I'd like to ask an honest question...

[sunrae]

I want so badly for him to understand what he is doing, but I have the feeling he never will. He doesn't see anything wrong with what he is doing. He feels as though i'm over reacting and there's nothing to be upset about. Honestly, i've tried to brush all of this under the rug and pass it off as nothing. But it constantly keeps coming up, and i've gotten to the point where I just don't know if this is something I can deal with.

 

I'm beginning to think we both want different things out of a relationship. He is so extremely laid back, that absolutely nothing bothers him. If i'm affected by the way he does something... he tells me he will change it only to please me. He doesn't really grasp the idea of what he is doing. And I feel he never will.

 

We have been working on our relationship from day one, a year and a half ago. It would kill me to let this all slip away because of something that I can just ignore (if I tried hard enough). But at the same time, it's not fair that i'm the one that has to ignore and pass all of these things off just because he doesn't feel like it's necessary to do anything about.

 

Ugh.

 

I understand... It sounds like you are dating my ex.. My ex was completely laid back too, he never really understood what bothered me because it didnt bother him. If it didnt bother him, then why should it bother me right?

 

Well you are one smart cookie.. Running off and marrying isnt going to make things better and the problems just dont go away.

 

Be honest and true to yourself, even though it's hard sometimes.. Sometimes, you have to take that leap for faith into the darkness, in order to come into the light. There are some many good thing and good people out there in the world. You deserve the best, and you cant find it if you are holding onto less than that.

[make me believe]

What that means, basically, is he is going to tell me that I either have to accept the fact that he is really good friends with these females, or i'm going to have to walk away.

 

Then you walk away!! YOU are his girlfriend, so YOU need to be his priority. Can you imagine a situation in which you are "best friends" with a guy who is a "brother" to you, and you put him above your boyfriend (or on the same level) and then tell your bf he either needs to get over it or end the relationship?? Your boyfriend is not giving you the of respect or attention that you deserve.

 

You said that you two are trying to work on your relationship and you feel like this situation should be the least of your problems. And you're right! But the thing is -- he is making it a problem. He isn't willing to put these "best friends" on the backburner for long enough to even get your relationship in order. Doesn't that tell you something?

[alphamale]

How would you feel about this?

probably not very good

[EricaH329]

I understand... It sounds like you are dating my ex.. My ex was completely laid back too, he never really understood what bothered me because it didnt bother him. If it didnt bother him, then why should it bother me right?

 

Exactly!!!!

 

Well you are one smart cookie.. Running off and marrying isnt going to make things better and the problems just dont go away.

 

Be honest and true to yourself, even though it's hard sometimes.. Sometimes, you have to take that leap for faith into the darkness, in order to come into the light. There are some many good thing and good people out there in the world. You deserve the best, and you cant find it if you are holding onto less than that.

 

You're right. I suppose we will see how he reacts when I talk to him about it again. I really don't mind that he has friends that are females, it's just that he is treating them the same way that he treats me... which is bothersome.

 

Thank you for being so understanding and helpful! I really appreciate it!!

 

Then you walk away!! YOU are his girlfriend, so YOU need to be his priority. Can you imagine a situation in which you are "best friends" with a guy who is a "brother" to you, and you put him above your boyfriend (or on the same level) and then tell your bf he either needs to get over it or end the relationship?? Your boyfriend is not giving you the of respect or attention that you deserve.

 

You said that you two are trying to work on your relationship and you feel like this situation should be the least of your problems. And you're right! But the thing is -- he is making it a problem. He isn't willing to put these "best friends" on the backburner for long enough to even get your relationship in order. Doesn't that tell you something?

 

He actually hasn't been talking to them that much since him and I have started working on our relationship (that's why the one girl mentioned how he was ignoring her), but when he does talk to them, it's like he is talking to me. I know that if one of my friends (female or male) thought that I was ignoring them I would respond with something like "I'm really sorry, i've been busy, i'll call you to catch up tomorrow" as opposed to what he does "I'm so sorry! I swear I didn't mean to! Please don't think that i'm ignoring you! I'll call you tomorrow and explain." I guess it's the way he goes about it that bothers me.

