hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 (edited) Please, bear with me on this. In retrospect, we are both very stubborn people, but I always did feel a connection to her in a strange way. However, her secretive nature always kept me away. It all started about a year ago. Met her on jdate. The first night we talked for like nine hours. Met for dinner and a movie, both had a great time. Had another date the next week and then the next two dates she cancelled but we did rescheduled. I would guess, I never really made a move on her on the first few dates, as it was right after my breakup with another girl. It was really hard on me, and I wanted to take it slow. Anyway, moving on, two or three months in, she would still not share her private stuff with me. Her name, her address, her home phone. But, we'd talk daily and she would come over. We set something up for her birthday cause she said she wasn't doing anything. Called her that morning and wished her a happy birthday and asked her to call me back. She never did. Called me the next day, and I said what happened to yesterday. Said she was doing that and this and this, I said okay, well, gotta go. See you later. I felt I was put on the back burner. This was in May. Out of the blue she calls me on July 4 and asked if I wanted to do something. Since I just came back from a funeral, and I had nothing to do, I said sure. We tried to see some fireworks, but were stuck in traffic. But we had a good time nonetheless. The next three weeks she was great. Then, something weird happened. She called me one Friday morning. Asked if I was doing anything later, said nothing yet, you? She said no. Said great I'll come to town and call you when I am there. I picked up some comedy tickets for each of us. I thought it would be a nice change of pace. She called a few times Friday night, but I did not hear it ring. When I walked into my apt I pulled out my phone from my pocket and saw it said 3 missed calls. She called three times between 7:30 - 7:45, never left a message. It was about 10 to 8:00 so I called her back and got her voicemail. Left a message, never heard back. Texted her at 11:00 PM and said thanks for returning my call. She called me at 1:30 AM and left a message. I was pissed that I felt I was blown off and wasted the money on those tickets so I did not call her back. We had a date already set for Saturday night at a local restaurant. Though, since I felt like she blew me off Friday I assumed Saturday was dead too. She called me like at 6:00 PM and asked if we are still on. I said no. She said why? I said you blew me off last night so I assumed you lost interest and setup plans with some friends. She flipped. Starting yelling and then said her phone wasn't on her. For the 7 months I knew her, the phone was always on her hip. She practically slept with it. Said listen, I setup a nice surprise for you last night, and it was all blown. Got tickets a comedy club in Manhattan which became useless. 50.00 down the drain. She then said you can get the money back. Ah, no you can't. Anyway, she asked where you going? Said to a club. She said, well I'm coming with you. I said umm, no, I am already on the road, but you can meet us there. She said fine. I said fine. Said good night and hung the phone up. Obviously, she never showed. Over the next few days, she viewed my profile but never called. I am not sure if I over reacted or not, but I have been constantly thinking of her. Plus, dating is no easy task. Went through like 15 girls and all flakes. So, there is no question that I miss her, but would it look bad of me to contact her and say what's up? Maybe set the record straight and try to build from there? She's seems still available as her profile is still online and she logged in like an hour ago. Yea, and there is that time thing. Six months since our last fight. Then there is the secretivity thing. You know.. No name, email address, home address or regular phone. Some of my friends actually think she is married. She had told me several times she is not involved with anyone. I think she is still a virgin too. When I asked her, she brought it up, she said she was not telling. This was of course when I told her I lost mine at 15. She's 35 I am 32. I don't know what to do.. I am certainly perplexed. Can I get some honest advice from both the men and women here? Edited February 5, 2010 by hearttobreak
DustySaltus Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Hey man, I hate to say it but the signs are all there that she is either married, involved with someone or continues to be on and off with them. Have you even been to this girl's house at all in the time you've been together? Here's the red flags I see: *Cancelled and rescheduled dates #3 & #4, Why? *No contact on her birthday at all.... *Won't tell you where she lives, her full name or #...(because then you could find out who she really is....THIS IS THE BIGGEST RED FLAG OF THEM ALL! *Stood you up on that Friday & At the club *Why does a 35 year old virgin who doesn't really go out much have her phone on her hip at all times? She's probably sleeping with it because she doesn't want you to know who's calling.... *Calls you 2 months later, without an explanation of what happened the past two months... This girl is the ultimate flake. You have to set up boundaries right away and stick to them. If she says she's going to do something and she doesn't follow through, you need to call her out on that RIGHT AWAY. you didn't, so she continues to see how for she could go. She doesn't want to be held accountable for her actions. I mean, where could you see this going with the type of behavior she has? You sound like a good guy, forget about her. And when she calls you again two months from now....don't answer. It's a SLAP in the face that after all this time she doesn't want you to know where she lives. Either way, whether she is with someone else or not...what kind of logic is this? Move on. Best of luck. DS
Author hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 This is NY. They seem to all be flaky. However, her excuses were in relation to her Masters in Education she's going after @ NYU. Since, when we did talk, it was all different hours of the day and night. When she was at my apt., her mother did call her a few times and she said she was at Ken's (me) place. So, not too sure if she's married or not. Shy. Yea. Anti-social.. A bit. But I am not a class clown either. I guess, the biggest problem I had was those issues. And, if we were to talk again, they would have to be addressed. However, I did text her last night and she never replied. So, there you go. Since she's been on jdate for 2 years, I would think that if she were married her husband would had found out by now. Though, who knows. It was always in the back of my mind that she is hiding something.. Not sure what, but she is. I know her moms a successful lawyer and dad is an unemployed person. Parents are both divorced. Who knows.
DustySaltus Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I know the NY scene all too well. I also dated people who went for their masters while they were working full time. Sure, we may have had to see each other on a sunday morning for brunch, but we still made an effort. She just sounds like bad news. But I guess there's something about her that just keeps you reeled in. I know that feeling.....it sucks. There's got to be a ton of options on Jdate though for you. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. Why are you still infatuated with her after all this nonsense? Do you know where she lives now?
Author hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Never liked how it ended. I sometimes have a tendency to overreact at times. So definitely rethinking things. Thought about calling her before, but kept on thinking about reasons why not too. So, instead of calling her, I texted her. Have not spoken to her since August. Never heard back from her on the text. Heard a song on the TV and it made me think of her. I do not take full blame, but at least 50%. Always enjoyed her company and being around her. Was always attracted to her, but again, since she was so secretive, I never made a move for an emotional connection. If I did, it would had been on my mind even more. She always said she was going to open up in time. Saying she has had problems in the past. We all have problems so I did not dismiss that of her. However, a text back by now would had been nice. Perhaps I am expecting too much..
Author hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Come to also think of it I did text her a bit late. Like 1:00 AM. When we were talking, we spoke at this time, so I thought she may be up. Do you think cause of that and because she didn't hear from me in six months that maybe she either a thought it was a mistake or be doesn't recognize the number? Is it worth a phone call or is that way too much?
McGrupp Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 sounds like you should move on. dont cut all contact because you never know, but keep looking for other women.
Author hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 No doubt. Was just reaching out to see whats up with her. Assuming she received the text I would had assumed to hear back. Guess not.
McGrupp Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 i mean it doesn mean its over or whatver, maybe in 2 weeks message her again on JDATE...but ya know keep looking
Author hearttobreak Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 No longer on jdate or any online dating site for that matter. So really can't contact her through that method. Think its worth calling her or is that just pathetic and would be looked down upon?
name witheld Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 No, I don't think you should call her. I don't think you should have texted her either but you did so doesn't matter now. But she has not responded so thats even more reason for you not to bother.
Author hearttobreak Posted February 8, 2010 Author Posted February 8, 2010 Nah, not going to call her. Texted her twice never heard back. Moving on...
Recommended Posts