to light? Just curious to see what usually happens. I know in my case I disclosed my affair, but I know that a lot of times it is discovered other ways. Fortunately.. not too many of my MMs haven't been caught ... I helped one BS to catch his WS with me.. One got caught because he was emailing me and left his laptop on the dining table.. she looked up the emails (in the 'Sent' directory ... copied them all in her account.. then later read them all)... My young MM was caught ... she got his phone record.. and looked up my number.. (he had called me many times)... she even drove around my place to catch a glimpse.. but never could see me).. He is now extremely careful and knows how to cover his traces. If people are extremely careful... they shouldn't get caught.. every single precautions has to be taken...
Trialbyfire Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Yes, 2sure, catching a cheater is a degrading process, one that shouldn't need to happen. What triggered me to the ex's infidelity, was inconsistent behaviour. I can't even pinpoint the exact circumstances anymore, just the feeling of unease. I think that many times, the subconscious mind aka gut instinct or intuition, picks up more cues, than the conscious mind.
reboot Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I think that many times, the subconscious mind aka gut instinct or intuition, picks up more cues, than the conscious mind. Absolutely.
jennie-jennie Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 This was before cell phones. My SO wanted us to start over after he spent one month infatuated with another woman. Every time he did not show up on time I knew he was with her again.
LadyDi Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 His wife put a key logger on their computer.......
Confused4Now Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Wow, that took some nerve. Were your knees knocking or were you just so ticked they didn't?One thing I learned is being with my MW made her very passive aggressive. I could never get an answer. She talks now...cause she knows what I'm capable of now.
Hard2Think Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 My OW came to the house one night and handed my wife a fistful of love emails .. Not fun.
JaneInVegas Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 When I was the cheater in my last marriage, I used to (and still do) keep a fairly detailed journal of my life. My ex knew about that journal and went through hell and high water to find it on the computer. A few months after the A began he suspected something was up but couldn't prove it, and went into overdrive hunting for it. I went through great lengths to hide my journal on the computer and was always successful. But the 'one time' I forgot to go through all the steps required to keep my journal hidden, he found it. It wasn't pretty. In my current situation, I just had a hunch that my SO was still communicating with his old girlfriend in Colorado. He accidentally forgot to delete his call history on his phone one day, which led to me investigating more and more until finally I had my proof. Also, his EAP's husband got suspicious as well, and hired a private investigator. I actually had a TON of proof emailed to me, all completely free of charge. Bottom line is ... no matter how tricky you are, no matter how careful you are ... cheaters eventually slip up and forget to cover their tracks. It's never pretty.
fooled once Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 He had a picture of me and my son in his wallet. His wife found it. He denied it she called me and I confirmed it.
schewter Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 You know when you are not alone inside SO's heart...kept asking her a thousand ways if anything was up. Even told her one time that she would eventually come to hate the taste of a lie...and she did. Told me of her own volition when the lad was planning a trip to town to (hopefully in his mind) take things to a physical level.
jennie-jennie Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 When I was the cheater in my last marriage, I used to (and still do) keep a fairly detailed journal of my life. My ex knew about that journal and went through hell and high water to find it on the computer. A few months after the A began he suspected something was up but couldn't prove it, and went into overdrive hunting for it. I went through great lengths to hide my journal on the computer and was always successful. But the 'one time' I forgot to go through all the steps required to keep my journal hidden, he found it. It wasn't pretty. In my current situation, I just had a hunch that my SO was still communicating with his old girlfriend in Colorado. He accidentally forgot to delete his call history on his phone one day, which led to me investigating more and more until finally I had my proof. Also, his EAP's husband got suspicious as well, and hired a private investigator. I actually had a TON of proof emailed to me, all completely free of charge. Bottom line is ... no matter how tricky you are, no matter how careful you are ... cheaters eventually slip up and forget to cover their tracks. It's never pretty. Jane, I have followed your story a bit, so I need to ask you, what does EAP mean? Emotional Affair Partner? Ex Affair Partner?
jennie-jennie Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 My MM was writing an email to me on his laptop. His wife entered the room, and he closed the laptop so quickly that she understood he was trying to hide something. She was down and out of depression for three days, but he "gaslighted" her into believing it was nothing. So, at least in the back of her mind, she knows of my existence, since he told her my name and our past history.
Spark1111 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 My husband accidentally took my cell phone and left me his to go pick up our young adult children at the airport. They were flying in to meet us at a family reunion. I was playing Scrabble with my SILs, when my daughter called his phone to say the plane had landed and I told her he had mine so call that number since he was already circling the airport. I stumbled upon an exchange of incredibly passionate text messages to an androgynous name that could have been a man or a woman! In my total shock, I did not say a word about my discovery but I did score a 7-letter word and win the game. I did a lot of digging, pretended everything was fine between us and confronted him 5 days later with a ton of proof! (You should have seen the 50 phone calls between them that day!) :cool:BUSTED. Damn, I'm good!
bentnotbroken Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Spark, my discovery was similar, but 10x more info. He documents everything and thought I was too depressed or stupid to find the bread crumbs to the truth. Needless to say he and ow were not prepared for what came next......
Spark1111 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Needless to say Bent! I have made a lifetime of successes on being underestimated as a dumb blond! Yeah right. I am a former investigate journalist with a mensa IQ. I also am sweet and kind and a great listener. Underestimate me all you can. I always use it to my advantage.:bunny:
Author Devil Inside Posted February 6, 2010 Author Posted February 6, 2010 My husband accidentally took my cell phone and left me his to go pick up our young adult children at the airport. They were flying in to meet us at a family reunion. I was playing Scrabble with my SILs, when my daughter called his phone to say the plane had landed and I told her he had mine so call that number since he was already circling the airport. I stumbled upon an exchange of incredibly passionate text messages to an androgynous name that could have been a man or a woman! In my total shock, I did not say a word about my discovery but I did score a 7-letter word and win the game. I did a lot of digging, pretended everything was fine between us and confronted him 5 days later with a ton of proof! (You should have seen the 50 phone calls between them that day!) :cool:BUSTED. Damn, I'm good! I could have sworn you were going to say the word was CHEATER!
WifeCheatedOnMe Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 If people are extremely careful... they shouldn't get caught.. every single precautions has to be taken... I don't think that's true for a second....The only way you don't get caught is if your SO doesn't want to catch you. In today's electronic society, it's actually very easy to catch a cheater....They aren't the brightest lot in the bunch because often their emotions cloud their judgments.
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