just1guy Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 (edited) - Sorry for the long post. Just another breakup story... I don't want to bore you all with the details, but I was dumped a week before Christmas after 2 years because she gave me the "I'm destined to be single" excuse (part of the GIGS syndrome). There was an eight year difference between us (her mid twenties, me early thirties, so I should have expected this), but during this time, we were really good. Her family liked me, and mine liked her. We've even gone as far as having multiple wedding talks (ring shopping, location, date, kids, etc) within the last couple of months before the breakup. Anyways, I have been 100% NC since the week after it happened and today, for some reason I had the urge to see her FB page, and low and behold, she has a pic of her and some new guy. Now, I will say that we are no longer FB friends as of last month, and I have been leaning on friends for company and advice, but this sucks really bad. I have never been this way, this long for a girl so I don't know how to react to this. I know she's going out to enjoy her newfound single life and expected this to happen, but I am having a hard time to get rid of the defeatist attitude. I keep telling myself the good things in my life to stay positive: I work out already 3-4 times a week, went back to college to take a class on a new hobby, go out with friends on most weekends, don't do drugs or smoke, eat healty, I am fit, I have a pretty successful career and make really good money..yet I'm here now between being mad that she totally flipped on me, to being the loser who says "why do the nice guys get the raw end of the deal??" So what else can I do because I want to move past this and forget about her, but I can't. I haven't gone on any rebound dates or out getting drunk because we all know those are bad for the healing process, but I don't know anymore. There are have been so many times that I was tempted to email her (she changed her number when we broke up), but I end up just typing the words and doing nothing with them. Plus, I am starting to feel bad because I end up talking about her when I go out and I think my friends are starting to get annoyed by that. I'm a late bloomer in the dating world, and only in my twenties did I really start to date. I was shy, so I really focused on school and career and by my mid twenties, I was in a really good place with those two aspects. She had more exs than I did, yet this was our longest relationship. Could that contribute to what I am going thru? I know it's starting to affect my work because a new promotion finally came up that I've been waiting for years (this position works with the director of my department and I've been waiting for it for 2 years now) and I don't have the urge to apply for it. Please help. I've read alot of threads trying to find answers and am starting to grow tired of biased advice from my friends, but I can't figure out what is wrong with me. Thanks Edited February 5, 2010 by just1guy
jerrytodd Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 - Sorry for the long post. Just another breakup story... I don't want to bore you all with the details, but I was dumped a week before Christmas after 2 years because she gave me the "I destined to be single" excuse. There was an eight year difference between us (her mid twenties, me early thirties, so I should have expected this), but during this time, we were really good. Her family liked me, and mine liked her. We've even gone as far as having multiple wedding talks (ring shopping, location, date, kids, etc) within the last couple of months before the breakup. Anyways, I have been 100% NC since the week after it happened and today, for some reason I had the urge to see her FB page, and low and behold, she has a pic of her and some new guy. Now, I will say that we are no longer FB friends as of last month, and I have been leaning on friends for company and advice, but this sucks really bad. I have never been this way, this long for a girl so I don't know how to react to this. I know she's going out to enjoy her newfound single life and expected this to happen, but I am having a hard time to get rid of the defeatist attitude. I keep telling myself the good things in my life to stay positive: I work out already 3-4 times a week, went back to college to take a class on a new hobby, go out with friends on most weekends, don't do drugs or smoke, eat healty, I am fit, I have a pretty successful career and make really good money..yet I'm here now between being mad that she totally flipped on me, to being the loser who says "why do the nice guys get the raw end of the deal??" So what else can I do because I want to move past this and forget about her, but I can't. I haven't gone on any rebound dates or out getting drunk because we all know those are bad for the healing process, but I don't know anymore. There are have been so many times that I was tempted to email her (she changed her number when we broke up), but I end up just typing the words and doing nothing with them. Plus, I am starting to feel bad because I end up talking about her when I go out and I think my friends are starting to get annoyed by that. I'm a late bloomer in the dating world, and only in my twenties did I really start to date. I was shy, so I really focused on school and career and by my mid twenties, I was in a really good place with those two aspects. She had more exs than I did, yet this was our longest relationship. Could that contribute to what I am going thru? I know it's starting to affect my work because a new promotion finally came up that I've been waiting for years (this position works with the director of my department and I've been waiting for it for 2 years now) and I don't have the urge to apply for it. Please help. I've read alot of threads trying to find answers and am starting to grow tired of biased advice from my friends, but I can't figure out what is wrong with me. Thanks wow you sound a lot like me a few years ago, I am so sorry to read about this. There is nothing wrong with you for a start. You are lost, heartbroken, cant understand. Me too. I got completely sideswiped. It sucks. Just imagine how you would feel if you found she cheated first. So the break, bad as it is, is better than the alternative. I think you have done the right thing in NC so that is a start. My breakup happened at the same time some job issues occured and the death of an acquaintance my age. I know you will find someone new. I am also hanging in for that. It just wont be quick. I would say focus yourself on work and moving up in your department - the new responsibilities will be a useful distraction. And this site has been a godsend to me. I never ever thought I would be typing notes to other heartbroken guys in my entire life but the advice and support I got here was invaluable. Also I typed a list of her positive and negative issues and a note to myself that said why I should be glad this happened now as opposed to later, etc. Good luck.
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