Just wanted to share my story.

[rand0m]

I dated my ex for 5 years. We fell in love instantly and have not only been an amazing couple, but best friends all the while. We've shared so many things together and lived happily. Sure, we had a few ups and downs, but never broke up or stopped loving each other.

Until about a month ago. She told me she didn't have the same feelings anymore, that I "pushed her away" by some of my habits, and that she just wanted space and to be friends. I was obviously devastated. When we broke up, she told me not to be so upset, that it wasn't that big of a deal, and that couples get back together all the time after breaking up - citing her good friend's brother who had broken up with his, now, wife for a while during their relationship. So I don't know what to think about that.

She had just began law school in September, and I was the one supporting her, pushing her to be social and meet new people, giving her space to get her studying done, driving her to and from the library, school, social events, paying the mortgage, making dinners, getting groceries, doing the laundry, cleaning, working, etc. etc.

After all of my support and love, I now feel like she left me for law school and the people she met there. She said that it was "a long time coming", but I just don't see it; we had been making plans to go away mid-Feb, and she was buying items for the apartment in December of last year, so I'm not sure what the true story is. We had lived together for about 9 months before the break, so when we finally decided it was done, there was a lot of baggage that we needed to deal with. We lived together for one week after officially breaking up and even slept in the same bed, although we were not intimate and didn't show any physical attention. Finally I told her that it was too hard and she needed to move out, so she took what she absolutely needed and moved home to her parents' house. She kept a key as well as a lot of clothing, yoga gear, tanning stuff, products, etc. at the apartment, and was coming by every other day to "go to yoga and have a shower". Everytime she came by, I felt like she was leaving more and more things around, as I kept finding new bags showing up, couple pairs of shoes, jewelry, etc. Well over the next two weeks we remained in some contact. I think we only went about 1-3 days throughout the period without talking, even if just briefly. Whenever she came by to do whatever it is she needed to do, I felt like the way she was looking at me was like she had in the beginning, but she seemed confused and unsure; she would look at me as if she wanted to kiss me, although we never did. It's as if her actions were/are completely different from her words.

Now, I admit, I acted like an idiot for the first week of our breakup, and know for a fact that I made her decision to leave easier, which is what I kick myself for more and more everyday. I asked her about a week ago if this was "it", and she said that she thinks so. I gathered up the nerve to tell her I needed my key back and she had to take everything she needed - my goal was to move towards no contact. Well the morning she was supposed to come get her stuff, she didn't show, called me an hour or so later and said she wouldn't be coming (had to study), so I asked her to leave my key at her house and I would bring what she needs and grab my key - that was on this past Sunday. There's still so much of her stuff at the apartment that I'm not sure what to do. She tries to contact me whenever I'm online so I blocked her. We haven't talked in two days, which is the longest it's been since we broke up. I guess it's coming to the point where I just have to bring ALL of her stuff to her and move on. The problem is that I wanted to marry her, and still do. I think about her every second of every day. I'm not being fully self-destructive; I go to the gym daily, run, hike, still play sports, hang out with friends, go to work, but I just can't shake her out of my head. Her family is my family, her friends are my friends, our worlds are so intertwined. I know the best thing would to completely cut all of that off, but I can't lose EVERYTHING (friendships, the dogs, family), so I'm stuck. I feel like if I move all of her stuff back to her, then she will never come back because it would just be too much work, but am beginning to feel like I'm holding on to false hope. I truely never saw this day coming and am still in shock. I've lost the love of my life, my best friend, and support.

I gave that girl everything she wanted, only to have it thrown in my face. I sincerely hope that one day she wakes up, a happy and successful woman, and realizes that she threw away something amazing, and that by then, I will have moved on and be with someone who appreciates what I offer and loves me more than she can right now. *I say happy and successful because I truely do want the best for her; her happiness means the world to me.

Anyways, that's my story thus far. I'll keep you updated on my progress.

 

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream to the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." - a quote that has been helping me get through each day.