 

I sort of feel rediculous for feeling the way that I do. You are right though, it shouldn't even be an issue if I ask him to stop treating them that way. I know that if he ever felt uncomfortable with the way I was treating a guy friend of mine, I would stop treating them that way immediatly.

[EricaH329]

I feel bad for posting this situation, because it is a very serious one. But I feel like it is relevant to what I am complaining about in this thread.

 

My boyfriend (fiance, ex, whatever you want to call him), called me at 8 this morning to tell me that him, his best friend (guy, lets call him A), and a couple of other people were called into talk to their superiors because A was being charged with assault and rape.

 

Now I know my bf, and I know for a fact that he would never hang around any guy that would even consider doing something like that. This girl that is claiming all of these terrible things really, really likes A. He doesn't like her back, and he ended up throwing a party last night and she wasn't invited. That's when all of these allegations occured.

 

Anyway, it's not my place to say anything about that situation.

 

I noticed my bf was becoming very aggitated and I asked him why. He said that him and his best girl friend (the one i've been complaining about on this thread) were getting into an arguement because she was siding with the girl in question, and she thought that my bf was 'disgusting' for feeling the way he did about the situation.

 

I told him, just like I would anyone else, that that is not the main issue right now. My bf should not be focused on others opinions, but should be focused on what's going on with A.

 

That upset him even more and he said, "Forget I even told you anything." I asked him why I was upsetting him, and that I was only trying to help by redirecting his attention to where it should be right now. He said "Because she (his best girl friend) is important to me!"

 

I haven't responded to that, because I think it's absolutely absurd that he would be wasting his time arguing with someone that has nothing to do with this situation. This is an extremely serious allegation. He should be sitting outside of the superiors office waiting for his best friend to walk out with the news (whatever that might be). I would be doing everything in my power to fight for my best friend (if that were me).

[counterman]

I wouldn't feel that great having to share my significant other with a close guy friend.

 

That situation you just described is indeed serious and I can't understand why your boyfriend is more worried about his best girl friend than his best guy friend. I would do the exact same thing you would; I would defend my best friend. I would fight for him and I will waiting outside to hear the news first from his mouth. I will support him if he is feeling down about this. I'll be there for him.

 

Erica, you told him what I would have told him in that situation. However, I thought hat maybe he would come around and realise the position his friend is in and that his friend could use some support.

 

And his response to you when you asked him why you were upsetting him... it just left me speechless.

 

My ex put all her friends first before me. But, she always told me that I was her first concern, her first priority. We had so many issues that she just didn't want to face. I bared the brunt of all her woes, even those that had nothing to do with me and I was to blame for anything wrong in her life. All the good things I did were taken for granted, while all the mistakes I made were magnified by a hundred. My God, her friends were a lot more important to her than me. But, I stayed. I made that mistake.

 

I hope that the things work out for person A. More so, I hope that you are okay! I agree with pretty much everyone here and I just want to give you a hug! But, of course, I can't

 

Take care of yourself!

[EricaH329]

I wouldn't feel that great having to share my significant other with a close guy friend.

 

That situation you just described is indeed serious and I can't understand why your boyfriend is more worried about his best girl friend than his best guy friend. I would do the exact same thing you would; I would defend my best friend. I would fight for him and I will waiting outside to hear the news first from his mouth. I will support him if he is feeling down about this. I'll be there for him.

 

Erica, you told him what I would have told him in that situation. However, I thought hat maybe he would come around and realise the position his friend is in and that his friend could use some support.

 

And his response to you when you asked him why you were upsetting him... it just left me speechless.

