Is he doing all the work or am I?

[celluloid]

I just want some advice here...

 

My boyfriend of six years, tore me apart back in July starting on the day of our six year anniversary. It drug out throughout August and he officially told me was no longer happier with me in September and was seeing someone else. His reasoning was extremely skewed and was stressed to the max, unhappy with his life and blamed me for it. He then replaced me, with another girl he hardly knew and left me in our apartment, surrounded by our memories.

 

For four months, I was depressed and on various medications, blaming myself, not eating, it was just a really really bad time and in the midst of all of it I was graduating college in December as well. I had every door closing on me at once.

 

During those four months, he attempted to contact me in October, November, December, and January apologizing begging to talk. He even secretly spoke with my mother about me just to see how I was doing.

 

I finally answered his call in January. I agreed to meet him and hear what he had to say. He begged for my forgiveness. He begged for another chance. He cried, like I had never seen him cry before and he said the A, B, C, and D that I wanted from him and I agreed to think about it.

 

Well, we slept together that first night. Way too fast, but we saw it and didn't let it happen again. Well, now, that I have been obsessing over whether I should do this, fully and move forward after all he did to me - I find out from him that he still sees this girl. The one he basically left me for and slept with for 2.5 months before he realized he had made a mistake with me. AND she still wants to be with him!

 

I am not comfortable at all with this. Oh he said they are just friends - but I don't care I can't make peace with and it hurts.

 

How can someone go through so much effort to find me, beg me, and cry at my feet and not be willing to do the work?

 

So I asked him plainly, if he wants us to really work this out then he needs to stop seeing her and severe that tie. No he said, 'I just can't give that up. She's a good friend.' Granted he has known this girl for four months. He has known me for seven years and loves me and not her. He even admitted to not caring about her at all, that she was just a rebound. So, why can he not give her up? I mean he really had me convinced he was ready for a second chance and that I was it for him.

 

I feel like he is asking me to make sacrifices to take him back? What?!!!!

 

So now, all I do is cry and regret ever meeting up with him, and wonder what I am going to do now after opening myself up to yet another tearing of my heart - he basically has told me I am not worth it after seeking me out and stalking me for months in trying to get me back. I don't understand it.

 

-Please help

[Ashkayi]

A situation like this is never easy. You have been with him for a long time. That time should outweigh anything he has going on with the new girl. 4 months and he cant give that up? It must be a lot more serious than he is letting on. He is trying to have his cake and virtually eat it too. I know that its hard to give up after spending so much time with someone, so many memories, so many promises and the love.. If I were you in your situation, I would sever the ties. He has the nerve to continue a relationship while trying to keep you around, crying, showing concern, and begging.. To me hes just playing the game, and hes just trying to use the both of you. You dont deserve that kind of treatment, and although its hard to walk away from that length of time, I believe his true colors are showing, and once he knows he can do this, he will always do it. People dont change, they just choose to improve or stay the same. But deep down, they are always the same.

[celluloid]

Thank you for the response, but it is so hard.

 

I have a multitude of feelings going on right now. I'm sad, I'm hurt, I'm angry at myself for allowing him back into my life. I'm angry that I let him know how much I missed him and still wanted him in my life without playing some little chase me game - which I hate by the way. I hate games. If you want to be with someone - you act like you want to be with them in my opinion. I am long over all the little manipulative games people play in relationships - and he is doing this to me.

 

I just can't make the connection between his desperate behavior in wanting me back to now not being able to sever the tie with this other girl for me.

 

It's hurts so bad. I just wanted to be worth it to him. He had me convinced that first night that he still loved me and the sort of 'realize what he had lost once he lost it.'

 

I just wanted to be enough. And now he has used me yet again to unload his guilt onto me, sleep with me (knowing that I would do it because I missed him and love him so much), and give me false hope of a new start.

 

I mean I just don't know what I am going to do about my state of mind right now. I love him so much, so much on a scale that I don't believe I will ever be able to let go. How am I going to ever be able to move on knowing and feeling this? The pain is just so unbearable. I mean I really don't want to move on, most of the time. I am miserable. I love someone who loves me, but just not enough.