Edited February 4, 2010 by rand0m

[nomad0792]

Hey rand0m-

I have yet to post my story, but I see a lot of similarities, however mine being only a year. Although, I can honestly say I had cashed in my chips and was ready to settle down with her. So it came as a shock that she wanted space and I did the begging, pleading, etc. BUT, I did it for over 3 weeks. I never did anything crazy, but I did WAIT around for her to open her heart up to me again. I lived with her and her son at her apt (closer to my office, and we spent everyday together anyways), but I paid the rent, bought the groceries and always provided whenever she couldn't. I gave a LOT! I gave my heart and my soul. Let's just say...I understand.

 

I can only imagine how intertwined your lives are. You guys have a long history together, so there is still much about your story left to be told. My suggestion to you, for your sanity, is to focus on NC. Don't avoid her if she contacts you, but DO NOT CONTACT HER. Delay your responses to her when she does try and correspond with you. Her feelings will not suddenly disappear, so avoid thoughts of her with other people and never thinking of you...it's going to be hard for her to stop thinking about you as well.

 

A couple of things you must adhere to during this time:

1) Don't bring up the relationship when you talk to her.

2) Be respectful

3) Be a man and stick to your guns. She made this choice, not you!

 

It's been 4 months since we broke up and 3 months of NC. I'm still missing her, but I have moved on with my life. I know I can walk away from the relationship feeling confident that I did what I could to make it work. However, I have some peculiar points to my story...I'm sure we all do.

 

Keep your head up man and focus on yourself.

[rand0m]

Hey,

 

Thanks for the reply.

Not going to lie, had a pretty rough night and morning. At work now I feel empty. No real emotion, just emptiness.

 

Now on day 3 of no contact. She called me yesterday while I was at work but I didn't answer and haven't returned her call. If she calls again I will answer. I'm trying so hard to move on. It's been a month since we broke up, 3 weeks since she moved out, and just over a week since we saw each other.

My heart aches all the time, and I can't get her out of my head. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping in the bed because she's not there so I end up on the couch with the tv on.

 

I keep holding on, hoping, putting faith in fate, and waiting for the day that she wakes up and says to herself "wtf have I done?"

I know this is all wrong, but I can't stop myself. I've been hanging out with friends and enjoying life, but when I'm alone or get home at night, my mind races back to her.

 

All of our mutual friends are completely shocked. Some are even angry, confused, upset. She's been blowing them all off since the break, even though they've all tried to contact her. She's consumed herself with law school and is just floating along. She won't take the time to think about what she's doing, and by the time she does, it will be far too late.

When her mom found out in the early stages, she called me in tears, also completely oblivious to the fact that this was happening/had happened. Everybody is just as confused as I am.

 

I guess only time will tell, and only time will heal. For now I'll just continue to not contact her and lick my wounds in the corner.

 

Still in disbelief.

[rand0m]

Day three no contact and it's driving me crazy.

She messaged me at work today but I was in a meeting and by the time I got back to the computer I just didn't feel like responding to her.

 

Oh well, still moving forward.

[TouchedByViolet]

rand0m, sounds like you got the short end of the stick

 

Considering how interconnected your relationship was and how you have many mutual friends your break up could use some ground rules about contacting one another.

 

Since she strives to maintain contact with you daily tells me she still cares about you, and wants you in her life but this is not a good thing if she ends up with another guy. At least not in the near future. Its hard to say whether she will come back to you anytime soon, and limbo land can be brutal on you emotionally.

 

I'm at a loss for words seeing as how this situation just sucks for you and you are essentially at the mercy of your ex-gf who you clearly love. I hope the best for you.

[rand0m]

Thanks Violet,

 

Yes, she pretty much has complete control, and I think she knows that. The only thing I have going on that side is to maintain no contact and block as much of her out of my life as possible. I see her family a lot, but make sure that she's not around when I do. I also get to take the dogs at least once a week for a hike and hang out.