 

My ex put all her friends first before me. But, she always told me that I was her first concern, her first priority. We had so many issues that she just didn't want to face. I bared the brunt of all her woes, even those that had nothing to do with me and I was to blame for anything wrong in her life. All the good things I did were taken for granted, while all the mistakes I made were magnified by a hundred. My God, her friends were a lot more important to her than me. But, I stayed. I made that mistake.

 

I hope that the things work out for person A. More so, I hope that you are okay! I agree with pretty much everyone here and I just want to give you a hug! But, of course, I can't

 

Take care of yourself!

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!!

 

I am in full agreement with you. I'm a little shocked at the way my bf is dealing with all of this. And i'm even more shocked that he would argue with me about her, and then tell me that she is important to him!

 

What am I? More importantly, who am I?

 

He texted me asking if I was pissed off at him, and I simply replied, "I am going to let you deal with your own issues. I am very sorry you are this stressed out, it's not fair to anyone. I really hope your friend doesn't get in trouble." And left it at that. He replied with, "I love you".

 

I don't like this situation, and I have no control over it. I feel like screaming sometimes. I just want him to know that I need to be more important to him than she is. Especially since he just met her!

 

He keeps making me feel rediculous for feeling this way, saying that it's not what I think it is... and that it's not a big deal. When he does that, I feel dumb and drop it. But then, something else will come up (like this) that brings it back up again and once again I get upset.

 

I don't know what to do?! How do I handle this situation without resorting to me leaving him?

[amerikajin]

Either way, this is not a relationship that I feel is best for myself.

 

I guess that's really all it comes down to.

 

My next question would be, how long has he been away from you? How long is he going to continue living outside the country?

 

It seems like there's a growing gap between his life and yours, which can happen in LDR's. I think the key to preventing that gap is that both people have to make a consistent effort to remain committed to each other. I am in a long-distance relationship right now because of my job, and I would not be hanging around other girls. We talk at least once a day for an hour, and usually twice a day. We're a part of each other's routine even though we're away. I think that's the only way it works.

[EricaH329]

My next question would be, how long has he been away from you? How long is he going to continue living outside the country?

 

He has been away since last April, 10 months. And he is planning on being away for another 2 years or so. But he wants me to move out there later this year.

 

It seems like there's a growing gap between his life and yours, which can happen in LDR's. I think the key to preventing that gap is that both people have to make a consistent effort to remain committed to each other. I am in a long-distance relationship right now because of my job, and I would not be hanging around other girls. We talk at least once a day for an hour, and usually twice a day. We're a part of each other's routine even though we're away. I think that's the only way it works.

 

Agreed! Unfortunately, he doesn't have the same way of thinking as I do. He can go dayyys without talking to me on the phone. He will be happy with a simple text or two. That is not how I function, though. And i've explained this to him many, many times and he is finally starting to come around. I'm positive that he is only doing this to please me, but I guess I can't be too picky when it comes to motives.

 

His life is now in another country, and will be for quite some time. I understand he is going to make friends and meet new people out there. Start a new life basically. But, that does not mean he should completely disregard the people who have been there for him longer than these new friends have. Especially if they are of the opposite sex. He doesn't need female attention that much, and if he does... then I think there are much bigger underlying issues that need to be solved.

[amerikajin]

He has been away since last April, 10 months. And he is planning on being away for another 2 years or so. But he wants me to move out there later this year.

 

This is the root of the problem. I hate to say this, but you have different lives, and he's starting to live his whether you're involved or not. I'm not for a moment saying it's your fault; I'm just saying that's the reality. Maybe he's starting to lose faith in the likelihood of you're being together at some point.

 

Is it possible to change this situation anytime soon?

 

Agreed! Unfortunately, he doesn't have the same way of thinking as I do. He can go dayyys without talking to me on the phone. He will be happy with a simple text or two. That is not how I function, though. And i've explained this to him many, many times and he is finally starting to come around. I'm positive that he is only doing this to please me, but I guess I can't be too picky when it comes to motives.

