Dutchyankee112 Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Hello, I have a question for you forum readers; how much attention or time do you spend with your partner compared to your friends of the same sex? The reason im asking is because last night my girlfriend told me she gets pulled on from all directions by guys wanting her attention and to spend time with her, which is the reason why she has less time to spend with me nowadays. When we are chatting online she gets such a torrent of messages heading her way its getting hard to have a decent conversation with her and a fair amount of my messages go unanswered. When i said in a jokingly manner that i atleast still get priority over the other guys she said that was not true, and that as a boyfriend i can expect to get the same amount of attention as all the other guys, but no priority. This suprised me, i always thought your bf/gf should get more attention or time spent with then friends. That's how i always treated her anyway. She's trying way too hard to please everyone and it's stressing her.
Leia Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Isn't she trying to find a way to show you that you're important as well? I spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend but not to a point where I ditch my girlfriends all the time. As for my guy friends, I stay away from going out with them one on one. I have always preferred to go out in big groups.
Citizen Erased Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 You should be her number one priority over other guys, come on.
OnlyJake Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 How much attention the bf gets depends on how long we've been dating/how serious we are. If it's a newer relationship he definitely doesn't get as much attention as he would later on down the road.... No matter what I still spend a lot of time with my girl friends. That said, your problem here, clearly, is that all her "friends" are guys As CE said, come on now.
Author Dutchyankee112 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 The funny thing is she said last night i am the most important person in her life. I always thought you show that in deeds by spending most of your time with that person. That's how i show she's the most important person in my life anyway.
Twenty-ten Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 When i said in a jokingly manner that i atleast still get priority over the other guys she said that was not true, and that as a boyfriend i can expect to get the same amount of attention as all the other guys, but no priority. "Beeeeeeh!" Wrong answer. If you are in a committed loving relationship your partner should always take priority and yet you should not disregard your friends just because you are in a relationship, but your partner always comes first.
hoping2heal Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 The funny thing is she said last night i am the most important person in her life. I always thought you show that in deeds by spending most of your time with that person. That's how i show she's the most important person in my life anyway. Um..that IS how you show the person you mean what you say..through deeds. When the actions do not line up with the words that is called lying. I was rather shocked but can only assume this is a fairly new RS that she's telling you that you don't get priority over other guys? Anyhow, I really don't have any guy friends just girlfriends. If I need a man to hang out with and get attention from I have him. Male friends IME are pretty shady and most of them want in your pants. I don't keep any around to flirt with and pump me lead-full of compliments and attention.
Author Dutchyankee112 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 "Beeeeeeh!" Wrong answer. If you are in a committed loving relationship your partner should always take priority and yet you should not disregard your friends just because you are in a relationship, but your partner always comes first. Exactly how i think about it, and how i thought SHE thought about it. I find it interesting she makes a distinction between "priority" and "importance". I havent talked to her about it yet today, but im kinda curious how she expects to show im more important then everyone else. EDIT: i did talk to some of her female friends who she always goes clubbing with. And they share her opinion that boyfriends should get similiar levels of attention as friends, but no priority.
hoping2heal Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Hello, I have a question for you forum readers; how much attention or time do you spend with your partner compared to your friends of the same sex? The reason im asking is because last night my girlfriend told me she gets pulled on from all directions by guys wanting her attention and to spend time with her, which is the reason why she has less time to spend with me nowadays. When we are chatting online she gets such a torrent of messages heading her way its getting hard to have a decent conversation with her and a fair amount of my messages go unanswered. When i said in a jokingly manner that i atleast still get priority over the other guys she said that was not true, and that as a boyfriend i can expect to get the same amount of attention as all the other guys, but no priority. This suprised me, i always thought your bf/gf should get more attention or time spent with then friends. That's how i always treated her anyway. She's trying way too hard to please everyone and it's stressing her. BTW- I about crapped at her piss poor excuse. "Ohhh so many guys want to talk to me it's just stressing me out." That's so ridiculous, no one HAS to spend anytime with anyone unless they WANT too.
hoping2heal Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Exactly how i think about it, and how i thought SHE thought about it. I find it interesting she makes a distinction between "priority" and "importance". I havent talked to her about it yet today, but im kinda curious how she expects to show im more important then everyone else. EDIT: i did talk to some of her female friends who she always goes clubbing with. And they share her opinion that boyfriends should get similiar levels of attention as friends, but no priority. Really? So she doesn't think for herself then. That's a scary thought.
Twenty-ten Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Exactly how i think about it, and how i thought SHE thought about it. I find it interesting she makes a distinction between "priority" and "importance". I havent talked to her about it yet today, but im kinda curious how she expects to show im more important then everyone else. EDIT: i did talk to some of her female friends who she always goes clubbing with. And they share her opinion that boyfriends should get similiar levels of attention as friends, but no priority. The fact that she makes the distinction that the "men" in her life are an equal priority is even more off-putting. I would have a serious talk with her, since this is nonsense. Hoping2heal said it best the only way you can make someone a priority is to make them feel like they are with your actions. What happens from your mouth onward is all a waste of breath. Actions, are where it's at. She sounds like she was never taught what priorities are when you are in a relationship.