So far it's been hard, but I feel good that I'm not completely losing everything yet. I've told her brother (who is good friends with me), that I didn't want to hear anything about her. I don't want to know when she's home or not, who she's with, what she's doing, etc., etc. and he has been very good not to bring it up.

 

I highly doubt she will return to this relationship anytime soon, or ever at all. She's becoming a changed person, and I don't like it either. I can understand that after 5 years with me, and 4 with her ex (she's only 23), that she's never had the freedom of being single, but what she's doing is slowly turning me off of her. One day she's going to realize how much she gave up, and when that day comes, I will have the biggest smile on my face and it may be too late for her.

 

Time to put the pants back on, and give her the hint that I don't need her in my life. That I'm in control, and she's the one losing.

 

Good luck to everyone.

[rand0m]

Update:

 

So I'm actually doing pretty well. I still think about her all the time, but that crushing, breaking, painful bit in my heart has become a little less intense. I have my moments where I'm still in shock and want to break down, but I've held it together and still haven't contacted her. I didn't hear from her for about 2 days, until she tried to get in touch with me on Saturday, and then contacted me on 3 different occassions yesterday.

 

I politely responded with a few quick words (she asked me what how my hike was [she knew I went hiking because I took the dogs with me], and then asked what I was doing). A quick text back, and then left it at that after she replied - I just don't really have anything to say to her at this point, and that was it.

 

Anyways, I've realized she never put the effort in to make this work, and she's probably seeing someone else, or has feelings for someone else. Regardless, I don't want to be in a relationship that's so one sided, I need someone to care as much as I do.

 

Keep on keeping on people, life continuously moves forward, and then the one who broke your heart will one day wake up and realize how big of a mistake they had made, but by that time, you will have been long gone, in a new, loving and exciting relationship.

[rand0m]

So, I'm not sure if anyone is reading this, or if anyone really cares.

 

Having a hard time right now. I stupidly creeped her facebook wall, and am now more convinced than ever that she is falling for, if not already seeing someone else. She had been running with this guy for the past 5 months or so (while we were together). She booked her spring break vacation with him in the same room, and is already talking to her friends about heading to Edmonton (which I'm pretty sure is where he's from) when he leaves for the summer.

 

I knew this would happen because she's not the type to leave a relationship without something waiting on the doorstep (she left her ex for me after a few months of us hanging out and deciding we should start dating - ironic, and I guess I should've seen it coming).

 

I'm devastated and my mind is racing, heart is pounding. I don't understand what this guy has to offer that I don't. He is/was (I'm not sure anymore) engaged to a girl back home, and now my ex might be pursuing him? I don't know who she is anymore, she has completely broken my heart and I'm trying my hardest to be happy for her and move on, but it's so damn hard.

 

I just want the pain to end. There can't be anything worse than this feeling.

[jerrytodd]

So, I'm not sure if anyone is reading this, or if anyone really cares.

 

Having a hard time right now. I stupidly creeped her facebook wall, and am now more convinced than ever that she is falling for, if not already seeing someone else. She had been running with this guy for the past 5 months or so (while we were together). She booked her spring break vacation with him in the same room, and is already talking to her friends about heading to Edmonton (which I'm pretty sure is where he's from) when he leaves for the summer.

 

I knew this would happen because she's not the type to leave a relationship without something waiting on the doorstep (she left her ex for me after a few months of us hanging out and deciding we should start dating - ironic, and I guess I should've seen it coming).

 

I'm devastated and my mind is racing, heart is pounding. I don't understand what this guy has to offer that I don't. He is/was (I'm not sure anymore) engaged to a girl back home, and now my ex might be pursuing him? I don't know who she is anymore, she has completely broken my heart and I'm trying my hardest to be happy for her and move on, but it's so damn hard.

 

I just want the pain to end. There can't be anything worse than this feeling.

 

Don't try to be happy for her. It is fake. You need to keep the NC which I am finding is the only way I can live with this. You also need to keep off FB, I am not on it and I am so glad. My ex-GF is still in this damned office and very likely seeing someone or back with her ex-husband. The biggest disappointment is being lied to.