 

His life is now in another country, and will be for quite some time. I understand he is going to make friends and meet new people out there. Start a new life basically. But, that does not mean he should completely disregard the people who have been there for him longer than these new friends have. Especially if they are of the opposite sex. He doesn't need female attention that much, and if he does... then I think there are much bigger underlying issues that need to be solved.

 

I hate to say this, but it's not good at all. I've actually been in your man's position. I was in a long-distance relationship a while back and I went through the same phase...shortly before I checked out. I don't know if it's really that someone else has entered his life so much as it is that a lot of other people have entered his life in general, and now he feels like there's less of a connection to his life before.

 

If it were me, I would decide first what you want out of this. Do you want to change the situation? Do you want to move there? Do you want him to move back? Can anything change in that regard? Be prepared, though. He might have already moved on and just can't come out and say it yet. You need to have this discussion soon, but perhaps you should prepare yourself for the reality first before you hear what he has to say.

[counterman]

Thank you so much for taking the time to respond!!

 

I am in full agreement with you. I'm a little shocked at the way my bf is dealing with all of this. And i'm even more shocked that he would argue with me about her, and then tell me that she is important to him!

 

What am I? More importantly, who am I?

 

He texted me asking if I was pissed off at him, and I simply replied, "I am going to let you deal with your own issues. I am very sorry you are this stressed out, it's not fair to anyone. I really hope your friend doesn't get in trouble." And left it at that. He replied with, "I love you".

 

I don't like this situation, and I have no control over it. I feel like screaming sometimes. I just want him to know that I need to be more important to him than she is. Especially since he just met her!

 

He keeps making me feel rediculous for feeling this way, saying that it's not what I think it is... and that it's not a big deal. When he does that, I feel dumb and drop it. But then, something else will come up (like this) that brings it back up again and once again I get upset.

 

I don't know what to do?! How do I handle this situation without resorting to me leaving him?

 

That has me asking as well. What are you to him if she is so important?

 

That was a very mature response you gave him when he asked if you were pissed. However, when you said "sort out his own issues", I thought of the issues between you and him. I know what you were referring to but his relationship issues with you is important too.

 

I am going to be completely honest and say that I don't like the response "it's not a big deal, it's not what you think". I have been guilty of saying it myself, I'm fairly sure. If you are feeling that you aren't as important to him than that girl and that you are second best, then it is a big deal. It's a HUGE deal. .You are pretty sure of what you feel and this has affected you some what. I completely understand why you want to scream. Can't he see what's right in front of him? Can't he see that it is a big deal to you?

 

If you do start to feel ridiculous about this, remember that is is affecting you deeply. It is not some silly thing where you might be feeling slightly jealous of him talking to this girl. It is a massive issue where you don't feel that significant in his life. I can just picture a moment where this all builds up and that topic arises again and he will say "it's not what you think it is.. it's no big deal". You will respond with an emotional burst "It is a big deal! Can't you see that she is more important to you than I am? Can't you see that you don't treat me the same anymore? Can't you see I don't feel that you love me anymore, that you care about us? Can't you see...".

 

I am sorry if I am being a bit emotional. Your story just really touched me.

[EricaH329]

This is the root of the problem. I hate to say this, but you have different lives, and he's starting to live his whether you're involved or not. I'm not for a moment saying it's your fault; I'm just saying that's the reality. Maybe he's starting to lose faith in the likelihood of you're being together at some point.

 

Is it possible to change this situation anytime soon?

 

Oh I agree. We are both leading separate lives right now. But I feel that is partly because of the fact that we are young, and we physically need friends in our lives to be there for us. However, the decisions I make revolve around him. So even though I have my life here, he is my main focus. I honestly wish I could say the same for him, too.

 

It is possible that I may be able to move there in April. Depending on if he gets promoted or not. Either way, i'm supposed to be visiting him in April.

