Vasto_Lorde Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 I've been in a relationship with a wonderful lady for the past 3 weeks and it has been great. However, we had our first tiff and now it seems that the fight is going to unravel our relationship. The long and the short of the fight was my inadequate communication. I did apologize and promise to work on my mistakes but that wasn't good enough. She basically told me she had doubts about the relationship and that she wanted to revert to just being friends. I implored her to let me fix the issue instead of just abandoning ship so quickly. She then said she needed to think more. The next day, I asked her to tell me what she had decided to do. She told me again she wanted to revert to friendship. She did not think she wanted to be locked down just yet and that she wanted to see what else is out there. I asked her if she was sure and she said yes. I registered my disappointment with her choice but I told her I would respect it and abide by it. A couple of minutes after that conversation, she sent me a text message saying she needed more time to think. I told her okay. Normally, I would have unilaterally ended things by now due to the wavering but I really like this girl. I'm going to ask her to give me a final decision today. This should be interesting. I don't think answering such a fundamental relationship question should be this hard.
EM47 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 this isn't really a fight, it's her losing interest in you.
EM47 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I'm going to ask her to give me a final decision today. ohh, the old ultimatum. i would suggest NOT doing this, you won't like the answer anyway.
boogieboy Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 She lost her attraction to you permenently, and is looking at another guy to date while she kleeps you on a string. Make sure you let her know its over and youre not waiting for her, she has to know she will lose you, and that will wake her up. I dont know what you did, but to make a woman give up on you so fast, it must have been bad,she wasnt THAT into you she's been looking at someone else the whole 3 weeks. Bail on her now, she already knows that you want to work things out, let her knwo you think she is right, and you will explore other people also. A lil jealousy will wake her up, then you have to play hard to get so she has to work for you again.
hoping2heal Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 If you split up over a fight, believe me your relationship wasn't as great as you thought it was.
Author Vasto_Lorde Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 I get the gist of what you guys are trying to get across to me. I'm leaving for her apartment right now. I'll keep you guys posted.
BG1985 Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 Don't visit this girl. She's already broken up with you. The reason she keeps telling you she needs more time to make up her mind is so that you can find more ways to screw up and reaffirm her decision.
counterman Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 I agree with the other posters. She's stringing you along and wasn't that interested in you in the first place. Just end it. She knows she has you because you said you wanted to work things out. Be firm about this. Last time I let a girl decide whether she wanted to be with me, we got together but through it all, I realised she was never that into me. Should have ended it from the start.
Author Vasto_Lorde Posted February 5, 2010 Author Posted February 5, 2010 Just got back from meeting with her and it's safe to say the relationship is over. She told me that she wanted us to revert to dating rather than relationship. That way, she could gain more experience in the dating game but without loosing me. She feels that I'm a quality guy and that she sees potential because I'm husband material. Later on in the discussion, she told me that she could also try starting the relationship from scratch. She felt we could just restart and see how things go. However, I could not get over the fact that what she really really wanted was dating not a relationship. I told her that I was on the relationship page and not interested in reverting to the dating phase. I told her that I would not feel comfortable in restarting our relationship knowing that even though she wanted to make it work, she really wanted something else. I feel that both parties should want it not maybe want it. So I told her that I would respect her choice but I refused to move back to the dating stage with her.
randall Posted February 5, 2010 Posted February 5, 2010 She told me that she wanted us to revert to dating rather than relationship. That way, she could gain more experience in the dating game but without loosing me. It amazes me how some people don't realise how rude this is. It's the classic: "You're not good enough for me right now but you can be a backup in case I don't meet the guy I REALLY want." I told her that I would not feel comfortable in restarting our relationship knowing that even though she wanted to make it work, she really wanted something else. Excellent attitude and handling of the situation! I think you did exactly the right thing in this situation.
sid3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You asked her for her final answer a few times to many. I'm curious how she thinks your husband material after 3 weeks, or have you known eachother for a long time. Anyone who decides to part ways after the first disagreement never had much interest to begin with IMO
stillafool Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 Just got back from meeting with her and it's safe to say the relationship is over. She told me that she wanted us to revert to dating rather than relationship. That way, she could gain more experience in the dating game but without loosing me. She feels that I'm a quality guy and that she sees potential because I'm husband material. Later on in the discussion, she told me that she could also try starting the relationship from scratch. She felt we could just restart and see how things go. However, I could not get over the fact that what she really really wanted was dating not a relationship. I told her that I was on the relationship page and not interested in reverting to the dating phase. I told her that I would not feel comfortable in restarting our relationship knowing that even though she wanted to make it work, she really wanted something else. I feel that both parties should want it not maybe want it. So I told her that I would respect her choice but I refused to move back to the dating stage with her. Why? Had you guys discussed this before? Did you have sex with her? I think you did the right thing also by ending it if you wanted more than she did.
stillafool Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 You asked her for her final answer a few times to many. I'm curious how she thinks your husband material after 3 weeks, or have you known eachother for a long time. Anyone who decides to part ways after the first disagreement never had much interest to begin with IMO That's just some crap she said to ease the pain while she stabbed the knife in his back.
sid3 Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 If you would have walked away the first time she said she needed "time to think" she would have been interested and suddenly your a challenge instead of a wuss. She saw your actions as needy,clingy, desperate. Sorry if that sounds harsh..Just telling it to you straight.
St. Nick Posted February 8, 2010 Posted February 8, 2010 The relationship is over! Yer not getting anywhere no matter what you say to her. Sid already told you what there needs to be said. Hope this has been a lesson to you.
Author Vasto_Lorde Posted February 12, 2010 Author Posted February 12, 2010 That's just some crap she said to ease the pain while she stabbed the knife in his back. We have known each other for about 4 months.
The Paper Knight Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 (edited) I just came of the back of a 3 weeker myself. This girl invites me over and has the curtsy to tell me that she slept with someone else two nights ago and that she is confused (all while crying and trying to hug me) - what a headf#!k. Follow your gut instinct and not your dick, only then will you know the truth. Edited February 12, 2010 by The Paper Knight
sagetalk Posted February 12, 2010 Posted February 12, 2010 I'm impressed with the way you handled this. When you get downgraded, that basically means any hope of a healthy relationship is over. You'll spend all your time worrying about the next time she's gonna get mad at you and downgrade you again. She'll use it as a control device that will torture your brains out. You did the right thing. Odds are there's another guy as well. It sucks, but I've had to do it to. The only way you ever let that happen is if you really do only want to be her friend.
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