 

What I did is made a list of good and bad points of my ex-GF. And I was very honest about it. I did it up compared to the only other relationship I have had, my ex-wife (pluses are where the ex-GF wins):

 

[FONT=Arial]trust -10[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]appearance +8[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]smart +6[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]fun +3[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]spirit -3[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]history and transition -7[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]confidence +4[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]sexual +6[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]empathetic/kindness -7[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]personal appreciation of me -4[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]communication -3[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]friends -4[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]self respect -4[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]try stuff -5[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]angry -6[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]DUMB TV AND OTHER MEDIA -5[/FONT]

[FONT=Arial]games playing -4[/FONT]

 

Given that I was not terrifically crazy about my ex-wife and my ex-GF lost on many levels then I had to look at myself carefully and say - what am I really losing. It has helped a lot - that note to myself and this forum.

 

You can comment on my situation in my thread if you want to create a mutual support society!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t219885/

 

I will keep an eye out for your posts and I wish you the best. It is hurting a lot less now for me and I know when she gets out of here I will be 1000 times happier.

[t0ri]

You will be ok, rand0m. You're doing exceptionally well in my opinion. Keep up the NC, but part of NC is not spying on your ex's social networking sites. Trust me, lurking will only set you back further in your healing process, and will most likely become an obsessive habit.

 

In my experience, the ex is only contacting you after dumping you to validate themselves, that you still are willing to be available to them whenever they please. Don't look into it any further than that until she's beating down your door to win you back.

 

Keep your chin up. The pain will eventually ease. Time is your best friend right now. You sound like a stand up guy, and you deserve someone who will appreciate all the love you have to offer.

[rand0m]

Hey all,

 

Thanks for the replies. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'm not too sure why. I think that as time is progressing I'm starting to realize that this is the end; that things just weren't meant to be, which is making things harder for the time being.

 

We got into a fairly big argument yesterday afternoon.

She heard that I was at a lounge where some of her friends from work were at, and I guess they made it seem like I was there with them (which I completely wasn't, I hardly know them). From there, the argument just went south. I should've just stopped, but I was getting angry, and I just told her a bunch of things to try and shake her up a little bit.

 

Things she was mad about:

1.) I haven't been calling her to see how she's doing

2.) I've been hanging out with our mutual friends who she thinks are solely her friends

3.) I've been taking the dogs hiking (who live with her parents), without letting her know before hand

There were a few other things, but those were the main ones. She says she's hurt because I'm not keeping in contact with her, but in my opinion, I owe her nothing at this point.

I told her that the dream world she's living in is going to come crashing down one day, and the person who stuck beside her through thick and thin (me) will be long gone.

 

I ended the discussion prematurely because I didn't feel like talking to her anymore, and we agreed that any further discussions should be had in person. She said she wanted to meet and talk about some stuff (not about getting back together, I know that's not going to happen).

 

My problem:

I don't want to let her spend time with me at this point. I don't think she deserves that "priviledge", but at the same time, I have so much to get off my chest about how I was treated and unappreciated nearing the end of our relationship. I also want her to see that I'm not moping around and that I'm living my life and having fun. I told her to get in contact with me if she wanted to meet up, but that I was not willing to go out of my way to make the plans.

 

Also, she started to panic a little when she found out I have the next two weeks off of work. She kept asking me if I was going away, but I just ignored that question. Then she told me that if I was doing anything fun on Friday evening to send her a text and let her know?

 

She's so definite that she's not in love with me, but keeps trying to hold on to something. Obviously she wants a friendship with me, but that's not what I want from her at this point, and I want to let her know that, and to let her know how disappointed I am in her and her decision making (also the way she treated me). If she calls to go for a coffee or something, I'm probably going to do it... at least to get some closure and let her know she's no longer in control.

 

Thanks for reading.

[jerrytodd]

Hey all,

 

Thanks for the replies. I didn't get much sleep last night, and I'm not too sure why. I think that as time is progressing I'm starting to realize that this is the end; that things just weren't meant to be, which is making things harder for the time being.