 

I hate to say this, but it's not good at all. I've actually been in your man's position. I was in a long-distance relationship a while back and I went through the same phase...shortly before I checked out. I don't know if it's really that someone else has entered his life so much as it is that a lot of other people have entered his life in general, and now he feels like there's less of a connection to his life before.

 

I completely understand this. He has broken up with me twice already because he felt that he couldn't deal with everything. I'm wondering why, if he has already checked out, would he keep coming back? This time around, he has been putting in more effort than he has before, but there are still issues (obviously) that need to be resolved.

 

If it were me, I would decide first what you want out of this. Do you want to change the situation? Do you want to move there? Do you want him to move back? Can anything change in that regard? Be prepared, though. He might have already moved on and just can't come out and say it yet. You need to have this discussion soon, but perhaps you should prepare yourself for the reality first before you hear what he has to say.

 

Unfortunately, he can't move back because he is in the military. He has already told me that he would if he could, and that if he knew what he knows now... he would have never enlisted.

 

We are planning on me moving out there, but I want things to get better first. I want to know that i'm his main concern (besides himself, of course), and that if I do move out there, that he will treat me as such.

[EricaH329]

That has me asking as well. What are you to him if she is so important?

 

That was a very mature response you gave him when he asked if you were pissed. However, when you said "sort out his own issues", I thought of the issues between you and him. I know what you were referring to but his relationship issues with you is important too.

 

I am going to be completely honest and say that I don't like the response "it's not a big deal, it's not what you think". I have been guilty of saying it myself, I'm fairly sure. If you are feeling that you aren't as important to him than that girl and that you are second best, then it is a big deal. It's a HUGE deal. .You are pretty sure of what you feel and this has affected you some what. I completely understand why you want to scream. Can't he see what's right in front of him? Can't he see that it is a big deal to you?

 

Exactly! And no matter how many times I tell him how much this is affecting me, he doesn't seem to get it. Instead he tells me things that I want to hear, all the while nothing is getting done about it.

 

To be quite honest, i'm not sure exactly what action I want him to take. I wouldn't ask him to stop talking to her, but I do need for him to prove to me that i'm not second best. That i'm number one to him, above her. I don't like the way he interacts with her, and I especially don't like how she affects his mood to the point where he would blow up on me!

 

If you do start to feel ridiculous about this, remember that is is affecting you deeply. It is not some silly thing where you might be feeling slightly jealous of him talking to this girl. It is a massive issue where you don't feel that significant in his life. I can just picture a moment where this all builds up and that topic arises again and he will say "it's not what you think it is.. it's no big deal". You will respond with an emotional burst "It is a big deal! Can't you see that she is more important to you than I am? Can't you see that you don't treat me the same anymore? Can't you see I don't feel that you love me anymore, that you care about us? Can't you see...".

 

I am sorry if I am being a bit emotional. Your story just really touched me.

 

This brought tears to my eyes. I have said this exact thing to him both times before he broke up with me. That's why he broke up with me! Because everything had gotten to the point where I broke down, and he couldn't deal with it.

 

I'm very aware of the fact that I have a lot of repressed emotions. I tell him what's bothering me, and lately he has been doing a lot to change them. This situation, however, is very consistant. The more things goes on, the more repressed emotions build up inside of me. They will all come out eventually if nothing changes.

 

Also, i'd like to point out that when I get drunk I do not hold anything back. If something is bothering me, I tell him. And I tell him in the way that it is affecting me at that moment. I know that's probably not good.. but he always blows it off as me just being emotional and drunk. That's not the case! The things I get upset over after i've been drinking, are the repressed emotions i've been trying to tell him all along! The things he continues to ignore!

[EricaH329]

I have explained to him how I feel.

 

I actually told him three times that it is over between the two of us because this is something I cannot deal with.

 

He begged and pleaded for it be different, and that this girl means nothing to him.

