Anygal Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Hi, my boyfriend and I have been together over 3 years, we live together, moved to a new city together last summer, and bought a house 6 months ago. He's 34 and i'm 24. We were planning to get engeged, but my boyfriend changed his mind, which caused a lot of problems and arguments with us. In early December I found out through looking at his cell phone and e-mails that he had been having an emotional affair with one of his female friends who is a 23 year old girl scout leader (he has been very actively involved with scouting). This girl has a boyfriend of 5 years who were also going through a rough time and he was one of my boyfriend's good friends. We went through a very difficult period over the last two months, but were trying to work through things. Although he started hiding his phone from me and wouldnt' give me any passwords, claiming that he was uncomfortable with me looking at his private things. About 3 weeks ago my bf told me that the affair girl's boyfriend's mother had died, and my bf felt guilty about his betrayal of his friend and wanted to go to his mother's funeral (in the city where we moved from and they still live). I got really upset and told him that going wouldn't help his friend anyway, and I didn't want him to see the affair girl who would be there as well. He in turn got upset at me for not wanting him to go. Anyway, I asked him if he'd been in contact with the girl at all, even to check up on her. He swore he hadn't had any contact with her. This week he told me he had to go up to our old city for work (which he has to do quite frequently). I requested his passwords yesterday, while he was at work, and asked him not to delete anything. I found his deleted e-mail folder had been emptied and most of his facebook messages from the last 6 months had been deleted too. As well as a notification of a post from the affair girl which he'd deleted. I also went to her page and found that my boyfriend had contacted her twice in the last few weeks to ask how her relationship was going. When I confronted him, he claimed the e-mails he'd deleted were scouting related, and he didn't want to cause further conflict since we had been fighting about his over-involvement with it. Also, he claims he felt guilty about his betrayal of his friend when his mother died and wanted to know how their relationship was going to make himself feel better, but that he couldnt' tell me because it would ruin things again. But I can't get over how he could lie to me again about having no contact with her because its what I "needed to hear" apparently. And I don't understand why he had to contact her, even if it was platonic when he knew he would have to lie to me about it. I don't know if I should still try to work things out or not.
TaraMaiden Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Really? You don't know? Broken engagement? Secrecy? deletion of accounts? Witholding from you? In a word? No.
Disintegration Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Are you 100% sure he didn't cheat on you? If he is continually lying to you about small things how do you know he isn't lying about bigger issues? Maybe like where he really was at, and whom with and with whom he did what with. If he had nothing to hide why delete his folder of evidence? Because there might have been more in that folder that would have indicated a physical affair. Maybe he is feeling guilty and only giving you the half truth.
lkjh Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 He cheated and it was probably more than emotional, Second why are you with a guy that is 10 years older than you and clearly still immature. He is going to chase every young girl he can. Get someone that can be faithful to you and tell the girls bf, because right now they are using that poor guy as a means of keeping their affair alive. Your boyfriend is cheating with the guys girlfriend, clearly he is not that good of a friend. Stand up for yourself
LakesideDream Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Cheat or not Anygirl, your BFs behavior is beyond excuse. You should be protecting yourself now. You are 24 years old... that's a wonderful age. Don't waste it on a 34 year old loser. Yes it will hurt. Yes it will be a lot of work. Yes you will hate it... for awhile. Yes it's better than spending the next 25 years with someone who's just going to walk away someday anyway.
zwieback.toast Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Cheat or not Anygirl, your BFs behavior is beyond excuse. You should be protecting yourself now. You are 24 years old... that's a wonderful age. Don't waste it on a 34 year old loser. Yes it will hurt. Yes it will be a lot of work. Yes you will hate it... for awhile. Yes it's better than spending the next 25 years with someone who's just going to walk away someday anyway. Agreed, your boyfriend is a loser. Dump him now. You can do way better.
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