 

We got into a fairly big argument yesterday afternoon.

She heard that I was at a lounge where some of her friends from work were at, and I guess they made it seem like I was there with them (which I completely wasn't, I hardly know them). From there, the argument just went south. I should've just stopped, but I was getting angry, and I just told her a bunch of things to try and shake her up a little bit.

 

Things she was mad about:

1.) I haven't been calling her to see how she's doing

2.) I've been hanging out with our mutual friends who she thinks are solely her friends

3.) I've been taking the dogs hiking (who live with her parents), without letting her know before hand

There were a few other things, but those were the main ones. She says she's hurt because I'm not keeping in contact with her, but in my opinion, I owe her nothing at this point.

I told her that the dream world she's living in is going to come crashing down one day, and the person who stuck beside her through thick and thin (me) will be long gone.

 

I ended the discussion prematurely because I didn't feel like talking to her anymore, and we agreed that any further discussions should be had in person. She said she wanted to meet and talk about some stuff (not about getting back together, I know that's not going to happen).

 

My problem:

I don't want to let her spend time with me at this point. I don't think she deserves that "priviledge", but at the same time, I have so much to get off my chest about how I was treated and unappreciated nearing the end of our relationship. I also want her to see that I'm not moping around and that I'm living my life and having fun. I told her to get in contact with me if she wanted to meet up, but that I was not willing to go out of my way to make the plans.

 

Also, she started to panic a little when she found out I have the next two weeks off of work. She kept asking me if I was going away, but I just ignored that question. Then she told me that if I was doing anything fun on Friday evening to send her a text and let her know?

 

She's so definite that she's not in love with me, but keeps trying to hold on to something. Obviously she wants a friendship with me, but that's not what I want from her at this point, and I want to let her know that, and to let her know how disappointed I am in her and her decision making (also the way she treated me). If she calls to go for a coffee or something, I'm probably going to do it... at least to get some closure and let her know she's no longer in control.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

Well I agree 100% that you owe her nothing. I would say you maybe have offered up even more than you need to in an NC situation. I wonder if the telling her off piece is the exact opposite of NC in that it gives the control back to her. She sees you havent moved on yet, that the hurt is there, etc.. I think what you are trying to balance and understand is the verbal message of "I dont love you" vs her actions. As you said she wants to be loved and to have some connection to you but not in the way you want. To tell her off about her decision making is an indirect way of saying "here is how you fix it" in my opinion. I know that because I am in EXACTLY the same situation. I want to go back over the past year and say to her "when I told you this and you didnt do this then this happened and it will again and again in the future". But I am more convinced that her stewing over things will be a better remedy. If you were not able to change things in a loving relationship it is not terribly realistic to change them now.

 

In my opinion you can control the outcome of this best by being even more NC - that will flesh out her real intentions. As others in these posts have said if there is something still there on a love basis and you are firm NC she will come crashing through the door to get to you if it is real. Then maybe, holding the upper hand, you can direct her decision making in a more positive direction.

 

Best of luck and thanks for weighing in on my posts. I will keep watching and responding as I can. The support of this forum has been remarkable for me - I hope you are getting something out of it too.

[rand0m]

Well, you do make a good point. I never really looked at it that way.

If I agree to meet up, and I tell her everything on my mind (about the way she had approached the remaining months of our relationship), she will still know how deep my emotions for her are, and she will have her fix for the next few weeks, and will slowly ween (wean? wein? weeeeen?) off of me and what we had.

 

This weekend I plan on packing up the rest of her stuff and dropping it off without telling her.

 

In terms of meeting up, I'll see how I feel if she ever decides to contact me. At this point, I sincerely hope she's thinking about how much she's losing.

 

Any other opinions?

Tell her how bad she screwed me and that I'm moving on and won't put up with it anymore? or maintain NC?

[jerrytodd]

Well, you do make a good point. I never really looked at it that way.