 

He told me that he would do anything to be with me, and if that means not talking to her anymore then that's what he is going to do.

 

I continued to tell him that it's not the fact that he feels as though this girl is more important, but that he doesn't understand what I need out of this relationship.

 

He told me he would do whatever it takes and that he feels as though we should talk about it when we are both sober.

[counterman]

If you are not getting what you need, then it is time to move on.

 

I suppose it was hard for you when he did plead and said he would do whatever it takes to make it work.

 

Your repressed emotions can't be hidden anymore and can't be ignored. It would take something dramatic for all that to change. If you do falter in your decision to leave and the next day things are just the same, then it will hurt even more.

 

Are you going to talk to him about it? I am taking you were sober when you told him this or is he using sober in another context?

[EricaH329]

If you are not getting what you need, then it is time to move on.

 

I suppose it was hard for you when he did plead and said he would do whatever it takes to make it work.

 

Your repressed emotions can't be hidden anymore and can't be ignored. It would take something dramatic for all that to change. If you do falter in your decision to leave and the next day things are just the same, then it will hurt even more.

 

Are you going to talk to him about it? I am taking you were sober when you told him this or is he using sober in another context?

 

I have already tried to talk to him about this.

 

I just sent him a text (I know it's cowardly, but it's the only way I can get ahold of him) telling him that I cannot deal with this any longer.

 

This is going to seriously hurt tomorrow.

[carhill]

It'll hurt like the dickens but no one else can love you like yourself.

 

After awhile they get to be happy tears. I spent enough time cleaning out the closets to know this. Best wishes.

[Aedra]

I am really sorry you're going through this. =( I had four bad distant relationships, my last one lasted about 5 months. Out of the blue he cut off complete contact with me one day. Deleted me off facebook, msn, skype, you name it. I felt so humiliated that he thought so little of me that he wouldn't even give me any kind of reason why. But yeah to be honest, it really does appear you don't mean much to him. He should be spending the most time with you, not his female friends. His actions speak louder then anything else. I would be so angry and jealous if that happened. That's the big risk with distant relationships, you don't truly know them until you meet them in real life.

[EricaH329]

I woke up to find this wonderful song posted on his FB page...

 

 

"The B*tch Song!"

 

I feel absolutely wonderful about myself right now

[carhill]

TBH, it probably is healthier to stay away from that stuff for now.

[EricaH329]

TBH, it probably is healthier to stay away from that stuff for now.

 

You're right. I know that there is going to be a long conversation between him and I tonight, I really wish there was some way I could just take a break from life right now.

[The Collector]

1. He's not allowed to become close with ANY women, even though you are going to be apart for another three years? I've always had female friends, I couldn't take 100% male company. Doesn't mean I'd cheat, but then again I would never attempt a four year LDR.

 

2. You talk about 'communication' a lot, but what do you mean? It seems to be code for him listening and then doing as he's told. He's 'communicating' that these women are not threats to your relationship, but that communication isn't getting through is it?

 

3. I'm not saying he's not a lying, cheating charmer who's banging or will bang one of these 'sisters.' I don't know the guy.

 

4. Though your motivations are plainly to destroy your rivals, it's probable that at least one of these rivals has the same plan re you. And couldn't he just keep hanging out with females he likes but just make sure photographic evidence doesn't get to you? Do you trust him?

 

5. Did both of you think your relationship could withstand having four years apart? How old were you both when you made this decision?

 

6. Has this whole thread been a roundabout way of dumping him over unsubstantiated suspicions and your realistic expectations about the future while laying the blame on him so you can avoid any guilt about walking away from him and betraying your love pact?

[EricaH329]

1. He's not allowed to become close with ANY women, even though you are going to be apart for another three years? I've always had female friends, I couldn't take 100% male company. Doesn't mean I'd cheat, but then again I would never attempt a four year LDR.

