Pregnant with MM baby - Those with similar experience?

February 7, 2010

hiya

have you spoken to your H yet?

how is things

x

February 7, 2010

.I was very honest with his children and they have told him to go be happy - that it's obvious there has been no love between his current wife and him for the past 25 years. As his daughter put it, "he hired her to do a job - to raise us. We are grown now and he has to move on."

What a complete ASS of a so-called 'daughter' your MM raised. The ungrateful little bi*tch has some nerve to completely dismiss the woman who sacrficed years to step in and raise her and her siblings by making such an ignorant comment. She's the reason lions eat their young.

When I told the MM last Thursday when I found out, his first response was to ask me if I wanted it. I found this surprising since he said he wanted a baby with me.

Seriously - liars say alot of things when they don't have to back them up with ACTIONS. He's a liar and a cheat - nothing he says has merit.

After I made it clear abortion wasn't an option, he suggested I abort this one and we try again next month since I was worried about sleep medication I had taken before I knew I was pregnant.

LOL. There's your answer. Surely you're not surprised, are you?

He has surprised me with ridiculous statements like "well by some standard some would say I need to man up and raise this kid"..

This guy has litters of kids all over the place with ex-wives and his current wife. Doesn't he yet understand how birth control works???? I guess he was too busy feeding his ego have a younger playtoy to worry about such trivial matters.

4. Regardless of 1-3 -- My husband and I did have sex once (in the past year) about 1 week before conception. Do I tell my husband the child is his to give the baby a father? My physician says there is about a 5% chance it is his.

Jesus.

My ideal is for the child to be raised by its biological parents.

Good luck with that.

February 7, 2010

I had a baby by my xMM. My H knows and we are divorcing, although by his own choice he still sees the baby because he wants to.

xMM. Knows that the paternity test was done, doesnt want to know the results. Says he'll take care of his responsibilities if asked to but also has made it clear he prefers to work on his M with his wife without the child in the picture.

He disclosed the possibility of paternity to his wife, but she too would like to pretend it isnt there and sweep things under the rug.

And so, I have chosen to keep the paternity results to myself unless the xMM would like to know, but considering he has chosen to avoid his "responsibility" as he calls it for over a year now I will probably do what i can to keep him away. Afterall, he made the choice, and if he wanted a place in his baby's life he had every chance to be there.

This is a very very hard road. I'm not coping well, considering that with or without the baby in the picture i love this man very very much. Hes hurt me and so I am struggling with the loss of my marriage, my family, my MM and also the internal conflicts of doing whats best for my baby.
Let me know if you need to talk.

overmyhead , can I to ask u how is it a loss of marriage when u had no problem having a child from ur MM while being married to ur husband ?

wouldn't u have dumped ur husband & ur marriage if MM had decided to be with u ? so i think its just the loss of MM .

February 7, 2010

One last thought - you've mentioned numerous times how lucrative your job is for you. Good for you.

But you're being VERY short-sighted and not looking at the big picture. Who gives a rat's ass if you don't "need" your MM's financial support or not in raising this child. Right NOW, you're in a good financial position. Are you honestly so naive as to assume you'll ALWAYS be bringing in the bing bucks? What happens if you have a debilitating car accident and you're no longer able to work and have to live instead on disability for the rest of your life? What if you're diagnosed with a muscular disease that no longer allows you to work in the capacity in which you're now working and can only work part time, instead?

In other words, you are NOT guaranteed your current salary for the next 20-24 years while you raise this child and put him or her through college. It's extremely foolish and short-sighted of you to not seek financial support from the MM who is the father of this child. Just because he's old enough to be the kid's grandfather doesn't absolve him of the responsibility of providing the necessities throughout life that this child DESERVES. Stop protecting this creep because that's all you're doing.

You're going to be awfully sorry 5 or 10 years down the road if something DOES happen to your current well-paying job and you're stuck trying to raise your kid on a monthly disability check. For God's sakes, look at the BIGGER picture, will you?

February 8, 2010

hiya

have you spoken to your H yet?
how is things
x

Not yet.. still traveling. Im headed to the right coast tomorrow afternoon and will meet up with my husband there late in the week. *sigh* Ugh.

February 8, 2010

One last thought - you've mentioned numerous times how lucrative your job is for you. Good for you.