If I agree to meet up, and I tell her everything on my mind (about the way she had approached the remaining months of our relationship), she will still know how deep my emotions for her are, and she will have her fix for the next few weeks, and will slowly ween (wean? wein? weeeeen?) off of me and what we had.

 

This weekend I plan on packing up the rest of her stuff and dropping it off without telling her.

 

In terms of meeting up, I'll see how I feel if she ever decides to contact me. At this point, I sincerely hope she's thinking about how much she's losing.

 

Any other opinions?

Tell her how bad she screwed me and that I'm moving on and won't put up with it anymore? or maintain NC?

 

In my opinion, (and it could be different strokes for different folks) she already knows how you feel (good and bad) and it isnt enough now to sustain or mend a relationship.

 

In my situation for example, that "conversation" is not going to help. My ex-GF hates herself in her darkest moments more than I could ever hurt her. She will move on and maybe have a regret.

 

I think the mystery of how I am living my life so well without her in the future is significant. When her not-quite-ex-hubby got a GF she got so busted up, even though she was with me. As I move away and on with NC, it will bust her up too.

[rand0m]

I already know that my ex is hurting by what she has said and the way she acts, but she's not hurting in the way that she misses me as a boyfriend, only that she misses my friendship.

 

I think more NC it is. She hurt me so bad that I don't owe her anything at this point.

 

I do want to make it clear that I would never talk badly about her. I love her to death, she is truely amazing and will always be the one that got away, but I have to take care of myself and protect my own feelings.

[jerrytodd]

I already know that my ex is hurting by what she has said and the way she acts, but she's not hurting in the way that she misses me as a boyfriend, only that she misses my friendship.

 

I think more NC it is. She hurt me so bad that I don't owe her anything at this point.

 

I do want to make it clear that I would never talk badly about her. I love her to death, she is truely amazing and will always be the one that got away, but I have to take care of myself and protect my own feelings.

 

You are doing great to not be negative about her with friends etc. That is also the equivalent of NC - the public perception in your group of mutual friends that "you dont care". I dont want to be too optimistic on your behalf but you are way closer to a positive resolution for yourself and her given her contacting, etc. But the charm of NC is that it works both to heal (if you dont hope for reconciliation and make yourself miserable) and in the "absence makes the heart grow fonder way".

 

I did read somewhere else about that "list" thing that I suggested. The post does suggest that in your more private moments that you do look realistically at her flaws. In addition to the ones I sent you I know can add "snaggletooth". The "love is blind" thing is an amazing phenomenon.

 

Good luck for continued success.

[rand0m]

updates:

 

so yesterday we get into an argument, say some things we didn't really mean, but did at the same time.

we decide to meet up and talk about some stuff. so we meet for coffee, she has a tea, and we share a muffin.

we chat about how things are going in our lives (work, school, etc.), and then get into some of the things that we had texted each other. after that, i basically just told her how i was thankful for the break because it's made me grow a lot already and has forced me to make some positive changes in my life, but at the end of the day, that i miss her and love her.

 

i never got emotional, or teary-eyed or anything, and throughout the entire convo, she just kept repeating that she isn't in love with me. she loves me, she thinks i'm an amazing boyfriend, and she wants me to be happy, but she isn't in love with me. she wants to be best friends.

that's when i told her that she needs to stop calling me. i won't be calling her, and i would appreciate it if she stopped trying to get in touch with me if all she wants is a friendship.

i told her i loved her, would walk to the end of the earth for her, and would never stop loving her, but she maintained her position. it's over.

 

well, i was actually feeling quite relieved. i felt like i had gotten to say a lot of stuff that was boiling up inside of me (the convo was like an hour long), and that i could finally put this aside, and not have to wait on a phone call from her. she won't be calling, and that's that.

 

also, i had asked her what exactly was the straw that broke the camel's back (so to speak). i know her better than anyone else, and i know she's never walked away from something without something else waiting on the doorstep. just for my own sake, and so i could hear it from her mouth, i asked her if she had started to have feelings for someone (even if she wasn't going to pursue them, but maybe she had some feelings, and thought that she might have those for someone else as well). she said "no". and that was it. she's never lied to me before, so i had no reason not to believe her.

