viennawaits Posted February 10, 2010 Posted February 10, 2010 Personally, if I met someone who was married and the 'chemistry' was too much and we were in love, I would say sort your life out first and then come find me. See I get the A's that are for love and the MP leaves, anything else is just bat**** and yes, I include H's affair in all a that. Although I didn't stop the A immediately, I told the MM (I am also a MW) that this is exactly what should be done. He left his wife. I took too much time leaving my H (4 months since meeting MM ). He moved on. Some OW try to do exactly what you describe. I'm not claiming the high road here, just letting you know that it doesn't always go on interminably by some uncaring bwitch (we'll see if that gets bleeped out). Turns out MM had a whole lot more problems than I knew at the time. Call it karma paying me back, if you'd like. I think it was the universe's way of watching out for me, personally. That doesn't mean that what I felt wasn't real, but it just wasn't LOGICAL. Sitting here today I know that, but the chemistry between two people can be so intense. I also sincerely feel sorry for any pain that I caused W or his family during this time. That one I have to deal with every day.
skylarblue Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Originally Posted by Woman In Blue …What always amazes me is women who say they have no time for a regular committed relationship, so occasionally having sex with a married man "fits their lifestyle." Puke. There are PLENTY of single guys looking for NSA sex so that flimsy excuse holds no water at all. Personally, when I’ve dated MM it did fit my lifestyle at those times. I call MM the “intermission guy” - the guy I date in-between LTRs. I don’t like dating single guys when I’m not seeking a R because I don’t want to be a notch on the bedpost. If I’m just looking for NSA sex and the guy is single then nothing is stopping him from screwing as many girls as he can get. I don’t want to be another name on the roster. A “faithful” MM was a much better fit. I don’t feel like a notch since he’s only with his W. I feel like I have the advantage; he’s the lucky one because I chose him and he’ll stick around until I decide to leave him. He’s appreciative since he’s in a monogamous R and I don’t get to deal with the crappy side him. Also, I need to feel wanted and like I have some kind of control over what happens in the R. MM provide a monogomous, controlled-environment feel unlike single guys...Whenever the R ends with my MM, I’ll date a single guy since I’ll be looking a for real R, but I really don’t ever want to date a MM ever again after this.
skylarblue Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Originally Posted by HappyAtLast Even as a former wandering spouse I still am a bit taken aback by the post. (realizing the irony in that, I suppose). One moment... I just read a post by skylar on the OW board. It appears that she was describing her feelings at the time of her affair, not her feelings now. I believe she was just being honest and has since changed her views. Was it my post you were a bit taken aback by? Because I would think that was norm (if it was my post). People are selfish when it comes to what they want if they really want it and don’t care, don’t fear, or underestimate the consequences. I’d think many cheaters intentionally want and are happy with playing both sides of the coin – a W/H and an OM/OW. If not, why do so many people hide the A from BS? Why do so many WS choose to stay married after dday?...Because they would rather not or have no intentions of leaving (regardless of what their excuse is or until it is convenient for them to). Personally, I’ve had a horrible fidelity record. I have been in 4 LTRs (inc. MM) and one short-term R that I consider significant. I dated #1 who broke up with me for being too young (i.e. 24yrs younger and wanting children and M). I dated #2 and cheated with #1, got back with #1 who dumped me again for being too young. I dated #3 and cheated with #1, got back with #1. I cheated on #1 with #4, dumped #1 for #4, then cheated on #4 with #1, got back with #1. I cheated on #1 with #5 (current MM) who knew I had a bf. I broke up with #1 (not for MM) and have been faithful so far to MM 4yrs+ (but MM says he still wants to see me even if I start seeing someone else). (btw I dumped #4 for cheating on me (open R but broke the “must have permission” rule) the same day it happened even though I broke the same rule (unbeknownst to #4) two days before by cheating with #1) I don’t know how I’m going to handle my next R (#1 seems to be the recurring theme). I don’t know how I’m going to ultimately handle the A I’m in (everything I thought was black is white and white is black). But I know I’m not going to be a part of another MM cheating on his W.
jwi71 Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 skylar... Did you ever decide what you would do about the baby? Keep? Abort? Adoption?
skylarblue Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 (edited) abortion...6 days ago Edited February 11, 2010 by skylarblue typo
NoIDidn't Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 ((((Skylarblue)))) You are in my thoughts.
seren Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 Although I didn't stop the A immediately, I told the MM (I am also a MW) that this is exactly what should be done. He left his wife. I took too much time leaving my H (4 months since meeting MM ). He moved on. Some OW try to do exactly what you describe. I'm not claiming the high road here, just letting you know that it doesn't always go on interminably by some uncaring bwitch (we'll see if that gets bleeped out). Turns out MM had a whole lot more problems than I knew at the time. Call it karma paying me back, if you'd like. I think it was the universe's way of watching out for me, personally. That doesn't mean that what I felt wasn't real, but it just wasn't LOGICAL. Sitting here today I know that, but the chemistry between two people can be so intense. I also sincerely feel sorry for any pain that I caused W or his family during this time. That one I have to deal with every day. I so get falling for someone and the chemistry being right - I totally respect people falling in love, even if they are with other people, that's what love is like. I also think that those that have the balls (is that another edit) to tell and enable the other person to move on and find someone else admirable. i do not find lying admirable, nor do I find continually putting up with - I will leave when ...... simply because it isn't fair to the person being lied to, it just isn't someone else's right to string someone along, and I include OP in this. I am not a believer in karma, I just think that when people experience similar situations it makes them think how their actions may have impacted upon someone else's happiness and wellbeing. I have met men who in other circumstances I could have fallen for - and yes, some were married, one even left his family because he knew I wouldn't see him while he was married. I sent him home again knowing that it was just lust, I would have left him eventually and he just needed to put time into wooing his wife again. I just think that deceit is never pretty, no matter how it is dressed up.
seren Posted February 11, 2010 Posted February 11, 2010 abortion...6 days ago I so hope you have someone to help you through this, take very good care of yourself. I hate huggy brackets but in this instance ((((skylarblue))))
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