But you're being VERY short-sighted and not looking at the big picture. Who gives a rat's ass if you don't "need" your MM's financial support or not in raising this child. Right NOW, you're in a good financial position. Are you honestly so naive as to assume you'll ALWAYS be bringing in the bing bucks? What happens if you have a debilitating car accident and you're no longer able to work and have to live instead on disability for the rest of your life? What if you're diagnosed with a muscular disease that no longer allows you to work in the capacity in which you're now working and can only work part time, instead?

In other words, you are NOT guaranteed your current salary for the next 20-24 years while you raise this child and put him or her through college. It's extremely foolish and short-sighted of you to not seek financial support from the MM who is the father of this child. Just because he's old enough to be the kid's grandfather doesn't absolve him of the responsibility of providing the necessities throughout life that this child DESERVES. Stop protecting this creep because that's all you're doing.

You're going to be awfully sorry 5 or 10 years down the road if something DOES happen to your current well-paying job and you're stuck trying to raise your kid on a monthly disability check. For God's sakes, look at the BIGGER picture, will you?

--Thanks. You make good points.. I think the issue has been more not wanting his involvement because he doesnt want to be there.. but I will have to put that aside and the baby's best interests first. That will be another thing to tackle here in the next couple of weeks..

February 8, 2010

Make your life as uncomplicated as possible, as when the little one arrives, you'll be up to your eyes in complicated!!-and emotional, and busy.

You don't need a cake eating, lying MM who will make promises that he cant deliver. You need stability and support so you MUST register for child support with the guy. He must help support the child as you can't work the hours you do and raise the child alone - its too hard. You also need to walk awa from your R with him as he is nothing but an emotional rollercoaster that will keep hurting you. You don't need that.

And if I were you I'd come clean with your H...he already knows that there are problems, so apart from an initial shock I think that on the whole (even if you D) he will remain something of a good friend to you.

Having a child is an amazing experience so don't let the MM color it. It will be hard as a single mom but you are more than capable.

February 8, 2010

Make your life as uncomplicated as possible, as when the little one arrives, you'll be up to your eyes in complicated!!-and emotional, and busy.

You don't need a cake eating, lying MM who will make promises that he cant deliver. You need stability and support so you MUST register for child support with the guy. He must help support the child as you can't work the hours you do and raise the child alone - its too hard. You also need to walk awa from your R with him as he is nothing but an emotional rollercoaster that will keep hurting you. You don't need that.

And if I were you I'd come clean with your H...he already knows that there are problems, so apart from an initial shock I think that on the whole (even if you D) he will remain something of a good friend to you.

Having a child is an amazing experience so don't let the MM color it. It will be hard as a single mom but you are more than capable.

Last night the MM said that he wanted to try a separation with his W and then maybe come into our lives in the future. I made it clear that isn't an option. I also know he's just saying that to keep me strung along as he always has and I don't buy it for one second.

Ill be coming clean with my H this week.. I am certain he is probably already suspicious. I don't know if we will end up divorcing or not.. I guess I will know more next weekend.

I'm trying not to let the MM situation cloud the experience but it sure is hard to do that.. thanks much for the advice and time you took to write..

February 8, 2010

Wow, you sound like you are trying to do the absolute right thing. Good luck with your H, I hope things end up stable for your baby.

February 8, 2010

Wow, you sound like you are trying to do the absolute right thing. Good luck with your H, I hope things end up stable for your baby.

I am genuinely trying. I have been wreck-less enough. Time to clean up. Tough roads ahead for a lot of people I hurt.

February 8, 2010

That's the plan right now.. the only thing Im not sure about is MM and child support.. or MM and nothing.

you can have a DNA test done and if it is proven to be the MM's child, he doesn't have a choice. He has to pay unless he quits his job.

February 10, 2010

you can have a DNA test done and if it is proven to be the MM's child, he doesn't have a choice. He has to pay unless he quits his job.

Got it.

Right now Im fighting for the baby.. sucks. I just got into the states and have been having trouble.. went and saw a doc.. got a sonogram and I have a subchorionic hematoma.. wont know the baby's chance until mid next week.

February 10, 2010

Got it.
Right now Im fighting for the baby.. sucks. I just got into the states and have been having trouble.. went and saw a doc.. got a sonogram and I have a subchorionic hematoma.. wont know the baby's chance until mid next week.