 

well, as i'm feeling pretty good, me and some friends (including her brother) decide to go out last night. well, it's opening ceremonies of 2010 in vancouver, so everywhere was a gong show. at about.. 1030 or 11, we decide to head back to my place. as i walk up to my building, guess who's standing on the front stairs, right in the middle, alone with the guy she's been running with for the past 6 months. yes, you guessed it, my ex. we look at each other but don't say a word. i slightly shake my head and walk into my building. obviously now i'm completely rattled, upset, shaking, about to completely break down. her brother sends a few of us upstairs and goes to talk to her. asks her who this guy is and why she would think it would at all be a good idea to stand on the stairs to MY building.

the most ****ed up part.. it's like we didn't even know each other. 5 year relationship, we had just talked earlier that day, i have a bunch of her clothing, furniture, pictures, her LIFE, in this apartment, that was OUR apartment, and we don't even say one word to each other.

she's out there laughing it up, having a good time, and i come upstairs only to break down on my porch with tears pouring down my face.

 

what kind of cruel game does life like to play? why is fate or why are the events of our lives so ****ed up that this could possibly happen? the most ironic part is that in the past 2-3 weeks that we hadn't really been talking, we hadn't run into each other at all (and i've been to her house a few times, she's been in our building visiting friends, we both go to the same tanning place). the one day we decide to stop communication... there she is.

 

i don't know what to do anymore, i don't know how to live without her. i just want my old life back.

[bluesky999]

Man, I know how you feel. Your story is very similar to mine.

I did everything for my ex such as paying the rent, all the bills, ... making meals, hope she would appreciate all of these, and see how much I love her but she didn't. One day after checking the phone record, I found out that she has been talking on the phone for hours, every day with this guy. I asked her about this and guess what she responded " I don't love you like I used to. I have a lot of feeling for this new guy..., and want a break up" No matter what I tried to say or explain, she just wouldn't listen and trashed our 4 years+ relationship just like that. She acted so cold like nothing ever happened between us. She became a totally different person after talking/seeing this new guy....

 

It has been 3 weeks since she left, but she is constantly in my mind all the time. I hate her for hurting me so bad, but miss her and love her so much at the same time...

What's wrong with me? I can ever get over with this feeling?

[rand0m]

I know bud, it's the worst pain imagineable.

After seeing them on the steps, and realizing that either a.) they're starting a relationship, or b.) there's nothing going on, but she's clearly moved on and is introducing our mutual friends to her law friends, I have absolutely nothing left to give.

 

I wrote her a letter and dropped it off with some mail today. I basically told her that I'm done trying. I'm tired of giving her my everything and getting nothing in return. That the next time we have contact, it's either all or nothing. I will not be calling, texting, chatting, nothing... I give up.

I felt good writing it, and I felt good dropping it off. I'm through, I have no choice but to give up and let fate take it's course.

I'm tired of shedding tears for someone who doesn't seem to give a ****. I'm not going to play her game. I refuse to be her friend, and I refuse to chase her any longer. One day I know for a fact, she will wake up and realize she made the biggest mistake of her life. By then, I will be long gone, and she can cry herself to sleep, just like I have for the past 6 weeks.

Strict NC, and there's no way I will ever break that.

 

As hard as it is, you have to move on. Focus on other things in your life. Don't let her believe you're sitting around waiting for her, or she will never realize you're gone. You have to heal, just like I have to heal.

 

Interestingly enough, I saw my ex today.. twice. I took the dogs hiking, and when I went to drop them off, she was there. She texted me to ask when they would be home because she wanted to take one of them downtown. I didn't reply, and when I got to her parents' place, I didn't say a word to her, didn't even look at her. She asked for some more clothing from the apartment back, so about an hour+ later, I brought back a ton of ****. She thanked me, but I hardly responded. The funny thing is, she had changed from the clothing that she looked like she was going out in, and into some sweats.