Phateless Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Hello, I have a question for you forum readers; how much attention or time do you spend with your partner compared to your friends of the same sex? The reason im asking is because last night my girlfriend told me she gets pulled on from all directions by guys wanting her attention and to spend time with her, which is the reason why she has less time to spend with me nowadays. When we are chatting online she gets such a torrent of messages heading her way its getting hard to have a decent conversation with her and a fair amount of my messages go unanswered. When i said in a jokingly manner that i atleast still get priority over the other guys she said that was not true, and that as a boyfriend i can expect to get the same amount of attention as all the other guys, but no priority. This suprised me, i always thought your bf/gf should get more attention or time spent with then friends. That's how i always treated her anyway. She's trying way too hard to please everyone and it's stressing her. This is BULL****. You need to stand up for yourself right now. Tell her that as her boyfriend you deserve the respect of having higher priority than other men in her life (with the exception of family) and doesn't she expect the same respect in return? This chick sounds like a big fat hypocrite to me.
Author Dutchyankee112 Posted February 4, 2010 Author Posted February 4, 2010 Um..that IS how you show the person you mean what you say..through deeds. When the actions do not line up with the words that is called lying. I was rather shocked but can only assume this is a fairly new RS that she's telling you that you don't get priority over other guys? Anyhow, I really don't have any guy friends just girlfriends. If I need a man to hang out with and get attention from I have him. Male friends IME are pretty shady and most of them want in your pants. I don't keep any around to flirt with and pump me lead-full of compliments and attention. The relationship is about 14 months old now, and she often came home earlier from clubbing with her friends so she could spend some time with me or she missed me. I have to add that she still goes out far less often then before she had a relationship with me. That's mostly because im not an outgoing type myself. 3 weeks ago she even said she felt really bad a few times because she felt she didnt get to spend enough time with me that day. Which caused me to ask to do stuff more often, which appearantly stressed her out even more. Dating someone who is depressed can be interesting.
Twenty-ten Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 Dating someone who is depressed can be interesting. Oh no you poor thing, she must be something really special in other respects if you are willing to be with someone who is depressed. That is a lot of work.
Trialbyfire Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 The reason im asking is because last night my girlfriend told me she gets pulled on from all directions by guys wanting her attention and to spend time with her, which is the reason why she has less time to spend with me nowadays. When we are chatting online she gets such a torrent of messages heading her way its getting hard to have a decent conversation with her and a fair amount of my messages go unanswered. When i said in a jokingly manner that i atleast still get priority over the other guys she said that was not true, and that as a boyfriend i can expect to get the same amount of attention as all the other guys, but no priority.Dump her. Your girlfriend has serious boundary and attention issues and is jacking with your mind. This isn't a healthy relationship.
hoping2heal Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 The relationship is about 14 months old now, and she often came home earlier from clubbing with her friends so she could spend some time with me or she missed me. So, you have been together for 14 months and she has told you that you don't get priority over all the other guys always trying to talk to her..furthermore, she actually invites all these guys to talk to her .. Um...ling ling..you forget your bling bling? I have to add that she still goes out far less often then before she had a relationship with me. That's mostly because im not an outgoing type myself. Going out is one thing, the problem isn't that she goes out. The problem is that she is constantly giving her time to OTHER MEN and then tells you as her bf that you don't get any priority over those guys. That is ALL KINDS of Effed up. 3 weeks ago she even said she felt really bad a few times because she felt she didnt get to spend enough time with me that day. Which caused me to ask to do stuff more often, which appearantly stressed her out even more. Again, what a crock of **** you are being fed. "Oh honey my life is so hard, I have all these guys always giving me attention and I don't even have enough time for my boyfriend now who wants to get more attention than the 50 thousand other guys I invite into my life..god life is JUST SO HARD. WHY ME ":rolleyes: Dating someone who is depressed can be interesting. Who's depressed? I know it isn't her.
make me believe Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 It sounds like she wants the convenience of having a boyfriend but none of the responsibility. She should absolutely not put you on the same level as her friends, especially her male friends. Why does she need so much attention from them? The only reason they hound her for her time is because she willingly gives it to them.
Phateless Posted February 4, 2010 Posted February 4, 2010 It sounds like she wants the convenience of having a boyfriend but none of the responsibility. She should absolutely not put you on the same level as her friends, especially her male friends. Why does she need so much attention from them? The only reason they hound her for her time is because she willingly gives it to them. Yup. This girl is too immature for a relationship.
sonicranger Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 It sounds like she wants the convenience of having a boyfriend but none of the responsibility. She should absolutely not put you on the same level as her friends, especially her male friends. Why does she need so much attention from them? The only reason they hound her for her time is because she willingly gives it to them. I also agree with this sentiment. Clearly she and her friends have watched one too many TV shows or read too much gossip BS because if they REALLY think that their friends and significant others can be on the same priority level they are DEAD WRONG. Sorry man, just let her go. Maybe you will meet up with her or someone like her after they've "lived" a little and found out what the real world is like. I'm guessing you two are also pretty new to the "club/drinking" scene, at least legally. That obviously hasn't worn off of her yet. Maybe it never will but if you are never her priority YOU have to decide if thats OK.
Stung Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Dating someone who is depressed can be interesting. Who's depressed? She sounds like she has some issues, but from the picture you're painting here clinical depression doesn't seem to be one of them. Clinical depression is not typically characterized by frequent clubbing and feelings of stress at having to consider prioritizing one's boyfriend over multiple male admirers .
Trialbyfire Posted February 6, 2010 Posted February 6, 2010 Dutchyankee, every single person is telling you that your g/f has issues and her depression has nothing to do with this. So, what are you going to do about this? Will you stand back and keep letting her take advantage of you, in essence playing you, with her excuses?
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