chocolatefountain83 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 My boyfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago, now I can't stop looking at his facebook. I know his log in password and so read messages he sends and receives, even his instant chat mesages. I know it is wrong, but I don't know how to stop. Its an addiction, every day I feel like I need to check. This is preventing me from moving on and I'm finding out things like conversations he's having with girls that really hurt me. Please tell me what to do or how i should stop. I cant tell him to change his password as then he'll know ive been spying on him. i just want to move on
Leia Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 It's not that you cannot tell him to change his password, you DO NOT want to so that you can keep on stalking him.
thepulse27 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 You have to stop. I've been there and I know how hard it is. But you are crippling yourself. Think about it like this: you have been reading things he doesn't know about, so there is nothing he is hiding from you. You now know everything you possibly can about him, and your situation. You have all the closure you will ever need and can make a proper attempt at moving on and leaving him behind. In two days time post on here and tell me it's 2 days since you spied on him, I'll be proud and you'll be proud of yourself. It's about small victories!
Author chocolatefountain83 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 But if I tell him he will know I have been looking, I do not want him to know this
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Then you have two options. One, come clean and tell him. Or two, just make yourself stop looking. Don't go on facebook at ALL, take a break from it and go spend time with your friends, keep busy so you won't get the urge to log into his page. What you're doing IS wrong, put yourself in his shoes. Imagine if HE was doing to you, what you're doing to him. I'm sure you'd feel creeped out by that and also be angry at him for invading your privacy. If he finds out somehow on his own, be prepared for the fallout. Break ups suck, but this isn't the right way of dealing with it.
Leia Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Then you have two options. One, come clean and tell him. Or two, just make yourself stop looking. Don't go on facebook at ALL, take a break from it and go spend time with your friends, keep busy so you won't get the urge to log into his page. The only way is for her to come clean. I'm sure OP has her own account on Facebook so she checks hers at the same time she is snooping on him. The only way to stop snooping is by telling him to change his password.
Author chocolatefountain83 Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 I can't tell him, there is no way I ever can. I need to find it in myself to stop somehow
counterman Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 (edited) I'm not sure about this, because I don't use facebook. But, isn't it if you log into someone's account when they are on, they will get logged out i.e. only one person can log on at a time? If that's the case, he will definitely find out and probably change his password. Does he know your password to your account? If he does, change it. Change everything that he knows. I agree that you should come clean to him, if you are trying your hardest not to check his account. What I mean by trying your hardest is: deleting him off your facebook, not going on facebook, keep yourself busy by exercising, going out with your friends, going to social events, playing sports, watching movies, downloading a program that blocks you from using the facebook website, and doother things to keep you busy. I realise some of them are absurd and I am almost sure that they could all be reversed and you're back to where you started. However, do give some of them a try. It will only prolong your suffering longer if you don't stop this. I want to suggest this too. Take it slow first since you have been checking his facebook regularly. I think you should try not logging on (yours and his) for, say, 6 hours. Keep yourself busy. Remember to delete his facebook of your account before hand. If you find that you do check his facebook after 6 hours, then stop and try not to again but this time force yourself not to check it for a longer period of time, say, 12 hours. That should make it a day. I usually recommend doing this by days but yes. During these times you should be keep yourself busy by doing what I stated in the last paragraph. You do have a live outside of your ex-boyfriend. Keep doing this and before you know it days become weeks and weeks become months and soon you'll just have the will power to stop forever. In saying that, it takes a lot of determination and has worked for others. So, best of luck! Edited February 5, 2010 by counterman
TaraMaiden Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 No, you don't have to tell him you know his password.... what you can say, is that you don't know why, but you suspect you know his password to his profile, is it...*password*? " I don't want to know whether I'm right or not, but if it is, please change it. I don't want to ever be tempted to spy on you, and I'd hate to think you'd ever believe I an capable of snooping". if however, the password is so ridiculously personal that there is absolutely no way you should ever have discovered it accidentally, then really, what you're doing is underhand, despicable, deceitful and sinister. delete your profile, and every time you feel like going into his, stab yourself in the eye with a sharp needle, and draw it down and out, sideways, back through your nostril. Because believe me, this is infinitely less painful than what you're doing to yourself - and him - right now.