I can't handle these mind games.. when I say I have nothing to say to you, that I don't want to see you, that I'm done, that means I'm done. Game over.

 

Her loss, my time to shine.

[bluesky999]

My problem is that since I dated this girl and she meant everything to me, so I don't talk/hangout/communicate with other girls at all. All the people I hang out are guys and their girlfriends. She knows all of my friends, but I don't know hers. So sure, she knows I am going to be around for a while.....

 

Moreover, I am not sure what she meant by this, but when she left she said " I made so many mistakes in my life, this one could be one of them, but I wouldn't/won't regret it. Instead, I'll take it as a learned lesson for the future". What the fuxk did she mean by saying this? Did she try to give me more pain? Man, the girl I used to love so much, care so much has become a totally different person, so cold-hearted. But I keep missing her and that kills me a little bit every day....

 

I know I should move on and I have to, but It is damn hard when I lost someone that I love the most....

[rand0m]

I know man, and I'm sorry you're going through this.

You have to realize you're not the only one who has had to deal with this stuff. When my ex left, it was like she didn't even care. So cold, so heartless, just gone with the wind.

That's what breaks you, because you still care so much, and still have so many emotions attached to this girl, and she's seemed to have moved on so quickly. In reality, she hasn't. She had been moving on for some time, or perhaps was never really into it to begin with. I'm not trying to be harsh, I'm just telling you how it is.

Don't stress about girls, and about meeting someone else right now. Just have some fun, do something different, something out of the ordinary for yourself. You don't NEED a partner right now, you just feel lonely and hurt, and you want a female there to comfort you. I know that feeling.

Cut off all contact with your ex. Be just as cold to her. Concentrate on the present moment and just live day-to-day until you're back on your feet.

[rand0m]

Found out my ex is dating the guy she's been jogging with while we were together; surprise surprise. It's been just over a month since we broke up, and he just got out of an engagement. She swears she never ever cheated, emotionally or physically, but to me, that's straight disrespectful. Why are girls so hurtful?

[jerrytodd]

Found out my ex is dating the guy she's been jogging with while we were together; surprise surprise. It's been just over a month since we broke up, and he just got out of an engagement. She swears she never ever cheated, emotionally or physically, but to me, that's straight disrespectful. Why are girls so hurtful?

 

I'm really sorry to hear about this for you. I dont know how I would handle what happened to you. I was in Whistler/Vancouver for the Olympics too with my family and I got an email from my Ex- on Valentines Day, it was hard to determine what she was saying.

 

I know that I need to have an attitude that my ex-GF IS already with someone else. It seems to be her pattern and that of the ex's on this forum. Man it sucks though.

 

Best of luck. Hope you get feeling a little better.

[rand0m]

Yea, I'm basically just coming to the realization that I'm better than that. I have a huge amount of resentment towards her right now, but still love her to death. Hurts every moment I think about them spending time together, but it's really not my business, and I refuse to check up on it.

 

I have way too much to give and live for than to waste my time chasing someone who doesn't feel the same way about me.

 

Last convo we had, which is when she told me they are seeing each other, I just told her to **** off, and that I was done trying to show her what was standing right in front of her. At the end of that convo she says "ok, so I have to go... I'll talk to you later?"

My response "no, you won't. I will not be contacting you, nor have any desire to speak with you. I told you I'm done, you can make your own mistakes." This NC thing seems to only last a few days before it gets broken. This time, I'm sticking to it 100%.

[jerrytodd]

Good for you for the strict NC and please stick to it!!!!.

 

I was quite sad to read your story actually. I had thought the contact she was trying to make was her own indecision, etc. but it was quite positive for you. I am really thinking that all of the "indecisive" women on here have already moved on. Including mine.

 

Incidentally I am doing really well in NC in the strange way I have to talk to her about work. She is pissed about NC which is good. I like to see that. Just wish that damned new job would come along.