 

That is not the issue. I have male friends, too. The problem is that he treats them the same way that he treats me. He speaks to them the same way he speaks to me. Basically, he's in a relationship with me and a few other girls. And since him and I are not having sex, and he is not having sex with these females, i'm having a hard time being able to tell the difference.

 

For example, as I mentioned previously, he has pictures of himself kissing these girls on their cheeks. A few pictures like that. And a whole bunch of just them, or of both of them together. Where are the pictures of me? Who knows, but not being shown publicly.

 

2. You talk about 'communication' a lot, but what do you mean? It seems to be code for him listening and then doing as he's told. He's 'communicating' that these women are not threats to your relationship, but that communication isn't getting through is it?

 

When I say something, he needs to take it into consideration. The same goes for me as well. If I tell him that something is really bothering me, instead of saying "Oh, well, it's not a big deal." He needs to compromise.

 

 

3. I'm not saying he's not a lying, cheating charmer who's banging or will bang one of these 'sisters.' I don't know the guy.

 

I do not believe he would ever cheat on me.

 

4. Though your motivations are plainly to destroy your rivals, it's probable that at least one of these rivals has the same plan re you. And couldn't he just keep hanging out with females he likes but just make sure photographic evidence doesn't get to you? Do you trust him?

 

I do trust him. And I believe anything he tells me. If he were to say that he cut off all communication with her, i'd believe him.

 

Now I know what you are thinking, "But he's telling you these girls aren't a threat." Yes, I understand that. But that doesn't change the fact that I just plainly do not feel comfortable with it.

 

5. Did both of you think your relationship could withstand having four years apart? How old were you both when you made this decision?

 

To answer your question (although I do not in any way feel it is relevant), I was 21 and he was 20 when we first got together. We also got together knowing that we would be separated, weighed the options, and decided that it was worth getting into a relationship.

 

I should add that we only planned to be away from eachother for a certain amount of time. Once he gets promoted, we were planning on me moving out there so we could be together.

 

6. Has this whole thread been a roundabout way of dumping him over unsubstantiated suspicions and your realistic expectations about the future while laying the blame on him so you can avoid any guilt about walking away from him and betraying your love pact?

 

No, this whole thread has been about the amount of unease I have with this situation. I wanted to get others opinions on this. I am in love with this man, why would I want to walk away from it if I don't have a valid reason? Makes no sense.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Oh goodness...

 

 

While I have previously held news of your on-again, off-again relationship in higher regard, it now sounds as if you aren't being fair to yourself, in a BIG WAY!

 

The likes of you simply does not need to commit herself to sitting around and waiting for this guy, no matter whether he is unsure of himself and keeping lots of irons in the fire, woman-wise or not.

 

 

The greatest substance represented by your on-again, off-again boyfriend is your investment IN him... which, in most ways, is largely independent OF "him".

 

 

He simply isn't enhancing your life enough... and you are soooooooooooo upwardly mobile, socially.

 

 

Hopefully some soul-searching you'll do in the near future will inspire you to rethink your devotion to this relationship, and perhaps be a little more fair to YOU... in the present.

 

The great ones cannot thrive merely on the (clouded internet perceptions others take OF them). They have to have a hand in their own social successes.

[Stung]

After that year, they met a few people of the opposite sex that they became 'good' friends with. They begin treating them like they treat you.

 

 

If he treated anybody else like he treats me that would be a problem. I'm number one! Okay, seriously, the kids probably squeak in before me, but still, he definitely doesn't treat anyone with the same consideration, affection, and thinly-veiled lust he treats me with, and vice versa. If you're each other's SOs and primaries, you gotta give each other primacy.

 

If this is the same guy you've centered other threads around, and I suspect he is because you say you've been with him for over a year (although I thought you broke up?), he doesn't sound like he EVER does any work to let you know you come first in his affections, to help you feel safe and confident in your relationship. Relationships are a two-way-street, why do you sell yourself short by accepting so little return from this guy?