Hersheys Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Just STOP checking his FB! Don't tell him about the password and just STOP checking his FB. If he learns about it, he will lose respect for you. You can stop and you know you can do it. Take a break from FB for a while. I do that when I get too many updates from 'friends' whose lives and activities I do not care about. Stay busy and focus on making YOUR life so much more interesting than your ex's.
DeSantos Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 ok my suggestion is this... you logon to his account and change his password to something similar, like one letter out to his previous one, and then when he goes to log on obviously it wont work so he'll have to goto the forgotten password procedure which I think will enable him to change it to something different to one that you will ever know... job done...
Ilovecake Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 You're telling yourself it's an addiction so that you have an excuse to keep doing it. You're not addicted you're just nosy. Think of it this way; what you are doing is hacking your ex’s account which is completely, deceitful, immoral, rude, low class, degrading, impolite, disrespectful, not to mention very illegal. If you feel good being that kind of person keep doing what you do but just think about how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot and he was breaking into your home to look through your personall stuff.
patkirk Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 It's probably very hard to come clean and admit you've been looking at his page. Your only alternative would be to temporarily close your account and cease from visiting facebook. We've all been there to some degree, my first month of NC constituted of just that until I realized it was just bogging me down. You'll have to really try not to visit facebook if you can't come clean, because as long as you have his password, the temptation would be veeeery overwhelming, its the harder option. If not then just come clean and have him change it.
jan2000 Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 A healthy person will accept his or her "no" as his answer, and will respect his or her's decision. She or he will not try to convince him or her that she/he "doesn't know how he/she really feels," or use any other similar manipulations to try to force him to comply with his wishes. Stalking your (ex-)boyfriend (or ex-)girlfriend will accomplish nothing but causing unnecessary misery for everyone concerned. Pursuing someone against his or her wishes is not "love." Jan
You'reasian Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 My boyfriend broke up with me about 6 weeks ago, now I can't stop looking at his facebook. I know his log in password and so read messages he sends and receives, even his instant chat mesages. I know it is wrong, but I don't know how to stop. Its an addiction, every day I feel like I need to check. This is preventing me from moving on and I'm finding out things like conversations he's having with girls that really hurt me. Please tell me what to do or how i should stop. I cant tell him to change his password as then he'll know ive been spying on him. i just want to move on Then move on. Its a conscious decision that you will have to make and act on. No stalking. Imagine if he looked at your facebook account - how would you feel? you'd probably freak out and go "ooooohhhh so creeepeee!", create a new LS username and say "My ex-BF is stalking me! Help!!!" and try to get a restraining order... I'm kidding. Do the right thing. Delete the FB contact. Decide to move on. Have friends reinforce this.
Finissima Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 i had a similar situation - had my ex's email password for our whole relationship, would never have thought of using it...until we broke up, at which point i constantly looked at his emails, including messages about me and about other girls. now that we're back together (long story)...i never told him about the e-mail stalking, and i no longer look at the e-mails... while most people here have said that looking at his facebook is both wrong and unhealthy, and while this is probably true, you need to look at what it is doing for you? i used my ex's emails as a way of getting closure...i would check what he had told me against what he e-mailed to his friends (and these things always matched up - i.e. "i want to break up for x reason"). while it was most definitely wrong to do this...it honestly helped me. i was able to put aside my own insecurities and doubts about the reason for the ending of the relationship and move on... if you really can't stop looking through his fb...you need to start looking at it as a way of having closure. you know everything going on his life...girls, his friends, etc. etc. if he is talking to other girls, use it spur you on to go talk to guys and have your own life. eventually, i think you will be able to taper off the facebooking...with the emails, i went from checking several times daily to checking once a week, and now not at all obviously. honestly - plus...don't we all spend enough time on fb without dealing with someone else's too? and do you really want to get caught...think how bad that would be.
ms.ac Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 mine was with my ex's voicemails... i knew him too well so i found out his password, it helped me and hurt me, it allowed me to know what was really going on but it hurt me to know what was really going on. He changed his password and I knew him so good, i figured the new one out in 2 minutes.. pretty bad, but i stopped listening to them pretty quick because all it did was hurt me and keep me hanging on, so what everyone says is true, you need to just get rid of everything that reminds you of them, and try your hardest not to look at his facebook, try staying away from the computer totally, i know this may be hard but try to do it.. occupy your time with other things.. i didnt want to let go but i must say... putting away his shirts, his stuff, and pictures of him helped a really lot...
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