Sorry to hear this. Make the health of the child your number one priority now. Get rest, reduce stress as much as possible and pray.

February 10, 2010

Sorry to hear this. Make the health of the child your number one priority now. Get rest, reduce stress as much as possible and pray.

Thanks. I know it's not what God is about but feel like I don't deserve to have prayers answered.. The innocent baby does though.. hoping all goes well. Will know more next week.. by then my H will know too (fun week)

February 10, 2010

Thanks. I know it's not what God is about but feel like I don't deserve to have prayers answered.. The innocent baby does though.. hoping all goes well. Will know more next week.. by then my H will know too (fun week)

No God isn't about that. You cannot allow your own guilt to add to the stress that will affect your child. Whatever happens.....happens. There is nothing you can do to change it, but you can pray for the strength to endure and to make the right choices. You have a child to think of, the adults and their needs can wait until that baby is taken care of.

February 10, 2010

No God isn't about that. You cannot allow your own guilt to add to the stress that will affect your child. Whatever happens.....happens. There is nothing you can do to change it, but you can pray for the strength to endure and to make the right choices. You have a child to think of, the adults and their needs can wait until that baby is taken care of.

Definitely.. easier said than done but so true..

February 10, 2010

please try avoid getting stressed you and your babies health is the most important thing here, please stay in touch and let me know whats happening - i am genuinely concerned about you and bubs xx

February 10, 2010

please try avoid getting stressed you and your babies health is the most important thing here, please stay in touch and let me know whats happening - i am genuinely concerned about you and bubs xx

Thanks, I will update everyone and let you know how convo goes with H too..

February 11, 2010

I don't take it as bashing. I obviously made a bad moral and ethical decision. I think I am paying for that now 10 fold. I also agree that having him be a father is most likely out of the question.. It's easy to make assumptions based on age but there is more to a relationship than the obvious age issues..

I know I'm coming in late on this saga but I just want you to know that I think you have made good decisions so far and I loved what you said about taking a bad situation and making it the best you can. That's all you can do now and, really, this is more of a blessing than you realize because your child is the shining gift in all this mess. You'll understand this more clearly as time goes by. I have a 19-yr-old son and that kid makes me happy just to think about him. He's not a moody, insufferable teen; but a happy young man in college with a great mind and heart, and I love him like I have never loved anything or anyone. It's tough raising kids but when you have the financial resources that you have, it will be much easier.

Honestly, I think there's a stronger possibility that the baby is your husband's. It seems strange that you slept with MM all this time and never got pregnant. And then you sleep with your husband and you suddenly end up pregnant. I think there's more than a 3% chance of it being his just because of MM's age.

If I were you, I wouldn't want MM in my life anymore. The moment he suggested aborting the baby would've been the beginning of the end. I could never respect a man who felt this way about me or our child. And that crap story he gave you about trying next month. Is he for real? As Bugs Bunny would say, 'What an embezzle! What an ultra-maroon!'

February 11, 2010

I know I'm coming in late on this saga but I just want you to know that I think you have made good decisions so far and I loved what you said about taking a bad situation and making it the best you can. That's all you can do now and, really, this is more of a blessing than you realize because your child is the shining gift in all this mess. You'll understand this more clearly as time goes by. I have a 19-yr-old son and that kid makes me happy just to think about him. He's not a moody, insufferable teen; but a happy young man in college with a great mind and heart, and I love him like I have never loved anything or anyone. It's tough raising kids but when you have the financial resources that you have, it will be much easier.

Honestly, I think there's a stronger possibility that the baby is your husband's. It seems strange that you slept with MM all this time and never got pregnant. And then you sleep with your husband and you suddenly end up pregnant. I think there's more than a 3% chance of it being his just because of MM's age.

If I were you, I wouldn't want MM in my life anymore. The moment he suggested aborting the baby would've been the beginning of the end. I could never respect a man who felt this way about me or our child. And that crap story he gave you about trying next month. Is he for real? As Bugs Bunny would say, 'What an embezzle! What an ultra-maroon!'

Hi Angel1111.. I hear you about his reaction. It was stunning to me too.. particularly since he has grown children and knows how precious life is. I suppose it is because the situation complicates his life... I wish I shared your optimism about it being my H's.. he reiterated again when I had issues on a flight that if we lost this one we'd have another.. He seemed so sincere that it makes no sense to me at all.

