pleasedontyell Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I've been forced to move thousands of miles away, to a different continent. My brain screams it's my boyfriend's fault. And in a way it sort of is, but it's my fault too, I know. But I can't help being angry and resentful. Sometimes, I really hate him. We'll be having a normal conversation chat on instant messages (we had to evolve the relationship into an LDR), and the feeling just crawls up my throat and I feel like if he were here I'd punch him in the nose. ****ty relationship, yeah. I know. So I told him that we'd go on a break, because I don't want to do him wrong anymore. (by lashing out and making him miserable.) I know that blaming others doesn't help, but I'm a really, really bitter person. I'm trying to grow up and just forgive, but it's really hard. It feels like every memory I have with him is tainted, that everything we ever did led up to the problem that made me have to leave, and just. I lash out at him a lot, my tone turns randomly patronizing and gives off a ****ty vibe, but I ****ing can't help it. I know I do it, and I ****ing hate that I have to make him so miserable, but I just can't help the tone that creeps into my e-mails when we're chatting. That's the summary. I was just wondering, do you think we have a chance at this? If we go on this 'break' for long enough, do you think it's likely that my rage would lessen? I know that time incurs forgiveness, which is why I want to have a solid period of time where I don't talk to him at all. Would that help, me not talking to him? Ugh, I don't even know what I'm asking anymore. Please advise me, I know I'm a ****ed up person, but I really want to just forgive him and make it work. I'm tired of being bitter about the relationship.
counterman Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 It's okay if you are feeling bitter. Some things happen when we are in a relationship that causes use to feel this way and to take it out on the one that we love. The fact that he is still there talking to shows he still care. Though, I don't know what would have caused you to moves so far away and, hence, have a long distance relationship. It is true that time does heal all. But, I think if you continue to talk to him now your bitterness will just keep going. Don't stop talking to him completely, but, I suggest, maybe low contact. It is true that you are far apart, so many be use this time to explore your new continent and meet new people. Get active by working out and going to places. When you start to feel good, you will feel better about him. Also, he should do those things do. Don't put so much thought and emphasis on the relationship if you are just going to be bitter. Enjoy yourself and you'll feel better about other things in your life as well. However, if you fear that your bitterness is just going to keep going, it's a good thing to let him go. You can both move on to different things. Personally, I don't like the idea of long distance relationships. Also, you are not messed up. Sometimes things happen that cause us to feel this way. If we could all control all of our emotions, then mistakes would not be made. Don't be too hard on yourself. Best of luck!
carhill Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Would that help, me not talking to him? No contact can help bring life into balance, as it sounds like you have other issues on your plate to deal with, not the least of which is how you could be forced to move somewhere against your will. I'd suggest starting there, then build up a balanced life, of which a man is part, and then see how things are with him. Also, since you're new, there's a rant forum for rants and blowing off steam, as well as a LDR forum for those involved in these very unique and complex relationships. Since you posted in the dating forum, I offered dating-related perspective. Good luck
Satisfaction Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 If you are feeling angry i recommend hitting something. Like a punching bag. Join an exercise class or a karate class. It will help ease your frustration and anxiety but at the same time teach you how self defense and discipline. So much better than sitting around and feeling jumpy and snapping at little things.
meerkat stew Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 No, sorry to say, but you are done. Time to move onto other opportunities. Once the level of resentment you describe forms, it's almost impossible to move past it. Find someone who does not elicit these feelings in you.
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