Right now Im a bit panicked and get this feeling of overwhelming "freak out" all over due to the situation but try to calm myself back down.. and as others have rightfully pointed out I may not have the financial stability forever so need to plan for the worst, although the idea of having the MM in the baby's life is scary too..

February 11, 2010

.. my H and I are separated, physically but not legally. He does know I've been in love with MM for over a year. We are good friends and we both agreed that is "all we have been" since just shortly after we married. I told him I was in love with someone else .. I left out the sexual relationship part. (at my H's request, he said he didn't want to know).

You do realize that your H is probably having an affair, also, right? I would be absolutely shocked if he wasn't.

Still, I don't think it'll make any difference. I think he wants to be married to you because if he didn't, he wouldn't still be with you. I don't think he'll go that nuts about the baby if he already knows you're seeing someone else. I could be wrong.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Angel1111

February 11, 2010

You do realize that your H is probably having an affair, also, right? I would be absolutely shocked if he wasn't.

Still, I don't think it'll make any difference. I think he wants to be married to you because if he didn't, he wouldn't still be with you. I don't think he'll go that nuts about the baby if he already knows you're seeing someone else. I could be wrong.

I am 100% certain he isn't. Not only does he not go there, but he cares 0 about sex and is far more interested in watching TV and racing his bike than doing anything with anyone.. (some of the reasons we had initial problems to begin with).. I'm hoping that he also doesnt go nuts, but we shall see.. He's not the type to lose control and go nutso, but he may just walk away..

February 11, 2010

I wish I shared your optimism about it being my H's.. he reiterated again when I had issues on a flight that if we lost this one we'd have another.. He seemed so sincere that it makes no sense to me at all.

Right now Im a bit panicked and get this feeling of overwhelming "freak out" all over due to the situation but try to calm myself back down.. and as others have rightfully pointed out I may not have the financial stability forever so need to plan for the worst, although the idea of having the MM in the baby's life is scary too..

I'm not really being optimistic. I just think that it's a huge coincidence that you sleep with your husband and then end up pregnant. Plus, I think it's harder for an older man to get a woman pregnant than it is for a younger man. I guess what I'm saying it don't rule out your husband as the potential father.

I don't know what MM is talking about, but I wouldn't believe a word he says right now. He may be thinking that if you lose the baby, you'll be angry with him because he suggested that you abort it, so he's probably just covering his a** with that statement about having another one.

I'm sure you do have freak-out moments. I think things will be a lot better when you've spoken to your husband and gotten that part dealt with. I'm sure that's weighing heavily on your mind.

So, when can you have a paternity test? Do you have to wait until the baby is born?

February 11, 2010

I am 100% certain he isn't. Not only does he not go there, but he cares 0 about sex and is far more interested in watching TV and racing his bike than doing anything with anyone.. (some of the reasons we had initial problems to begin with).. I'm hoping that he also doesnt go nuts, but we shall see.. He's not the type to lose control and go nutso, but he may just walk away..

Wow. That issue has come up on this site a lot lately. I have never, ever been around a man who wasn't interested in sex. But it seems like an epidemic lately. Well, then he serously didn't expect you to remain faithful when he shows so little interest. He may be a nice guy but he definitely has some accountability here, also.

February 11, 2010

I'm not really being optimistic. I just think that it's a huge coincidence that you sleep with your husband and then end up pregnant. Plus, I think it's harder for an older man to get a woman pregnant than it is for a younger man. I guess what I'm saying it don't rule out your husband as the potential father.

I don't know what MM is talking about, but I wouldn't believe a word he says right now. He may be thinking that if you lose the baby, you'll be angry with him because he suggested that you abort it, so he's probably just covering his a** with that statement about having another one.

I'm sure you do have freak-out moments. I think things will be a lot better when you've spoken to your husband and gotten that part dealt with. I'm sure that's weighing heavily on your mind.

So, when can you have a paternity test? Do you have to wait until the baby is born?

Yeah you are right, even if my H leaves at least Ill know the outcome.. if he stays, we need serious marriage counseling as many issues started long before my scarlet letter.

Yep paternity test is only safe after birth..

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